Has Anyone Here Overcome Social Anxiety?

[Rilles]

Just wanna say I havent drank coffee in about a week and my anxiety/social anxiety is drastically lower and more manageable. 

[Commodent]

I overcame it when I stopped making a problem out of it.

[Osaid]

@Rilles

Acknowledge that social anxiety is created in your thoughts because you fear how others perceive your ego (you). Social anxiety is not a tangible thing, there are no situations that cause social anxiety, reality is neutral.

Other people's perceptions of you will always be that - a perception. You will never be able to live up to the version of you that they imagine in their head, so there is no point in trying to correct it. What they think of you is a fantasy. The version of you that they think of will never be correct to who you really are.

It also helped me to realize that everyone is me, in a sense.

I still struggle with social anxiety, but this stuff personally helped quite a bit. Hopefully this makes it a bit easier for you. 

[Rilles]

8 hours ago, Osaid said:

@Rilles

Acknowledge that social anxiety is created in your thoughts because you fear how others perceive your ego (you). Social anxiety is not a tangible thing, there are no situations that cause social anxiety, reality is neutral.

Other people's perceptions of you will always be that - a perception. You will never be able to live up to the version of you that they imagine in their head, so there is no point in trying to correct it. What they think of you is a fantasy. The version of you that they think of will never be correct to who you really are.

It also helped me to realize that everyone is me, in a sense.

I still struggle with social anxiety, but this stuff personally helped quite a bit. Hopefully this makes it a bit easier for you. 

Yeah I guess but... logic and thinking cant solve anxious feelings bubbling in my stomach and chest, have you ever been in total panic and tried to think yourself out of it? doesnt work, now does it? 

[Rilles]

I started working on my fear hierarchy taking very subtle and easy steps. 

Fear of talking on the phone: Usually I get nervous and anxious while being on the phone with people. How have I solved this? By calling people everytime I want to talk instead of writing messages to them. Its actually working, my fear has drastically reduced in just a few weeks. Atleast 50% decrease.

First step, easy but the next steps of the hierarchy will be much harder. 

[kag101]

I wouldn't say I am "cured" from Social Anxiety, but it is certainly tamed. I fought this demon for more than a decade. I'd win some fights here and there, but it was clear that I was losing the war.

In my case, I came to the conclusion that my SAD was directly related to my untreated clinical depression. So, as soon as I started to take an antidepressant that was effective for me, social anxiety simply disappeared -- like magic.

Now, I feel like myself once again. My natural self. Sure, there are some aspects that I am still working on with my psychotherapist, but the pathological aspect of shyness is gone.

I now actually look forward to stepping out of my comfort zone. Before, that would be torture. But now it feels more like an adventure.

[Osaid]

@Rilles Yep. Fear is often irrational. I think sometimes it's just about forcing yourself into those situations or doing it gradually like that list you made recommends. Also that aspect of "everyone is me" helped deal with the anxiety quite a bit. Good luck.

[Edan]

On 7.3.2020 at 6:28 PM, kag101 said:

@kag101

as soon as I started to take an antidepressant that was effective for me, social anxiety simply disappeared -- like magic.

Nice but what happens when you stop taking it? Does The anxiety come back?

[Crystalous]

I think the key to fight it is to find what causes it.The only thing you have to do if you want to get rid of it is to find your accurate subjective reason.And i say subjective because a lot of time the root is different and even if the root its the same you have to see it by yourself.I can give you short term solutions which come through substances.I have a very positive effect with microdosing lsd, with aniracetam and with phenibut which you have to be careful because it is addicting but you can use it once in a while.The anxiety is the way our consiousness tries to be conscious.

[pluto]

If you realize, there are no others, how can such a thing exist?

Go outside, interact with the world, lose yourself in the essence of life itself, all that you see is a reflection of you, the more you interact with it, the more you learn from it.

You have forgotten how to interact because you stopped interacting.

Time to unlearn and learn again, if want change and happiness you have to take the first step, you have to make the first smile.

The universe is your reflection, you are the projection.

Don't like what you see? make changes within yourself.

Its as simple as that

Edited March 24, 2020 by pluto

[kag101]

On 23/03/2020 at 8:31 PM, Edan said:

Nice but what happens when you stop taking it? Does The anxiety come back?

I don't stop taking it. In fact, one of the most common problems with people who start taking antidepressant is that once they start to feel better; they stop the medication. But this illness doesn't work like that.

Depression, which is the cause of my social anxiety, has no cure. The medication helps me to get it under control. If I stop taking it, I will feel shitty once again; and social anxiety will creep in once again. It's just like someone who has diabetes. It has no cure, but if the person takes insulin in a correct way, the problem will not manifest. Therefore, continuous use is required. 

I spent MANY years trying to overcome it through all sorts of alternative methods, such as affirmations, visualization, yoga, psychedelics, cannabis, meditation, comfort zone challenges; but none of which were effective in the long run. In fact, they did much more harm than good.

