Preety_India

My name is Preety, not Pretty !!

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Joseph was like Magick 

 

.. Joseph was now living at Yogjif's place. 

I immediately began hunting information about Yogjif  from Joseph. I asked too many questions. 

Joseph thanked me for saving him from the freezing cold the other night. I told him that I just wanted him to be safe. 

I told Joseph that I wanted to know everything about Yogjif. 

I wanted to make sure if everything was OK. 

Something about this Yogjif guy that I just wasn't feeling right. 

 


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This is to Joseph 

I cry as I write this. 

I really loved you. It was very hard breaking up with you. I never wanted to start another relationship. I always thought that you were my soulmate. 

I was extremely heart broken because I loved with all my soul, with all my heart. Yet you wouldn't stop attacking me. It's so hard that it had to end this way. 

I didn't want to dump you. I wanted our relationship to work. 

But you wouldn't stop hurting me. You were emotionally abusive. 

How can you not know that I was also a part of you. 

You found your way, but what about me? 

You think that you don't need to care about me but then why expect that something that you decided to throw away should become good again 

Why do men  break women into a thousand pieces and expect the women to become whole again? 

Why men tear women apart and expect women to hold up? 

Why men think that women are separate, like women are enemies out to get them? 

Aren't women a part of you? 

Can't a woman who you're demonizing so hard be a part of you? 

Why is a woman shamed so much for every little goddamn thing? 

And then you magically expect a woman to not have insecurities when all you do is place your foot right on her Insecurities all the time. 

You can call me a demon and find something that suits you and be good for yourself. Did you look back at me? Did you look back at me the sinner that I am? 

Maybe a sinner also needs healing. 

I need love too. 

I'm broken too. Just like you were. 

If you needed a home, a broken person also needs a home. Think about it.. 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Joseph had a couple of friends. 

Clay, and Mack, Marty, Dawn and Dan, Webber and Linsey. And Jeff. 

I remember their names. All of them. 

 

He did tell me that he didn't talk much to them anymore. But that's how Joseph was. 

Joseph was bipolar. 

He would get violent towards me if I didn't pay him attention. 

 


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They say oh my god I see the way you shine
Take your hand, my dear, and place them both in mine
You know you stopped me dead while I was passing by
And now I beg to see you dance just one more time

Ooh I see you, see you, see you every time
And oh my I, I, I like your style
You, you make me, make me, make me wanna cry
And now I beg to see you dance just one more time

So they say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh
I've never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you're done I'll make you do it all again

I said oh my god I see you walking by
Take my hands, my dear, and look me in my eyes
Just like a monkey I've been dancing my whole life
But you just beg to see me dance just one more time

Ooh I see you, see you, see you every time
And oh my I, I like your style
You, you make me, make me, make me wanna cry
And now I beg to see you dance just one more time

So they say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh
I've never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you're done I'll make you do it all again

They say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I've never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you're done I'll make you do it all again

Ooh
Woah-oh, woah-oh, oh
Ooh
Ah ah, ah

They say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh
I've never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you're done I'll make you do it all again

They say
Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I've never seen anybody do the things you do before
They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay
And when you're done I'll make you do it all again
All again

 


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Andrew  is a Pisces. He is born on  March 12, 1991. 

Joseph was born on March 2. Both are Pisces. I think I get along very well with Pisces males. 

Andrew is just slightly older than me. 

 


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Joseph

 I had tried breaking up multiple multiple times. This was actually my 7th time that I tried to break up and finally succeeded. 

The first two times he had convinced me that he loves me deeply and things are normal in relationship. Plus he would play the sympathy card, like he is lonely or going through a hard time or in hospital and needs help. So I went back.. 

The third time was in March when he again convinced me that he is not way I think, that's its all in my head. 

The fourth time I tried to break off is when I cut off all communication and that was when he went to jail on conviction of threatening to kill his landlord and he was evicted. During that time I disappeared for 10 days because I was having massive anxiety and confusion over the incident. He somehow tracked me and asked his friends to contact me and call him back. So I called him. That time he was insanely furious and yelling incoherently on the phone and said  I was the biggest coward in the world and that I deserved to die for betraying him. He said the charges were false. But I don't know how much of that is true. I can only take his word for it. That time I consoled him and I was in fear of his life more than my own. I thought he might do something to himself. So I got back with him. 

