The End Of Seeking

[Bill W]

5 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Rather than Spam everyone's journal, i'll just put this here for those who are following. Read the book Ask And It Is Given by esther Hicks it explains the law of attraction. Any skepticism or questions feel free to ask, I have a good understanding of the basics and the rationale for why it works.

Read. This. Fucking. Book.

It's on my radar big time. I'm just having to be cautious with books and new material as I'm working on getting out of constant "hunter gatherer" mode and start focusing on actually putting into action what I've learned from other brilliant books and material I've been consuming. I always say "one more book" though 

I'm in love with Neville Goddard's stuff right now. It feels like LOA combined with the Bible and I'm loving it. 

[Nahm]

On 1/23/2020 at 11:56 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

She's much older than me, but i was insanely attracted to her haha. When i find a long term partner, she will have similar vibes as my instructor. There was something divinely feminine about the way she taught.

Crazy-awesome how feeling what you want, becomes doing what you want, & leads to more of the same. She’s already coming. ??

[Raptorsin7]

@Bill W That's awesome man. It's amazing how well some of this stuff works when we stop questioning it and just let it happen.

Edited January 26, 2020 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

PSA:

The "work" works. Commit yourself to what you want. And you will get what you want. Be clear on what you want.

Meditation works because we train our minds to stay focused on a single goal.

For example, my goal is to feel bliss, love etc. But mind gets lost in fear, worry, anxiety etc. But goal is clear i want love bliss etc. Keep bring mind back to goal. Use feelings as guide. When we feel good we are on the path to our goals. When we feel bad we are off the path. All is actually good. So when mind gets lost in fear, and worry etc because mind is scared that maybe not all is good. Truth is all is good. So bring mind back to goal, and use your feelings as a guide to your progress.

Be smart with goals. Don't be like dummy who asks for 1 billion dollars. Be like smart person who sais, what does this guy really want? What would the 1 billion actually get him. When we look we realize he just wants to feel good, he wants the feeling associated the 1 billion dollars. He is bliss chasing. Nothing wrong with bliss chasing. Bliss chasing works its how i got so far on the path lol. But always remember why you are doing what you're doing.

[Raptorsin7]

I am about 10% through Leo's Life Purpose course and i found my purpose. At least for the near future. I have been a gamer for most of my life, both esports and physical sports. I have decided to start playing competitive video games with lots of viewers, like League Of Legends at the moment, and I plan on playing the game getting very good and starting a website about mental health/mindfulness/happiness/videogames to help gamers that suffered like I used to suffer. I plan on continuing with the life purpose course but I am also going to actively start working on this project during this time. I am accepting more responsibility in my life. 

My life has basically flipped inside out. I started as a spiritual seeker, looking for happiness for myself so I could finally enjoy my life. Now i've decided to dedicate my life to helping other people overcome the same issues that I have struggled with. I am planning to continue writing on this forum journal as i do more contemplation and writings for my website. But eventually I will stop posting and just start playing, and writing full time. 

Huge thanks to @Nahm and many others on this forum who assisted me on this path. I'm not done. But I don't think i'm the same seeker I was when i first posted here.

[Raptorsin7]

How I am thinking and feeling right now:

Today my parents came over. I had a major awakening yesterday on LSD and I was excited to see them. But their visit was disheartening. I feel so much better now than I have in the past. But this comes with more emotional extremes, and I was basically fighting back tears in our conversations. As I grow more, I can see how deeply unconscious my parents are. It's even worse because I am completely dependent on them for my financial survival. My parents have difficulty with emotional extremes because they themselves had to learn to suppress their emotions to make their parents happy. My parents have a narrow emotional range, and very structured lives. They are sensitive to differences in my emotions and when they notice something off they get scared and try to guilt/shame/fear me into acting normal so they can feel emotionally secure again. It's a toxic relationship. I am making a commitment to pursuing financial security. I have already sent an email to the float house i go to, to try and get very early morning shifts because i heard the manager say that they don't have employees willing to take those shifts. I am going to start radically cutting my expenses and look for a part time job to get some savings going. 

I am much more sensitive to my time wasting habits. The world is changing rapidly for me. A lesson i got from my trip is to take more responsibility. I have more ability and power then I ever imagined is possible. It's time to start putting it to use.

[Raptorsin7]

Post by @Nahm about emotional regulation using the emotional scale. This covers similar topics as Abraham Hicks so anyone following her this is a good resource.

