I have been psychologically "castrated" as a boy, how do I regain my fire

[hoherbasti]

I couldn't help my mum when she was sad (she didn't let me)

I couldn't do what she wanted me to and even if I could it was just what was expected of me.

I feel useless and helpless without any sort of power that is good and has it's source within me.

The one thing that comes closest is the love I have for myself simply because I am conscious and therefore want just the best for this consciousness to be conscious off.

How can I get this fire back that makes me feel like it is worth it to (makes me want to) act on that love for "my own" consciousness.

That makes me feel so lonely and sad

Edited February 4, 2020 by hoherbasti

[Leo Gura]

Create an inspiring vision for your life and discipline yourself to work towards it.

See Life Purpose Course. This will make you feel empowered rather than dwelling in victim-hood.

Spend lots of time visioning. Vision is crucial here.

[Preety_India]

First thing is to let go of whatever happened in childhood. Resolve that and heal and forgive yourself. 

Have a clear vision board like Nahm has. 

Nahm has mentioned the vision board many times in the forum. You can enter it in search. 

Have a clear set of goals for the future. 

Your helplessness might be arising from a lack of a proper structure to work on. 

Create this foundational structure in your life. 

Do some inner insight work and ask yourself these  questions

"What do I really want out of my life?"

"What should my existence/life look like ?"

"What would I love to do ?" 

Try to get authentic answers to these questions during your self inquiry practice. 

Once you have a foundational structure in your life it will automatically create that source of power within you aka drive. 

This sense of purpose will automatically make you run towards your goals. 

Scheduling and discipline in life is very important. 

Also try looking into stuff to check if you have depression or not. 

The source of love ...well.  The only thing I can tell here is self love. You have to develop the lust for life. 

Try being happier and invest in happiness or laughter therapy. That will give some degree of motivation and it will generate the need for self love. 

 

[Deezeetho]

2 hours ago, hoherbasti said:

I couldn't help my mum when she was sad (she didn't let me)

I couldn't do what she wanted me to and even if I could it was just what was expected of me.

I feel useless and helpless without any sort of power that is good and has it's source within me.

The one thing that comes closest is the love I have for myself simply because I am conscious and therefore want just the best for this consciousness to be conscious off.

How can I get this fire back that makes me feel like it is worth it to (makes me want to) act on that love for "my own" consciousness.

That makes me feel so lonely and sad

You need to man up. Embrace the trauma and circumstances. Live the serenity prayer. Change what you can. Accept what you can not fix. Aim for a better life. 

The key being, "became a man."

You are a man now. You are no longer a child. You arent a little boy anymore. You can do the work. Seek therapy. Deal with trauma. 

Edited February 4, 2020 by Deezeetho

[Meetjoeblack]

On 2020-02-04 at 3:41 PM, hoherbasti said:

I couldn't help my mum when she was sad (she didn't let me)

I couldn't do what she wanted me to and even if I could it was just what was expected of me.

I feel useless and helpless without any sort of power that is good and has it's source within me.

The one thing that comes closest is the love I have for myself simply because I am conscious and therefore want just the best for this consciousness to be conscious off.

How can I get this fire back that makes me feel like it is worth it to (makes me want to) act on that love for "my own" consciousness.

That makes me feel so lonely and sad

Read David Deida Way of the superior man.

YouTube rsd Tyler David D. He breaks it down in 15min. It's not doing it justice but it wets your whistle.

 

I read the Sedona Method. It said, "you feel a emotion. You aren't that emotion." paraphrased but...!

So, feel whatev it is. Breathe deep. Note, it's there but it subsides. The frequency is a little better.

[SgtPepper]

Going to the gym or joining BJJ classes. Something that will you get you to use your hand and will help you see improvement on yourself. 

[hoherbasti]

I just wanted to thank everyone that has taken the time to respond so kindly even though none of you will most likely see this.

None of your responses went unread or even unnoticed and I appreciated reading each and every one of them <3

 

Thank you 

[hamedsf]

don't label yourself as a "conscious person". when there is a label, you come back to unconsciousness imagining himself as a conscious illusory! 

 

[hoherbasti]

@hamedsf I like that viewpoint.

Thank you for sharing ^^