Iiris

Building Foundational Habits

237 posts in this topic

  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7h and took a nap yesterday

I felt better again yesterday. Probably because I took a 2h nap. I felt so relaxed and open after it. I don't know if it's wrong to take such long naps. For me they feel good. I can't sleep enough during the night so I sleep during the day. Just closing the curtains and going to my bed and curling up into a ball

I'm pretty tired at going to work at this point. And it's only 5h a day 5 days a week. Still feeling like I can't handle it. My lazy ass. Well it's okay if I feel that way. I'm pretty much using all my weaknesses there. I have to be social and practical. I'm not very good at either. I can pretend to be social but it's quite exhausting in the long run.

This is deep

 

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min + 25min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided + 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ almost 8h

Bumped into another meditation challenge on youtube. It's for beginners but I like doing beginners stuff sometimes, since I tend to forget the basics

My neck and shoulders have been stuck. I have to work at pretty shitty positions sometimes.

Social anxiety has been surprisingly absent. I don't feel out of control. I feel present and in control.

Walked through some beautiful scenery yesterday. Water lilies were sparkling in the sun.

Also, I'm feeling sort of sad right now

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 30min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided + 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 6.5h

Went to bed at 00 but was fantasizing until 3am. Escaping the sadness! Now I have a headache from the lack of sleep. I feel quilty. But I forgive myself. That's what I wrote in the sentence completions too. A big part of them are in the form of "If I added 5% more self-compassion into my day I would forgive myself for this and that" Most of them aren't really about any conrete doing.

Yeah I'm just going to keep forgiving myself

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  • Yoga ✅ 45min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided + 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ Not sure how much, possibly 6-7h

Having a little backlash, stress and neurotic mind are coming back. Was looking for a relatable picture from the internet and found one:

Stressed-cat.jpg

On 15.6.2020 at 6:13 PM, Iiris said:

I need meditation. And sleep. I need to relax

 

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 30min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided + 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7.5h

I managed to calm down during the 15min meditation

Only watched a few but I like this guy's videos. He seems to know his stuff and seems to understand people

 

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided + 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7h and took a nap

Been having an extremely average day

I'm a bit tired still

Seems like I'm doing well with these habits. Though meditation sessions turn into daydreaming sessions sometimes. Last time I think I was properly aware like 20% of the time. I should add more intention to my meditations. Say to myself something like. Now I'm going to meditate and be aware because I want to have piece of mind so that I can experience life fully. Something like that

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided + 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7.5h

I’ve been quite sure one person thinks I’m an idiot but today she sent me a friendly message and asked me how I’m doing. I need to stop overthinking

Intention/motivation sentence helps before meditation! I was more aware than in a long time

 

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min guided
  • Sleep ❌ 6.5h

Connecting to my inner child has been extremely helpful. The part of me that wants other's approval is like a child. I treat it like a child. With compassion but not take it too seriosuly.

Was traveling so that's why I didn't do much. Went to bed at about 1

Went to watch Parasite, got traumatized once again. That movie was like, I'm laughing and one second later I'm terrified. And sometimes I don't know if I should laugh or be terrified. Well it's a "black comedy thriller". Makes sense

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 55min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ❌ 7.5h

Got home so late I didn't have time to go to bed at 23:30. Got to bed at midnight

I can take my whole ego as a child. I find that a good approach

Also, I've been feeling pretty good again. Though last night I started worrying about final exams. If I make a good plan I don't have to worry.

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  • Yoga ✅ 50min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min guided
  • Sleep ✅ 8h

The intention helps with meditation, but not immensely. It's good because it's something I can come back to ground myself in

I'm a bit stressed because I have so many things to focus on. This, life purpose, work, music, final exams.. They're all important. But my attention is divided too much. The final exams thing frustrates me especially. Had I handled my shit properly earlier, I wouldn't have to focus on those anymore. And I'm not very motivated to study just to nail some exam. I want to study what I want, for the sake of studying. And why am I wasting my time studying just for some exam? To go to a university where I can waste my time studying just for some exam! To ensure employment. I don't even know why I'm doing this.

