Dark night of the soul

[Dragonfly210]

Hello everyone!

I went through an awakening at the beginning of the year. Had a cancer scared then suddenly a moment of bliss came in and I finally understood what it means to fully love myself. I truly felt that love in my heart. I miss it! Unfortunately, the feeling of bliss slowly dissipated. Started taking action and learning how to love myself and exploring my spiritual gifts that I've denied for so long. Since then, everything has changed. I started seeing people 'narcissist' for who they really care. I realized I need reciprocity in my relationships. I'm unable to relate to people around me anymore. 

Now, I'm in this awkward place. It's like all the issues and pain I have never dealt with is coming back to haunt me now. I feel like I'm going through the dark night of the soul? I'm not sure what I'm going through. I hired a therapist just to make sure I'm taking care of myself. 

I'm finding that as if I don't know who I am anymore....

A part of me knows that I'm being shown my ego for a reason. Possibly, so then I make the necessary changes in my life.

I had a sales background and socializing would be a strength for me and now it's not. I am more socially awkward than anything...

This is only one example as to what I'm going through. It as also been a lonely journey for me. Feeling lost.

Has anyone gone through this can help shed some light? Maybe share your experience? Anything would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

 

 

[Dovahkiin]

@Dragonfly210 Sorry you're going through such tough stuff. I'm sure no one has been through exactly what you're going through, but I'd also bet tons of people here have been through some form of dark night like you. I've definitely gone through some tough periods.

 

Maybe you need to renegotiate or change some relationships in your life. Sometimes the old has to fall apart to make room for the new, whether that's a new way of thinking, new people in your life or a new way of relating to yourself. Regardless, sounds like a very good idea to see a therapist like you are. That'll keep you grounded and help you be practical while providing an outlet to talk through what you need to.

 

I'm limited in how much I can help over an internet forum like this, but keep in mind that everything changes. Your level of social awkwardness will ebb and flow. How much bliss you are in touch with will ebb and flow. However bad it seems, it isn't permanent. Hang in there

[Recursoinominado]

Had this many times, i can say that it is pretty normal and good that you are going through all this, because it means growth, it means ignorance leaving you and consciousness expanding. 

I suffered the most when i resist the changes i am being lead to make like finding new friends, moving to a new place, career changes, personality changes, preferences, dislikes, it all changes and the loss of the old self is what holds us back the most. Every time i made a change, a leap of faith into the unknown, i was greatly beneficed and had experiences that i never thought i would have. 

The growth you will have is simply lovely, today i found myself in a place, emotionally and mentally that i am just thankful for all the hard times. Follow your intuition and the crumbs of insight the universe throw at you all the time, just tune in and follow it. 

This feeling of now knowing yourself anymore is the indication of deep internal change, it is the flourishment of authenticity and TRUTH.

[Highest]

12 minutes ago, Dragonfly210 said:

Hello everyone!

I went through an awakening at the beginning of the year. Had a cancer scared then suddenly a moment of bliss came in and I finally understood what it means to fully love myself. I truly felt that love in my heart. I miss it! Unfortunately, the feeling of bliss slowly dissipated. Started taking action and learning how to love myself and exploring my spiritual gifts that I've denied for so long. Since then, everything has changed. I started seeing people 'narcissist' for who they really care. I realized I need reciprocity in my relationships. I'm unable to relate to people around me anymore. 

Now, I'm in this awkward place. It's like all the issues and pain I have never dealt with is coming back to haunt me now. I feel like I'm going through the dark night of the soul? I'm not sure what I'm going through. I hired a therapist just to make sure I'm taking care of myself. 

I'm finding that as if I don't know who I am anymore....

A part of me knows that I'm being shown my ego for a reason. Possibly, so then I make the necessary changes in my life.

I had a sales background and socializing would be a strength for me and now it's not. I am more socially awkward than anything...

This is only one example as to what I'm going through. It as also been a lonely journey for me. Feeling lost.

