fridjonk

The Elixir Lake Of Wisdom

150 posts in this topic

Me and my friend just picked up some liberty cap mushrooms on Saturday. It's been a while since I last did a mushroom trip, probably around 10 months or so. I've mainly been working with LSD for the majority of my trips the last years, alongside a few other chemicals such as Ket, M, edibles, etc. I'm really excited to dip my toe into the mushroom world again and am expecting a great trip. I've got to get my meditation on point before I enter, which may be around 10 days away. I really want to work on my life purpose for this trip and believe mushrooms are a perfect substance for that. 

It will be a 2g trip, so nothing too crazy. I've done many 2g and 3g trips before and have always had very profound awakenings on them. I'd say it's the sweet spot for a purpose driven trip. I've also done 4g lemon-tek which was just utter chaos, haha.

I'll also make sure to go with the stream. If the mushroom is not feeling like giving me any vision towards my purpose then I won't fight it. I'm always up for a deeper god/love driven trip as well. I'm going to watch some Matt Kahn, Spira, and ofc Leo before I head in, so I'll be in the right mindset, but meditation and contemplation come first. External content has its place but it's more so to keep my mind on this matter. Internal observation is what I'll be mainly watching the next days.

I'm really excited for this trip. 

 

I've been really contemplative recently, usually after reading. I've been re-reading Conversations with god again. That book never disappoints I'll tell you. It always puts me into such a deep state of mind, it's like lube for contemplation. Also been thinking about diving back into Ken Wilbers The religion of tomorrow. It's really dense though so I'll really have to get into my reading groove to plow through it.

Really been observing my inner dialogue lately, to catch how sneaky my mind is. I believe watching your thoughts is one of the fastest ways for personal growth and dissolving that ego slowly, shedding the layers of the onion so to speak.

Edited by fridjonk

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Just finished re-reading Conversations with god book 1 last night. What a fantastic and humorous book, probably my all-time favorite read. Lots of contemplation was done during the time I spent with it, and I've probably highlighted like 85% of it, hehe. There are a lot of things I've yet to have direct experience of that god spoke of in the book, but there's also a lot I've experienced, like Infinite love, imagination, truth, relativity.

There are so many facets of this book, for example, it touches on how to live as your highest self. You can easily change your whole approach to life if you live totally consciously as if you were molding yourself out of clay. By changing your thoughts, words, actions, correcting yourself when you catch yourself going off course from your highest vision. But we love the ignorance and distraction, we love the suffering that comes from being a limited human being yearning for higher aspects of ourselves. But our soul does not want this unconscious living, it yearns to know the truth and to realize itself as god, but it's the ego that takes control and dictates us far too often. 

Another aspect that I found interesting was how god talks about creation and the creative powers we all have. We are creating ourselves anew every second of our waking life, we create our world, our universe. So we oughta be able to create what we wish to, but we don't get what we want or need. Because part of wanting something is the belief that you don't have it already. We have to rethink our approach to wishing for what we want. 

?That which you think of but never speak of, creates at one level.

?That which you think of and speak of creates at another level.

?That which you think, speak, and do becomes manifest in your reality.

"(I am) is the strongest creative statement in the universe. The universe responds to (I am) as would a gene in a bottle."

"You get your life to take off by first becoming very clear in your thinking about it. Think about what you want to be, do, and have. Think about it often until you are very clear about this. Then, when you are very clear, think about nothing else. Imagine no other possibilities. Throw all negative thoughts out of your mental constructions. Lose all pessimism. Release all doubts. Reject all fears. Discipline your mind to hold fast to the original creative thought. When your thoughts are very clear and steadfast. Begin to speak them as truths. Say them out loud. Use the great command that calls forth creative power: I AM."

This goes for all aspects of life, whether it be your search for god and love, or material well being and financial security. It takes deep conscious effort at first, but when practiced enough, this becomes as easy as ignoring it and living unconsciously. 

I've been on this journey of disciplining my mind lately with waking up early, quitting caffeine, quitting porn, etc. What I learned is, to make too much of an effort in quitting these things, I'll always end up flat on my face. A true master sets things aside as if he has no use for them anymore. Overcome your desires you no longer must, instead of changing them, the first feels like a discipline, that latter feels a joyful exercise.