If you continue to believe there are “negative feelings”....then you are continuing to believe thoughts which do not feel good to you...and blaming it on the feelings. Feeling is fine, no problem at all. 

Inspect the thoughts instead, in accordance with feeling. Listen to feeling. Realize the thoughts which don’t feel good, are thoughts which don’t feel good. 

Write down the thought which doesn’t feel good. Look at the emotional scale.

Identify where that thought falls on the scale, how it feels. Then move up one, two, maybe three on the scale, and reconsider that same thought, in the light of the ‘higher on the scale’ feeling. 

 

  On 1/23/2020 at 8:18 AM, Shroomdoctor said:

I can’t deal with my emotions

Using that thought as an example....

How does it feel, in reference to the scale?   I’ll assume it feels like Pessimism. 

Then, consider Hopefulness. Can you feel some hope...

”I could learn, I could inspect...and I can see where more awareness, and understanding...could lead to feeling better.”

Then, consider Positive Expectation. Can you feel some positive expectation...

”Other people have done this, and awareness & understanding have worked for them. Matter of fact, awareness & understanding have always worked for me. Always revealed insights, always led to understanding & feeling better”.

Then, consider Enthusiasm / Eagerness / Happiness...

”This is going to be awesome. What I want most, is to feel good. It’s about time I gave this my full attention. I’ve noticed in the past that when I choose good feeling thoughts, and let go of thoughts that don’t feel good...great stuff happens....I know what enthusiasm feels like. I’m eager to continue feeling better and better”

Then, consider passion....

“I know what I love. I recognize there’s some resistant thoughts that come up. I also know that doing what I love doing simply feels good to me. I can always let go of resistant thinking about what doesn’t feel good, and do something I enjoy. I can see how letting a thought go, and doing something  I like, in and of itself, feels better. I know that when I do this, mind is cleared, without resistant thoughts and with a fresh approach, the passion in me always arises.”

Then, consider Empowerment....

“I can do this. I can be patient, I can inspect each thought, and I can choose a better feeling thought, and I know feeling better is everything, and that everything I am wanting comes from feeling better. Thankfully, this up to me, and though it takes time, I can do this.“

Then, consider Love...

“I know when I choose thoughts of appreciation, it just feels good. I know that at any time I want to, I can choose to appreciate, I can choose to do what I love, share love with others, and choose better feeling loving thoughts on my behalf as well. “

[Nahm]

31 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

emotional regulation

* How I am creating emotions. Right under my nose! Have been since day one!

Sneaky fucker. ???

 

[zeroISinfinity]

Laughed at that more then I should. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity @Nahm Lol I didn't get that at first read. Really is insane what's possible.

PSA: 

Pay attention to what you think is possible for yourself in every activity you engage in. School. Sports. Video Games. Relationships.

The truth is there are no limits as to how good life can be. The only limits are the one's we create with our minds.

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7 @zeroISinfinity ???♥️.   Sooooooooo sneaky!!! ?

[Raptorsin7]

Major success in my life. I convinced my uncle i'm not manic and that I actually know what i'm talking about. My uncle has been a sort of mentor for me growing up. He's hard stage orange, but he's really intelligent so maybe stage orange/yellow. I have been manic in the past, and have had mental health issues so he's been very skeptical of my growth over the past few days. I talked to him over text for a few hours today, and at first he thought I was manic i could tell. But as the convo progressed he eventually came around and told me he thinks i'm all good, and he no longer thinks i'm manic.

I've realized I can only associate with people in life who either think I am as great as I think I am, or they themselves are greater than I think I am. There is no in between. People who doubt me from a lower stage are going to be X'd immediately. Sadly, my parents doubt my progress a lot. They equate LSD with Oxycontin and when i told them i have made so much progress from the drugs, they told me that i'm addicted to drugs and the progress doesn't count because it's from the drugs lol. It's sad but its a wake up call. I'm going to start working, writing, and playing basically 24/7 now. I am going to finish the semester of law school and then reassess. I will hopefully try and convince my parents i know what i'm talking about, because I think what's best for me right now is a small allowance to support living expenses while i continue to grow. If they refuse then I will be going solo without parental support.

 

[Raptorsin7]

I learned an important lesson. Yesterday i went on a tear. I had the energy and creative power of a manic depressive. But because of the meditation and work I do I was very grounded and did not do anything destructive. 

