Derek White

How do you deal with bullies?

27 posts in this topic

Bullies are usually the most insecure people, they have their often trauma they are hiding. While it is necessary to acknowledge the fact that they often can't help it and they are not aware of their own behaviour and its effect on people, it is equally important to know how to punch someone in the face when you get cornered as physical abuse should not be tolerated as long as it is within individual's power to do something. Or you can always avoid that place for good. 


“If you find yourself acting to impress others, or avoiding action out of fear of what they might think, you have left the path.” ― Epictetus

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On an energetic level it's best to send them love, and offer forgiveness; while simultaneously honoring yourself and all as one. It seems crucial to love yourself enough to acknowledge how unacceptable the bullying is in your life and plan how you will rise above/ move ahead. It's best to have cognitive empathy for the bully, while refraining from emotional empathy (Stockholm type shit).

As far as physical/ verbal interactions go I agree with Leo. That said, occasionally, there are situations like mine where there is little chance to step away like Leo suggests (such as dropping the friend, quitting the job, etc).

In my situation bravery, plus vigilantly working on emotional mastery are my only options if I want to keep my daughter under my wing while she is young (my bully is my daughter's father and I am court ordered to interact with him to exchange the child etc). I just had to call the police again after her dad was messing around by my car (he has kicked in car doors etc before), plus he did a fake call to child protection just last week.

I will make this vow to myself: I will breathe in the calmness of the cosmos, I will maintain an impenetrable energetic shield, I will greet him with stoic courage, I will not engage in games, I will stand like a warrior queen in full armour, I will rise above all fear. 

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Here are some aspects and solutions to bullying from personal experience:

* Strategically create a new social environment. Being bullied often negatively affects your role in the overall social environment (the group of people that you and the bully have in common). As for myself:
I'm a musician and I started having projects with musicians from outside my current social environment.
I moved in to a collective living in which gave me an everyday sense of social belonging (it also allowed me to live in a huge villa at a low cost).
I took improv theater - an extremely effective way for me to create genuine bonds with others, and become more confident while having fun. Just you don't get into good improv group. 

* Practice something you love. This is related to following your overall life purpose. It also enables you to bond with other practitioners of your art - enabling you to create a more healthy social environment from scratch. If you get really good at something it also helps you gain authority, and oftentimes a sense of meaning.

* Have a strong vision for your life, and how you want it to be socially. Realize that if you are being bullied it doesn't affect your overall strategy towards reaching your vision. It only affects the tactics  (the steps that you in particular have to take in terms of getting over certain things and taking certain steps related to the bullying.)

* Consider living in a collective.

* Do affirmations and visualizations on self love, confidence and whatever else. It can also be appropriate to do visualizations where you eliminate your fear of the bullies.

Also being bullied says nothing concrete about who you are, someone who is bullied in a certain environment could be loved in another one. A bully and a victim could have been friends if you changed their past experiences and circumstances.

Bullying can be a great motivation for you to grow, if you are strategic, brave and self loving about it. 

Peace.

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You need to understand the psychology behind the bullies. The problematic behaviour is not caused by the subject of bullying. It's the unsolved psychological problems inside the bully's mind. They don't think they are enough in one way or another, and they have a need to put others down to raise themselves up. Bullies usually don't have a life purpose or much meaning to their lives.  People with life purpose don't waste their time on bullying others, instead they encourage others. Be one of those people. Be compassionate to the bullies, they don't know what they are doing. I get bullied sometimes by some of my university fellow students, all of them have the same trait of not achieving much. They see people who achieve more than them as a threat and act on it with bullying behaviours. It's just like kids, i remember when i was a kid and my brother was getting praised for being so good at something i had to pull off some negative behaviour to turn the attention towards me. Be compassionate to those "kids", all they want is some attention because they have a feeling of lack in their hearts.

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External bullies are the same as internal bullies..... wait, what? Internal bully? Yes, the ego is an inner bully that puts pressures on us to behave in ways to justify it's identity.... just like external bullies pressure us to react in a way to justify them.

So with all bullies, inner and otherwise, don't react. This takes what powers the identity away because without you feeding them through your behavior they appear powerless and will go away.

Well, the inner bully, the ego, takes much longer to go away but it will eventually weaken in it's ability to pressure us into acting in ways to justify it.

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