Being self-critical and having umbalanced emotions

[Matt8]

Hi there,

When I want to do something what interests me like my hobby or work,  and procrastinate I get depressed. About procrastination in my case it's based on previous failed attempts (feeling of regret, wasted time and energy) and telling my self the surrounding, circumstances are in my way (when in reality the only thing blocking me is myself). I really think too much about everything that stands in my way and get overwhelmed and discouraged by it. I also have limiting believes I am scared of investing even a tiny bit probably because I am cheap although I don't have financial problems yet.

The problem (it happens 1-2 times a week in my case on average) is every time I feel depressed or sad I make it even worse by not exercising, not sleeping (getting 5-6 hours of sleep instead of 8) cause I watch something useless(youtube, anime etc.) or just having depressive thoughts. It's hard to make your self do something when you're depressed you have no energy nor motivation.

Next important thing related to self-critical is doubting your goals, I do some things I enjoy and they make me happy but on the other hand I know some of them won't make me money (I would need to invest lot of time in them to earn something) at least i think so.

I should do things I enjoy but I deny them to my self usually when I'm depressed or when they involve money, time or effort investment

Thanks for your help, have a nice day!

 

 

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, Matt8 said:

Hi there,

When I want to do something what interests me like my hobby or work,  and procrastinate I get depressed. About procrastination in my case it's based on previous failed attempts (feeling of regret, wasted time and energy) and telling my self the surrounding, circumstances are in my way (when in reality the only thing blocking me is myself). I really think too much

Yes, this is much more thinking than is necessary. Write down a list of what you don’t want. Then write the opposite next to it, literally ...”What I want is________”. Write that stuff on your dream board so it is front and center. The overthinking will naturally digress and more feeling will arise. 

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about everything that stands in my way and get overwhelmed and discouraged by it.

That’s still what you previously mentioned...the past...which is actually just arising thought now, about a past. Nothing is stopping you from focusing on what you want. And when life kicks you in the ass, still, nothing is stopping you from what you want. Just do the same thing, list what you now know you don’t want, and then what you now know you do want. 

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I also have limiting believes I am scared of investing even a tiny bit probably because I am cheap although I don't have financial problems yet.

This is self referential thinking. Not thought about you is true, as you are the awareness of the thought already. Read about investing. Google “how to feel comfortable about investing”. Think “you are a certain way”...is a trap. The identifying with thought (of past), trap. 

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The problem (it happens 1-2 times a week in my case on average) is every time I feel depressed or sad I make it even worse by not exercising, not sleeping (getting 5-6 hours of sleep instead of 8) cause I watch something useless(youtube, anime etc.) or just having depressive thoughts. It's hard to make your self do something when you're depressed you have no energy nor motivation.

Feeling is telling you to let those thoughts go - they don’t feel good. But feeling is being labeled “depression”. Thoughts are being judged “depressive thoughts”. 

The “write off” being used, is “Procrastination”. Notice the usage of it... “In my case”. Identification with the past is being justified by identifying with it. 

Those thoughts about the past are not the past. Choose a thought about what you actually do want, rather than continuing to think about “yourself”.  This would be listening to your own feeling. The natural offset, is feeling better and better aka more and more aligned with the undiluted, unconditional, source of you. 

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Next important thing related to self-critical is doubting your goals,

Just nope. There’s no need to give any importance to self referential thinking, as none of it is true. Notice you’re using that, as the justification to “doubt your goals”. If you “just nope”, then you’re “just noping” that whole belief to. It only seems the way it does to you, because you’re believing it is that way - rather than letting the belief go. 

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I do some things I enjoy and they make me happy but on the other hand I know some of them won't make me money (I would need to invest lot of time in them to earn something) at least i think so.

Getting all that you are wanting out of your head and onto the dream board simultaneously reducing overthinking (self referential thinking)...and it all starts jiving together naturally. It already all is a perfect puzzle, so to speak. You’re adding much resistance by believing thoughts which don’t feel good to you. “Get out of the way”...feel great...experience all that you are wanting. 

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I should do things I enjoy but I deny them to my self

That’s not possible because you are One (not-Two). That “myself” is a thought, an idea. It is not a “self”. It’s a bogus belief, not worthy of any sacrifice of experiencing what is wanted in this life. 

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usually when I'm depressed

No need to identify with depression. Notice the experience in terms of feeling, and beliefs. Listen to feeling. Allow perspectives to be liquid, fluid, every changing, ever-aligning - with feeling. Let feeling lead, and indeed guidance I in all matters is known. This mean you’ll be relaxed, feeling great, and enjoying life though (sorry?). 

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or when they involve money, time or effort investment

Made up, made up, and made up. Some folks are aware of this. You’re projecting meaning onto. Practically everyone does. Nobody has to though. The self referential thinking, being believed, leaves a feeling of discord, with lack, shortage, limitation, etc. None of these are actual, other than to say, your actual beliefs. 

I am critical of myself.  (You’re One, not Two).

Continuing in believing to the contrary, feeling will continue telling you the Truth. Continue to ignore it, and that is suffering.  Listen to it, and you will fell better and better. 

[Matt8]

Thanks for your advice, what I meant by "I am critical of my self" was that when I do something I am not sattisfied because I could have done it better and when I do there is still another way to improve it. Also important to mention is that somethimes I want something what is too hard and when I try me best and dont suceed it demotivates me even when im trying multiple times somethimes when you do some things incorectly it doesnt matter how hard you try. Im also feeling lost in solutions every time when I think something will help me and I try it and it doesnt work its desorienting its like solving a math problem without knowing what are you doing.

 

[Nahm]

On 3/13/2020 at 3:41 PM, Matt8 said:

Thanks for your advice, what I meant by "I am critical of my self" was that when I do something I am not sattisfied because I could have done it better

I’m suggesting the unwanted feeling is related to judging yourself, rather than the outcome of what you’re doing. 

On 3/13/2020 at 3:41 PM, Matt8 said:

Also important to mention is that somethimes I want something what is too hard and when I try me best and dont suceed it demotivates me even when im trying multiple times somethimes when you do some things incorectly it doesnt matter how hard you try

Again it sounds like the demotivation is fueled by judging yourself. 

On 3/13/2020 at 3:41 PM, Matt8 said:

Im also feeling lost in solutions every time when I think something will help me and I try it and it doesnt work its desorienting its like solving a math problem without knowing what are you doing.

Without the thought - feeling relationship involving judgment, there is ample clarity and focus. We’re each right where we should be.  

[Derek White]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

I’m suggesting the unwanted feeling

Why do you categorize feelings as good and bad? I’ve seen you do it in other threads too. Feelings are feeling, good and bad are labels. 

[Nahm]

@Derek White To communicate that regarding the depression, the intelligence of feeling is ‘saying’ the thought isn’t true. (The thought about him / her self) It’s also at the root of procrastination.