Advice: Truth telling

[Matt23]

Hey. 

I'd like to get some other opinions on this.

Recently I got into an argument with my landlady about the heat in my room.  I'm also going to move out shortly since they wish to move and the argument happened.

One thing led to another and I'm wanting to come clean about my use of psilocybin in the house.

It could have decently big lawful consequences.  

But, thinking about it last night I imagined I had told them, and even gone to prison for 8 years (I don't know, and don't think it's this much, if that's the actual amount required by law) and paid a $2000 fine, and I felt happy, peace of mind, calm.  

I also, at a basketball game i was watching in person and while contemplating this, felt a surge of love in my heart that drove me to some tears.  I realized it was since, if I were to tell them, I would be standing for something other/larger than myself.  Truth.  

That it wasn't about me, that the love I felt was about being honest and being authentic.  Not about self-survival and trying to hide and be selfish.  

Walking around after the game, it was night time, I remember feeling really calm and warm inside.  Grounded and peaceful.  When I go for walks, I think I've often felt more comfortable in the shade and forests.  This time was different.  I remember walking towards the forest, but then, right before entering, I decided to stay in the lights and openness of the street.  I felt more comfortable feeling exposed.  Good.

Thanks for any comments.  

I think I've pretty much made my decision, but there's still some doubts about whether, if I told them, I'd be being irresponsible, negligent, or careless.  Unwise, to put it another way.  As in, maybe there's some times in life where lying is OK.  But, I'm not too sold on that idea in this moment.

[Natasha]

@Matt23 What would be the purpose of telling your landlord about it? If the real purpose is to come clean, then you have already done it here. If it's to just to get caught, then you're operating from a position of self-loathing. Be aware of the ego's ability to try to 'punish' itself. Not going to do anyone any good, that would be actually quite neurotic to do that. So I would finish my term renting there and move out in peace. You'll probably never see those people again.

[purerogue]

Don't do it, there is no reason, I would understand if you wanted to come clean about some damage done to house , or something like that.

There is no harm done.

 

[Matt23]

@Natasha What do you mean how I've already come clean?  

I've come across some big "I'm bad" beliefs in myself.  Do you mean "come clean" as in "I'm not inherently bad, etc."?  

I told them.  She was actually really cool about it.  She's from Chile, and apparently they grow mushrooms in their houses all the time.

Haha... but thanks for the advice!  I'll definitely do some more contemplation about it next time I'm in a similar situation. ...  I may have gotten a "pass" here.

Edited January 27, 2020 by Matt23

[Commodent]

25 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

I told them.  She was actually really cool about it.  She's from Chile, and apparently they grow mushrooms in their houses all the time.

Haha, cool.

I think it's always wise to go with the truth. Dishonesty burdens us in such insidious ways.

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, Matt23 said:

I told them.  She was actually really cool about it.  She's from Chile, and apparently they grow mushrooms in their houses all the time.

Haha... but thanks for the advice!  I'll definitely do some more contemplation about it next time I'm in a similar situation. ...  I may have gotten a "pass" here.

I'm glad this worked out for you. Being transparent and speaking one's truth can be important energetically, throat chakra kinda stuff. Yet I would be mindful of context, intention and impact. In the context of hiding psychedelic use from a gf, I would say it's important to be honest. Yet walking into a local police station to speak this truth would be a different context and I would say unadvisable. 

[Pallero]

Hmm.. interesting. So your intuition told you to tell the truth and you felt relief about the idea, and then you actually told the truth and nothing bad happened?

[Pramit]

Its your life, do whatever you want to do, don't seek other's opinion like this. Go make mistakes if it makes you happy. Although, my personal opinion is that the magnitude of the mistakes seems to be rather large. But hey, its your decision at the way, and may be this is supposed to be your way. 

[Nahm]

@Matt23 Be honest with yourself. The rest is effortless.

[Forestluv]

10 minutes ago, Maximus said:

This thread brings up a curious point though. Is it that unadvisable to speak this truth? I get the point you are trying to make. I feel I am guilty of it too much. In terms of being too honest around people that harm. But maybe maximum honesty isn't as bad.

It’s context dependent. Should I have announced to my students in class today that I masturbated after I woke up this morning? And what if I thought about one of the students while doing so. Should I be maximally honest and tell her?

That context is different than if I have been stealing my gf’s money to pay for hookers and blow.

These are two extremes. There are many gray area situations when it’s hard to know the best level of transparency. 

[Identity]

6 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

It’s context dependent. Should I have announced to my students in class today that I masturbated after I woke up this morning? And what if I thought about one of the students while doing so. Should I be maximally honest and tell her?

Good morning all. Before we dive into todays topic, quick mention to Alicia sitting in the back. Massive orgasm whilst thinking about you this morning.

Alright, who had difficulties with the readings?

”crickets”

???

[Aquarius]

You don't have to tell them.

[Matt23]

I don't think telling the truth means saying whatever whenever.  But I do think it's applicable when others ask question (not that my landlords did in this case) and in communicating and interacting with others.  

I remember I went to one of Peter Ralston's retreats.  He told a story that he was going to lead a retreat in England or something.  Once he got to the airport, something happened (I forget), but he had a choice of either lying and getting to England, or telling the truth and not being able to go.  He told the truth.  When asked why he did it, he said "I don't lie.  That's just who I am."  

Though, interestingly, I remember him also saying, I think before he told this story, that he doesn't have a problem with lying.  Haha.

Food for thought....