Almost given up on self-realisation

[astrokeen]

What people here seem to experience without great effort, seems to elude me. Ever since my teens, I've always held the belief that I will gain or experience self-realisation at some point in this life. I knew it was asking a lot given I don't have a consistent meditation practice and even forget about spiritual endeavours when other things get in the way.

I was elated to discover that non-duality could be experienced through psychedelics - the goal seemed achievable. But I still fear that may not come to pass. So, my life will have been lived in vain. That would be ever so depressing.

Are there others like me here? What would you feel if by your life's end you were still trying? 

[VeganAwake]

1 hour ago, astrokeen said:

What people here seem to experience without great effort, seems to elude me. Ever since my teens, I've always held the belief that I will gain or experience self-realisation at some point in this life. I knew it was asking a lot given I don't have a consistent meditation practice and even forget about spiritual endeavours when other things get in the way.

I was elated to discover that non-duality could be experienced through psychedelics - the goal seemed achievable. But I still fear that may not come to pass. So, my life will have been lived in vain. That would be ever so depressing.

Are there others like me here? What would you feel if by your life's end you were still trying? 

Remember Awakening isn't a gaining of something...

It's the crumbling away of the illusory sense of the ME character.

 

[RevoCulture]

@astrokeen   Don't let any story that seems to be wrapped in ease fool you...  Like your profile picture, the grass is always greener on the other side.  If someone glides into a state of advanced "knowingness" that is like a unicorn event.. Not common.. The majority of seekers pay the price in blood, sweat, tears, and continual commitment to the practice...

Move at your own pace.. Know you are loved and respected for what your are and what you do.  Journey Strong!

[ZZZZ]

You're too worried about this. You still have an eternity to live and discover.

[Nahm]

You’ll experience more of what you focus on.  Just start meditating.  You’ll be glad. 

[traveler]

The belief that you are asleep makes you unable to "wake up." The person does not wake up, you wake up from believing you're a person. In my opinion psychedelics isn't a magic pill, it can help, but it has potential to make more damage than good. Just drop the act if your tired of it. There is no one saying this. You are saying this. There we go.

[Forestluv]

@astrokeen I know it feels disappointing, yet what you wrote is beautifully poetic of the human spirit ♥️ 

I would try and get glimpse of a mystical experience. Psychedelics are nearly a sure bet. Cannabis edibles have a good chance. Other things like a solo retreat in nature, shamanic breathing, a yoga/meditation retreat, sensory deprivation tank etc.

I would also be careful imagining what a mystical experience “should” be like. There are a lot of glimpses available to subtle forms of mystical experiences. They all don’t involve drama. 

Ime, genuine is one of the most important traits. To me, you seem genuine and that would be good news, because being genuine is really hard to develop for someone conditioned as in-genuine. Someone who is naturally oriented as genuine will have a huge advantage for spiritual progress. 

Other important traits are effort and consistency. To me, it does’t appear as these two are your natural abilities. If you want to get to the next level, it will take some effort and consistency. I would consider making spiritual growth a high priority in your life. Even committing one hour a day would pay huge dividends. Perhaps start with four hours a week. You will see some progress and that could motivate you to up to an hour a day. This was one of the keys in Leo’s 64 keys to a good life. Meditation, yoga, journaling in nature. That kinda stuff. 

I would also consider making a sacred space with a meditation cushion and spiritual items that you resonate with. If you want to advance a level, create a space that is supportive if that spiritual growth. Create a space that spirituality resonates with you. 

In addition to having a spiritual environment and practice, be mindful of things that are dragging you down. Things like video games, excessive social media, junk food, getting into stupid debates, worrying about stuff I have no control over, trying to look good so others like me. All that kinda stuff can take up mind space. You’ve got to create open, empty mental space to allow insights to arise and then contemplate, integrate and embody. Be mindful of distractions interfering with this process. We can’t completely get rid of all distracts, yet we can limit them. Especially in the beginning of the spiritual path. We are so busy doing other things that most of our life can be a big distraction. Designating space and time to step outside of all that and engage in spiritual practice can be very powerful. 

[WelcometoReality]

@astrokeen Some awaken through a mystical experience for others this realization come slowly. The separate self falls away so slow that there seem to be no point in time where this realization has happened.

If you genuinely looking for truth and it is your highest priority the realization will happen, it might not be realized the way you expect however.

[astrokeen]

@RevoCulture , @traveler , @WelcometoReality , thank you.

Thank you all for your nuggets of wisdom.  @Serotoninluv , bless you. Great advice. Incidentally, I am much older than video gamers, so thank goodness, those are not an obstacle. But I continue to work/study etc which offers plenty of distractions. Now involved with PhD research in a developing country. That too despite having taken shrooms once and experienced ego death. Well, at least a step in the right direction. The next positive step though didn't happen. 

I go through phases of yearning for a mystical experience, and because I was told by a trustworthy source that the yearning itself is an obstacle, I tried to let go of desire and urgency. Have tried practising regularly in the past but couldn't cope with the lack of progress. So now, I just wait.

Edited January 22, 2020 by astrokeen

[fridjonk]

@astrokeen You have all the tools my friend, but are you willing to give your everything to achieve it? Awakening is one of the toughest things a human being can choose, but also the most rewarding thing one could think of. 

[MAYA EL]

18 hours ago, astrokeen said:

What people here seem to experience without great effort, seems to elude me. Ever since my teens, I've always held the belief that I will gain or experience self-realisation at some point in this life. I knew it was asking a lot given I don't have a consistent meditation practice and even forget about spiritual endeavours when other things get in the way.