After that his behavior was okay for about 2 months. 

Throughout this whole period I started gaining some weight as a result of the stress of the relationship and the events in his life like eviction, arrests, laying off from the job.. He always told me that he is a truthful guy who people cannot stand and that's why they put him in trouble and that he needed my love and support. 

At the same time, he would flip out over every little thing and call me a bitch even when I'm being pleasant. He would name call me a million times.. Call me ugly, fat, coward, bitch, slut, pig and some racist terms 

He would say sorry the next day and expect me to get over it. Saying that this is just how he reacts in anger. 

 

Part of my weight gain was because of his constant shaming me calling me names. Almost like twice every week.. 

There was little affection. 

... I was deeply in love with him and wanted to be able to support him in every possible way. 

During this whole period my health began to decline rapidly because I would feel very tensed and anxious all the time with the events in his life. 

The last time he got evicted was in the last week of August and the blame was his aggressive behavior. However he doesn't agree with it. He thinks that people are out to get him out of jealously and they are scared of his boldness. 

Last month he was laid off from his job and he told me to call up his employer and convince her that he works hard and to give him a second chance. So I did that. Because he was crying on the phone to me. After I called his employer and she didn't care to listen to me, so I told him that and he got very angry and started calling me, "you crazy fuck, you dumb fuck, leave me the fuck alone"... I was just trying to help him. In the evening he called me back again and said "I'm so out of breath trying to search a new place and can't find it. Sorry I got mad at you" 

 

This cycle continues where he is sweet one day and rude the next day. 

One day he will say "we are going to have a great future together. I really love you. I miss you so much" 

Next day he will say "where the fuck are you? You ugly pig. I can do better than this. I need your support. You are the worst. I'll find someone better. Rot in elephant shit" 

He has massively attacked me on my race which I don't see a problem with. 

He has guilt tripped me for everything. This discouraged me from the thought of marrying him.. 

He has spoken to my mom. And he was polite to her. 

But his bad behavior outweighs the good.. 

Deep down, I don't know why, I feel like he is using me because he is alone and he has no support. His family abandoned him. I feel like I had a duty or obligation to help him since he was my boyfriend. 

But I reached the end of my rope in the first week of November. This time he got a new job and started boasting about it. Then he started acting distant. Like he wasn't interested. But he would still call me if he needed help. 

We made plans last month  to get married and live together. But I just wasn't feeling right... I confronted him. He was again back to cursing me.. 

He fat shamed me again and said it was just casual. I was too tired of this whole cycle. And totally confused. 

I was gradually becoming a shell of myself, getting drained, anxious every day. Every day is a fear of how he is going to respond and how to keep him happy. 

So i just gave up, called him and broke up. He was busy. He sort of got angry but let it go.. And I blocked him. 

So it wasn't all easy. It was huge struggle. Like you said, they first make it look good, then bad, then good, then bad.. It's a cycle. 

During an argument he even said that he will send me to jail just to teach me a lesson. That was the most scary part. That scenario had given me multiple nightmares. When I told him about it, he said he wouldn't do it. That I don't need to worry. 

 


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Joseph was like Magick 

Continued from last month... 

 

On 6/20/2020 at 9:16 PM, Preety_India said:

 

Joseph was like Magick 

 

.. Joseph was now living at Yogjif's place. 

I immediately began hunting information about Yogjif  from Joseph. I asked too many questions. 

Joseph thanked me for saving him from the freezing cold the other night. I told him that I just wanted him to be safe. 

I told Joseph that I wanted to know everything about Yogjif. 

I wanted to make sure if everything was OK. 

Something about this Yogjif guy that I just wasn't feeling right. 

 

 


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Joseph was like Magick 

Continued from last month... 

 

On 6/20/2020 at 9:16 PM, Preety_India said:

 

Joseph was like Magick 

 

.. Joseph was now living at Yogjif's place. 

I immediately began hunting information about Yogjif  from Joseph. I asked too many questions. 

Joseph thanked me for saving him from the freezing cold the other night. I told him that I just wanted him to be safe. 

I told Joseph that I wanted to know everything about Yogjif. 

I wanted to make sure if everything was OK. 

Something about this Yogjif guy that I just wasn't feeling right. 