Has anyone gone through this can help shed some light? Maybe share your experience? Anything would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

 

 

Been there, several times. The pain of spirituality is to deal with it's dark side aka the ego. You are being shown yourself to yourself, you are now literally slowly being shown and made aware of "you" - not to hold you down, but to do something about it, to grow from it, to become stronger from it.

As you become conscious of the darkness within you, you will become conscious of the undeniable darkness of the ego within everyone. If you go far enough you can even sense it, see dark energy playing itself out - this is because everything is inter-connected as One energy. 

It's like God asking you "What will you do now, overcome this or let it drag you down?" "Will you give up or go all the way?"

For many, giving up is not an option. They have gone to far and deep into it for it to even be an option. 

 

 

[WelcometoReality]

@Dragonfly210  I can relate on many levels. I started to see a therapist to deal with stuff from childhood and teen years that had slowly grown into a depression. It really brought everything to the surface and made things feel much worse in the beginning but was well worth it in the end.

I've always felt socially awkward but an awakening can make these tendencies amplify. Your used to relate to people in a certain way and when you can't do that anymore how do you talk to people? Well you can. You find new ways to relate so it's just a temporary thing. Let it take it's time and you'll be comfortable in social situations again.

About the feeling lost part. It might come from the not knowing how to relate to the world since you don't know who you are anymore. You're shedding your old skin and the new skin can take a while grow, you can feel sensitive. Like there's no wall between you and the world. Emotions can come out like your not used to, for me there was alot of anger but it might be sadness or anything else. Let yourself feel lost. This can be quite challenging and you might feel the need to align yourself to the world again only to see the falseness in it again and again. Let yourself fall into the unknown.

<3

[The Don]

Hello there.

If you have a daily meditation habit, The Dark Knight of the Soul is inevitable.

Meditation shrinks your persona, a.k.a your ego. Then you'll feel like a person with depersonalization disorder. You'll have no-self.

Void, no-self or depersonalization disorder are all the same things.

Then you have to develop the ability to embrace the void (the no-self or depersonalization). You have to develop a taste for the void.

In the meantime, you'll feel extremely depressed. It's okay. It will pass.

[Dragonfly210]

On 12/18/2019 at 11:32 AM, Highest said:

Been there, several times. The pain of spirituality is to deal with it's dark side aka the ego. You are being shown yourself to yourself, you are now literally slowly being shown and made aware of "you" - not to hold you down, but to do something about it, to grow from it, to become stronger from it.

As you become conscious of the darkness within you, you will become conscious of the undeniable darkness of the ego within everyone. If you go far enough you can even sense it, see dark energy playing itself out - this is because everything is inter-connected as One energy. 

It's like God asking you "What will you do now, overcome this or let it drag you down?" "Will you give up or go all the way?"

For many, giving up is not an option. They have gone to far and deep into it for it to even be an option. 

 

 

I appreciate you bring up how I can sense it from others. My senses feel like they have been amplified. Sometimes, I can even sense what the other person is feeling or thinking. I'm an empath and sometimes it can be a curse. I'm working on not passing judgement because I know it's unfair to the people around me. There's times when I can clearly see the persons insincerity and I feel sad for them because they are a beautiful person and they just don't know it. 

Bottomline line is, I want to go all the way. I want to be a better person...I'm on my way..

Thanks for your advice!

 

Edited December 23, 2019 by Dragonfly210

[Dragonfly210]

On 12/18/2019 at 11:19 AM, Dovahkiin said:

@Dragonfly210 Sorry you're going through such tough stuff. I'm sure no one has been through exactly what you're going through, but I'd also bet tons of people here have been through some form of dark night like you. I've definitely gone through some tough periods.

 

Maybe you need to renegotiate or change some relationships in your life. Sometimes the old has to fall apart to make room for the new, whether that's a new way of thinking, new people in your life or a new way of relating to yourself. Regardless, sounds like a very good idea to see a therapist like you are. That'll keep you grounded and help you be practical while providing an outlet to talk through what you need to.

