#1 priority for 2020: Self-care

[DrewNows]

@tsuki I’ve been observing judgement vs discernment a lot lately.

 

Heres story that reminded me of the drama you had with your (old?) boss

 

Last week I met with a client for my dog sitting business who turned out to be a huge shadow of mine, this woman appeared to be very sweet and attractive yet seemed to stand for everything i do not personally support, from her personality and beliefs to her occupation. I had made the mistake of “staying professional” by not choosing to share any disagreeable thoughts that arose, I remained compliant/objective and by the end had unknowingly suppressed some emotions, I liked her. Naturally the meet and greet lasted much longer than anticipated and she didn’t seem to want me to leave, probably loved having me as a mirror. However she was my shadow and I demonstrated  “true class” ?‍♂️ a real dick move, by leaving so very indirectly/thoughtlessly (equatable to cutting someone off in the bar imo) left her no choice but to put me below even the standard of being a friend. I guess I’m a schizo and never knew what that is. The interaction really caught me off guard, my behaviors clearly motivated by fear, generated a lot of friction in the end because I push away what I fear. I began taking care of her dog until one mistake, some misunderstandings and miscommunication then finally a disagreement, all on the first day of watching after her dog. Before I knew it I was dealing with a crazy bitch looking to rip into whatever boundaries of mine she could find. The end was bitter/sad, I lost control and made a stupid desperate attempt to control/manipulate her with mind games, karma was a bitch and her pain/suffering was my own. This was only a little funny after the fact, but definitely sad as I realize how love or loa tends to manifest itself when least expected, this woman had been right there, disguised as a shadow and I can’t help but think it sure would have been nice to have a valentine this year

[tsuki]

@DrewNows So, what would have been the right behavior on your part?

• Talk with her about your insecurities, about what you think of her occupation?
•  Introspect in private, acknowledge what baggage you bring into the relationship and leave if it's too much to care of at once?

@Nahm Please share your thoughts.

This is completely mind-boggling for me. There is such a disconnect between what I think of what I'm doing and what the therapist and my wife think of that. It's like I think that I'm doing great, that I'm learning and changing a lot and they're like: nope, you're closeminded and what you're doing has zero effect whatsoever. Then, they're like: ever since we started the therapy, you've been improving until now. What the fuck?

Edited February 19, 2020 by tsuki

[tsuki]

18 hours ago, Nahm said:

This is kind of a hunch, but I suspect, that you have an underlying belief, or really, an expectation, that first someone else must think like you do....then they can communicate with you. This is often referred to (if you want to google and read about it)....as “needing to be understood”. That is the single biggest relationship killer there is, because of it’s underlying falsity. And speaking only on your behalf, it’s so taxing. It’s like carrying 100 lbs of armor with you, everywhere you go. Mentally, this is exhausting, because rather than just experiencing the one thought at a time simplicity of living, a whole construct “must” be employed, just for anyone to talk with you. It’s heavy suffering, indicative of a history of suppressing, rather than releasing. 

@Nahm this description is spot on, even talking only on my behalf and the 100 lbs armor part. I will read on the need to be understood.

 

[tsuki]

This post was an analysis and it's gone.

Edited February 19, 2020 by tsuki

[Nahm]

18 hours ago, tsuki said:

Ignore the anger and move on, clean the kitchen myself.

Does it strike you as completely nuts, when I say that what you actually most want, is to love the cleaning of that kitchen, and the loving of the selflessness and uncondition, the now-ness, of doing so? The nuttier that sounds, the more it is drawing out the thought story, the underlying misunderstanding and misalignment, which is ‘feeding’ or perpetuating the anger, which would be the natural response to his, especially repeated over and over. Understanding of how one is creating emotion is key to this, as is the understanding of how thought, feeling and source ‘align’ (are already aligned / recognizing the discord between them). Without seeing clearly the relationship between thought and creating reality, it all remains circular suffering. One way to say this, in lieu of actually having a discussion together...if you had one day left to live, would you spend it in therapy? If not, what would you do? And more importantly, why. That kitchen would look, a bit, different. 

