Removing Should-statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment

[JKG]

 

[Anna Konstantaki]

@quantum Dub Fx keeps becoming better.  

[JKG]

School

At some occasions I today in school I remembered to feel my emotions. They were most of the time neutral-bored-rather negative. I am just not really interested in the stuff that we are doing and sometimes annoyed. I felt how annoyance occurred and applied holistic understanding to why certain people behave the way they behave - and then I started to feel compassion towards them. But that awareness about my feelings didn't lasted very long. I get very quickly distracted by stupid conversations. But thats okay, I can learn from that.

I observed my feelings and thoughts while getting exams back - maths (14), chemistry (14) and English (13). Pretty good and my ego was pleased with that. But in maths and chemistry there is this one friend which is always better than I am. She got in both maths and chemistry 15 points (A*) and in maths she even had no mistake at all. I noticed how my ego got jealous and somehow judged myself negatively for not having 15 points too. "Why did you make these stupid mistakes? You could have easily been better than her..." It is good that I noticed that.

And I noticed that I am stressing myself often to hurry up. When I leave for school in the morning I normally have enough time and arrive some minutes earlier. But I am hurrying that I should drive faster or that I should take my shoes on quicker... I am absolutely not in the present moment. And when I leave school to drive home it is the same. I want to get to my bike quickly to get away before the mob of little kids comes and occupies my drive way. I drive pretty fast too and want to drive even faster. And when there is headwind I have to drive slower which annoys me. And when I get home I also quick to either get outside to work out or to make my food.

I noticed me hurrying up almost all the time. And I do this probably most of the time throughout the day. But why? Maybe I am influenced my my hectic mother. I want to get my obligations done quickly to do something useful like meditation, reading or researching. Even now I am writing pretty quickly and feel how I build up some stress to get this journaling done. But stressing myself to have time to do these things is rather contraproductive. I could act slower, be more mindful and therefore be aware of my emotions. I could learn so much more just by acting slower.

Acting slowly and mindfully will be something that I now want to work on throughout the school days. Staying calm and tranquil.

Some affirmations for that purpose that I already use: Everything that is, should be. It is okay.
Maybe some new affirmations: Slow down brother

(side note: only 13 weeks of school left!)

 

Spiritual Ego

I notice my mind talking about how much I have progressed, how turquoise I am, how much energy I have. I see that I have more holistic understanding than everybody I know in person and my mind is talking about that proudly. But then when I have less progress in meditation my ego complains.

Edited January 9, 2017 by quantum

[JKG]

20 hours ago, Anna Konstantaki said:

@quantum Dub Fx keeps becoming better.  

Some songs I like, some not so much. But generally - yes!

[JKG]

Honesty and Anger

Everytime that I read Radical Honesty I realize how much I have to reveal from myself to others. And everytime this resistance and fear builds up. It is so scary, even just to imagine telling all my secrets.

Brad Blanton is right now talking about expressing anger to release the built up charge and that normally everyone represses this resentment against the person or the situation. I noticed how I am doing that today and yesterday. I am a bit confused about his statements and advice compared to Leo's latest video about the holistic understanding of anger.

But this evening I could listen to my father complaining heavily about my sister and she began crying. I initially wanted to write this section about his way of parenting into the letter to him. But as I got upstairs I protected my sister from him and expressed my anger, at least a little bit. I told him about how she feels and how I felt - not everything but better than nothing. And afterwards I felt better. A step into the right direction.

And I found something out about my father. My grandparents treated him even worse than he treats us - I guess especially my grandmother. He adopted the way of parenting from his parents and because he doesn't know it better he applies this way to us. Ha! Some holistic understanding

 

Contemplation in School

In the lunch break I sat in the canteen, at the beginning all on my own. I read like said above Radical Honesty. At one time I had the urge to lay the book down and to stare at the wall at the other side of the room and contemplate a bit. I noticed that it are all just sensations. Nothing new but in a new environment. In school I am interpreting my sensations all the time but this time I stopped for a moment.

