How much of this work is will-power based?

[Flowerfaeiry]

I've been fighting myself really hard lately. I haven't been doing the things I know I need to be doing. I feel like to an extent, it's good not to push myself if I dont feel like it, but at this point I'm just totally resistant to creating change and exerting will power. 

Then, I spend lots of time mad at myself for not. It's hard to do this work and I'm over here having a pity party, over and over again. 

[Neph]

@Flowerfaeiry 1)Go slow

2) Go big or go home

 

[Gili Trawangan]

What kind of work are you talking about?

If it's spiritual work, letting go and loving yourself when procrastinating IS the work. If you can stay mindful while it's happening, even better.

[d0ornokey]

ignore the title, but this is sort of what you're experiencing right now 

you deserve kindness and love in this moment. that will heal you 

i went to noah elkrief's self worth workshop on sunday. it was so counterintuitive. basically, not fighting yourself and allowing yourself to be actually allows for change. when you're hating on yourself you create all this tension and negative energy and it makes it so much harder to grow. giving yourself love and kindness removes a lot of the negative energy and you are much freer to create in that space 

Edited March 4, 2020 by d0ornokey

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Gili Trawangan building my business and meditating. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

@d0ornokey thank you ❤

[Gili Trawangan]

Do what you are passionate about in every moment, as Bashar says

[Nightwise]

As far as I've come to understand, the primary factor that determines the growth in the awakening process is not the amount of willpower you put into it, but rather the focus on 'becoming aware of'.

But to say that completely forsaking willpower is justifiable, would not be correct. To use willpower is necessary or otherwise advantageous in certain phases of the awakening process. However, if you try to 'will' yourself to do certain things, without first having done a proper amount of introspection and consciousness work, there is every chance that every attempt that you will try to make to try and change something about yourself will be done from the perspective of the ego, creating an inner struggle and a division rather than cultivating a focused, proactive power.

All too often I see people trying to 'will' themselves out of a situation or certain behavourial patterns, like trying to stop with smoking, and they not only keep failing, but they also keep on building up more and more tension and guilt by constantly struggling with trying to stop smoking and then failing and failing again...

The reason is simple. The truth is: They don't really want to stop smoking on a deeper unconcious level. They still want to keep on smoking to find a means to relieve tension and to find comforting distraction because they want a temporary escape from their uncomfortable inner reality. To actually truly stop with smoking would then mean they would have to sacrifice this coping mechanism of distraction and relief, which they don't really want to do. In reality, all addictions are a means of avoiding oneself, avoiding one's inner reality.

So the vicious cycle they are creating for themselves when they try to stop with smoking is that they create a situation for themselves where they create a huge struggle and division within themselves because their conscious mind is trying to attack and overpower their much more powerful and stronger unconscious mind. In this struggle, their inner state becomes even more uncomfortable, making the temptation to start smoking again even greater and greater, as the need for distraction from their struggle becomes greater, until they finally can't handle it no more and they light up a cigarette.

And then they feel even more guilty and hopeless, because then they start to feel like they are completely chained to this addiction and they will start to feel as if they are 'too weak' to overcome the challenges in life, and in this increasing guilt and hopelessness, the need for a distraction from that inner pain becomes EVEN GREATER, making them light up another cigarette, and another one, and another one, and before you know it, they have started smoking more cigarettes after they had made the 'commitment' to stop with smoking than the amount of cigarettes they were smoking before they made the vow to stop smoking.

This is also why I am fiercely against the anti-smoking campaigns that are currently happening in my country (the netherlands). Because the way my country is handling it, is by demonizing smokers, by making the prices of cigarettes more and more expensive, by limiting the places they can both smoke and buy cigarettes at, and by all of that it is creating massive amounts of guilt in smokers. And guilt is not at all an effective means to stop smoking. At best, they may go from one addiction to another addiction which hopefully is physically a bit less unhealthy, but nevertheless it is just going from one pathology to another pathology, and with every chance of only increasing the pathology in smokers and society as a whole.

So what I would advice you, OP, is to instead of trying to stop certain behavourial patterns, is to put more focus and energy on both accepting and understanding yourself, including trying to understand where certain addictions, unwished behavourial patterns and pathologies are coming from. By doing that, you will raise your consciousness and thereby your vibrational frequency. And by raising your vibrational frequency, you automatically will be less and less attracted to certain addictions or behavourial patterns that are assocated with lower consciousness. They will fall away rather spontaneously, you don't have to do much work for it then (if at all).

And additionally, because you are doing consciousness work, you will create a situation for yourself where less and less you will have your conscious self fighting your unconscious self. And because energy from this struggle is being released, this energy then becomes freed up to be used for a certain ambition or goal that you have which is not coming from the ego but rather from a higher source. As there is no inner struggle anymore if you're truly committing yourself to a higher vision or a higher goal, you will therefore find yourself having the willpower and commitment to pursue that goal without strange forces holding you back

By the way, just because there would be some struggle when pursuing a certain goal, would not necessarily mean that the goal itself is one that is coming from the ego, but it could also mean that there are still some egoic parts or some unconsciousness in you which you haven't come to recognize and purify in yourself just yet. Therefore, do some introspection may certain blockages start to arise.