 

Given my assumption she too has some similar misunderstanding of self, her ‘unresolveds’ and yours would just keep each other’s going. A push & pull mess the therapist might be adding to, rather than inspecting and dispelling. Another way to say this, you’re experiencing a thought loop, which is only ‘broken’ or ‘ended’, with feeling, and I’m assuming she is too, and it seems they are intermingled to the point of appearing to not be contingent upon the other, or at the very least, having something to do with eachother, which they don’t. Hard to say. Keep in mind, McDonalds is not in the business of making healthy nutritious food, they’re in the business of making money. 

I’m also assuming the therapist doesn’t see this in themself, and so doesn’t see it in other people, and so is only working at the thought level, trying to resolve thinking with more thinking, mistaking a thought about the past, for the (feeling wise) past. This can be helpful, but can also be, in a way, keeping someone stuck via their own ignorance (the therapist’s).  Thought attracts. Vibration attracts. Birds of a feather flock together. Is it odd to consider that someone commenting on this thread, in a manor of ‘speaking for you’, can not resist doing so, as they are defending their position, vicariously through your situation? This is attraction at work, which is always one’s own. @TheGreekSeeker Not tryin to rip on ya. If the ‘pride & guilt’ misunderstanding initially stings a bit, the healing is found precisely in the understanding of the nature of the sting. 

To say this lightly as a pointer, thinking & feeling have a ‘disconnect’ with one another, and also a ‘disconnect’ with their source, which is truth, they literally are. Aligned, none of what you’re sharing could possibly continue, as it only ‘transpires’ at the low end of the emotional scale and how it relates directly with the rest of the scale. The suffering would be seen coming a million miles away (in feeling), well before I create it. The therapist is likely attempting to understand (and help you guys understand) experience / circumstances / behavior, with references to experience / circumstances & behavior. It sounds overly reductionist for me to say in one way, but that’s no more than thought loops, which ever so suddenly become a dogma, a ‘group think’, (attraction at play). If the therapist was aware you’re each creating your own reality, feeling would unequivocally come first, as it is that which all else appears from,, with experience of outside circumstances, and behaviors, a distant second. If reality is unfolding via ‘next thought chosen’, and this is not seen, this single factor makes an enormous difference on how this (or anything) will go. Creating now, with the mindset still heavily influenced by ‘past thinking’, is fundamentally ‘asleep’. In seeing this, suddenly then, ‘where this thought is going’, seems very obvious, and very malleable, in the seeing of the thoughts’ relationship with feeling. Keep in mind, I only have what you’re saying to work with here, your recap of things. I hope the comments are of use, but it’s like commenting on someone’s life story only having a newspaper clipping to work with, while knowing the clipping doesn’t have any influence at all (yet acknowledging it sure seems like it does...because of the lack of proper inspection of one’s self.)

 

 

“She can't speak English, I would have to translate it for her.”

Use google translator or any similar tool. You greatly underestimate the important of her healing and understanding, not coming from you in any way. No offense, this is just very important to start seeing. 

“I see that these two are connected because the root of this anger is fear and it was instilled in the past. I/the wounded child was abandoned emotionally and this part of me lives in fear and protects itself by swallowing all of the inner space when threatened. When it does, there is no detachment from feelings or thoughts like it is right now.”

“This part is tricky for me. The "wounded child" story comes from our couple's therapist and it definitely relates to the past.
However, for me, experientially, it is directed from the present moment towards the future, as in: "I can't keep living like this", "it's too much!" or "if we keep going in this direction, we're gonna crash", etc.

The root is not fear. The root is love. The ignorance that the root is love, is creating of “fear”. If the therapist is unaware of this, they’re literally enabling via the creating of more ignorance, more fear. If I believe the root is fear, everything I could say afterwards, about it, is from the place of my own delusion - ‘my own fear’ / ignorance. 

