Removing Should-statements And Eventually Reaching Enlightenment

[JKG]

What if I would die in x days?

This morning I had a headache. It was a strange headache, it was like inside my skull,  numbing my face. Somehow my mind got the idea that this could be a huge tumor inside my head. And then I remembered a story of a adolescent that had an unnoticed tumor and died from it. 

My headache is gone now but I "seriously" considered the possibility that I could be dead soon. What would I do if a doctor would tell me that I would be dead in 3 months or so? Lets examine this. (I have often heard this question on the Internet but never considered it, because I found it boring.)

Firstly I think I would be okay with dying. I am not afraid of death. I would accept it and make the best of the rest of my life. I cannot do anything against it, so why worry?

I also think that I would start eating much healthier. Just because I feel much better when I eat healthy. I feel more alive and energetic and I love this feeling. On the other side I hate the feeling of fullness.
I have once seen a YouTube channel of a guy who had cancer and then cured himself just through a very healthy lifestyle. Raw foods that fight cancer, a lot of fresh air, exercise... And maybe I would then get the chance to continue living.

I would be more outside in nature. There I also feel alive and happy. I love the color green there, I love the sound of the birds, I love the smell, I love moving there around.

I would meditate more. Maybe I would get the opportunity to have an enlightenment experience before my death, which my ego guesses would be cool. But even if this doesn't happen I would be more happy for the rest of my life. I would be more loving, grateful, peaceful, calm...

I would do everything to try out psychedelics. 

I would spend more time with the people I love. Socializing just makes me happy too.

I would get more outside of my comfort zone. This makes me also happy. It gives this freshness to live, more energy, aliveness... I wound want to see some more manifestations of the absolute. I would like to travel a bit to other places with a lot of nature, like Canada, Hawaii, New Zealand, South America...

I think that this was it. I would not change much more. Otherwise I am pretty content with my way of living at the moment. I would just continuing doing what I do on a regular basis. I would continue studying stuff - maybe not history/chemistry/school stuff, but spirituality stuff. It makes me very happy to understand these spiritual stuff, but also other paradigms and concepts.

To sum this up:

• living super healthy
• being in nature
• meditating
• taking psychedelics
• socializing
• getting out of my comfort zone
• seeing other places
• studying

But why do I say "I would do xyz, if I would die soon"? It is sure that I will die soon. So I should do it, not just considering it.

[West]

5 hours ago, JKG said:

I would continue studying stuff - maybe not history/chemistry/school stuff, but spirituality stuff. It makes me very happy to understand these spiritual stuff, but also other paradigms and concepts.

Yesss, a life-long learner! I love to study a variety of things. Astronomy, archeology, the deep ocean, spirituality... all very mysterious and exciting stuff.

I'm getting Peter Ralston's latest book delivered in a few days. 

[JKG]

19 hours ago, West said:

I'm getting Peter Ralston's latest book delivered in a few days. 

Jealous. So much to do, so little time.

[JKG]

studying and exams

I feel how I slowly but steadily become slightly nervous about the upcoming exams. Tomorrow the first final exam starts (German) and happily I don't have to write my exam in German. My first exam is in 9 days, but I feel with my school friends who write tomorrow. And my mind comes up with all sorts of horrible scenarios which could happen on the days of the exam. My bike could break while I am on my way to school and I will be late. Or the batteries of my calculator run out of power. Or I could forget my pens. Or I don't find the room. Or I have a black out....

Today I just was so annoyed of studying history. I know everything broadly, but not perfectly. There are also topics which I could study a bit more. There are always a few dates that I could memorize. It is so tedious. I just want to be done with this fucking history exam. 10 days...
Then I started studying a bit of maths, but the exercises were so boring and easy that I also was annoyed of maths.

I just want these exams to be over. So badly. I don't want to study anymore. I want it to be Friday next week, then I could start studying chemistry - what a variation. Or even better today in a month, then I am hopefully done with it all.

I now know that I have to do something later that I am passionate about. Otherwise my whole life will be around stuff that I am annoyed off. And recently I even got doubts about whether I really want to study computer science or not. I'll see.

But I think I will now apply a great wisdom that I got from Matt Kahn: If you don't know what to do, let the light of the universe work through you. I guess this is a bit like intuition. And what the universe is telling me with this feeling is: slow down. You don't have to study that much. Your grades do not really matter at all, as long as I get these 100 points. If you want to study, study. If you don't feel like studying, do something else.