 

 


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Joseph was like Magick 

 

Continued from last month..

I told Joseph that I needed to know everything about Yogjif and he agreed.

. I was glad to know that Joseph had finally found a place to live in Mukilteo. 

The months of April and May 2018... Were okayish. We would have a few arguments here and there. I had recorded certain things about him in my journal back then. 

Joseph was married and divorced with a kid... The name of the kid was Matty. I have changed the name of his son here to protect his privacy. The real names of his family members are not revealed here to protect his privacy. All names are changed. 

His wife Rebecca was living with the child and wouldn't allow him to visit the kid Matty. 

She was vindictive towards him and she wanted him to suffer after the divorce. 

I had a few conversations with Rebecca only when Joseph pressed me on to talk to her and so I did. She was cold and she didn't want to talk to me and she said to me that he was violent to her and then she hung up. 

My emotions for Rebecca continuously fluctuated throughout my relationship with Joseph. 

Sometimes I would hate her for making him go through so much and sometimes I would pity her because Rebecca was raped as a teenager and she had also suffered trauma so I could understand why she would be so upset with everything. 

But at the same time she had kept Joseph away from Matty for years after the divorce which was ridiculous. 

Joseph wanted to fight in court but he was too weak to do that. 

He didn't want to threaten Rebecca. 

 

I don't remember a specific incident in June. 

But one day I was casually texting Joseph. 

 


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Andrew works in a geological company. 

He used to previously work in software but he left that job. 

Andrew is quite tall like close to 6 feet. 

Joseph was 5 feet 9. 

I met Andrew in India when I returned back from America in late 2019. 

By that I was fed up with Joseph and I was thinking that the relationship wasn't working. 

However Joseph was constantly calling me to come back to America in October and November of 2019 to marry him. 

I had already made up my mind by then that it wasn't going to be good to be with Joseph. 

Andrew by this time was still a friend but this rapidly changed by November where I felt it was better for me to be with Andrew.. 

My first break up with Joseph was in November 2019..

Although I had slept with Andrew by December 2019, I was still much in contact with Joseph. 

I did not officiate my relationship with Andrew even though we were sexual. 

I finally broke up with Joseph in March 2020 and I then me and Andrew were officially in a relationship after that and we quickly moved in until he went to another city for a job on March 22 and then Covid-19 happened. By March 25, travel was banned. But he is going to be back in a few months and I'm eagerly waiting to be with him. 

The story of Joseph will continue till November 2019 in this journal. 

The current entries about Joseph under "Joseph is like Magick" are from the time of 2018..this was the worst time. 

Joseph was American of Italian descent whereas Andrew is American of Norwegian descent. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Joseph was like Magick 

Continued 

Just now, Preety_India said:

I do remember one incident. 

 

And this incident was when I was having a conversation with Joseph Ana he said to me that he wasn't emotionally invested in me. I was very hurt. Because I had helped him so much and I had done so much for him and I was totally in love with him and I wanted to marry him so it kinda hurt that he didn't consider me as his partner. 

It was very hurtful and I remember crying a lot after the conversation was over. 

This is the first time that I felt like I shouldn't be in the relationship. 

The relationship had begun in the September of 2017, somewhere around this time, so it had lasted upto a year till June 2018. 

So i was very upset that even after a year of being together Joseph was still treating me like a stranger.. He was not committed. 

 

 


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Joseph was like Magick 

July and August 2018. 

Joseph was living at Yogjif with a group of Mexican guys as roommates. 

They began to harass him. 

They would play loud music at night and if Joseph complained they would tell him to shut up. 

It was getting unbearable for Joseph to live there. He was facing racism as a white guy because he was the only white guy there.. 

Yogjif began to harass Joseph over little things.. 

One of the Mexican guys had complained to Yogjif about Joseph and they wanted him out. 

 

Joseph wasn't having it. 

 


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Joseph was like Magick 

September and October 2018

 

At first Yogjif had promised Joseph that he would help him in every possible way. Now Yogjif began to deviate from his promises. 

There were arguments in these months. 

My time with Joseph wasn't good during this period. I remember sending him lots of gifts.. 

One day in October I discovered his texts to another girl.. And I was furious. Her name was Mosar (name changed).. 