If I had only sought a high-quality traditional treatment 10 years ago, I wouldn't have suffered so much.

 

 

[Carl-Richard]

I was socially anxious for as long as I could remember, probably peaking around 14 years old. I would never initiate a conversation with anybody else than my 4-6 closest friends in high school. I started smoking weed heavily at 17 years old, and expanded my circle of friends. I was getting better at talking to people, but I was still very neurotic. During my final year of high school, my normal life almost fell apart (skipping class, isolating myself etc.), and I was forced to stop smoking weed. Even after that, my longest break was around a month.

Around the same time by pure luck, I discovered the concept of mindfulness. Then came spring vacation and I was "forced" to not smoke weed for a week, and I decided to practice active mindfulness during the entire week. After that week, I decided to try to meditate with eyes closed while sitting, and during my second serious attempt, my mind became very quiet, and I entered a state where it felt like I was dissolving. I quickly got up and stopped the meditation, because it was scary and I had no idea what was happening.

The day after, my mind was extremely quiet, and I was going to take a physics test, and I had no fear or anxiety at all. I was super focused the entire test and did better than ever before. I had no desire for smoking weed for a full month, because I was just meditating for hours and hours, trying to hit that sweet point again. My memory is very foggy, but I can't really remember ever feeling socially anxious after that experience, atleast not the same way as before. I believe it was caused by the reduction of the amount of negative self-talk from having a mystical experience.

Fast forward 4 years, my social anxiety is virtually non-existent, but I'm still relatively quiet, mainly because I don't have many thoughts running through my mind. To say that meditation changed my life is an understatement. If I didn't find Leo's channel, I have no idea where I would be today.

Edited March 29, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[kag101]

On 29/03/2020 at 3:54 AM, Carl-Richard said:

I'm still relatively quiet, mainly because I don't have many thoughts running through my mind.

Sorry but that doesn't sound very healthy. It seems that you're numbed out.

[Carl-Richard]

2 hours ago, kag101 said:

Sorry but that doesn't sound very healthy. It seems that you're numbed out.

You're actually correct. Not long ago I became aware that I have been holding back a lot of emotions, and it manifested itself as a tension in the gut area. I started to try to provoke emotional releases during my meditations, and after maybe only 2 months of doing that, I noticed the tension subsiding and I was becomming more "embodied" rather than numbed out. Sometimes meditation can make you totally disregard your emotions, and it's not healthy.

Anyways, I was doing well, and then spring came and my energy levels naturally started to increase, and I was catapulted into non-dual states of awareness out of nowhere, and I responded in fear, because it feels like death, and I'm not ready for it.

I believe the main tension that I was unconsciously holding onto all those years was the fear of death, and when I trained myself to become conscious of this tension, I reached a point where I can drop the tension at will, but then I would go into a process of dying.

So basically, like I've explained in a topic I made 2 weeks ago, I've spent the last few weeks trying to consiously recreate some form of emotional tension in order to ground myself, because I don't want to let go into nonduality. It scares me, I feel like I'm not ready, that I have to grow as a person. These 3-4 years of daily meditation has totally shifted how I experience reality, and there is really no turning back, even though I'm trying my best. It's really idiotic if you ask me haha

[Commodent]

3 hours ago, kag101 said:

Sorry but that doesn't sound very healthy. It seems that you're numbed out.

Or a transition to non-linear thinking, which is rather common in higher states.

That said, your ideological crusade is helping no one.

Depression hits the 3rd eye chakra. To heal the problem permanently a suggestion might be to resolve the maturity-immaturity duality, and also maybe a consistent meditation/mindfulness practice. Just my 2 cents.

@Carl-Richard The idea that you "have" to grow as a person is just programming and an idea that you can safely let go of.

"In serious spiritual work, it is necessary to have a few simple basic tools that are absolutely dependable and safe to rely on in order to walk through fear and uncertainty. One basic truth that is of inestimable value and usefulness is the dictum that all fear is fallacious and not based on truth. Fear is overcome by walking directly into it until one breaks through to the joy that the fear is blocking. The joy that follows facing any spiritual fear comes from the discovery that it was merely an illusion without basis or reality."

Hawkins, David R.. The Eye of the I . Hay House. Kindle Edition

[Carl-Richard]

7 hours ago, Commodent said:

 

@Carl-Richard The idea that you "have" to grow as a person is just programming and an idea that you can safely let go of.

"In serious spiritual work, it is necessary to have a few simple basic tools that are absolutely dependable and safe to rely on in order to walk through fear and uncertainty. One basic truth that is of inestimable value and usefulness is the dictum that all fear is fallacious and not based on truth. Fear is overcome by walking directly into it until one breaks through to the joy that the fear is blocking. The joy that follows facing any spiritual fear comes from the discovery that it was merely an illusion without basis or reality."