[West]

Hey, that Matt Kahn video was great stuff! I hadn't heard of him before. I haven't considered much what he calls the feminine side of awakening, which is to surrender to the will of the universe and let it work through you. Just... so simple, but it feels right too.

I can relate to your feelings about the exams. While I like the subjects that we have, doing exams is kind of a chore. I have a list of projects that I would like to start, but I feel like that time would be better spent at exam prep. In my experience motivation increases after the exams if I have projects planned for the holidays. It's an explosion of freedom!

About your doubts about what you want to do in the future, have you taken Leo's life purpose course? I took it some months ago, and it was very helpful for figuring out my life purpose (as advertised). Perhaps that could be a cool project for your summer break?

[JKG]

On 24.4.2017 at 11:48 PM, West said:

I haven't considered much what he calls the feminine side of awakening, which is to surrender to the will of the universe and let it work through you. Just... so simple, but it feels right too.

Yes! We have to find this balance between the feminine side and of the male side. I also tend to rather to this rather male meditation stuff like self-inquiry. But then surrendering in a contrast feels very good.

On 24.4.2017 at 11:48 PM, West said:

In my experience motivation increases after the exams if I have projects planned for the holidays. It's an explosion of freedom!

But motivation doesn't make the time go faster. I will still sit here for another month studying this shit, no matter how big my motivation is.

Uh, suffering. This is karma. this is the stuff, that I should learn from now.

On 24.4.2017 at 11:48 PM, West said:

About your doubts about what you want to do in the future, have you taken Leo's life purpose course? I took it some months ago, and it was very helpful for figuring out my life purpose (as advertised). Perhaps that could be a cool project for your summer break?

I have taken the LPC last summer already, and have figured out the direction. Now I want to slowly start making it real after the exams. I am excited for that.

[JKG]

Self-Doubts are real.

[JKG]

just writing

i fell like writing something now. just the stuff that comes into my mind and that i want to get out of my mind.

and i feel like writing without CAPITAL letters. right now i feel like this looks cooler. whatever

i have been watching my mother today. how her mood changes. how she gets angry. what kind of television shows she is watching. what she is interested in. what she is doing all day.
is sad to see that i know almost all of the solutions to her problems. i sit there peaceful and think about this while watching her getting angry and neurotic.

the biggest cause to her suffering i think is that she has no goals, no ambitions, no vision... she just lives everyday, does her usual stuff, and it repeats, over and over again, for now 18 years, since i am born. since then her way of life has not changed much. most of her day is occupied with household stuff.

i was sitting today in the living room and studied there. in another part of the room she was still watching tv while eating lunch. sometimes i listened to the shit these people were talking about. it was like an "educative" show for parents how to raise their children. it was on a tv sender for the lower lower class. and i just thought about how these parents are limiting the freedom of their children so badly. they raise them to be neurotic soldiers of the government, which are just there to keep the state alive.

when i rarely talk to her and try to give her advice she is so unapproachable. she is just arguing that she is better than all the other stupid parents. they are eating totally unhealthy, make no sports, don't go outside... when i just give her the advice to eat a little bit less salt!

one of the factors which brings the most suffering to her is my father. she is so annoyed by him. there is no love at all anymore. she is so dismissive to him. she is not interested in anything he is telling her. she is excited when he is away, or when he comes home late from work. and she even shows this him that she doesn't like him without even noticing it. and then she wonders why he is in a bad mood. this relationships is so toxic and since i started reading "loving what is" i see which stupid reasons their suffering has.

she needs a vision for a better future, but her beliefs, homeostasis, self-image, whatever keeps her stuck. do i even want to give her advice?

 

well, another topic. final exams. today in a weeks time i will be done with two exams. i will be so happy when i am done with history. - well, i just set a condition for my happiness.

i have 5 days left of studying for history and maths. maths makes a bit of fun. i do like one hour each day when i am annoyed of history. and i just have to study to get into the topics again. i already know everything. i just have to refresh it after three weeks of no maths.

but in history i could still study so much stuff. but in the end most of the studying will we useless, because just three topics will be there. my ego would want me to revise everything perfectly.

i just have picked a few topics that i still want to revise, because its very probable that they will be part of the exam. and maybe i will practice one or two old exams.