It’s very understandable how this could be bringing the majority of the confusion. Notice how different it reads, when we put the one part before the other. Using the past & future, which are not actual, other than as actual content of thoughts, arising now, keeps a whole lot of thought stories about separate selves at play, and actually prevents, suppresses, the release & healing. It keeps the focus on addressing a story that is literally being made up, right now, about a “past”. A story of fear, ignorance and suffering, via a “divided self”. 

You might say, the beginning of the recognition of the thought story I’ve been telling about myself, is the beginning of actual healing from within, of,  who I actually am. Where does the therapist think this healing comes from? The therapist? Eachother? I can only assume given their training that their overall intention is your expression, release & lasting clarity, but it’s such a convoluted ass backwards way of trying to arrive at actuality. I wonder if in the conversations, what is plain is what is talked about. By that, I mean that the feeling resonance of an arising thought now, is here and now in plain experience to be looked at and discussed, that they feeling or rather the misunderstanding of feeling, can be understood. If a thought about the past, is taken, in terms of how the thought feels, to be actually the past, then one is trying to “feel in the past”, which will obviously never add up, because feeling is only ever, now. This approach stands to take you so “out of the now”, that even doing dishes is experienced as a micro nightmare. The better feeling, the feeling that is healing, the understanding or higher intelligence...arise literally within feeling. But, this means no more thought story about me, no matter what Any “authority”, and or, ....in spite of the sneakiness others may be asleep within. I’m not saying one shouldn’t talk about and understand one’s past, but that the ultimate answer to feeling better, is directly addressing feeling, how it works, with thoughts, and who you really are. 

A note which might be helpful for you...     If anyone else is reading this, and feels ”triggered”, rather than assuming it’s because ”Nahm” is a __________, simply have a look at the feeling itself. Express it, feel it, understand it’s message. I’t message is The Message, not “me”. 

 

[Nahm]

19 hours ago, tsuki said:

. I viewed it as a 2 vs 1 situation where 90% of the problems in my marriage is on me.

In light of what was previously said....you didn’t have to view it this way. Perspective is not rigid, it’s spontaneous, it’s creation, which is only now.  That perspective you expressed is almost entirely through a separate self perspective, which then of course, appears to “need to be defended”. This won’t ever feel aligned, because it’s just to off from the truth of who you are. “You” did not see it, that way, sans first a layer of believing you are the separate self. But that idea, being defended, is not actually you. Pride, in this separative manor, is an extremely sneaky suffering. Have you not witnessed this on the forum a thousand times? Perhaps you did, yet still, unsatisfied. Perhaps compassion is being looked for, without, yet is only found, within.

If you believe this is true, and refuse to open up to perspectives in accordance with your own feeling....are you surprised no one can ‘get in there’ and do it for you? In recognizing you created that, liberation, the possibility for a different choice, arises. 

 

 

 

[Nahm]

9 hours ago, tsuki said:

This is completely mind-boggling for me. There is such a disconnect between what I think of what I'm doing and what the therapist and my wife think of that. It's like I think that I'm doing great, that I'm learning and changing a lot and they're like: nope, you're closeminded and what you're doing has zero effect whatsoever. Then, they're like: ever since we started the therapy, you've been improving until now. What the fuck?

Write down whatever is on your mind. See that it sustains this impatience, this rushed, hurried ness, which results in a boredom, having reduced this experience to a means to an end, over and over. 

Play it ALL the way out. Think that which hurries you now, all the way out into death. What was the point? 

What is there actually to worry about? 

Is there? 

 

[Nahm]

In essence I’m trying to convey that everything ‘needed’ for any of what you’re going through is readily apparent, here & now, in plain sight. References to the true self, love, infallible. Reference to a “subconscious”, and any other write off, or ‘puzzle pieces on the other side of that wall’, ‘in the past’, what is not present....I’d really scrutinize that line of one-at-a-time, unrelated-to-each-other, thoughts...as well as anything in thought which is resistant to the infinite intelligence that the body is, emptying itself.