I really enjoyed this book again and got even more juice out of it now than when I read it the first time. What I took most out of it was how powerful thought is, and how it's a superpower to know how to use thought as creative power, and as contemplation out of old belief systems. The book gives a really clear description of morals and how reality works and how its constructed. Can't wait to start book two, and go into my mushroom trip with all this wisdom fresh in my mind. I'll contemplate the highlighted parts of book one before I put it to rest, then I'll start part 2. 

It's really trippy to think about this reality. I imagined a character named Neale-Donald-Walsh. I imagined him going through all this trouble he went through so he could write such passionate letter to god that he actually answered back. I imagined that so I could find my way to Leo which then led to this book. Which I verified with psychedelics that I imagined. And so here I am, utterly lost in my imagination, talking to myself, creating other characters that lead me to find liberation on my own, which I project authority to in my unconscious thinking. But with clear contemplation, the veil lifts and the light shines through the curtains, little by little, until it's all white light, totally infinite singularity of love, of nothingness, of unity, the division unifies and knows itself as god, the ultimate creator.:x

Edited by fridjonk

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Woke up at 3:00 AM from what could only be described as the most real paranormal dream I've ever had. I'm not one to get nightmares often, almost never happens actually, maybe once every one or two years. But I've never experienced a nightmare of this level of realness. I'd say I was definitely semi-lucid but not really aware that I was dreaming. Felt more like an astral projection. Anyways. It started off that I was watching a video with Sadhguru in my room in which he started chanting some Hindu scriptures. After a little while, this sinister feeling started to emerge, like he had summoned some evil force, I remember going out of my room when all of the sudden all lights went out, and all people disappeared. I was essentially alone in existence, on this dark planet. Then there was this deep paranormal force that felt so real I'm convinced I actually tapped into the dark arts. Since there's no "real" or "unreal".

So there I was at 3 AM bamboozled by what just happened. I realized the dark aspects of reality is not something to mess with. This felt like it could have been some ego purging, maybe I induced myself in fear to see how I would react to it. Maybe I fear the loneliness of god.

Edited by fridjonk

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Really been thinking about what I want out of this upcoming mushroom trip. I've contemplated and meditated a lot on it the last couple of days, without trying to bullshit myself. What do I really want to get out of it? And what I'm most interested in at the moment is just to figure out how god works. This has been the main theme of most of my trips, how does god construct this reality, how am I doing so right now. I've gotten many great insights from that on various other trips yet it seems to slip away fast if you don't continue to do this work afterward. 

I'm also still trying to figure out my life purpose currently. That might be a theme that will show up. I've gone into trips without any intention and others with. It seems to be hit or miss which one I like more. I guess each trip comes with its own lesson at the current development I'm at. I'd love to have some general pathway for this trip to head towards and that will likely be just exploring god more, delving into consciousness. Yet mushrooms often want to lead the way so maybe I won't have any say in the matter.

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Well, the time has come. I'll be eating the mushrooms in about one hour. These are "psilocybe semilanceata" also know as liberty caps. I'll be consuming 2g which should equal about 3g in the normal cubensis strain. Just took my second cold shower today right now just because it really wakes you up and gets you out of the comfort zone.

Nothing much else to say other than - May love guide the way.

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Learned a lot from this trip. I feel like I get more and more what this is all about the more I dive into my mind and soul. It's all about dissolving your fears away. We're all so afraid, always hiding something from someone, we don't act out of pureness of truth most of the time. We slice and dice reality, take sides, debate on one thing or another, this and that. When in fact, it's only this and this. I can not realize myself as god if I'm afraid, If I'm hiding, because how can god hide something from himself, how can god be scared, when he's the one scaring himself. This ego is so tangled up with fear that It has lost sight of love, of what it means to live a pure life. Purify your soul, your heart, love with no limits. This partiality of love, I love this, I don't love that, I want this, I don't want that, I'm digging myself a deeper grave into my ego-mind with this attitude.

Overcoming all our fears will leave no stone left unturned. No more hiding from myself, no more scaring myself. I have to choose exactly what I want and be precise about what I want. I act like I seek truth yet bury myself in entertainment to keep myself ignorant, hiding from my feelings, from what I truly am, that which has no self, no fears, and loves unlimitedly. 