but what i worry the most of is the time. for the exam we have three ours time, with additional 30 minutes to choose an exam. but these three hours are pretty brief in comparison to how much i could write. especially problematic will be the first task which is about summarizing a text (or a caricature, which i will definitively not choose). in the past this was the part where i have lost most of the points. so i have to make it more detailed, but that takes so much more time. and the other two tasks also take a lot of time. i could also push my luck a bit and quickly decide for one exam. then i would have have a few more minutes to write. 

i have already studied enough to get enough points to not get into the oral reexaminations. but my ego wants more. it wants at least 13 points, and even better 14 or 15. i only got 14 points in history before. there is always the potential to lose some points here and there.

i know that i don't need particularly good results. but me ego wants especially good results.

what about detachment. i could just relax for the next few days a bit and just study a bit. just revising a bit.

all of these many many hours of studying will come down to three hours where i have to present my knowledge. and when the exams are all shitty its like all wasted. or when i don't feel bad...

slow down. does it even matter?

well, it are the 4 most important exams of my entire school career.

i am glad that i will begin with the maths exam on wednesday and not with history. i will write history next thursday. and on 12:30 that day i will be done! and a week later on wednesday at 2:15pm i will be done with chemistry...

my room at the moment is just a chaos. of different folders, papers, notes, books, sticky notes... there is information to so many different topics. i don't like chaos. i like order. well, just embrace the chaos. surrender to the chaos.

 

today i have been running a bit in a forest nearby. and there is this little trail i really like. all around the trail are growing little trees which are like 5 years old. it was so green, the temperature was nice. and i was thinking about what i was reading in the book of not knowing.

experience is what matters. and insights will transform my life. get into the state of not-knowing.
this spiritual stuff is what matters, not the results of exams.

i allow the light of the universe to work though me. to guide me on my path. for the well-being of all.

i am here to grow, to awaken, to fulfill my highest potential, and to give my greatest gifts to the world. and this is not done by functioning well in the system and getting good grades in exams. i am here to change the world for the better. and the universe is showing me that my time is better spent doing spirituality stuff, than studying.

i still like studying history a bit. but this pressure is not so nice.

 

today my amazon order came. two days ago i have ordered the next two books by peter ralston - pursuing consciousness and the genius of being. but firstly i want to finish the book of not knowing again. just by reading a few chapters of it again i got so much. how could i forget about it? i need to read ralstons books over and over again, my entire life, til full liberation.

my mother was just coming into my room and asked what these books are about and if peter ralston is a mentalist, or a meditation guru. how could you explain to a housewife about consciousness, being, enlightenment, ego?

 

on some days i am pretty happy - like today. on other days i am pretty own, annoyed, pissed off, suffering. but each time that i am coming from a bad day to a good day, i see that it will all be good again. bad days are just a phase. and the reasons for my suffering are just pretty irrelevant. a few weeks ago i had a bad mood because of a lack of social contacts. now i have no problem with it at all. everything changes so quickly. 

and a positive mood is especially enhanced by 432hz music! i love the music of this man of no ego.

 

alright, i am going to write the rest into my private journal. and then i meditate a bit until i get tired. then i go to sleep, wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. bye to all the beautiful people out here.

[JKG]

Tension

For a few days now I feel how I get more and more nervous. Its just a slight nervousness and tension in the body, but its not nice. My tics get worse, today it has been the worst since quite a few months.

Now only 3 days of studying for maths and history are left. This pressure gets more intense.

And I have noticed that studying more than 5 hours a day is not good at all. At some point my mind isn't able to comprehend all the information anymore I guess. Then I start feeling exhausted and a lack of energy.

 

Relaxation

So this evening after having finished studying I decided to relax a bit and to do nothing productive.

Firstly I tried to meditate. But I became tired. And this tension/nervousness didn't go away. It came back and back again.

So I decided to watch a movie, so I forget these exams for a bit. I looked here on the forum for movie recommendations and picked "The Man On Earth." Wow, this was soo good. The story is just so great and fascinating.

 

Understanding

And from watching this movie I again felt that I have this deep passion for understanding these interesting concepts about humanity, society, history, spirituality. This idea with Buddha and Jesus was just so brilliant.

I am looking forward to starting to study all these spiritual traditions. And to become God. I really like the term "God."

And the movie was also fun because you could see all these massive ego reaction from these rational scientists. I just had to laugh.

 

Experience

"Do not seek to have events happen as you want them, but instead want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well." - Epictetus

I said here quite a few times that I just want these exams to be over, preferably just skipping these weeks and not experiencing them. But right now I feel like I want to experience them. I will grow from them. I want to fully experience my emotions.

