Too Many Things Are Going Bad

[stuck af]

So for a few months my life has been quite shity. It s like I am finding  life harder and harder to enjoy.I am 17 and the reason I feel like shit almost all the time is because when I sit down and analize my life,it s like almost every aspect of it is shit. My health isn t that great,I am also underweight a lot (I weight like 75% of what I should),my diet sucks,I have self esteem issues,don t really have   a lot of friends,doing bad with girls,still somewhat obsessed with a girl that reject me a few months ago,doing bad in school(which makes me feel like  shit ),not feeling my life purpose,not being able to comunicate with my family almost at all...I was hardcore addicted to videogames,I still use a lot of distraction like music and video games to make me feel better for a short period of time. I have no motivation to  start getting of my ass and fix thede problems,I just  sit in my room and days go by and the situation gets slightly worse each day and I am caught up in this rut.it feels so bad . I am literally sitting here going through  the days and months and hoping for a miracle.

[Man in the Mirror]

stop hoping. start doing. think about what you value, whats important to you, think about who you want to be, and make some goals towards that vision. make goals you care about, goals that you can see bring you meaningful change. set different goals for the week, month, and year. short term, and long term. you already know your problems, so imagine what your life will be like few years down the line if you dont fix those problems. now imagine what your life will be like if you did change them. now its time to start learning what the solutions could be. you already know the problems, now figure out the solutions and go for it. remind yourself constantly about your goals so you dont lose your way. its not gonna be easy, but it will be worth it if you stick with it. good luck fam

Edited June 17, 2016 by Man in the Mirror

[Chocker]

Hey Stuck AF!

First of all, congratulations,
You have done a great job defining the things that you do not like in your life,
and are taking some action to change them (like posting here).

And let me tell you, I am excited for you, you have still so many things to learn,
and are starting your self development journey at a great age,
some people wait until they hit a major crisis in their 30´s to start making changes.

So, where to start? right where you are,
You already mentioned some of the things you do not want,
let´s think about them as ´the shadow´of what you do want.
What I would suggest you to do is define what it is that is casting this shadow.
For instance, you said:
I have self esteem issues -> is the shadow of  being confident.
I am underweight -> is the shadow of being physically fit.
And this things (being confident, being fit, etc) are inside you, that´s why you can see their shadow
and that´s why they bother you, because something inside you is telling you ´what I am seeing is not the real me´.

Nothing has changed yet, but now instead of seeing problems (shadows) you are now seeing GOALS.

The reason why videogames are so addictive is because they have clear defined goals,
that you reach little by little, mission by mission, race by race, and challenges are increasingly hard
it is common that the first missions in a game are really easy, but you get some gear or you build some skills,
and as you progress the challenge increases.
It is this balance between the level of the challenge and your level of skill that keeps you hooked.
This is known in psychology as the state of flow. And as you know is addictive.

Imagine what would happen if you could apply this principle to your self development?
I am sure you would feel motivated to do things that will get you to your GOALS.

So as I said it is the balance between challenge and skill,
If the challenge is too big, you are going to feel frustrated, and not very motivated to try/play the game
if the challenge is too small, (ie it is too easy) you are going to feel bored.
Imagine if the whole game consisted only in beating the last (hardest) mission without having chance to build your skills?
how many times would you play it? 3 ? 5? I don´t know but I am sure you would eventually give up after being killed again and again without having chance to make any progress.
And what if from the beginning of the game you could beat all the enemies without any effort?
May be fun for a few minutes, but my guess is you would eventually get bored, quit the game and not pay it again.

Same thing happens in your life. (I have no motivation to  start getting of my ass and fix the problems,I just  sit in my room and days go by )

You need a GOAL and a set of smaller goals that will build your skills to the point where you can beat the big challenge.