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  • Yoga ✅ 25min
  • Meditation ❌
  • Sleep ❌ 2.5h

Uh... Went to sleep at 6:30am. I forgot to put my alarm on too but I gladly woke up early enough to get to work. Wandered around the internet the whole night. I just felt shitty and shitty about myself.

And now I'm trying to hide that feeling behind a sense of regained control.

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  • Yoga ✅ 30min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 8h and took a nap

Had such a bad day at work today it was almost comedic. But I feel better than I felt yesderday and the day before.

Arh I definitely see narcissistic traits in myself. But who doesn't have those. Especially if you're young. And I think it's just a thing that comes with low self esteem. I shall be forgiven

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 8h

Hmmm. The intention with the meditation helped first time but now not so much :D AAH it's like this with everything

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ❌
  • Meditation ❌
  • Sleep ❌ 4h

Bingo!

But seriously. Thinking about facing my emotions is much nicer than actually facing my emotions. The same old cycle came back really strong. I don't know what I'm going to do.

At least I did something productive yesterday. Well I went to work, but also I learned to cover a song. Was learning and singing it at least 3 hours. My fingertips are the first thing that gets tired. But I just switch the fingers I use for the chords and it doesn't hurt so much. And the joy is too great for me to care about a little pain. I might sing today another 3 hours. I'm sort of feeling like it. Weird thing, I'm not even ashamed of singing in the house with everyone hearing it. Even weirder, I still am ashamed of playing music from the speakers.

This fucking perfectionism. I just feel like I'm not in control of my life without it. Why would I want to feel like I'm in control of my life. Because I don't think I'm good enough as I am. I've gone through this thought process already. Selfloveselfloveselflove. I'm getting a bit emotional but I can't take it very seriously because I'm so tired.

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  • Yoga ❌
  • Meditation ✅ 6min
  • Sleep ❌ 5h

6 minutes of meditation and half of my negative emotions are gone :DD It's that easy. Why was I waiting so long. I feel better now. Still tired as heck I'm going to take a nap. When I'm tired I get more emotional. Sometimes it's negative but sometimes it's very positive. Today it's been positive. I've been feeling inspired.

 

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅15min alone
  • Sleep ❌ took a nap yesterday

How much did I sleep last night? None, nada. Own fault 100%

bucket.png

But the nap I took yesterday was lovely. Very intense nap.

I'm not sure if I actually get sleep paralysis anymore or if I'm just dreaming about getting sleep paralysis. I think I'm actually getting them still. When I had my first ones I panicked and desperately tried to move. Now I'm just, alright here we go again, can't move, back to the dream. Never opened my eyes during one because I'd rather not see Satan himself standing in the corner of my room.

I get them more when I'm napping, and when I'm sleep deprived.

Also I don’t get them often, only occasionally

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 15min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 8.5h and took a nap

Finally got to July with these

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 5min alone
  • Sleep ❌ 4.5h

I went to visit a friend and it took longer than I planned, and then I gave up a bit with these habits because I had too little time anyways

I need to find motivation and inspiration in something else than being perfect. It doesn't work because I'm just trying to escape something with it. I'm trying to deny something that is a part of me. Useless strategy. Not truthful, doesn't work. I need to find inspiration in creating.

Edited by Iiris

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  • Yoga ✅ 20min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 8h and took a nap

Disturbing thoughts while I was meditating about dumb/awkward things I've done in the past. And there's A LOT to choose from. An abundance. I managed to somehow let go of them.

Had very vivid dreams.

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  • Yoga ✅ 30min
  • Meditation ✅ 15min alone
  • Sleep ✅ 7.5h

Tried to take a nap yesterday but ALLERGIES! I finally took an antihistamine.

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