My hobbies are gone now.

[Applegarden]

After some good 2-3 years of meditation, i want enlightenment work to fill up all my free time, my hard passions are no more important to me, and it really feels lile that, now i am just waiting to die... In the best sense possible. Nothing to prove to anyone, nothing to be. Feels great to share this insight i boldly decided, i want to have that extra time when working 9 to 5 and to reduce suffering due to the external ambition that might not mean anything much to me since i know there is no reason to be born and to continuning to reinforce self identity... What a relief!

[LfcCharlie4]

When you go full circle, you'll realize ordinary life is the extraordinary and hobbies are a part of that, every moment becomes the spontaneous joy of being, no matter what you are doing. 

I remember being where you are, good luck!

[SriBhagwanYogi]

@Applegarden I have the same "problem" it looks insane sometimes and scary but fck it

[Astra]

I fell you bro. Feel free to do whatever whether anyone approves or not. Realizing Self is just as good as anything else a human can do. 

[Applegarden]

On 2020.01.3. at 1:10 PM, LfcCharlie4 said:

When you go full circle, you'll realize ordinary life is the extraordinary and hobbies are a part of that, every moment becomes the spontaneous joy of being, no matter what you are doing. 

I remember being where you are, good luck!

Thank you, i can't predict when and what will happen but if i come back to music, i will know exactly what to do.

20 hours ago, SriBhagwanYogi said:

@Applegarden I have the same "problem" it looks insane sometimes and scary but fck it

Well, its certanly scary but i feel like i have to quit at least for now for many reasons, one of them is intensifying spiritual growth.

@modmyth Very complicated to explain, with my hobby comes alot of pressure of expansion and negative enviroment where i have to practice, i am very unsure if i have the mental stability to work absolutely boring and meaningless 8 to 20 job, while living in a negative enviroment where i am put down to practice music and then made fun of what kind of idiot you are playing some music i don't like and if i don't practice i get the same treatment anyway, and i don't want to fall into various traps of making music to impress people or to compete or to prove somebody wrong, this is a time bomb which can destroy me, i really have the creative potential but the projects i am planning to do require an enormous amount of work for very few people, and to do that i don't just have to study music, ofc i have to relearn microtonal music + sound production, have to invest 4000 euros at least for the hardware and what not and since i live in apt i can do it with headphones but i will get constant negativity, trashtalking from neighbours, even family members, they will distract me and what not, and its so easy to destroy this subtle artistry from negative feedback. And lets be very honest, my personal shit is not important as me being a calming presence not only in my area but the whole world in a subtle way, to really fix my life in various aspects including making seeking very turbulent, i am sure my music is not as important as me being an activist AND enlightenment is not the end, if i reach it and feel i need to do music, i will come back, i can be such a tryhard. I can give many many more examples, even sweeping all my patterns including my passions for certain amount of time, even if i come back will really see if i want it in the first place and will augment my clarity about what i do in the day e,c,t,, better state of being. e.c.t. e.c.t.

[Applegarden]

@Astra Very good point, i will get critisized by any number of people no matter what i do, acctually i decided to quit when i started to succeed after 4 hour practice sessions, after i underestood my life is still not working from the subjective perspective, i realized sure i can do it but nothing other than enlightenment will make me happy in the long term due to the clarity and, if i sit and close my eyes i don't care if i play music or not.

@modmyth To respond to your additional question - Why even bother coming into body in the first place? Well, i have had some past life sessions with i am not going to name who, and that explains why i have the biomemory or karma of music, well why did i come is a really good questions but i don't think you underestand what you are asking, because i don't know when the seperation happened, when the ignorance happned and for what reason, i rather find it out trough enlightenment, as i know there hasn't been any other way that i am aware off. That is also why i want to die to find out and to have this tangible sense of immortality rather than it being just a concept for solace, anyhow i have infinite amount of time to be a musician if i keep choosing to be reincarinated, and what better way to cultivate my consciousness and increasing the chances of me not deciding to not keep reincarinating and acctually have the circumstances in maybe next or some other lifetime to be a musician and be very conscious, right now i am deluded, and not to mention there are various psychic powers which i was told i had in past lifetime as downloading information such as music and playing it trough deities, ofc don't believe because i said it but i have some of these dimensions i am aware off but i want to also underestand them, so that is a part of my work and why i wouldnt choose music now. And suppose in 20 years life circumstances will become such we wont work or as much or be sitting in more feminine economy, where artists get grants or educational programs or have universal basic income, then very easy to decide to do it, but now its very grim for me as i have no culture around me that supports what i do, maybe a little bit online. And while everything can be meditation, there are techniques that are intense, faster, better and ways of living that will get you there faster, and support my unconscious patterns less. And not to mention what dimensions awakening encompasses that are just so much grander to explore.

Edited January 4, 2020 by Applegarden