Mindfang413

Completely empty

7 posts in this topic

I cannot feel anything. I cant conceive of beauty anymore like what even is beauty? Just some feeling we get about useless colors and sights and textures. I cant feel love in any way, shape or form. I care about others in the sense that i dont want someone to be hurt physically but i dont understand emotional pain anymore. I dont understand why someone would be hurt if i just offed myself. I want to but the only thing holding me back is people who care about me would suffer greatly if i did. But i no longer understand why. I think back to when my dad died or my dog died (when i was somewhat sane) and how it felt when they died. I felt bad for them and missed them but recently i dont miss them anymore. I dont miss anybody. I feel no connection to others. I cant have fun with others. Im living with my sis and she wants to hang out but i no longer understand why hanging out with someone is fulfilling or fun. I feel no connection to myself. I keep telling myself i deserve to be happy but i cant feel it anymore, i cant ENJOY anything anymore. Things seem totally pointless and absurd. Everything. I used to be the most passionate person. I used to look at the world in child like wonder and amazement and absolutely love and appreciate everything i saw but now things seem boring, lifeless, and illusory. It all means nothing. How am i suppose to love anything? I look around all day these past few days, wondering why i should even be here. Why anyone should be here. We mean nothing, our lives mean nothing, our emotions mean nothing. I wish i were dead.

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This is all coming from your mind. Love is not something you look for and find, it's what's left when you surrender and let go of thoughts, such as the thought of meaninglessness, or the guilt of not being as passionate as you used to be.

More practically, if you can't let go of thoughts, start expressing and exploring gratitude. It's a game changer, I'm telling you. What can you find in your experience that you're grateful for? Both big and small things. Are you healthy? You have a sister who loves you and wants to hang out? That sounds like stuff to be grateful for. Change your mindset, and when you're ready let go of the mind altogether.


Alternative Rock Music and Spirituality on YouTube: The Buddha Visions

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13 hours ago, Mindfang413 said:

I cannot feel anything. I cant conceive of beauty anymore like what even is beauty? Just some feeling we get about useless colors and sights and textures. I cant feel love in any way, shape or form. I care about others in the sense that i dont want someone to be hurt physically but i dont understand emotional pain anymore. I dont understand why someone would be hurt if i just offed myself. I want to but the only thing holding me back is people who care about me would suffer greatly if i did. But i no longer understand why. I think back to when my dad died or my dog died (when i was somewhat sane) and how it felt when they died. I felt bad for them and missed them but recently i dont miss them anymore. I dont miss anybody. I feel no connection to others. I cant have fun with others. Im living with my sis and she wants to hang out but i no longer understand why hanging out with someone is fulfilling or fun. I feel no connection to myself. I keep telling myself i deserve to be happy but i cant feel it anymore, i cant ENJOY anything anymore. Things seem totally pointless and absurd. Everything. I used to be the most passionate person. I used to look at the world in child like wonder and amazement and absolutely love and appreciate everything i saw but now things seem boring, lifeless, and illusory. It all means nothing. How am i suppose to love anything? I look around all day these past few days, wondering why i should even be here. Why anyone should be here. We mean nothing, our lives mean nothing, our emotions mean nothing. I wish i were dead.

I've experienced this flavor of non-feeling. It's a state. It comes and goes. Hanging out with someone... ...fulfilling type experiences associated with that come and go. It can seem dependant upon the perception about the kind of "fun time" they may be having. So One might coalesce there to feed on that so to speak, or something. I dunno.

You are around, and wishing and stuff. You have an endpoint that has "drothers about stuff". Not completely empty, still opinioning and "doing."

So, when experience is nothing but Emptiness, return if you will...maybe report on the sensation of that Return. Any characteristics of that Emptiness cognizable? If so, Contemplate the possibility that some folks actually *enjoy* these types of feelings.

I remember, in my life...a wiser teacher once told me (after a really FEARful experience of symptoms surrounding Insight):  Some people really really like *that feeling*...seriously."

...there was wonder and amazement, incredulity from "my side" of the teaching experience, but that quote never left, and now it is ironically humorous.

This all may well seem like a bunch of B.S. to you at the moment, and perhaps well it ought to. But perhaps it helps. This points back to your inquiry regarding how you are supposed to love anything. I don't know why I am bothering to write this, knowing the statistics of listening, and the likelyhood this communication is yet another attempt from my "self" to further manipulate my "self" to some singular end.

Sadhu.

...

 

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Hey, I feel you brother.

There is nothing wrong, It‘s only that your mind took over. Nothing is lost. Everything is still there, waiting for you to be experienced and enjoyed. Your mind tries to help you going through a hard time, and that‘s fine. No pressure to feel anything, no pressure to do anything.

If you look closely you are still feeling even at this point. It‘s just that now you‘re having an experience that doesn‘t feel good to you.

Go out. Watch the birds fly. Listen to them. Listen to the wind. Walk barefoot. Feel the earth under your feet. Just focus on one thing at a time. If there is thoughts arising about nothing making sense anymore, let it fly by. Let it fly by like clouds in the sky. You are not the clouds. You are the sky. 

The child inside yourself knows the experience you’re having isn‘t real. It feels really real. But you know it not to be true. You’re trying to get out of this experience by trying to understand even more how to feel again. How to feel the ‚good feelings‘ again, how to be ‚you‘ again. Can you understand feeling? Can you understand being you? Or is it just like you were born. Did you have to do anything to be born? Was there anything that you had to understand in order to be and feel?

Just go out. Breath. Listen to the sounds of nature. The clouds will vanish by themselves.

Do something you like to do. And even if you think nothing makes any sense and I don’t enjoy doing anything anymore. You‘re just ‚thinking‘ that nothing makes any sense. That doesn’t mean it is true. So go out. Enjoy. Start with something. Get a massage. Go play basketball. Travel the world. You‘re just investing way to much time in thinking. Invest it somewhere else. You have the ability to. And you can make that decision.

Did you think all the time when you were a child? Were you happy?

Edited by deso

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@Mindfang413

@Mindfang413

Hi man. That's a heavy sounding situation right there. Sorry, bro. But don't worry, it doesn't mean you are bad or broken in any way. We get all sorts of strange states and often we don't know how to change them. There is nothing wrong with you in any way. Hear me?

Don't worry, man. All will be well. You are saying that all seems dead and lifeless, yet something... something is still there, no? A spark of light, maybe a little shy, but still. Come oooon, be honest. It's there :)

Concerning the practical side of things, it might be good to see a therapist. No shame in that. But even more important might be a basic taking care. Good sleep, quality food and daily excercise. Can you be getting these? A healthy body is a healthy mind. So, these few things could be a good starting point for you.

Good luck, and feel free to write and ask. We got you, bro :)


Use the Prayer Swat Team!

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@Mindfang413

That's a sign that the self concept or ego is dying.

The result will reinvigorate you.

You can only suffer so much before you snap break become nothing than a self awareness will arise thats grander and more mind boggling than you could ever imagine and still feels like a challenge that reivigortes you to do your dharma.

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