[tsuki]

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

Does it strike you as completely nuts, when I say that what you actually most want, is to love the cleaning of that kitchen, and the loving of the selflessness and uncondition, the now-ness, of doing so? The nuttier that sounds, the more it is drawing out the thought story, the underlying misunderstanding and misalignment, which is ‘feeding’ or perpetuating the anger, which would be the natural response to his, especially repeated over and over. Understanding of how one is creating emotion is key to this, as is the understanding of how thought, feeling and source ‘align’ (are already aligned / recognizing the discord between them). Without seeing clearly the relationship between thought and creating reality, it all remains circular suffering. One way to say this, in lieu of actually having a discussion together...if you had one day left to live, would you spend it in therapy? If not, what would you do? And more importantly, why. That kitchen would look, a bit, different. 

 

Given my assumption she too has some similar misunderstanding of self, her ‘unresolveds’ and yours would just keep each other’s going. A push & pull mess the therapist might be adding to, rather than inspecting and dispelling. Another way to say this, you’re experiencing a thought loop, which is only ‘broken’ or ‘ended’, with feeling, and I’m assuming she is too, and it seems they are intermingled to the point of appearing to not be contingent upon the other, or at the very least, having something to do with eachother, which they don’t. Hard to say. Keep in mind, McDonalds is not in the business of making healthy nutritious food, they’re in the business of making money. 

I’m also assuming the therapist doesn’t see this in themself, and so doesn’t see it in other people, and so is only working at the thought level, trying to resolve thinking with more thinking, mistaking a thought about the past, for the (feeling wise) past. This can be helpful, but can also be, in a way, keeping someone stuck via their own ignorance (the therapist’s).  Thought attracts. Vibration attracts. Birds of a feather flock together. Is it odd to consider that someone commenting on this thread, in a manor of ‘speaking for you’, can not resist doing so, as they are defending their position, vicariously through your situation? This is attraction at work, which is always one’s own. @TheGreekSeeker Not tryin to rip on ya. If the ‘pride & guilt’ misunderstanding initially stings a bit, the healing is found precisely in the understanding of the nature of the sting. 

To say this lightly as a pointer, thinking & feeling have a ‘disconnect’ with one another, and also a ‘disconnect’ with their source, which is truth, they literally are. Aligned, none of what you’re sharing could possibly continue, as it only ‘transpires’ at the low end of the emotional scale and how it relates directly with the rest of the scale. The suffering would be seen coming a million miles away (in feeling), well before I create it. The therapist is likely attempting to understand (and help you guys understand) experience / circumstances / behavior, with references to experience / circumstances & behavior. It sounds overly reductionist for me to say in one way, but that’s no more than thought loops, which ever so suddenly become a dogma, a ‘group think’, (attraction at play). If the therapist was aware you’re each creating your own reality, feeling would unequivocally come first, as it is that which all else appears from,, with experience of outside circumstances, and behaviors, a distant second. If reality is unfolding via ‘next thought chosen’, and this is not seen, this single factor makes an enormous difference on how this (or anything) will go. Creating now, with the mindset still heavily influenced by ‘past thinking’, is fundamentally ‘asleep’. In seeing this, suddenly then, ‘where this thought is going’, seems very obvious, and very malleable, in the seeing of the thoughts’ relationship with feeling. Keep in mind, I only have what you’re saying to work with here, your recap of things. I hope the comments are of use, but it’s like commenting on someone’s life story only having a newspaper clipping to work with, while knowing the clipping doesn’t have any influence at all (yet acknowledging it sure seems like it does...because of the lack of proper inspection of one’s self.)

As I was reading the first paragraph, it stuck me that it is like an instruction manual for inspecting beliefs. So I tried that, asking myself, what's preventing me from loving the cleaning? It is the belief that if I don't hold my wife accountable for her mess, she will keep doing it. On a deeper level, it is the belief that we inhabit the objective space, as bodies, brains etc, and that there is a momentum, tendency, to do things. It's like I assume that we're both asleep, mostly mechanic, and that if I don't "nudge" her in the right direction, she will not change (to my liking <~ that is a judgement).