I had long conversations with my parents and my uncles. My uncle was very concerned that I was just manic, because i have been depressed before and he classified me as a manic depressive. It was an interesting conversation. I was feeling very good and elated so i sent him an honest list of my plans and what's going on. At first he was shocked, and I could tell by the tone of the texts he thought I was manic depressive. But over time in the conversation I was making so much sense that eventually he just admitted that he no longer thinks i'm manic and he's not concerned. This was an incredible feat. I trust his opinion, and i'm at a point in my life where I can only trust people who see my own greatness. My uncle sees it. It's a great resource because he's very reasonable, and he can help shine light on issues that i'm not considering.

As for my parents, i need to just start lying to them and telling them what they want to hear. They think LSD is addictive and bad, even though these drugs have been the biggest reason for my growth. They are basically super strong anti-depressants that work well. But my parents equate all drugs, so it's like if i told them i'm doing pain killers and my life is way better. They don't like it or trust it.

I am in full on survival mode now. I have found a new job, and i'm going to get as many shifts as I possibly can. I'm going to stay in law school for as long as possible because my parents will continue to support me in the meantime, and I can use this time to plan my next move and start saving money. My plan moving forward is to save money, start writing content for my website, and practice getting good at league of legends.

[Proactive]

hey you should add me on league, my ign is qreative. I'm trying to quit the game but i'll probably play during breaks between semesters

[Raptorsin7]

@Proactive No sorry man. I'm playing with the sole intention of getting really good so I can advertise my website. Not playing for fun, or to make friends etc.

[Raptorsin7]

PSA:

Get a dream board and put it in your living room. Then write what you want to have in the present tense. Anything you want, literally.

You want good feeling. Write "I feel good" or "I am good" etc.

You want to be high level gamer. Write "I am a challenger level league of legends player".

Writing in the present tense our goals, with continual reminders is very effective.

[Raptorsin7]

Life is growing rapidly. Incredible progress recently.

Almost doesn't feel real how well my life is coming together.

[zeroISinfinity]

Well done. ❤️

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity

[Raptorsin7]

What do you believe in, and why do you?I

My goal moving forward is to embody feeling I experienced on LSD. This god feeling is the key to much progress moving forward so I want to learn to summon it at will.

This state is inside me. It is felt in the moment. But there is thinking patterns that are believed and aren't true, that are blocking this feeling. Feelings are a guide to orienting thinking. So the path forward is to inspect thoughts aren't true, and to empty my mind.

Belief: I need the god tier state to achieve mastery of league of legends and fulfill my life purpose. 

I need the god tier state because I am not in the zone when I play league. I have played over the past few days and I just don't feel good when I play. My mind is all over the place, there is over-thinking, worry, fear. There is no bliss, love, joy etc. I felt the highest i've ever felt on LSD. I felt like god. I felt limitless. I felt energized. I felt myself at my highest potential. But it's been a few days since the trip now and I don't feel it anymore, i've basically returned to my base line level of consciousness. 

I have tried to get that feeling while playing, but I don't think it works like that. Feelings are feelings, and we create our own feelings. Thinking creates feeling. 

I feel disconnected from this higher state. I feel connected to the sensation in the head. The brain feels like it's cracking/thawing. And when the feeling in the head was fully broken apart, I felt the awakened state of higher consciousness. 

I want to feel good. I want to feel high tier emotions. The high tier emotions exist in the present moment, because this is where feeling is. And the higher tier emotions are felt. But I am confused as how to move from the present emotional state of boredom/contentment to the higher tier. I want to unlock my potential as a human being. But right now i am not my best. I know i'm not at my best because I don't feel at my best. Feelings are a guide. Feelings are all relative to the god tier feeling I had. I know that what I feel now isn't good, because it's relative to the god tier feeling which is by definition good because it felt good.

I am connected to feelings. Or I guess, there are feelings. The thinking mind tries to create separation by claiming it is connected to feelings. But when you wake up you realize, there just is the present moment where feeling is. 

Dam this inspection work is hard. I realized that the place to be is the present, because that's where the feelings are, and what I want is to feel good(feel god). So this is progress. But I have much more work to do here. Now that i'm in the present, the question is how to cultivate the positive emotions with thinking. And how to maintain that state while playing and writing and living.