nn-dmt trip report

[karkaore]

I am looking into emotions lately. Trying to find out what they are. Classic ones: fear, desire, pain. So this was the intention. I've had the dmt ready, sitting there waiting to get torched since the last evening. (Couldn't get over myself and stay grounded enough to do it, so I postponed it).

Woke up in the morning, watched Leo's episode on division versus unity, meditated for a while. Drank a cup of cocoa. Sat in front of a bong for a while, trying to get my mind rid of any expectations, images from the last trips and stuff until I finally got somewhat grounded, got my balls together and lighted it up. Managed to get everything into my system. (most of the times I wouldn't be able to take a third hit.) Substance hit me like a freight train. My body fell like a leave. I've got revealed to a most beautiful dance. And there it was, dancing for me. Reality was falling into and onto itself. All the good and the bad united into a biggest orgasm pouring out and into me. This was depersonalized me, right in front of me. Pure fucking consciousness. No attachments, no distinctions. Infinite. Then I got revealed how consciousness gets confused with itself, mistaking it for being a me. How it chooses what it likes and what it rejects. How it starts fearing itself for the infinite beauty it is. How it actually creates it's own suffering by rejecting specific parts of itself. Its undeniable. This was a huge step towards realizing the dynamics of emotions. Will see how well it sticks.