Also, full (embodied) understanding is the same as full acceptance. That's why only trying to understand something in order to get rid of it is not going to work. If you've think you've understood how to get rid of an unwanted part of yourself, you haven't truly understood.

 

[Vladz0r]

I've always found it counterproductive to think of things in terms of willpower.
I especially dislike some people's notion that willpower being something you "deplete" each day. It's another self-fulling prophecy.
I like to think of it in terms of building small habits, and building continual interest in the activity concsciously and subconsciously.

If you're trying to program or learn languages, watch videos on that process. Look at videos in the language (or programming language) you're trying to learn. Hit up the Discord chats. Throw some podcasts onto your phone with interesting content. Put youtube on in the background, etc.
Yeah it does take some initial willpower for this type of setup, because it means you have to choose to do this instead of watching cat videos and memes on youtube, or listen to music during commutes and such. 
For me though, I find most of the effort to be in the initial setup to kickstart everything, and I try to build a semi-routine by just getting an influx of media towards whatever I'm interested in. Whether it's going to the gym or doing a diet, learning about business or investing, etc.

For @Flowerfaeiry for business, I would start with subscribing to youtube channels that look good, either based specifically on your type of business, and/or for generalized business things. I'd check reddit to see if they have recommendations on this.
Then I'd fill my phone with several audiobooks and start listening to them. I have a repository of audiobooks I can share or recommend through things like audible trials and whatnot, if you need any one specifically. Leo's book list is pretty solid for this. 
I'd check out: So Good They Can't Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Mastery by Robert Greene, and maybe  "Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future"
I haven't read a lot of business-specific books, but I think working on some fundamental things to build up attraction and mastery is important for rapid improvement, for a lot of business design. This will help you seek out business partners and outsource from legitimate people more easily, I feel. 

[Derek White]

Good question, I’m no expert but...

You need to connect with your intuition. Your thoughts keep changing. Your emotions keep changing. Don’t act on your emotions and your thoughts, they are built up by unconscious programming (karma).

Once you have the clarity of intuition you know what you want. Then your life will be in a flow state. Intuition will pull you out of confusion, anxiety, and boredom to clarity, purpose, and flow.

If you’re using willpower you’re employing negative motivation as opposed to positive motivation. You are pitching one desire against another. I think you need to use effort to serve your intuition and not willpower. Willpower implies you’re forcing yourself to do something that you don’t want to do and effort means you are pushing yourself to your limits to do what you want.

Also, learn to take risks and don’t have any beliefs or assumptions. Maybe you have beliefs about some activities like they will make you feel bad or will be difficult or time consuming. Know that you don’t know that and plunge into them. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Derek White This makes sooo much sense. Thanks for the perspective shift. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

@Nightwise thank you for the insightful response. 

[Derek White]

On 3/4/2020 at 6:08 PM, Flowerfaeiry said:

@Derek White This makes sooo much sense. Thanks for the perspective shift. 

@Flowerfaeiry May I add a few more words?... (When I write 'you' I don't mean you specifically.)

1. There is no need for you to do anything. 
2. Reality is meaningless, you create meaning.

Once you realize there is no need to do anything, you cannot complain. You don't have to pursue enlightenment, you don't have to live, breathe, anything. Everything you do is because you want to do it, there is no other reason, everything becomes self-satisfying.

Once you realize reality is meaningless, you stop being afraid of suffering. Meaning is not inherent to reality, even the sensation of pain is not inherently bad or negative. You can take the worst situation imaginable and be detached from it or turn it into the most pleasurable situation. You create all good and bad, negative and positive, all labels. Once you realize meaninglessness and that you create meaning, you won't be afraid of stepping into unknown situations (taking risks). Your laziness comes from a fear of stepping into unknown situations that you think will cause suffering, that's why you stay in your comfort zone (the known). You cannot suffer because you are cool with everything, you are detached. Fear of suffering causes you suffering.

Life is not 'depressing' or 'negative'. You don't have to live if you don't want to. If you don't want to, then why don't you want to live? Is it because you think life is negative or full of suffering, because that's the wrong reasoning. You have wrong assumptions. You don't know what's after death, you don't even know life fully.

This is where intuition comes in. Intuition is what you want to do. Intuition provides you with goals and clarity. For e.g. you ask, do I want to live? You intuition says yes! Then you ask, how do I want to live? Oh an amazing life! What do I have to do to get that? I have to do x,y,z...

Life -> Amazing Life -> Job -> Health -> ... ... ... -> Brushing my teeth ...

From a sense of direction to bigger goals to smaller goals. Intuition takes you from mental entropy to flow. Life in flow is life rock climbing or playing chess, you know what to do every moment  (instant feedback). Intuition is not logical or emotional. The most logical thing is to die but you don't really want to that. Sometimes, we get angry and want to do horrible things to ourselves or others, but deep inside we know we don't really want to do that. 