Anyways, something clicked with me and it seems like you're suggesting that feeling is the criterion for validity of thoughts. I don't feel good, then it means that I'm lying to myself and creating my circumstances by reacting to my thoughts. So, I sat with my anger and wrote:

Quote

I'm angry. I want my life to be pleasant, to be free of judgement of others, judgments of who I am. I want to live without resistance, without expectations, but all the time I have to change myself so that others accept me, so that we can coexist without problems. It angers me that emotions rule me. It angers me that I don't think clearly.

Then, I cried for few minutes because I understood the lie. I'm indeed fragmenting myself and judging these fragments, blaming them for "my" misery. When I understood this, thoughts stopped for a few minutes and my anger is gone. I feel good.

It's not that thoughts are separate from feelings. If I feel bad, there are thoughts "pending" that are untruthful. Are they the feelings themselves? How does this work?

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

Use google translator or any similar tool. You greatly underestimate the important of her healing and understanding, not coming from you in any way. No offense, this is just very important to start seeing. 

This is what I was resisting. She has used google translate before to read this forum and it does not do a good job translating to Polish. I had to explain it and she rejected it. I stomached it and wrote:

Quote

I'm angry that Marta doesn't want to listen to what I have to convey. It angers me that she dismisses the importance of what I'm learning. She does not believe what I'm doing in my own. She believes that I don't want to change.

I'm not angry because she did something. I'm angry because I created distance between us and judged her and in doing that, judged myself. That is what I'm angry about.

I need to stop explaining things. It's counter-productive.

 

[tsuki]

I am resisting my anger. SO much resistance, so much avoiding, so much manipulation of myself and of my circumstances.
It's that simple, just look HOW you create that anger. Write it down and see. Stop thinking, start writing.

It all boils down to self/other and past/future.

Edited February 19, 2020 by tsuki

[Nahm]

@tsuki Amen brother. this scale is so useful. If you’re interested, write down the thought on paper, with brevity. Then ask, how do I feel about that thought? (Anger)  Then express it. Be fucking angry, it’s ok, it’s natural. Then ask, can I feel that I am discouraged? Then express that feeling about it. Then ask, can I feel blame? Hell ya I can, lots of people did lots of terrible thoughtless stuff. Indeed this is their fault. Then, do I feel worry about this? Etc. As you ‘work the thought up the scale’, keeping the focus on expressing, on feeling....you literally experience that “locked into anger” perspective...actually was Joy/Love the whole time.  If I can help, I’m happy to. Want the best for ya man. Been there, and it’s no fun. 

[DrewNows]

20 hours ago, tsuki said:

@DrewNows So, what would have been the right behavior on your part?

• Talk with her about your insecurities, about what you think of her occupation?
•  Introspect in private, acknowledge what baggage you bring into the relationship and leave if it's too much to care of at once?

I gotta be upfront, speak my truth, especially if interacting with a shadow, no matter the consequences or how foolish i look/sound, because it's what i have to offer. A trigger or fear can be a hint that i have something to offer a situation, i think it could start with acknowledging the feeling to move past it

Keep up the good work man, remember to breathe 

[tsuki]

9 hours ago, Nahm said:

@tsuki Amen brother. this scale is so useful. If you’re interested, write down the thought on paper, with brevity. Then ask, how do I feel about that thought? (Anger)  Then express it. Be fucking angry, it’s ok, it’s natural. Then ask, can I feel that I am discouraged? Then express that feeling about it. Then ask, can I feel blame? Hell ya I can, lots of people did lots of terrible thoughtless stuff. Indeed this is their fault. Then, do I feel worry about this? Etc. As you ‘work the thought up the scale’, keeping the focus on expressing, on feeling....you literally experience that “locked into anger” perspective...actually was Joy/Love the whole time.  If I can help, I’m happy to. Want the best for ya man. Been there, and it’s no fun. 

