iceprincess

6 years and I still can't get him out of my head

28 posts in this topic

19 minutes ago, iceprincess said:

@Space  i don't resist the thoughts i have about him when they happen, i actually enjoy them and don't mind them being there.

R u sure? 

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i don't beat myself even more  that would be terrible considering how much i think about him. what's more frustrating to me is that i can't seem to let him go.

He is only thought. You're only thought. Without thought, there's no ego. Without thought there's no attachment. If he doesn't exist in you as a form of thought, he doesn't exist at all. So letting go of him means letting go of the thought of him. That's fucking genius you know? You've always been free. 

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it's when i relfect back on my life and go "omg how is this guy still in my mind, move on already"  . in some way i;ve accepted it and realized at one point this will vanish. it's just annoying how long it's been taking over a relationship that was so long ago and so insignificant. what's gonna happen when i do end up in a really loving committed relationship and that goes to shit? how insane will i end up becoming then 

You're judging. Can u see? Let it be. 

Edited by egoeimai
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12 hours ago, iceprincess said:

@The observer i was thinking of trying self hypnosis to get over him. i've been reading a few articles about women who have tried this technique to get over their exes and they've produced some significant results. i'm just scared of the possibility of getting over him because my whole life in these last 6 uears has been structured around him. literally everything i do is for him and if i don't have that anymore i wonder if i will still have that motivation to improve myself. the core reason why i've been meditating, eating clean and exploring my spirituality is for him and i'm glad i've done these things but what if all of that is gone once i get over him?

this is probably why you can't get over him, you've structured an identity around everything you do to be about him. Something that would normally have helped you let go like meditation, now won't because you're doing it with him in mind. Look into gestalt therapy or trauma release, they are things that focus on unwiring false identities.

Edited by Raze

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1 hour ago, iceprincess said:

@Space  i don't resist the thoughts i have about him when they happen, i actually enjoy them and don't mind them being there. i don't beat myself even more  that would be terrible considering how much i think about him. what's more frustrating to me is that i can't seem to let him go. it's when i relfect back on my life and go "omg how is this guy still in my mind, move on already"  . in some way i;ve accepted it and realized at one point this will vanish. it's just annoying how long it's been taking over a relationship that was so long ago and so insignificant. what's gonna happen when i do end up in a really loving committed relationship and that goes to shit? how insane will i end up becoming then 

you shouldn't resist the thoughts, but you shouldn't enjoy and feed them either, just watch them objectively until they pass. Do you feel your emotions rising him and then they trigger the thought stream about him? If that's the case try and catch the emotion before it can start looping in your thoughts, over time it should go away.

Do you still have contact with him? Do you see him in person? You should cut out all contact and interaction with him period, don't check his social media or see him in person until you get over the relationship.

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@iceprincess Just some stuff to check with yourself: 

- do you still hold hope that perhaps, one day, you two might end up together again? (what would it take to let go of that? would you have to try and get rejected again as Leo suggests?)

- are you loving the fantasy image instead of the real person? (as others have suggested, this is likely)

- does this past relationship still affect you in any real way today? (not counting the intrusive thoughts)

what real need(s) of yours are expressed in these thoughts? what need did the relationship fill? why him? (meeting this need may well be the key) 

- how is daydreaming about him pleasant, positive and healthy? (usually even the darkest emotions "give" us something, so I'm sure remembering love does)

- is there any trauma, anything you just "don't get", something that hurts? where in your childhood did you encounter this same trauma?

Set time aside, inquire about these (and similar) questions, write, release emotions, be intuitive. If none of that works, you'll have to "just" break the habit, but better try identify the sticking points. 

Edited by Elisabeth

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His going to keep appearing on your head eventually. The only thing you will get over is the level of attachment and relevance you add to your memories. Seems like you dont want to accept that tricky thought of yours. Also, get busy on more interesting things. Everytime you resist that memory you program your brain to keep it coming, lol. 

Even I, after many mystical experiences, meditation, etc. Keep having thoughts about the girls I have dated. 

Edited by Kalki Avatar

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. - Jeremiah 33:3

https://open.spotify.com/track/4V0rRwRqhFPxSJb40XmKA1?si=lNN5hNRPTxi6zNzzi9gFqw&utm_source=copy-link

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10 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

Even I, after many mystical experiences, meditation, etc. Keep having thoughts about the girls I have dated. 

But not everyday, right? 

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On 5/17/2020 at 2:15 AM, iceprincess said:

. i just wanna get over him and move on i dont wanna get backtogether.

The true reason behind this is that you don’t really love a person, you love the illusion that you’ve created in your mind, your love your dream. I could relate to this. Sometimes I wonder do I love Love or real people, lol. I wish you could date that guy longer, that will be your treatment, but because it stopped all of a sudden, plus he initiated that, makes it harder for the ego. 
To gain freedom, do the shadow work. Realize that he is an ordinary person with his flaws, realize that you created this story, and the picture in your mind is just yours, it has nothing to do with that guy. 


"All that we know is limited, something we don't - is infinite"

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I know a girl who's been in love with a guy for over 5 years and she can't get over him. I talked to her and tried all sorts of arguments but nothing worked. He's extremely manipulative and a show-off kind of guy, he works to keep her under his charm even though he isn't actually interested in her. He merely wants to win, that's his mindset. He told me that it's all about winning against egos. The biggest ego he wins against means that he is more successful. So, he's caught up in chasing girls and trying to get them to like him. Him and her are colleagues in the same group at college. I know them both because they're my friends. Anyway, the last time I talked to her, I discovered that she thinks that he's rich, while in fact he's not. I told her the truth, and I explained to her in details how it appears to be otherwise. And it was the bug that kinda broke the illusion for her. His ideal image is not so ideal anymore. That was like 6 months ago, and from that point until now, I have rarely heard from her about him. She used to always be desperate and tell me how much she loved him. Now she seems more detached. More info about her: she has self-esteem/confidence issues - she watches a lot of romance movies - she takes life seriously - and she lives in her own little bubble. 

Idk. Just thought this story might be relevant or of value here.

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