Without sounding too arrogant, I already know all this. It's just that when I go down that route of accepting and letting go of all the fears and selfish ideas, I keep spiralling down into the process of dying, and therefore I'm latching onto these fears and ideas as a grounding tool, because the prospect of dying doesn't seem right for me (which is a belief too). Yes, I know this is all just a game I'm playing with myself, but I just really don't want to die at the moment :). This is why I feel like an idiot, because I've spent years to obtain this, and now I'm doing everything I can do in order to successfully shoot myself in the foot.

Edited April 1, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[Commodent]

@Carl-Richard Cutting the attachment to life is not easy but it's very liberating. So although there is no rush, I wouldn't spend too much energy trying to maintain it if I were you.

You don't want to surrender life. Why not? What's holding you back? I'm not advocating death, but this might be a good opportunity to investigate some deep-seated attachments.

You might know this already, but in spiritual work you will often find that you just need to surrender to a Higher power and take a leap of faith. You're not going where you think you're going, and that's partly what makes it so magical.

God bless.

[Carl-Richard]

25 minutes ago, Commodent said:

@Carl-Richard What's holding you back?

In reality, there is nothing holding me back other than the story I keep telling myself: that I need to grow and develop as a person. I mean I'm not even financially independent yet, and the state of my social life/achievements is pretty dull. It doesn't really matter if it's a belief, a story, or an illusion, because even though I know that is what it is, I still feel an urge to hold on. I believe time is the only answer, hence growth. I think there is value to the good old sales pitch for enlightenment: "Have you tried living life but nothing seems to make you satisfied? Try enlightenment!". I haven't really lived life yet, and even though I know that it won't satisfy me, I still feel like I have to do it.

[Commodent]

@Carl-Richard As you say, that's just a story.

Surrendering attachments does not leave you in a state of passivity. Moreso a state of complete openness to both ends of the active-passive duality. Where you choose to go is simply a matter of preference, and not due to some self-imposed limitation.

[Waken]

On 24-3-2020 at 4:33 PM, Da77en said:

I had severe social anxiety and depression for years until I dug deep and realized a lot of things about how the mind works. This technique helped me greatly so please read this post carefully if you suffer with social anxiety or depression.

A big realization I've had with anxiety is the situation doesn't generate the anxiety, the situation is what brings anxiety which was already within you to the surface of your mind.

When you go into a situation which surges your anxiety, your mind isn't producing anything, it's really just bringing stored anxiety to the surface of your mind! This is extremely important because the key to stopping anxiety(or any emotion) is to dissolve the energy which is stored within you. Depending on how much is stored it may take years to fully dissolve.

It is important to know how anxiety gets stored in the first place. In the past, if you had anxiety and tried to suppress it, it gets stored in your body and mind. When anxiety is stored it doesn't matter how conscious and present you are, you will still feel that emotion the next time you get into a similar situation, and if you keep avoiding the emotion, it keeps building up.

What you need to do is anytime you feel anxiety, feel the raw sensation of it without allowing it to produce thoughts. The anxiety wants to take over your thought process and grow. Do your best to observe the anxiety completely, without judgement. Notice where the anxiety arises in your body, what it feels like, etc. Doing this slowly dissolves the emotion. It can be hard, if not almost impossible if you have really bad anxiety. I recommend starting a meditation and concentration practice to get good at holding your attention on one thing, this is what you are doing with the emotion, holding your attention on it.

Another way of doing this is to visualize situations that cause your anxiety. Visualize yourself in first person and try to make it feel as real as possible. When you visualize an anxiety provoking situation, it should give you a feeling of anxiety. Do the same thing, feel the raw emotion without allowing it to produce thoughts. Keep your concentration on it and notice how the feeling changes. Keep visualizing the situation over and over until you no longer get the anxiety response and you feel relaxed. Try doing visualization of different anxiety provoking situations regularly. 

Eckhart Tolle calls what I am describing the "pain body". He describes the pain body as old emotional pain which is carried around inside a person. This goes for feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, etc. The techniques I described above work for any of these emotions. If you're like me you will have times where the emotion is almost unbearable, but this is when the most healing is happening.

Keep persistent with this practice, the more you do it the quicker your social anxiety will be gone. It is possible to get rid of anxiety completely, I know it doesn't seem like it but trust me. I hope this works for you!

I resonate with this. I've been having bad anxiety over the last years too, to the point of panic attacks. I woke up at some evenings and my mind starting to produce anxiety and such. Last year or so, whenever anxiety comes up, I sit with it, letting it wash over me and can feel things releasing while doing so. At some situations, I felt much more open than usual, although there can still be lots of anxiety (maybe it's new produced anxiety). 
Good to know that my method worked for you, then I'll keep it up:) Anxiety surely is a struggle if it's severe

Edited April 6, 2020 by Waken