Dude, that is THE holy fucking grail of emotional work I've been looking for YEARS. Thank you so much!
Does it always have to be on paper, or will I be able to just zip right through it on the fly at some point?

What I've been doing so far is writing how I feel and observing how that very thought that I'm writing is creating that emotion. It all boils down to judgement, like you've been saying. It is either spatial separation between "me" and "something else" and attributing that emotion to that thing over there, or temporal judgement where this whole situation is wrong and it will be wrong in the future if I don't change. When I see this, the emotion vanishes and I feel peaceful and collected. I was afraid yesterday that my anger will keep me from falling asleep and thanks to you/me, I was able to go to sleep peacefully. Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? I feel amazing, empowered, energeric, so I'm guessing yes. I do appreciate your description and the scale though. I will work on that when I'm lower on the emotional scale (this is a judgement, huh?). It seems like all of these emotions on the scale are actually love, but this love is covered up with thought stories/delusion to create all the other feelings all the way down to fear. Is this description accurate?

Let me ask you one more thing, about the attraction thing. So, I attract things that are in line with my own emotional state, "frequency". If I keep being up the scale, all the goodies will just naturally come to me? Is this how paradigm lock works? Not that people are stupid or something, but they are literally influencing reality with their minds, their emotional states, and creating stories about that to prove that they are right?

How does LOA work, exactly? Why was I attracted to you (all the way from jealousy to boredom lol)? Am I creating falsehood by using that scale to measure people like that? Am I "explaining" things again?

Edited February 20, 2020 by tsuki

[tsuki]

Mmmm, bean muffins, made by my wife. She's such a good cook when she's riding the rainbow ?♥️.

[Nahm]

@tsuki Awesome, great to hear! 

6 hours ago, tsuki said:

Does it always have to be on paper, or will I be able to just zip right through it on the fly at some point?

No, but the first few times you use it, it’s really helpful to have written the thought down. When you come across an emotion that releases, it’s easy to return to the scale, and work that thought to the top. 

6 hours ago, tsuki said:

amazing, empowered, energeric

Heck ya.

6 hours ago, tsuki said:

I will work on that when I'm lower on the emotional scale (this is a judgement, huh?)

Sounds like self honesty to me. Careful not to be critical...but we can also clean our thoughts up a bit more...I’d think of it as how I feel right now, rather than “I’m lower on”.  It’s about working one thought up the scale. Overtime this changes, aligns...thought & feeling. 

“It seems like all of these emotions on the scale are actually love, but this love is covered up with thought stories/delusion to create all the other feelings all the way down to fear. Is this description accurate?”

Yes.....I would explain it as Love is the absolute basis of all that is...and so love is the absolute basis of feeling (the wifi which is Everywhere, or ‘that there is sensation’....from there....sensation (Love) + thought = emotion. We just slow down and have a look at things, and see that we create emotion right under our noses. But now, we do it on purpose. We become conscious of what we were ‘going unconscious’ of before....and we can do it on purpose, with the life we want to life in mind, one thought at a time, and the quality of relationships we want to have in mind, one thought at a time.

7 hours ago, tsuki said:

Let me ask you one more thing, about the attraction thing. So, I attract things that are in line with my own emotional state, "frequency". If I keep being up the scale, all the goodies will just naturally come to me?

Yes. Notice, this is already the case. It’s less about “doing this new thing”, and much more noticing how this reality has been ‘working’ all along. Feeling let’s us know, as creators, how each thought resonates or doesn’t with our source, love. Aligned - we can ‘stand up next to a mountain, and chop it down, with the edge of our hands’. Jimi knew this well...and was, ‘bold as love’. 

7 hours ago, tsuki said:

Is this how paradigm lock works? Not that people are stupid or something, but they are literally influencing reality with their minds, their emotional states, and creating stories about that to prove that they are right?

YES.  Such is the reference....would you rather be right, or feel great? A flexible, liquid mind. Thoughts come, thoughts go, no problem...because I understand, I’m conscious of how the thought feels, and I can use that scale anytime. 

