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zeroISinfinity

Meditation Journal

44 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Ok lets return to hardcore spiritual practises.What else is left. Lets humble ourselves down and I want to return to God anyways. I just do not want to continue. Simple as that. So to avoid suicude and all that stuff lets do it. 

Regarding life in general and why I actually don't want it anymore. Why I can't stay human and play this. 

My only desire and motivation for it was just to have my family and provide for them.Nothing else no dealing with anything or getting involved with anything that constitutes human society in general. 

So 2 things denied that. First impressive shadow as result of 17 years of all sorts of abuse and my fear to never make that mistakes with my own kids. So in that regard I can't have family at all. 

2nd reson is this spiritual stuff. Awoken fully and having family makes no sense actually nothing really makes no sense regarding human life. 

So really have no real reason to live at all. 

So what is only left is return to pure state. Nothing else really. 

20:00-00:00 meditation time. 

Will increase tine spent gradually and with bit of luck and faith one day there will be no this seeming guy typing this. 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Once again I have to avoid all talk and all people. Complete silence. 

Read post above how grandouse I am. Sure. 

Life ended and what's left to suffer 50 years Something that I really don't need or have any aspiration for it anymore. But ok I guess. 

Have faith in Source to finally terminate this dream and provide new one there is just no point anymore. 

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Posted (edited)

  • 7:00-10:00 Meditation

Finished. Yes Love thing. Calmed down despite afterglow made coffee and started contemplating suicide. It will be very hard not to do it. Very very hard and it's not joke at all. I do not want to continue life. I just can't. 

What to do? 

Purified out sure but what options do I have? 

Close yourself in some monastery and meditate for rest of life or go for easier route and just end it swiftly? 

It's 10:28 and will rest a bit and go for it once again at 11:00.

I do not want life ever since 1st Self Realization anymore and it's as simple as that. 

Why lie. Who wants to be all alone and to know that. 

  • 11:00-13:00 done. 

5 hours it doesn't matter what I feel. Looking around and it's just why? It's a torment really. 

Just continue who cares one break and that's it. What's left? 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Has to be this way. Time to be completelly selfless. Already gave this life why not giving someone new a shot? 

Why not will not harm myself but just meditate with that intent. 

  • 14:00-17:00 and hope for the best. 

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Done that walked around like giant feeling Universe. Was fun all people were smiling and were very interested in me for some reason. 

So eaten done all my work I had to do. Could fill out dreamboard I already have Jed on my ass with that pressure. I really do not want it. Want to return back to source and allow new life. 

So it's 19:00 lets continue. 

 

 

 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Ok hitted it for short. Ok need to calm down. They call it this. Yes this is what I want. This is what I want. 

 

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Afterglow how long it lasted. Swirled in bed as fuck. 

Ok so 2 options are left suicide or this mahasamadhi. 

About dream who cares.

I am owner of google and Pepsi lets say. I really don't care about that. 

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Be happy now. Yeah sure. Pure sorrow. Nobody understands. Yeah sure all fun & games. 

If only way to enter heaven is as God then it's not worthy. 

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Ok. So. 

I have Infinite Love for everything(that is me). 

I also allow Infinite Love for "this guy". 

Ok this time I need to listen to Jed. 

Have to invert and turn around Some things. 

First problematic thing is linking Love with death. 

2nd problematic is in some sense refusal to "grow up" need to help, support and love kids. 

Lets face it gone for biggest fish possible so you know accept price for that. 

 

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Posted (edited)

Ok taken a walk. Yeah G. It's very felt and everything is given to me. Pure Goodness. 

Aldo I BS Jed with devilish stuff I really don't feel that way. 

Yesterday I once again died and received full healing. 

But it indeed always made me question this stuff. Maybe that stuff is ego backlash or Something. 

I literally am Love, time to finally accept that. 

When I make recapitulation of this dream yeah I did in some way deserved it. 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Fill Being with Love. 

Since you have to Dream you know. 

Only noble, best, most perfect. 

Finalize and maximize. 

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Also pondered worldview of regular Joe and Jed is right that is actually shitload of suffering and misery. Most of people here have atleast somewhat correct worldview. 

Jed said that I am 01 percentile in same level as him or Leo lets say most of people here are yeah interested in Love very open etc but that is also very small percentage when you look humanity as whole. 

Here I am acting like spoiled brat and jerk sometimes because I forgot that suffering and how is to be "devil" as Leo says. 

 

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@zeroISinfinity Yeah you are at least 0.1% tbh.

What you found with meditation is what most, unknowingly, really want.

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Posted (edited)

@Raptorsin7Ok time to be a bit serious. Yes this is what people indeed want. Leo is not a fool. 

Why you think Jed is life coach. 

But see how much I snap and I bet in everything these are the questions they really ask themselves. 

As @Inliytened1 likes to say this stuff is full blown mysticism. Sage level stuff.

I really deeply beleive if you are not really ready for actual awakening if you are not developed enough to handle it,it just won't happen. 

I had purely selfless desire to know God to help people. It wasn't for me at all. That was my approach. Took 3 years of meditating every day never skipped it and had shitload of mystical experiences in btw some very very scary. Thank God I am somehow normal with all this. 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Ok looking around cried a lot. 

Time to finally fill out dreamboard without self limiting. 

Even Jed speaks to me like in that specific regard. All my games are over. Time to drop oscar winner fully. 

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Is it ok to laugh at oscar winner? 

Duped definition, a person who is easily deceived or fooled; gull. 

OMG

Well tango requires 2 does it. 

Jed indeed knows me so well and knows what I feel. 

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@zeroISinfinity  I have a question about the dream board.

When I write something I want, will I still get it if I don't feel strongly about the want? 

It's hard for me to think of stuff I want that really makes me feel inspired and motivated etc.

Should I spend more time thinking about stuff that I want that has feeling associated with it?

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@Raptorsin7 hey good question. (Hope you two don’t mind me joining) Once I started a board as well and wasn’t sure about what I actually wanted. I looked through magazines and pulled whatever drew my attention. No wrong way would you say @zeroISinfinity ? passion and curiosity seems to be what brings forth true/potential manifestations, but it has to be felt as if they have already been attained 

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