After this trip, I've been contemplating more on trying the 60x salvia batch I've got. I've not touched it since the last time I tried to smoke it, but it didn't work because I didn't use a torch lighter. I can't think of a better way to confront my fears than with a salvia trip.

What-Is-the-Difference-between-5-MeO-DMT-and-DMT-21.jpg

Edited by fridjonk

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LSD Trip Tonight-

I've been integrating a lot since my last mushroom trip, been doing more actual spiritual work this week than in a long time, from mostly contemplation and reflection to meditation and things of that nature, also staying aware in every moment during day and night. I've noticed how much of a distraction this forum has become for me. I almost get a headache from reading through posts of people not knowing what they're talking about, and this pretend game of knowing. I don't mind it really that much, but it's just become noise to me rather than genuine help. Time to take back my own authority, something I need to remind myself of quite often. I do however enjoy reading other people's journals and posting my thoughts here to myself, they're more authentic and you get a sense of people's struggles and gripes with life and this experience we're all having, trying to figure it out to the best of our abilities. It's really easy to get sucked into this community and having it be more of a distraction than a help, and this goes for around 70% of the users here. Yet it's none of my business what other people do, this venting is more so for myself so I don't fall into the trap anymore.

I'll be taking two tabs, around 380ug, which is more than enough to delve into the deepest facets of reality. 

I do not know where I'm going with this trip other than not backing away from fear. I might aim for how I'm constructing this reality out of my selflessness and love, and to become aware of my selfish tendencies and desires. I find LSD trips to be so purifying you don't really need any intention going in. It takes care of itself, that's to say if you accept what is and don't back down from fear, because behind fear lies the greatest love imaginable, ever-present.

Edited by fridjonk

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Trip Report-

"Yesterday" I had my deepest experience of God I've had to date. I find myself in quite the pickle since I'll be using the word "I" a lot to describe this experience. When in fact it had no I. There was no point in which the experience took place. It was seen for what it is.

The trip started off really smooth, I opened up to it and let my self dissolve into thin air. My attachments to who I am, completely vanished and I became directly conscious of infinite consciousness. Aware of myself as all of reality. The oneness was staggering. I remember at one point in the trip where I was watching a Hans Zimmer live concert. I was conscious of how I was imagining each member in the band, playing in perfect harmony, I was the crowd, the sound, the conductor, to create this marvelous piece of perfect beauty, for my own self-love. 

I realized how important it is to be your own authority since I'm the one running the show. I AM GOD. I can't look to anyone but myself. I stared at my hand in awe, the truth of it, the intelligence of it, the incredibly incredible design. I really met the buddha at this moment and killed him for good.

After realizing all this, I wanted a little break from the realizations, so I went and watched Graham Norton's show where the rock was doing some sort of smoldering act. I was conscious of how I was him, the entertainer, I was the other guests on the couch, I was the crowd, I was god doing this all, being all those people for my enjoyment. It was one of the funniest and most beautiful things I've realized. I became aware of how the spiritual ego doesn't really consider watching the rock on a talk show as a deep realization, when in fact it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. God enjoys all levels of entertainment. Because he's performing it for himself, to create this relative realm. 

After this little enjoyment, I went and watched Leo's guided exercises for infinite consciousness video. I skipped the bullshit in the beginning and jumped somewhere to around minute 1:28:00 of the video. And that's where I became directly aware, that I'M LEO! And I started to speak to myself through him, I was him speaking to me, but there was no me or him, it was just the one, speaking to itself. I really enjoy watching some of Leo's videos when I'm deep into a trip, I feel like I can teach myself through him, but I was also aware of how quickly this made me lose my sense of authority, so I shut it off and stared at my hand some more. I feel like I can ground myself sometimes while tripping with Leo, but soon I will have to give all teachers up forever, to understand this all myself. 

I've now pretty much returned to my ego-attached-mind and can feel the attachments that keep me ignored from realizing myself as god. Although I'm still kind of aware of how I am the "external" world, it still feels "internal". I just came from the store, and being in traffic and in public felt very weird, to say the least, like it was all happening in my mind, and that's because it is. On the trip, it felt very organic and neutral to declare myself as god, however, I need to be careful of not turning this into an ego identity. 

I also want to applaud Leo for his work. I'll say it here and now, "he" is the most profound teacher I've ever come across, "he" has the most detailed explanation of reality I've seen any teacher teach. I say this with a grain of salt so I'm not projecting my authority unto him, yet it's the truth. But you still have to do the work on your own most importantly. You can only say this once you've taken your authority back and seen the truth with your own eyes.