I noticed that all the time my mind is concerned about what the others might think about me even though I am often telling that I don't care about the opinions of others. I still don't want to be judged as absolutely weird, a bit weird is okay but not as weird as some other people. I was a bit scared that other people could come into the room and judge me sitting there doing nothing. I listened to the people walking outside the room... Later other people came in and because I didn't wanted to get distracted I listened to some instrumental music and again started to contemplate a bit. A cool experience.

 

Chakras

Now I am doing some research about Chakras and with the help of @Peace and Love I found out that my root, throat and third eye chakra are out of alignment. This makes perfect sense to me now that I am dealing with my emotions and try to understand my whole programming.

Firstly I am going to focus on the root chakra. I did a guided meditation for that. I think I will implement some chakra meditations or visualizations into my practice.

Still I don't want to be judged as totally esoteric and spiritual - my father did that a few weeks ago and that hurt. A few months ago I also would have judged these topics too. Sometimes I am a bit too naive. But this can also be a great advantage for radical open-mindedness. I will see this chakra stuff as a tool. It might just be an interpretation of some feeling-sensations. I will experiment with this and see which results I'll get. I just may not forget that all of this is just interpretation into experience, otherwise it will just become another stupid belief-system.

I watched a video by Teal Swan about grounding. I think what I wrote previously was just some bullshit - not what grounding actually is.

 

Bold Life Changes??

When I now consider going to university, not going traveling and to just take the path of least resistance I don't like the imagination. I feel like I have distanced myself from this logical field of science, computer science, maths... I feel like I have outgrown that. I don't want to be around people who are not into spirituality - well, I am around just stupid and neurotic people now all the time. Science or maths isn't my real passion anymore, it is just another belief-system. I noticed that in maths class today. When I had nothing to do and the teacher was away I was on my phone and read a thread about angles. I am much more interested in this. Maybe my passion for maths will come back at one point, but I really don't want to study that stuff in the near future.

My life purpose is definitively something different. It is about helping people with this spirituality stuff. I really like the term "holistic understanding."

I just need to go traveling. I just need to. The intuition will work out everything perfectly. It will, I have faith in it.

[JKG]

Bad Days

There are these days when you wake up and think: "I don't want to get up. I want to stay in my warm bed. I am so tired. I don't want to meditate. I don't want to do yoga. I don't visualize my dream life. I just want to stay here and do nothing. I don't want to go to school. Oh hell, in 12 hours I will finally come back from school. This day is so stupid and wasted. I just want these 12 hours to be over."

Why can't I be like an ordinary person who just follows the path of least resistance, the path of the most possible comfort. That would be so easy and comfortable. Then I wouldn't have to deal with all this resistance, uncertainty, release of emotions. I could just follow the crowd.

I did intermittent fasting until 6pm. I had the whole day the desire just to eat. My emotions were mostly negative or bored or unmotivated... Almost all the time I thought about coming home and just EATING.

The whole day was wasted. I learned nothing in school. I just sat there, lived, breathed, was annoyed by negative, stupid people... Well, that could be enjoyable spiritually, but I was so negative too, with a low blood sugar level I think... I was cold all day, frezed around and just wanted to get something to warm my hands... And then as I drove back home on my bike through the cold my anger about school charged up and was totally annoyed and easily irritable... My father was loud "teaching" my sister bla bla bla.

I just ate. I just spent two hours with just preparing and eating food and watching easy entertainment videos. And then I was full.

I cannot imagine how other people can live their lives everyday like this. This has to be soo horrible.

I just want my mind to shut up.

 

More Conspiracy Theories

I don't want to believe anything.

At about 1:03:30 they begin to speak about conspiracy theories. But why do they have this "hypnotic" music all the time in the background?

And I just did a little research about the reptilian elite theory. Weird.

"Reality" probably is not the way that is seems to be. Something has definitely to be true about any conspiracy theory.

[JKG]

My Intuition came up with an idea. I know that my throat chakra is pretty blocked. I don't like speaking much. I cannot really express myself or explain stuff. But I need these communication skills. So I should practice them. And what is a better way than just talking in English about stuff that just comes into my mind. And then uploading it to soundcloud.

I had this idea already a few months ago but never did it. But now that my Intuition came up with it, I almost directly acted upon it.