A 15 minutes concentration practice can help you see the difference between emotions, thoughts, and your intuition. You want to stare at a candle flame but everything else is telling you otherwise and you are using effort to serve your intuition. 

Lastly, I would recommend some videos if you have time and want to understand flow better (You should also watch Leo's videos on meaning, purpose and value, and point of life):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh6YhJ2UWJc (Lecture on Flow)

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqlfWDyS1Io (Shows how modern society fosters unfocused consciousness that is moment by moment, sensational, instinctual and animal. Your human consciousness, that is focused and perceptive by choice, is not being tapped into. Just a caveat.)

... And that's how you uproot victim mentality. Phew, hope I didn't go too ahead of myself. 

 

Edited March 8, 2020 by Derek White
Tagged you

[Nahm]

@Flowerfaeiry

I get the sense you experienced ‘the flip’ from seeming to be your idea of you, to ‘actual you’ prior to thought & ideas...and are waffling in a limbo of that now...as you dream bigger than you have before, and are bravely pursuing your dream. As if you ‘touched the true self’ but can’t seem to move forward with your dream and “get it back” at the same time. Perhaps it feels like having a pretty solid idea of what you want, having all the ‘right’ intentions, and doing all the ‘right’ work, but an almost constant or at least too frequent back and forth-ness in the life experience. A sort of “I did the work, I know what I want - now where’s that great feeling...where’s source !?!”

Ever notice the stark difference between “someone who has a dream in them”...and someone who is practical, materialist, serious, calculating, etc?  Living is itself experientially completely different contingent upon this ‘dream within’. This is because life is actually literally a dream. Complete alignment as such, is literally living a dream. So many self beliefs & thoughts are shed, so many discord’s are aligned in this.

Another way to describe this experience, if I’m in the ballpark of it, is in-between cultivating motivation (self referential thinking) and intrinsic inspiration (alignment, feeling, enjoyment, effortlessness). Depending on your connotations, it might be helpful to see this as a sort of karma purgatory stage on the path. A ‘tough down’ occurred, a ‘glimpse’,...but without understanding the next stage of karma purification, how to go about that stage, etc. 

Self referential thinking flys under the radar until there is acute awareness of how you’re perpetuating & recreating it, and then it ‘clicks’. Such thoughts (about you) are in discord with feeling (aligned you), and the discord kind of ‘burns up our energy’ so to speak. When it is ‘seen’, there’s some purification, and a tendency to focus more intensely on thought stories & self referential thinking (thoughts about past, future, and ‘self’) as a sort of last ditch backlash. 

If this is not resonating, just skip it.   If it is, have a look...might be helpful / useful....??...

On 3/4/2020 at 0:16 AM, Flowerfaeiry said:

I've been fighting myself really hard lately. I haven't been doing the things I know I need to be doing. I feel like to an extent, it's good not to push myself if I dont feel like it, but at this point I'm just totally resistant to creating change and exerting will power. 

Then, I spend lots of time mad at myself for not. It's hard to do this work and I'm over here having a pity party, over and over again. 

Since you have only ever experienced being One (never Two)...the thought story “I’ve been fighting myself” no longer makes sense. Feeling tells us this, with the feeling of being in discord. Often, people mistake this feeling, for confirmation that a thought about them is true...and that is what they’re “fighting”. Unfortunately, this is how the guilt & shame are created. When it is realized the feeling does not feel good, because it’s message is “that thought about you is not true”...then there is alignment, and self referential thinking begins to taper off, and emptiness / no mind / clarity ‘arises’. Not to mention lots of amazing, very spacious and ‘blissout’ feelings. 

Likewise, “I haven’t been doing the things I know I need to be doing”...this thought is about an idea of you, an idea of a past, and specifically an idea of a separate self, separate of some other being or entity or authority which is being used under the radar as a measuring stick to compare yourself to. The thought also implies a ‘future’ as the ground for what you “need to be doing” now. This is the ‘thin veneer’, or ‘the paper thin veil’ which “robs” us of the pure joy, and power, of Now. 

Further...”It’s not good to push myself”. Sounds harmless & probably like I’m being semantical, but these thoughts are the energy and awesome emotion zappers. They tend to repeat all day and take up precious space of clarity, ease, and the intrinsic guidance of intuition. They also have an undesirable effect on relationships, and potential relationships, as one is living as if there are three in the relationship....actual you, the idea of you, and your partner. (Four, if the partner is doing the same thing). It makes for all kinds of confusion and emotional rollercoastering. 

“Then, I spend lots of time mad at myself”. I hear you & I get it. However, what is yet to be noticed is this is a thought story, about a “self”. You are not an idea of you. How can you actually be mad at “yourself”, when you literally are the very same One getting mad? 

Feeling is saying “nope...no...I am right here.....I am not what that thought is about. I just love unconditionally, so these conditions will never feel aligned.” 

[Rinne]

@Flowerfaeiry Accountability is a good way to increase productive. Let me know if you want to join mine im looking to find more serious people wanting to get results in their lifes