7 hours ago, tsuki said:

How does LOA work, exactly? Why was I attracted to you (all the way from jealousy to boredom lol)? Am I creating falsehood by using that scale to measure people like that? Am I "explaining" things again?

 In short, it’s cause I’m as handsome as those bean muffins.

I think you’re right on...anytime you question anything from the basis of....”how am I attracting this?”

”Explaining things”....no problem when the thought and feeling aligns. Thought becomes DELIGHTFUL. Creating! It’s always been that way. 

The scale is for working one thought. If you have a ‘not good feeling thought’ about someone else, work the thought up the scale. (Not the person).

Great to hear all the ‘clicking’ into place. 

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

I'm just climbing the emotional ladder with respect to my beliefs about my wife's "bad mood".
I'm at faith atm and I'm trying to get enthusiastic about it . I just can't work myself up there, I have no thoughts that can help me to build the story lol. Never been enthusiastic about someone's anger before . Any tips?

[Gnosis]

@tsuki Those look delicious! 

[tsuki]

@Gnosis They were! So filling too! Couldn't finish them in one go!

@Nahm I have a few more questions for you.

I was wondering about the beliefs and the emotional ladder. So far I can see that by working my way up to love, I am changing my beliefs about something that distresses me. Let's take the particular case that I'm working on: my wife has a low mood, gets pissed quite easily in my company but acknowledges that it's "her stuff" and keeps it bottled in to resolve on her own. I obviously don't want to push her to talk, so my only option is to learn to enjoy it somehow .

My question is about the method. Should I take the:

• active approach, where I change the thought story about her mood until the feeling gets higher on the emotional scale, or
• passive approach, where I change the focus of the story away from her mood until I find something that I love about her (like the way she smiles for example)?

Also, I'm wondering about the attraction of frequencies. Let's say that I'm feeling great, joyful, etc, but my wife isn't. I can feel it and it kind of drags me down along with her. Is it possible that we're influencing each other's frequencies by mere presence, or am I making excuses and blaming her within my own perspective? Why is she dragging me down rather than me bringing her up? When I'm responding to her troubles by inviting her to a higher emotional state, she does not take the offer and prefers to stay there. Am I just focusing on her negativity and that's what's keeping her locked in?

[Nahm]

@tsuki Hi!

I’d suggest only ‘working with’ your arising thought, and the resonance of it with feeling...alignment or discord, feels good or not good...one thought at a time. If the thought is about her, notice how thought is ‘sneaky’...and don’t got to that ‘place’ where you’re trying to incorporate her thought / feeling, into your vibrational work. Down the road, with a consistently high vibration, I might suggest otherwise, but I would keep it as simple as possible for a while. You do you, and let her do her. My feeling is that it’s still to ‘sticky’, there’s still some healing & release for each of you to experience individually. It’s all most worthwhile when you ‘come back together’ so to speak. 

Though your heart may be in the right place, when ‘someone else is bringing you down’...it’s actually a subtle judgement of your own which doesn’t feel good to you.  Look for the the direct resonance of your thought & feeling. Allow everyone else to fully feel their resonance of thought & feeling, even if that means they are angry, or sad. We can all help each other in healing, and yet the ultimate lasting healing is within each of us. That, and more and more of that, is what you individually, and her individually, need to discover. Then, ...”togetherness”...will be an entirely new and unbelievably awesome experience.

In short...if she wants to express...just listen. But if ‘where you’re at’, is “she’s bringing me down”...there’s more thought / feeling work for you to do. She isn’t bringing you down, your thought about her doesn’t feel good, in the sense you can’t pretend you are responsible for her resonance. Someone in the “you’re bringing me down” mindset, is not helpful to “the one bringing me down”. Nothing “wrong” with it...but it’s still in the “all about me” mindset. Work through that and you’ll emotionally be like Neo when the hallway turns to code, and the agent doesn’t stand a chance (of holding out from “This Love”).