[Dragallur]

8 minutes ago, JKG said:

"The Man On Earth." Wow, this was soo good.

Exactly I also got it from forum.. I liked how it all happened just in the room basically and it was all about story telling, and then how in the end he stepped back when he realised that the people are not ready for it (ready for the truth? )

[JKG]

studying, studying, studying

The first exam will be in  two days. I have only one day of full studying for maths and history left. Maybe I will study a bit more for history on wednesday, but I don't know if I am capable of doing that after the maths exam.

I feel good about that. It will be finally over. Most of my days for more than three weeks now have manly been about studying history. I am kind of excited to write the maths exam in two days - finally a bit harder tasks.

I like it to understand now almost everything. I know everything for maths, and I know almost everything for history. And then I can pure out all of my knowledge in the exams. And after thursday I will hopefully never have to studying again for history. But it is possible that I want to study a bit of history afterwards. I started to like history quite a bit.

So today I have started to revise the rest of the stuff that I don't know well yet. I just hope that it stays in my head. Now there are only 9 rather small items on my list left.

Today has been a lot of studying. I guess 6 hours of history and 1 hour of maths. I am quite exhausted but I will be able to repeat the same tomorrow.

In the big breaks I felt that I really need some relaxation and easy entertainment. I started watching "The Big Bang Theory" again. I used to watch it a LOT about 5 years ago. I could spend my whole day watching it. But I feel a bit bad about it. It is so useless. But its okay for these few days. I just have to watch out for not continuing to watch it after the exams.

Yesterday I have only meditated for 1.25 hours, and today until now only 45 minutes. I feel it. It is not a good feeling. I need meditation now for relaxation purposes.

 

family

Today I have noticed how similar my sister is to my mother. She acts so similar to her. So neurotic. I just want her to grow up so I can show her the other side of life - the self-actualization side.

Its just funny and also tragic how these egos act.

[JKG]

the day before the exams

The whole morning I felt great. I was kind of excited because it will be over soon. And the exams would bring a bit of variety into my days.

I kind of simulated my morning routine tomorrow. I will firstly meditate for an hour, then eat breakfast and prepare other food, then get ready and meditate until I have to go.

So I studied the whole morning history. I am not quite through my list yet. That means that I still have to get some stuff done tomorrow afternoon.

But after my lunch break I started to feel this slight tension again. Not because of maths tomorrow, but because of history in two days.

In the late afternoon I revised a bit of maths and did some old exams. I skimmed through them and searched for the harder exercises. They were not that hard. I am confident for tomorrow. If the school department of my country didn't change the stile of the exams that much, it will be pretty easy for me to get 14 points at least. 

My whole family wished me luck. Its kind of annoying to hear the same stuff from all the people.

Now I will meditate and calm down a bit. Then I hope that I can sleep well.

[JKG]

the maths exam

Yesterday morning I felt okay. Not too nervous. I was ready to go quite early and then had to wait some time. I was also quite early at school. Then my teacher and all the other students came. I got a nice place at the window. Then I kind of felt nervous but not because of maths but because of history the next day.

Before we got the exams handed out some of the high ranking teachers came to us and told us some funny stories. My teacher said that she is happy with the exam.

Then we finally got the exam. It was quite easy. I had no major problems at any tasks. Everything went well. I just have some minor mistakes, but I couldn't change that. Just at the end my concentration became a bit low. I would have liked to have 15 minutes more time.

Then afterwards I talked with other students. All of them liked the exam too.

If I am lucky I will maybe get 15 points, probably 14 points, and at least 13 points.

After two hours of relaxing I started to study the final rest of history. I even went for a 5k run with intervals. Afterwards I felt great.

 

the history exam

This morning I felt happy and only slightly nervous. The good maths exam yesterday kind of let go of the nervousness from history. I've had the mindset of going to give my best, and if my best is not enough thats okay.

I waited for like 15 minutes before the room with some friends. Then my teacher and some other teachers came. Then after waiting for another 15 minutes we got the exams. One exam was a caricature and we had to know the historical context of 1945 to 1949. I don't like caricatures and don't like that time period. The next exam was a speech by Churchill, and we had to know the first two years of the second world war. I did not study the second world war, so I didn't chose that exam. Then the last exam was a good one! It was a text by a historian about the time from 1900 to 1914, industrialization and how the war changed society. The text was pretty easy to understand and the other tasks were also alright, so I decided to go for this exam. 