Edited by fridjonk

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I had an interesting insight on the trip I've been reminiscent about. It was that life purpose is not found, it's created. I thought I knew this and I did, but It really became crystal clear on the trip that it's something you create from the ground up. So you're creating something out of nothing for the love of creation, since god's highest love is creating, that ought to be true for the human experience as well. I still don't know how to go about finding what I wish to create. I'm very creative and love creating things from the ground up and have done so with many things, yet not with anything I'd consider a high passion. So here's a list of things I'd consider myself good at. 

Building a brand, handy with tools and construction type work, creative thinking, teaching people about independent thinking and getting them out of their limited world-view, teaching about the ego-mind and reality, storytelling?, teaching people how to achieve mastery in a sport or any interest.

So where to go from here.

I've got no idea if my passion lies in teaching, kind of stereotypical for people in enlightenment work, yet I really love trying to wake people up who want to wake up (even though I'm nowhere near to being able to teach it as a full-time job), would probably take around 3-5 more years of tripping and contemplating to be able to have deep enough understanding of reality to teach it well.

I also love the idea of creating a health and wellness center here in my country. Where there would be classes on kriya yoga, kundalini yoga, tantra, contemplation, meditation, flow workouts, healthy eating, happiness, achieving mastery, etc. In a sense to get people to live an extremely clean and healthy life. This would take a lot of capital to create so I'd probably have to gain more success in online marketing before I'd do this. 

I've also thought about just continuing the marketing I was doing last year before Covid hit to in a sense escape the wage slavery and build enough capital to start something I'm passionate about. I've spent a lot of time learning it so it would be wise to continue with that. It's not my highest passion by any means but I can do it without getting depressed so maybe that's my best bet. Escaping wage slavery is the highest priority at the moment.

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About one year ago, I was submerged deeply in my dropshipping business. I started to take it seriously at the beginning of November 2019 after dabbling and seriously studying it for around a year. Just in the month of November, I sold 500 units of a single product which revenued about 30k, with about 30% profit. December was good as well, and then Covid struck. I had already known about a virus breaking out far ahead of most people, there were factories talking about not being able to open again just before the Chinese new year had started. I'll never forget the day when I woke up to 2k sales at about 700$ profit. I was in disbelief I just made 700$ in my 8 hours of sleep. One of the most memorable moments in life, I knew wage slavery is not required, and I knew at that moment that you can easily escape it with an online business, a so-called "laptop lifestyle".  I really want to get that feeling back, it felt so freeing and limitless. 

When the pandemic started to creep around the globe, around march, I went to our farm and worked there for a couple of months. I was on a night and day shift during the lambing season, it's always one of my favorite parts of the year and did a little construction work as well. After that, I went back to the city and started to focus on awakening and personal development work, this was during the summer and until now. I've been really focused on trips, contemplating, reading, etc.

Now I feel like I've been in this easy (survival-mode), (difficult spiritually), for a good time. And I really want to get out there more, interact with the world, staying busier, getting a normal job, waking up at 5 AM to work on my business, not having enough time in the day, going to the gym, not just working out at home, even though I easily can. I've wanted for a long time now to get myself a new hunting rifle and a crossbow to go out to a field and practice, find more hobbies, take up some practice, maybe boxing or basketball.

I've felt like I let this awakening work kind of drain the juice out of my life, yet also revealed the true beauty of it. It's my fault for not balancing it better, it can be quite hard to do so. I isolated myself so I could experience god, love, infinity, and awakenings, as efficiently as possible, with no distractions. And I don't regret it at all. My plan is actually to go back to that, only more financially free. I want to be able to do a month-long psychedelic retreat just as Leo did with 5 MeO. I'm not quite ready for such commitment yet, and would likely start with a 10-15 day one. Yet I don't wish to focus on that for now, it's quite the opposite of what I've written here above. 

Anyway, I wrote this so I could read it when I feel like I'm getting sidetracked. I truly believe this is what I need in my life now. I'll still be wanting to trip and explore god consciousness. But the focus won't be on that as it has been. I'm only shifting the priorities from 1 to 2.

