My Actualization Experience So Far

[Nick5050]

Hello,

I'm a 21 year old student and this is my actualisation experience. I just want to say that English is not my native language but i'll do my best.
I've been watching Leo's videos for almost 2 years now. It all started when i broke up with my girlfriend. I've had a lot of negative thoughts and emotions which i wasn't even aware of. I was sick of feeling bad and then i started doing weed. Everytime i did it i became happy and it made me not think of all the bad things. It was also that moment that i started watching self-help videos thinking it will make me feel better. I have to say it was a lot of information to process. The videos were very helpfull but the problem was you kinda get attached to them and so as Leo often says you need to apply it in the real life in order to really understand it. So i've had long period of 'knowing how it really is' instead of 'really understanding and feeling it'. Because of that i still wasn't motivated and it was very confusing.

Maybe some of you also have noticed that the newest videos (from the past 3-4 months) are a lot different than the old videos. These videos are the ones that helped me the most. After watching 'how to get rid of addiction' it helped me quit smoking weed. I used to get wasted 1-2 times a week. Right at this moment i'm already sober (not even alcohol) for almost 1 month. Which is the first time in my life. And to be honest i'm starting to enjoy the sober life. It also helps me not to get so confused after watching a video.

So today i watched the latest video 'Meditation for beginners'. I have to say a year ago i tried to meditate and after 1 week i've quit. Today i tried out this 'more understandable technique of meditation (thinking and awareness). And i know that you only see results after meditating for atleast 1 year. But today it felt for the first time that i was doing it right. After those 20 minutes i even wanted to do it a bit longer. So i've meditated for almost 1 hour. After that i was feeling so great. I became aware of all the thinking that i'm doing. All the thoughts that come up. All the sensations in my body. The sensations i get from a thought. And i also was aware of the air i was breathing, the sounds i was hearing and the feelings in my but of sitting on the chair. And i've experiencing all this in a non judgemental way. When a negative thought came up i didn't labelled it as 'negative' but just became aware that a negative thought came up.

So to end this topic. I realised this is the beginning of something big. I'm very thankfull for all the things that i've learned already. The journey has only started.
 

[cetus]

@Nick5050 Nice start for sure!