I just talked something and made sounds with my mouth. I expect no one to listen to this stuff

 

[Dragallur]

1 hour ago, quantum said:

My Intuition came up with an idea. I know that my throat chakra is pretty blocked. I don't like speaking much. I cannot really express myself or explain stuff. But I need these communication skills. So I should practice them. And what is a better way than just talking in English about stuff that just comes into my mind. And then uploading it to soundcloud.

I had this idea already a few months ago but never did it. But now that my Intuition came up with it, I almost directly acted upon it.

I just talked something and made sounds with my mouth. I expect no one to listen to this stuff

Great, I enjoyed listening to this! Sounds like a good idea might try that some time though it wont be because of chakras probably.

[JKG]

22 hours ago, Dragallur said:

Great, I enjoyed listening to this!

Really?

[JKG]

Back to Enlightenment

For about the last month I was not that interested in pursuing Enlightenment. I didn't wanted to meditate for that long. I rather wanted to read, work with my emotions and so forth. A lot of stuff came up and a hell lot of resistance. I learned from it but am not able to go further that path at the time - at least I think so, it might be also just an excuse. The resistance it too big. I cannot be radically honest yet.

In the last couple of days I came back to Enlightenment more. I meditated more - yesterday about 3h, today 4h or more without the intention. I am ready to do neti neti and self inquiry again. I came up with questioning external reality - todays video was therefore like the perfect summary and addition to what I was observing lately.

I have set some priorities. Working out and a basic level of meditation are the foundation of my day. Then I also have to go to school (only 12 weeks left!) and study for the final exams (in about 4 months). And in all my left, I will meditate or contemplate more and work on organizing my gap year. But I still have to spend time eating and distract myself out of habit.
But all of this is just a little plan, a guideline. Intuition is here the boss.

 

WWOOFing

I am currently so inspired to make this gap year happen. I have watched a bunch of videos about wwoofing (working on organic farms around the world, in exchange for food and a place to stay). This is like the perfect thing for me now. I can then work on spirituality, what to do with my life and figure out my true life purpose.

Now I will "just" have to find a way to present this to my parents - this means that I will have to find arguments, work out a rough plan and practice presenting it to them. Then I will have to organize everything - buying the membership and contacting a couple of farms.

I also did a pre-mortem on that. If I will get distracted (by materialism, money, parents, university) I need to visualize my big picture, the positive aspects of wwoofing and the negative aspects of directly going to university, build my vision and work on finding my true life purpose (through re-doing the life purpose course (already started)), and rewatch some of Leo's videos (How to Harness your Intuition, Bold Life Changes).

I think about doing it in Germany or the UK at the beginning. Maybe I might buy a flight to some warmer places in winter (Hawaii, Thailand, Florida,  Australia??). So excited.

Here are some impressions and inspirations for myself:

 

Changing my training routine

 

[JKG]

Spontaneous Thought about the School System

The school system just wants to numb us, the next generation down. They want us to concentrate on getting good grades, and just having some relatively useless hobbies in our free time, all to distract us from doing the research we have to do. They want us to become so fixated on good grades, a good degree, a career, money, a family... So we have not much energy left in our free time to question and to really grasp what is being played here.

[FeelFree]

7 hours ago, quantum said:

Spontaneous Thought about the School System

The school system just wants to numb us, the next generation down. They want us to concentrate on getting good grades, and just having some relatively useless hobbies in our free time, all to distract us from doing the research we have to do. They want us to become so fixated on good grades, a good degree, a career, money, a family... So we have not much energy left in our free time to question and to really grasp what is being played here.

So, do you think they do this on purpose or is it just due to low consciousness?

[JKG]

17 hours ago, FeelFree said:

So, do you think they do this on purpose or is it just due to low consciousness?

Both. The school system was alright at the time when it started. At the time of industrialization it worked out well and its purpose was just to "produce" those not very qualified industry workers. But now we clearly know that this way of teaching in school is everything but not optimal. This most likely has already been recognized by the government. If the government would be concerned about it, they would have changed it. They have the resources to make such a change happen pretty quickly.