I was elated to discover that non-duality could be experienced through psychedelics - the goal seemed achievable. But I still fear that may not come to pass. So, my life will have been lived in vain. That would be ever so depressing.

Are there others like me here? What would you feel if by your life's end you were still trying? 

What your trying to do is experience someone else's awakening and that's the problem.  The majority of people on thos forum are talking  BS regurgitating what someone else said and in no way have experienced half of the stuff coming out of there mouth but to be part of a group and to get attention they have developed falce memory syndrome and don't even realize it. You will experience whatever it is that you need to experience don't worry. 

[inFlow]

@astrokeen work on your consciousness more! Meditate! It will come. The ones who deeply ask gets the answers.

[Forestluv]

8 hours ago, astrokeen said:

I go through phases of yearning for a mystical experience, and because I was told by a trustworthy source that the yearning itself is an obstacle, I tried to let go of desire and urgency. Have tried practising regularly in the past but couldn't cope with the lack of progress. So now, I just wait.

It seems desire gets a bad rap in spiritual circles. Genuine desire also has it’s merits. 

[Nahm]

@astrokeen What would the progress from practices look like? Asking because I suspect meditation is being ‘lumped in’ to things-of-effort in life, dualizing life / spirituality... rather than revealing the effortlessness that is already the actuality of life, realized by the falling away of narratives, typically via meditation. Or more simply put, a narrative or two unnoticed can shape experience a lot. 

Also, have you done inspection work? 

[astrokeen]

@Serotoninluv , agreed! It is self-contradictory. How can not wanting something help one achieve it ?? I think what was meant in this instance was to let go of the anxiety that is associated with the fear of not getting to your goal. That is easier said than done because it is asking you to be content with your situation.

@Nahm , no I haven't done inspection work. Is that trying to assess what something actually is, including yourself? It sounds very intellectual and I imagine it could put you into a detached headspace for a while. My efforts so far have centred around different meditation techniques, such as visualisations of chakra opening with breathing techniques, mindfulness again of breath, self-enquiry - none of these lasted longer than a fortnight. I would fail to sustain the exercises, get distracted, bored and then disheartened.

I admit that mindfulness (even though my mind would wander) resulted in me becoming sensitive to the flow of energies up my spine. This lasted a few months even after I stopped the practice. I could feel very pleasant and gentle currents flowing up my spine through the day. Then it stopped. 

Edited January 23, 2020 by astrokeen

[luckieluuke]

@astrokeen Havent posted here in many months...so yea my eagerness to awaken comes and goes. Which i think is only natural. I have had a very very slow progress, barely any big realizations or non dual experiences whatsoever despite 2 vipasanna retreats and meditating 3-5 times a week past 2 years. On the other hand I havent had to endure any dark dark nights of the soul. So I guess Im a slowburner. And I do feel progress only if I compare myself to a year ago. That doesnt need to be a good or bad thing. Just sharing in case you feel you are a bit of a "slow burner" you too  
Spirituality is full of contradiction. One is that the ultimate truth is that there is no effort, everything is perfect as it is and you will awaken just by stepping on the path, sooner or later. But that mentality doesnt work in practice (I have found) Just like free will doenst exist ultimately but for your ego you needs to believe in free will and responcibility. It´s easy to get trapped in the comfort of ultimate truths! ah Im rambling....

Edited January 23, 2020 by luckieluuke

[astrokeen]

@luckieluuke , yes a super slow burner.

The fact you have been consistent with your practice for over 2 years is remarkable. I really shouldn't be complaining given I have no practice as such. Just sporadic bouts of meditating and fervently wishing for over 20 years.

[Matt23]

I'm not trying to say this is what you're feeling, thinking, or experiencing, but it might help.

I think he's been doing consciousness/enlightenment work for most of his life and has a ton of mastery with it.

Edited January 23, 2020 by Matt23

[Gnosis]

1 hour ago, astrokeen said:

@luckieluuke , yes a super slow burner.

The fact you have been consistent with your practice for over 2 years is remarkable. I really shouldn't be complaining given I have no practice as such. Just sporadic bouts of meditating and fervently wishing for over 20 years.

What is fervently wishing?

It just so happens that beliefs we hold about our future selves are usually entirely illusory, especially when it comes to spirituality.

I also used to entertain a lot of fanciful ideas about where I would be and experiences I would have pursing spirituality - It's escapism.

As far as I can tell, almost none of those things happened.

Even now, I still hold newer, more sophisticated fanciful ideas.

 

If Self-Realization is your deepest yearning, you simply need to penetrate deeper and deeper into the essence of Reality. You need to be persistent.

That doesn't mean you need to sit down for 6 hours a day. Meditation isn't done on a cushion.

A cushion is done on Meditation.

You're done on Meditation.

 

If there is persistence, qualitative shifts will occur in your direct experience and understanding of Truth; eventually when it becomes deep enough, there won't be anything more to maintain. At this stage, you'll actually actively avoid anything vaguely conceptual or non-direct. When that is the case, you're close.

Self-Realization is a modest goal.

[Ero]

@astrokeen Self - Realisation is inescapable. It will come to fruition with your death. If it's not your time, there's no reason to feel guilty. There needs to be a natural inclination for Truth, that if not present will be unattainable without a fundamental reshaping of yourself. Enjoy life, improve your relationships, work on something that excites you. When you no longer feel fulfilled by earthly matters, Death awaits you.