Edited by fridjonk

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Show me the face you had before your parents were born, the face that was present at the cosmic inflation. That face, the same face that's sitting here right now, only illusory changes have taken place, shapeshifting. Yet I've been at the same place this entire time, wherever I go I'm always at the exact same place because I am everything everywhere, and nothing nowhere. This I is nowhere to be found. Nothing but a construct of beliefs and fears.

There is no story as to how I came to be where I'm at right now. I didn't walk into this room, I'm creating myself within it right now. Totally imagined; all stories and thoughts of how I came to be here, or what I am, all imagined to sustain the survival of the ego.

All done out of infinite love, made out of love, infinitely intelligent truthful selfless love.

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Just got some edibles and I'm about to ingest it now. I don't have any specific intention for this trip, I'll just be a passenger along for the ride. I won't be surprised that this will be a powerful and deep trip after my last LSD experience which was not so long ago. Been quite a while since I did edibles last time, but at that time I was ingesting them daily and had become very familiar with them. Edibles are a great tool for this work is what I've come to find out.

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The trip ended up being more of a recreational one. I really enjoyed it and just relaxed after a tough leg day I had done before. But it was intense nonetheless.

I'll be going back in tonight, not with any specific intention but a little more emphasis on going deeper than last night.

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Happy new year! :)

2020

Whew, what a relief 2020 is over. It's been an interesting one, to say the least. I honestly never felt it was as "bad" as people were complaining about because it didn't really affect me massively other than having to wear a mask and losing Kobe, my childhood idol. But it had become really tough to not feed into the energy that others were emitting, so I kind of joined the bandwagon during Q4 and just admitted this had been kind of a shitty year - relatively speaking of course, yet it also noticed how much it sustained my ego.

Productively speaking I didn't do much this year. After the pandemic broke out last January it stopped my online business completely and I didn't really bother with keeping it going since refunds and low inventory were at an all-time high. I've been thinking of starting it again now, but there's a lot of new policy going around with the new IOS14 update which lets Facebook and pretty much all social media users to choose if they want to be tracked or not on the internet, and not to mention the new UK vat law. I'll see what others report for January and go on from there. I doubt it will be much of a difference.

This year was by far the biggest growth for me spiritually so far. Did around 30 trips over the year with a variety of substances, mostly LSD, my favorite one. Feel like I gained 40 years of experience during this year, after understanding more and more how God, love, relativity, the absolute, truth, and fear works. But still, I've got SO much more to discover. If these experiences taught me anything then it would be that I'm still at the beginner/intermediate level. Lots of humbling trips revealed this, yet during many of the trips it really felt like I had it all figured out, and maybe I did, when you're in the god state, things tend to make sense. But the baseline consciousness understanding is what am measuring this by, and I'd still say I'm a beginner at that level.

Didn't meditate much this year, and by meditate I mean formal sit down in darkness meditate. There were periods where I managed to do a few sessions but nothing compared to last year. I really let psychedelics lead the path. I did however often meditate throughout the whole day just by observing the world. This does count as meditation, but I really wish to focus more on formal meditation as well during this new year. Maybe I'll decide to focus on a specific meditation whether it Tantra, Kriya, or Kundalini, I've yet to decide.

Completely fell off my reading habits I had built-in 2019. I really want to keep reading this year. Not as intensely as I did back then, but consistently rather. I did however built a discipline during the later part of the year in waking up at 5 AM and going out for a run. 2020 was one of my best fitness and health years ever and I've had a couple of those, but this time I really stuck with it and managed to eat really healthy for a long period of time while running every morning and doing a bodyweight workout during the afternoon. I'll be focusing on calisthenics this year but I'll write more on that in my fitness journal. 

2021

I've never been one to set new years resolutions. Probably because I'm afraid that I will fail to reach them. But also because I've found the concept of a "year" to be silly for most of my life; days, months, years. It's all complete bullshit really since every moment is the same moment. But I'm also compelled to try setting goals and achieving them. This is what can give life a little juice and color, but balanced with being present as well and not obsessing too much over goals.

Some things I want to do in 2021.

  • I want to read more and update my bookshelf with fresh new books.
  • I want to continue to wake up at 5 AM and go for morning runs.
  • I want to use the law of attraction seriously.
  • I want to make more money.
  • I want to reach a good level of calisthenics skills (L-sit, Planche, Superman push-ups)
  • I want to understand Consciousness and god more.
  • I want to become more compassionate and loving, more forgiving, more present.
  • Get a gun license.
  • Less monkey-mind.
  • Contemplation.