The ordinary person does not think critically about the school system due to low consciousness. And the purpose of the school system is still to produce just easy workers.

[JKG]

Confused

 

 

[Dragallur]

@quantum Through my own experience I have perhaps been closest to experiencing the shape of the Earth when seeing stars on the southern hemisphere... can not thing of anything better really, I do not think that on Flat Earth southern stars really work.

[JKG]

 

On 8.1.2017 at 8:43 PM, quantum said:

 

Aaah. Now I know what the sun glasses in the music video mean. I have to watch the movie "They Live."

I like the phrase "They Live, We Sleep."

 

Edited January 18, 2017 by quantum

[JKG]

22 hours ago, Dragallur said:

@quantum Through my own experience I have perhaps been closest to experiencing the shape of the Earth when seeing stars on the southern hemisphere... can not thing of anything better really, I do not think that on Flat Earth southern stars really work.

So you experienced earths curvature?

[Dragallur]

@quantum No , thats why I am saying closer to experiencing the shape of the Earth. There are less possible options I guess when you gather up evidence, one could also say that since it is just a memory somebody could change it and it is not what I saw. The problem with any kind of evidence is that you could think of some totally complicated way the stars would move, or that it was just a screen from government.

[JKG]

I don't know what to do - Which path will be the best?

Today and tomorrow there is/was open house at the local university where I consider studying at. Today I wasn't in school but instead went there with my father, tomorrow again. I got dragged into this world of career, academics, money... I was in a lecture about telecommunications, physics and spoke to a guy who is a professor in something like electrical engineering. So now I am thinking about studying electrical and informational technology/engineering, informational and communication technology/engineering or computer science with electrical technology as a minor subject. My father studied electrical engineering at the same university and now wants me to do the same. He would prefer me to study information and communication technology and rather not computer science. He gives me all kinds of advice about careers, which subjects were useful for him... He could even organize me an internship easily at a company which he cooperates a lot with at his work.

My mind gets into thinking that a degree would be nice for certainty and security in this money based world. I could develop my skills in these three to five years of university and tackle the more basic personal development stuff like productivity, building a strong work ethic, learning, building good social and communication skills, going out of my comfort zone, becoming charismatic, time management, habits...

My father would buy me a car, I would drive every morning to university in this car (about 30 minutes), go to lectures, study, solve problems with other students... And eventually I would get home, get into traffic jam, work out, meditate, read a bit, eat, go to sleep... and then to it all over again - for 5 fucking years. In the semester breaks I would have to study for exams, have practical courses, and a few weeks of more free time where I could meditate more. For a few semesters I could study abroad, somewhere in Europe.

This daily routine does not look that nice. It would be like now in school, just more demanding, around not that stupid but still negative people. Today just after two lectures and driving on the highway and also in the traffic jam (I didn't drive on the highway myself for more than six months) I am exhausted. It is like information overload in my brain. I just want to shut up, relax, watch easy entertainment and stuff food into myself. I have not that much energy left to do something productive.

What is about my life purpose? Is this just my ego demanding for security? Or is there at least a little bit of intuition? Is it strategic to firstly get a degree and then focus on the life purpose and Enlightenment? What should I do? What happened to my inspiration to take a gap year first? I would love to see into the future, to now be better able to make this fucking decision. I already thought this way a few years ago, but now it is different, I have to decide soon.

And what happened to my considerations of studying maths or physics or a combination of those with computer science?

And what is about the conspiracy theories I researched about recently? They tell that there is this elite which wants to control us. Do I just get controlled by this elite through society? Is society demanding me to study because of this elite? Do I get controlled? Do I need this certainty and security which I eventually get through this degree? Shouldn't I just fuck about societies opinion and pursue in some way my life purpose and just pursue Enlightenment? Or might my role be to make the people in this field of engineering more aware about the larger picture of life?

My brain needs time to process all these information. Then I need to do some visualization and follow the pre-mortem technique plan, which I created for exactly this moment when I consider just to go studying directly.

Aaaaahhaaaahaawwwaawawaahahahahwah, just fuck it.

[Gabriel Antonio]

@quantum you did a great job of externalizing your confusion. congratulations,good job!