Joshi3

Why does this all feel so pointless?

124 posts in this topic

I have awoken to the fact I am everything and that this all in fact just a dream. This has been beyond soul crushing and depressing beyond imagination. I’m having these weird lucid dreams. Now anything anyone tells me is just weird and complicated. Life feels beyond pointless. If this just infinity what’s the point of even doing anything in the first place. People have been telling my I’m in this dark night of the soul. But life still feels meaningless as all hell. And everyday it just gets worse and worse. I’ve stopped taking care of myself, my sleep is totally whack as I go to bed in the late ams to wake past 4 to go to work. I started this all because in the beginning it felt very good too see my paradigm change and evolve to something to help me accomplish a better life. But now nothing feels worth accomplishing not even eating. Anything I do is because my body is telling me to do so or to distract myself from the fact this is just a dream and there’s no point in anything. I started this journey because I felt a deep sense of loneliness and to improve my life, my relationships, my body but this all feels so pointless. My life feels meaningless and I don’t want to do this anymore I just want this to end please help 

Edited by Joshi3

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Maybe it's best for you right now to take a break from everything, including work and spirituality, and to just spend your time meditating. I've been there, the suffering was unbearable, and I was on the edge of suicide, until I let go of all the thoughts and stories and started an at-home retreat, which was all about meditation, silence, and walking outside in nature. Right now, I am in the most blissful state I've ever been. So, be optimistic and have a little faith. You're going through labour..

Much love, to you and to the new you ❤️

Edited by Lento

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1 minute ago, Lento said:

Maybe it's best for you right now to take a break from everything, including work and spirituality, and to just spend your time meditating. I've been there, the suffering was unbearable, and I was on the edge of suicide, until I let go of all the thoughts and stories and started an at-home retreat, which was all about meditation, silence, and walking outside in nature. Right now, I am in the most blissful state I've ever been. So, be optimistic. You're going through labour. Have a little faith.. Much love ❤️

How do I get myself to meditate if this is all just a dream and I can’t stop thinking about how I am everything and there is no one else because I am just those people 

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@Joshi3 Do you realize you're just caught in a thought story that's causing you all this suffering. If you changed the narrative and changed the feelings associated with the narrative wouldn't you feel better?

How long have you felt like this? And how long have you been thinking like this? 

Edited by Raptorsin7

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14 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Joshi3 Do you realize you're just caught in a thought story that's causing you all this suffering. If you changed the narrative and changed the feelings associated with the narrative wouldn't you feel better?

How long have you felt like this? And how long have you been thinking like this? 

I was feeling fine before this awakening. I’m fact before was when it was peaking it was just getting better and better. I would hang out with my friends and it was like life was a show or movie it was like there was this filter that kept getting better and better. Like the way reality looked and felt just got better and better. Then I awoke to the fact that you create your own reality and that this was a reflection of my mind. I was like sweat I can make this dream life with all my friends, I can improve my passion for music and art and business. Then I awoken further to the fact that in deed I am actually just everything and I’m technically all alone. This crushed my dreams for pursuing all those things. Then it hid me harder how this all just a dream and it doesn’t matter if you live or die. Then I was shown that this is just all infinite imagination. So I am all alone in what is imaginary. All the good feelings of life have been sucked out, my ambitions have just faded, and I was dealing with depression before awakening but it was getting better. Now it’s like a hot fire and just gets worse. It’s been like this for a few weeks. Before the awakening the depression I tried to get rid of then sounds pleasurable now. You don’t understand trying to change how I was thinking was the very first thing I tried to do. Life itself feels pointless not even the thoughts. Why do anything at all if it’s just a dream?

Edited by Joshi3

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@Joshi3 I feel for you man. I think what you're going through is a natural part of the process. I'm just beginning to realize the benefits of meditation so i can't really relate to your highs or lows. But I think it could help to remind yourself that all of what you're going through right now is temporary. Nothing lasts. No matter what it seems like now, eventually it will get better. And when it gets better is up to you.

Also you're not alone. I'm here too

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4 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Joshi3 I feel for you man. I think what you're going through is a natural part of the process. I'm just beginning to realize the benefits of meditation so i can't really relate to your highs or lows. But I think it could help to remind yourself that all of what you're going through right now is temporary. Nothing lasts. No matter what it seems like now, eventually it will get better. And when it gets better is up to you.

Also you're not alone. I'm here too

Don’t you understand that you are everything too? And Leo made this video saying since we are one that means I will experience all the rapes and murders there are out there and worse. Because of infinity 

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Hey man. Its funny that you posted this because just a few weeks ago I also realized that I am God/ infinity. Subject and object dissolved completely and now I realize that this is all just a game happening in the mind of God.

Following that realization I had a series of ego backlashes being extremely nihilistic including thoughts such as "what the hell is the point of all this. Why follow my purpose."

Some of these ego backlashes are brutal and can last up to 5 days even in my experience. It just takes a while for our nervous system to adjust to realizing that we are God I guess lol. Best thing to do honestly is just chill and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Edited by Byun Sean

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@Joshi3 I mean i'm wiling to accept and integrate the idea. But i haven't experienced it so i can't say for sure i even understand what it means. I don't think your solution will come from more thinking. I don't think you will figure this out by just going over the same stories over and over again. I think you need to find a way to start feeling better first. Exercise, diet, talk to someone, these are the things that will help imo.

 

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5 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

Hey man. Its funny that you posted this because just a few weeks ago I also realized that I am God/ infinity. Subject and object dissolved completely and now I realize that this is all just a game happening in the mind of God.

Following that realization I had a series of ego backlashes being extremely nihilistic including thoughts such as "what the hell is the point of all this. Why follow my purpose."

Some of these ego backlashes are brutal and can last up to 5 days even in my experience. It just takes a while for our nervous system to adjust to realizing that we are God I guess lol. Best thing to do honestly is just chill and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It literally feels like I’m actually going insane, I already felt so bad before and it just shitted on top. It’s been almost a month now. 5 days sounds amazing 

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6 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Joshi3 I mean i'm wiling to accept and integrate the idea. But i haven't experienced it so i can't say for sure i even understand what it means. I don't think your solution will come from more thinking. I don't think you will figure this out by just going over the same stories over and over again. I think you need to find a way to start feeling better first. Exercise, diet, talk to someone, these are the things that will help imo.

 

I have no will or desire to exercise diet or talk to people. That’s the problem, I feel no will to even brush my teeth. This entire life seems entirely useless. Even Leo said the purpose is to just “be” 

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3 minutes ago, Joshi3 said:

It literally feels like I’m actually going insane, I already felt so bad before and it just shitted on top. It’s been almost a month now. 5 days sounds amazing 

Are you absolutely sure it's just spiritual work doing this? 1 month seems pretty long for an ego backlash. 

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3 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Joshi3 Have you tried full acceptance and love of your situation as it is?

Yes and I just feel more empty and numb 

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7 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

It sounds like you sit all day in your room... until you go to work. Is that you?

 

This didn't used to be the case but now, sadly yes 

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Just now, supremeyingyang said:

Well, Well.
Is that a sidejob?
You are in your 20s, right?

No it's my main job and I'm 18

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@Joshi3 consider finding a teacher that can help you through this. A dark night of the soul can be rough to go through. It is however temporary, your realization will go deeper and your feelings of meaninglessness will dissolve. What might help is daily exercise like walking in nature to focus more on your other senses other than thought (even if you don't feel like it). Journaling is also a good way to get some distance to your thoughts.


He has no will of his own.
He dwells in reality,
and lets all illusions go.

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