For instance lets say you are going to play BEING PHYSICALLY FIT. 
But being physically fit is somewhat vague, and as in any good game we need a CLEAR GOAL,
let´s say the goal is to weight X pounds (of muscle, not fat of course) or being able to run 300meters in under a minute or whatever goal you would like to achieve, (make sure you write this thing down and and keep track of it, as you would in a video game )
this has to be challenging, we are talking big boss challenging, and then divide it in smaller missions, that are still challenging but somewhat easier to achieve. Like the different levels on the game, and give yourself a reward every time you beat a mission.

That way you are going to be engaged and motivated.

The good thing is you already know the process, just in a different context.
 

Man! those are many words, hope they make any sense and help you.

 

 

[charlie2dogs]

On 6/16/2016 at 0:54 AM, stuck af said:

So for a few months my life has been quite shity. It s like I am finding  life harder and harder to enjoy.I am 17 and the reason I feel like shit almost all the time is because when I sit down and analize my life,it s like almost every aspect of it is shit. My health isn t that great,I am also underweight a lot (I weight like 75% of what I should),my diet sucks,I have self esteem issues,don t really have   a lot of friends,doing bad with girls,still somewhat obsessed with a girl that reject me a few months ago,doing bad in school(which makes me feel like  shit ),not feeling my life purpose,not being able to comunicate with my family almost at all...I was hardcore addicted to videogames,I still use a lot of distraction like music and video games to make me feel better for a short period of time. I have no motivation to  start getting of my ass and fix thede problems,I just  sit in my room and days go by and the situation gets slightly worse each day and I am caught up in this rut.it feels so bad . I am literally sitting here going through  the days and months and hoping for a miracle.

so you know what all the problems are, but you cant get off your ass to do anything, when you create enough pain and misery in your life, you will get off your ass and do something about all the problems that you already know about, its called, not taking responsibility for your own life.

[isabel]

I'm sorry you're going though this, it sounds horrible, I can relate. I feel so bad sometimes and feel like everything is out of my control and there is nothing I can do about it.

Sometimes it helps to just try to start with one thing at a time. Just one small thing, it can be as small as taking a shower at least every other day (that is so sad but I actually had to start there at one point). But after I did that for a while I was able to start the next thing, like trying to eat a breakfast each morning, which is something you might try since you're underweight if you're not doing that already.

It's hard to change so just pick one very small thing and go one step at a time. You can do it. Think of one little thing that seems doable to you and that can make your life better then focus on doing it until it becomes a habit, then feel good about it and choose another thing.

And keep posting in forums and reaching out to people, ask questions. You can do this.

[charlie2dogs]

27 minutes ago, isabel said:

I'm sorry you're going though this, it sounds horrible, I can relate. I feel so bad sometimes and feel like everything is out of my control and there is nothing I can do about it.

Sometimes it helps to just try to start with one thing at a time. Just one small thing, it can be as small as taking a shower at least every other day (that is so sad but I actually had to start there at one point). But after I did that for a while I was able to start the next thing, like trying to eat a breakfast each morning, which is something you might try since you're underweight if you're not doing that already.

It's hard to change so just pick one very small thing and go one step at a time. You can do it. Think of one little thing that seems doable to you and that can make your life better then focus on doing it until it becomes a habit, then feel good about it and choose another thing.

And keep posting in forums and reaching out to people, ask questions. You can do this.

and the good thing is, you put forth the effort to change, you created the change.

[abrakamowse]

@stuck af  The problem is your identification with your thoughts. It happens to all of us. I suggest you to do the mindful meditation, observe your thoughts everyday like 15 mins and if you can more do 30 or 60 mins observing your thoughts and trying not to get involved in them.

Your mind will begin to create a "separation" between you and your thoughts. When a negative thought appear, you will see that they are not true. There's a very powerful energy in all of us, that includes you.

 

Unlock that energy, be in peace and contemplation and your mental processes will shift and you will focus on the solutions and not the problems.

Search for Leo's video about mindfulness, its really good.

Let me know if you need any help.

 

Hope you feel better soon.