She was a huge problem in the relationship 

I quickly grew very insecure because he wouldn't stop talking about her. I discovered a lot of flirty texts between him and her 

So I confronted Joseph on this. He was nervous and starting to get really violent with me. 

I was livid with anger. Joseph said that what if she wanted him. He also said to me that he found her hotter than me. I was completely furious. This was no longer just him flirting her casually, this was much more, Joseph was fantasizing being with her. 

I was very angry. 

I blurted out..... "go f*ck her".... 

I was in sudden panic. My chest was pounding. I wanted to be done with Joseph right that minute. The feeling of knowing that he wanted to cheat on me was very traumatizing. My first boyfriend was also into stuff like that. 

Men like that can never be trusted. They eventually cheat on their girlfriends.. Such men are never authentic. They are just players. 

I was ready to forgive everything but not cheating. It's just female nature. 

Something about cheating was very triggering to me.. 

Maybe because my very first relationship, the guy who I thought I was going to marry, SHT had cheated on me.. The pain of cheating was very hard to deal with. 

Anyone who has been truly in love knows that cheating can completely desecrate you. 

It is one sin you should never commit in a relationship. 

Of course there are exceptions to the cardinal rule. 

If you are unhappy with your partner and are going to be leaving him/her anyway, but even in such a case, it's best to first break up and then start your new romance. 

That day was a dark day in October. 

I slashed my wrist when I was home. I told Joseph about it. That was my last suicide attempt 

 

 

 

 


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Joseph was like Magick 

October 2018 

This time was very brutal for both Joseph and I. 

Joseph tried to calling Rebecca and called her a bit*ch and she blocked him. 

Now he couldn't talk to his son. 

Yogjif was constantly humiliating Joseph. 

Once Joseph was in the play area where the men were playing pool at the table.. 

Yogjif came, there was a scuffle and someone called 911. Yogjif was a big liar and he wanted Joseph out because someone was ready to pay more rent. Yogjif told the cop who arrived there that Joseph had threatened to kill someone. 

Joseph was tensed and furious. I had called him on his phone and he informed me not to call him for the rest of the day 

He later explained me that he told the Cop everything that it was all okay. 

I was totally confused and I just decided to forget it all. 

The next week Joseph told me that he needs to move out because he has been served an eviction notice by Yogjif 

By now Joseph had been served evictions three or four times. I had lost count. 

I was scared that he might never be able to have a home that he could call home. His chronic homelessness was wearing heavily on our relationship.. 

Whenever he was in problems he would take out all his anger and aggressions on me and my job was always to calm him down and give him support. 

By then it had become a routine for me. 

I loved doing things for him but of course there was no appreciation, plus I was being called a bi*tch on a daily basis. 

The name calling during this time was extreme 

He would call me bit*ch and who*re and even racist things.. He would say that he would kill me 

When I attempted suicide and told him about it. He told me "go die" and he said "I will put you out of your misery you suicidal maniac" 

Joseph had a total of 3 prior arrests 

A domestic violence case for violence against Rebecca. 

Another arrest when Rebecca was at a restaurant with him in 2016 March when a black man attacked Joseph and the cops were called and the black man lied to the cops and Joseph was arrested.. This was shortly before the divorce . Joseph was in jail at the time when Rebecca came and served him divorce papers. 

The last arrest was when he was with Rebecca, married to her and a neighborhood woman had called the cops on him while he was fixing the roof of his house and threw some of the material on the floor and that lady had an issue with that. 

Most of the times Joseph was arrested falsely. I knew it. I believed it.. 

The divorce was also heavily against Joseph. Rebecca completely cleared Joseph's entire bank account, took his car, took his house and transferred it on her name, took his therapy dog and gave it to someone else, and took his son and left. 

Joseph was traumatized and left for the dead after the divorce. He had lost his home and everything in the divorce. 

Rebecca drove Joseph to a psych ward and dropped him off. 

When Joseph tried to return, she told him that he cannot come home again and that if he tried she will call the cops on him. That's when he became homeless for the first time.. After living in homeless shelter for a month, Joseph finally found a place at Kev's.. 

Which of course he was evicted from in late January - early February 2018.

The divorce had given Joseph PTSD. 

For this same reason, I loved Joseph to death 

Him and I shared the same journey of struggle with PTSD with our past traumas. 

 

 

 


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