 

I'm limited in how much I can help over an internet forum like this, but keep in mind that everything changes. Your level of social awkwardness will ebb and flow. How much bliss you are in touch with will ebb and flow. However bad it seems, it isn't permanent. Hang in there

 It feels like I just need to figure out who I am now and just start from there. Make sense with what you're saying. Bliss won't last but that's everything is life. Thank you for your support and advice. =)

[Dragonfly210]

On 12/18/2019 at 11:51 AM, WelcometoReality said:

@Dragonfly210  I can relate on many levels. I started to see a therapist to deal with stuff from childhood and teen years that had slowly grown into a depression. It really brought everything to the surface and made things feel much worse in the beginning but was well worth it in the end.

I've always felt socially awkward but an awakening can make these tendencies amplify. Your used to relate to people in a certain way and when you can't do that anymore how do you talk to people? Well you can. You find new ways to relate so it's just a temporary thing. Let it take it's time and you'll be comfortable in social situations again.

About the feeling lost part. It might come from the not knowing how to relate to the world since you don't know who you are anymore. You're shedding your old skin and the new skin can take a while grow, you can feel sensitive. Like there's no wall between you and the world. Emotions can come out like your not used to, for me there was alot of anger but it might be sadness or anything else. Let yourself feel lost. This can be quite challenging and you might feel the need to align yourself to the world again only to see the falseness in it again and again. Let yourself fall into the unknown.

<3

I use to be a happy go lucky person, bright and positive. Now, I can see the sadness in my eyes and body language. My therapist told me I went through a lot of grief a short period of time. Shedding the old skin is a part of it as well. 

You hit it right at the nail when you say, "Like there's no walls between you and the world." I just feel so vulnerable. I do see the falseness in it now and it's like I'm hurting myself over and over again. I'm learning not to have any expectations. It's been tough but I'm moving along the best I can.

How long did it take you get out of it?

[Highest]

1 hour ago, Dragonfly210 said:

I appreciate you bring up how I can sense it from others. My senses feel like they have been amplified. Sometimes, I can even sense what the other person is feeling or thinking. I'm an empath and sometimes it can be a curse. I'm working on not passing judgement because I know it's unfair to the people around me. There's times when I can clearly see the persons insincerity and I feel sad for them because they are a beautiful person and they just don't know it. 

Bottomline line is, I want to go all the way. I want to be a better person...I'm on my way..

Thanks for your advice!

 

No problem. It's my pleasure friend.

Become a better person. Once on it, go all the way...

To the highest and beyond.

Sense, feel what they are thinking and feeling. Turn it the other way around. Make it into a blessing. Make it work for you. See the good in human beings, sense and feel the goodness and love inherent in all. It's not difficult, you just have to sincerely will it.

Flawlessly...

Perfecty...

In Goodness

In Awarness

In Love...

 

I will find you there.

 

You will find me there....

 

 

[WelcometoReality]

1 hour ago, Dragonfly210 said:

I use to be a happy go lucky person, bright and positive. Now, I can see the sadness in my eyes and body language. My therapist told me I went through a lot of grief a short period of time. Shedding the old skin is a part of it as well. 

This is almost like being reborn in a way. The old person falls away and something new emerges. Of course there can be grief about that.

1 hour ago, Dragonfly210 said:

You hit it right at the nail when you say, "Like there's no walls between you and the world." I just feel so vulnerable. I do see the falseness in it now and it's like I'm hurting myself over and over again. I'm learning not to have any expectations. It's been tough but I'm moving along the best I can.

This is like riding a bike. It takes some falling and bruising it's all a part of learning to ride. You move through the world in a new way. It can be a marvelous thing to explore this new way.

1 hour ago, Dragonfly210 said:

How long did it take you get out of it?

Months but I don't know how long exactly. Time has fallen away, I don't keep track of it anymore.

<3

Edited December 23, 2019 by WelcometoReality