I liked the text. Analyzing it was easy and I was done with the first task and were good in schedule. I didn't understand a part of the second task clearly, but it was good. I wrote 5 pages and I liked it to connect all sorts of topics together and just puring out all of my knowledge. My teacher even came to me and gave me some good hints. I liked that. Then the third task was a bit more complicated. It wasn't totally clear to me. I brainstormed a bit and then got some ideas. I think I have answered the question alright, but the structure of my text got a bit out of order. And I had only 5 minutes left to read through all of the 14 pages.

Then at the end I felt relieved. The other students who also wrote history didn't like the choice of exams that much. Most of them took the text by Churchill.

History is done. I never have to study for history again. I just put all of my history material to the side. But that feels so weird. After having studied history for over one month now almost every day I started to like history quite a lot. And now never having to do this again is weird. I kind of feel empty. I will not get this appreciation from my teacher anymore. Never again, after school. Then end of all this school stuff is so near. That is so weird. I am free, but this freedom is weird.

I also feel exhausted and tired. Today I will just relax. Nothing more. And tomorrow I will start studying chemistry...

[Dragallur]

4 hours ago, JKG said:

I just have some minor mistakes, but I couldn't change that

Are you sure?

I find it quite crazy how here in Germany people write so much in their tests. In Czech its more about knowing terms or writing essay with like 300 words.. and then you write 14 pages!!!

[JKG]

3 minutes ago, Dragallur said:

I find it quite crazy how here in Germany people write so much in their tests. In Czech its more about knowing terms or writing essay with like 300 words.. and then you write 14 pages!!!

Its weird how different the school systems are - even within Germany.

You have to consider that I wrote only on 2/3 of the page. We had to leave a 1/3 margin for correction. And my handwriting is not to small. And if I hadn't left spaces it would have been only 12.5 pages or something like that.

I know people from advanced German classes who write like 20 or 25 pages in their exams. Well, you have to get out everything you know to get all the necessary aspects and all the points. But I also know some lazy people who write in three hours only 4 pages, or don't even write the whole three hours.

6 minutes ago, Dragallur said:

Are you sure?

The formulation of the tasks were sometimes strange and I didn't know exactly what they wanted from me.

Once I had definitively the right approach to the problem and the right way to calculate it, but I just didn't get a solution.

[Dragallur]

34 minutes ago, JKG said:

Its weird how different the school systems are - even within Germany.

You have to consider that I wrote only on 2/3 of the page. We had to leave a 1/3 margin for correction. And my handwriting is not to small. And if I hadn't left spaces it would have been only 12.5 pages or something like that.

I know people from advanced German classes who write like 20 or 25 pages in their exams. Well, you have to get out everything you know to get all the necessary aspects and all the points. But I also know some lazy people who write in three hours only 4 pages, or don't even write the whole three hours.

Just today I got back my German exam, of course we did not have so much time, 60 minutes. I was proud of my page and half (though I wrote basically whole page) and then the teacher was like: "Well this part could have been longer.. ". (I got 4 from the text and 5 from grammar )

That reminds me how in Czech it is much more common for people to have 1 in exam (but apparently you dont have have a problem to get full points here too). I guess its because you need to get less points in Czech (85% to get 1) and also there is often no oral participation with which you could balance it. Only the worst in class have 4 or 5 but here its "completely" normal. Also art, music and sports are not really subjects, we do not write usually any exams and just get 1 at the end of the year .

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 4/29/2017 at 4:29 PM, JKG said:

I really like the term "God."

<3

[JKG]

the days before the chemistry exam

It has been 5 days of studying chemistry after having done the history exam.

I was more relaxed. I was kind of weird to study chemistry and not history because it has been a while since I did something for chemistry. I like studying chemistry more than history. Here I see again that I like this logical thinking and problem solving more. I didn't have to just memorize thousands of facts like in history. Chemistry is more about understanding how the molecules work together in different situations.

I just had to revise all the topics from two years of classes. But that was not that hard because we already started to revise them in class a few months ago. And I continuously had to apply them in class. It were three big ranges of subjects. Firstly electrochemistry, secondly acid-base reactions, and thirdly organic chemistry which could be split into dyestuffs, synthetic materials and reaction mechanisms.

