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Words

Cannot sleep because of breath (meditation)

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I have had sleep issues for more than a year now. It probably originated from stress in my PhD studies. Nowadays I can deal with this stress better, which at least allows me to find some rest at night, rarely sleep though. Even if I didn‘t have a stressful day, it would be hard for me to fall asleep. Here is what happens: When lying in bed, I relax my body and soon become aware of my breathing. The problem seems that I am somehow “too close to my breathing“. I cannot let go of it. As soon as I realize that I will fall asleep the next moment, I become alert, again focusing on my breath. It is like I am addicted to breathing. I don‘t know what to do about it, I cannot ignore my breath, and I hope that some of you have suggestions.

Here is some more background: 
Around 1.5 years ago I set myself the goal to meditate on a daily basis (breath meditation). But since my PhD was my first priority, I soon found myself kicking meditation down the road, in the sense that I would only do it when I was extremely tired, not being able to study anymore and actually just wanted to sleep. In the end I was just forcing myself to sit on the cushion for a certain period of time, not even trying to meditate. That‘s why I dropped meditation completely around 9 months ago.

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Hey @Words  , sorry to hear that! I know from a couple of occasions in my life how terrible it is to have problems with sleep. Even one bad night can ruin the whole next day for me. Unfortunately, I have no idea what makes you have these experiences. The only thing I wanted to throw your way is that I think I might have had something similar before. It was in a situation where my Heart Beat was very low and my breath was getting slower and slower. Up to the point where sometimes I thought I would stop breathing altogether. Which led me to focus on my breath and similar to your experience I could not let go of it for a while. It seemed to be related with falling asleep and the "jump" between my sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system was somehow confused (if I am using these terms correctly?). It was like I was still conscious when I should have been asleep already. Sorry that I cannot help you. I wish you all the best!

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