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I did a San Pedro trip 2 days ago, went very well. It's an interesting substance for sure, got very "happy" vibes from it. One interesting thing to note was how 2D it felt, felt like what weed would feel like if it were a psychedelic but way different still. It was a low-moderate dose, comparable to a 100-120ug LSD trip or 1.5-2g mushrooms. I noticed how similar it was to MDMA and LSD in body feel, very euphoric and lovely. 

It wasn't a super insightful trip other than very enjoyable, although I did have realizations of truth as I've had on other trips. I feel like this substance lacked in power and kick but it's likely just because the dose wasn't high enough, but even if the dose were upped I feel it would still be very gentle and smooth, a very kind substance. 

I might have to go for an LSD trip soon to peek back into god's garden. :D

I've been watching a couple of Leo's god/consciousness videos again after being not so aware lately. These videos have motivated me to get back to my prime-time spiritual mode after it being a little lackluster recently. It's been ages since I had a proper meditation habit as well, last year I tripped so much that I didn't feel like meditating because It didn't come 0.1% close to a trip. It felt kinda useless, even though it's not. I really need to up my baseline consciousness more.

 

God's loneliness and eternal existence. 

I've been reflecting back on a trip I had last year in where I almost fully became god, but this experience startled me a lot. Once you've seen something so amazing and incredibly unbelievably beautiful, the first human instinct is to get to show someone else and share it, out of love for that thing. But when it comes to god, he's all alone, he can't share his unbelievable beauty with anyone. So he creates lesser versions of himself to interact with someone and experience reality. And he's totally fine with it, but to a human mind, this can be very scary. Knowing you'll be forever alone, forgetting your true nature only to wake up to it once again...FOREVER. Yet it's also the togetherness that is the beauty of reality. You can look at it from both viewpoints, and both will contain infinite love forever. 

Yet this is what infinite perfection demands, it demands god's complete selflessness and infinite love for all things. And so I look up to this amazing "being" that is so totally perfect but still can't fathom the sacrifices that come with being that so-called god thing because I'm too selfish. I assume purification of one's heart is the only thing that can lead to more selflessness.

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I've been contemplating recently if I should be attempting another Salvia 60x hit. The last time I did it I was too conservative with my dosing I feel like. I was hoping to get a peek through the door without hitting the insanity of the full Salva experience. But I feel like if I've got something left to fear then I'm not really ready for it. And I feel like I'm ready to hit a big enough dose to get the full experience Salvia has to offer. There is still a little part of me that's saying "don't be playing with fire like that", it's only until shit has hit the fan where you realize you ought to have treaded more carefully. But I'm willing to take that step...or so I think. :P

These trip reports range from so much variety sine this substance is very well known, and mainly because it's somehow legal in some U.S states which just boggles my mind. I've tried to sort the wheat from the chaff of these experiences and there seems to be a lot of potential for a good nondual trip, especially after using psychedelics a lot, so I'm quite comfy in that space and can navigate pretty well. Most reports talk about how brutal of an ego-death it causes. It's not like other psychedelics where your mind slowly untangles and the ego fades. I've heard everything from "the universe hunts you down and kills you until there's nothing left" to "FBI! open up, you are tripping!". Quite the stark contrast I'd say, lol.

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Sorry for jumping in here i haven't read your journal. I just wanted to comment on this x60 salvia trip. Man you have balls. I would never attempt that. My only worthwhile experiences with psychedelics in general were with x10 and they were extremely intense. Could i ask how it was like? 

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@BlackMaze I've not done it yet. I'm aiming for this week or the next one. I'm pretty comfortable with psychedelics after having tried so many of them, but I'm also aware that Salvia is way different. If I had balls I'd have done this a long time ago, yet having balls can also be foolish. ;)  

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@fridjonk i see. I just thought you done it already because you wrote attempting another x60 hit. Yeah it must be as close as you can get to hell if it becomes a bad trip haha. But yeah for me this was a long time ago and had no xp other than weed and had no idea what i was getting into. That said i couldn't stop exploring it for a week. Maybe another stupid thing to do but i was young and foolish. I don't regret it though. 

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