That were 5 topics for 5 days. And the time worked out perfectly. I was finished with today in the early afternoon. Afterwards I didn't even know what I should study next. I could have done some old exams, but that is always the same stuff over and over again. So I stopped and "enjoyed" the rest of my day.

How do I feel now? I am not really nervous, maybe just a little little bit. But that is nothing in comparison to last week. There my body was full of tension. But I still have the tics.

I feel confident that I know everything that I need to know. I don't know what I should have studied more. I have applied the 20/80 principle well I guess. Of course I could review every little detail from class (and one school friend even did that). I just focused on the 20 percent. The other 80 percent will probably not help me in the exam.

Our chemistry exams are always kind of strange. Some parts are really easy. But there are also other parts where the task makes no sense at all. All the ways of trying to solve the problem are so contradictory. That happened for example in the last exam. I felt that my solution was totally wrong, but in the end I did almost everything fine. So I know that there might come up problems, but I will be able to get most of the points for the task anyways.

Our exam will have two main parts about two different fields. We have 4 hours and 15 minutes time, so for every part I have about two hours. That should be doable. It is possible to reach 150 points from the tasks. If I get at least 143 points (95%), I will get 15 points (A*). It is possible to get that if there are no major problems. Its doable too. My physics teacher (who also teaches chemistry) will be the second corrector. He likes me. So that means that he could be nice at grading my exam. I guess I will also write a little bit about physics stuff in the chemistry exam if possible. I could just write there E=h*f=h*c/λ while explaining how dyes absorb photons to make him proud.

Well, I don't want to set too high expectations for myself. Ill just go with the flow and see how much is possible.

But the weird thing about this exam will be that it is my last written exam in school ever. From then on I only have to study a little big for the oral examination in English in three weeks. That is not much. So that means that I will soon have a lot of free time! I can finally begin to work on my life purpose!!!!!! That is something that I was waiting for for quite a long time.

I will take a little break to relax for some days. Then I will start to plan a little bit what I will be doing with all my time. And then Ill take action and make the best of my time.

[JKG]

Sun Gazing

 

I have been inspired to try sun gazing because of these two videos. I already have heard about it two years ago. Now I am more open to it and see the reason why it could be powerful.

I have tried it out now three times. The whether conditions in cold-cloudy-Germany are not optimal for it, but I will try my best. And on our property and in the surrounding is also not an optimal space to watch the sun in the morning. But I have found a spot which should be okay. I have to crawl behind some bushes with some thorns, and barefoot this is not so comfortable. And there is a fence and branches in the sight, but I am able to see most of the sun.

Today the conditions were perfectly. I set my timer for 30 seconds, but somehow I didn't hear it. So I ended up watching the sun for 2 minutes. Kind of funny. My mind drifted away so quickly that I didn't notice the time running by. Anyways, I felt no negative consequences form it.

And this night I didn't closed my window so that the light could come into my room. Something nice happened. I once woke up at 4am because it became slowly bright outside. And then I woke up again 5 minutes before my alarm rang at 5:45 - the time of the sunrise. I like that. Life can be so nice if you just live naturally. I will do this now every time.

[JKG]

the chemistry exam

In the morning I felt almost no nervousness. Just the few minutes before I felt it a bit. Our teacher wasn't coming and the biology course was already in their room, but nobody came to us. That was kind of weird.

Then the exam went pretty well. I read the first exam and had to laugh a bit. They always have a story behind it - this time it was the explanation of the Hessdalen lights. The second exam was about a the dye Azorubine - a red food dye. I was able to manage my time very well. I had no major problems with any task. Just two tasks were strange and I needed some time to solve them. I also had lost my concentration near the end, but I still managed to solve it well.

At the end of the exam I felt really great. I was happy that it was done. I have written 31 pages (with 1/2 margin) and my hand hurt. I felt like it could be 15 points with a bit of luck. Now after thinking about it I see some minor mistakes, but it will be at least 14 points!

After the exam I talked with 6 school friends. We went into the city eating ice creme. (I didn't eat ice creme for like a year.) The weather was so nice. We talked about the exam, school, and other activities. I enjoyed it. I wanted to practice participating more in the group conversation but I somehow forgot it. We stayed there until 3pm. Then I accompanied my best friend while she walked back to her car.

Then I went home. I ate a pretty late lunch. I put all of my chemistry stuff away. I meditated with a lot of monkey mind, went in-line skating and thought about the near future. I was happy and felt free. Only the oral exam in English is left. So nice. The end of school is so near. A new era of my life starts.