Lento

Balance vs. Imbalance

60 posts in this topic

When Adam and Eve sinned, they felt ashamed. They created shame out of Love. They thought that they betrayed God, but they never knew that God cannot be harmed. God never judged them, but they judged themselves. God never shut the doors, but they did. They ran, and tried to escape the mess they'd created, only to find themselves in a deeper hell.

There's always a road back to God; That's God's message, and it's written on every door.

Wherever I look, I see Love. I can't perceive anything other than Love.

I am Love.

 

Edited by Lento

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I was up last night in the middle of the night feeling immense love. I looked at my hands and cried. They're pure Love. This screen is Love. These letters are Love. Everything is Love.

Look at me now and tell me; what isn't Love?!

Love is even more fundamental than Truth! Truth needs a mind to confirm it while Love doesn't. It's just purer and truer than the truth!

..

The duality of high vs. low consciousness has collapsed for me. I've been going through the worst ego-backlash of all time and I went with it without a bit of resistance. Luckily enough, I got to be aware of Love throughout the whole thing, and it helped and clarified a lot of things. Basically, I've spent the last week or so chatting with the lowest conscious people you could possibly know. Funny thing is that not only I've enjoyed every moment of it, but I've also learned a lot of things. It's really just a matter of attitude. If you're a good student, then everyone and everything is a good teacher. Now, it's obvious to me that it's impossible to have high consciousness without having low consciousness in the first place.

And in fact, the whole hierarchy has collapsed. There's no such thing as consciousness or awareness contrasted to unconsciousness or unawareness. This is simply a false system. It's a relative system, to be more accurate. It is meant to be a tool or a pointer, not the truth. What really happens is that there's an "I" that is aware, and there is God that encapsulates the "I" and everything else. So, in this sense, God is consciousness, and "I" is awareness. So, what is unconsciousness? It's simply what "I" is not aware of (subconscious mind). How to be aware of unconsciousness? By meditation and other practices. Psychedelics seem to basically have a unique capability to bring up the subconscious mind to awareness; "I".

In another sense, awareness is simply the sensations. And when you increase your awareness, you increase your ability to be present to sensing more things that you were missing out on before.

There is no mystery here. Awareness is unconsciousness experienced in a deeper and slower pace. It is a bit difficult to map it out, because it seems like consciousness has two main components; quality and quantity. So, the higher the quality and quantity are, the more aware and present, and the less neurotic and resistant you become. This is what they refer to as "vibration".

Now it gets a little bit interesting. This could potentially help healing a lot of mental problems. For example, it seems like OCD is basically an increase of the quantity of consciousness over its quality. Wow! Imagine if we could deeply investigate and study consciousness according to this model. I will be trying to do that. Imagine if we could prove that OCDs can be treated simply by increasing the quality of consciousness or by decreasing its quantity. What a breakthrough would that be?! Oh, you have an OCD? Okay, just practice this method for 30 days and you will cured! Imagine!

Edited by Lento

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I shed a tear listening to this towards the end.

"You have no good reason not to completely love and accept yourself. You are your own chosen one. You are so greatly loved. There is an Author - that is the true you who loves you like a child, like a part of them."

..

Today I've finished the exams for the first semester of the fifth year of college. I went on a night out with my brother. We had a great time. We played video games (Blur) and enjoyed it. The atmosphere reminded me of the time when this song was a hit ??

 

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So, I'm back. I went this morning and applied for a German language course. Practically, the whole course is 6 levels. Each level is 63 hours distributed on 7 weeks. Each week has 9 hours distributed on 3 days. The course starts on Sunday, March 1st. I'll be taking the first level and see where it'll get me. I'm excited about this. The first level ends on Thursday, April 16th. Of course, for me to reach the next level, there will be a test. I've skimmed some general overview over German and I think it's not a difficult language considering that I'm good at English which isn't my native language to begin with. But anyway, we'll see ??

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My last couple of days have been completely effortless. It's amazing! There's not a single bit of resistance or suffering, thanks to Love. With Love, you know that everything is alright. You know that nothing can or will ever go wrong. You know that this is the best thing there is. What's there to fear or reject or resist? It's the ultimate freedom!

..

I might start experimenting with cold showers. I don't know, but I find this idea intriguing. I tried it once before, but I was forced and I was full of resistance. Maybe now with this enhanced awareness things will change.

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Great video overall. Leo knows how to market his stuff. The end was spectacular because he highlighted the importance of open-mindedness. I think it's the most important quality for this work. I haven't done any psychedelics whatsoever yet, but I look forward to doing some as soon as possible.

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Finally, Leo is bringing something new to the table. I got sick of him repeating himself all the time. Actualized.org needs more variety. This video is going to be very interesting!

..

Such a beautiful and haunting song! It was featured in 13 Reasons Why.

Edited by Lento

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The first conscious experience of cold showers was not bad. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't suffer either. I went this morning and ran for 21 minutes, and then I returned back home in 6 minutes and showered for about 10 minutes. I don't know the exact temperature but it's winter, so it's probably something between 5 and 10 °C. I felt somewhat frozen in the top of head area, it hurt a little while and then it went away. The heartbeat acceleration felt intense at first. I built up to the full body shower. I couldn't do it all at once. I was afraid at first but then my body got used to it. I don't know what the value of this practice. I should have researched more about it before doing it. I have about 10 threads on this forum that I was supposed to read before. But that's the problem with curiosity, you just can't wait, it's kind of a stupid idea to rush into doing things without proper research. I guess it's a consequence of fearlessness. In fact, I have tons (over 200) internet pages that are open in my browsers. I can't read them all even if I don't have anything to do. There's only so much time everyday. Everything has its pros and cons. So, on the other hand, thinking and researching a lot without practice can become toxic. I see this problem happening with a lot of people. They're too stuck in their minds, between their maps, trying to get to perfection. This is a very basic trap. There is a balance between the thinking and doing, but I always prefer taking action because thinking is the neutral mode for the mind. It's almost always better to take action rather than think and research because you're going to think anyway, but with experience, you will have something tangible to build your thoughts on. So, why does the mind think a lot? Why can't it take a rest and be happy with whatever is? This is probably due to deep fear and insecurity. The mind is afraid of death. Thinking is how it keeps itself alive.

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I've watched Leo's video on The World Values Survey, and all I can say is that Leo is trying hard to be Turquoise while he's just a Green hippy pushing his agendas, at least from my perspective. The main mistakes I see him making is that, firstly, he is projecting his hippy values out onto the world without acknowledging or being aware of that, he quite often even actively denies his biases, he's just a liberal, not so much sophisticated. Secondly, he is denying many things that he supposedly should be accepting and integrating in order for transcendence to occur. I don't know if it's his desire to be right or his biases that blind him, but he rejects and denies things like fear and basically everything he deems "low consciousness". I mean how stupid is that?! He prefaces his video by saying that the foundation of higher consciousness is built upon lower consciousness, and then proceeds to build a hierarchy and demonise low consciousness. Thirdly, and related to the previous point, he believes that intellectuals should be the leaders of society. He believes that the labour force are dumb people who shouldn't have a say. This hierarchy is problematic, it's practically the same hierarchical structure as aristocracy, "people who are born in a better position should lead". It's ridiculous, but it makes sense to Leo because he himself is an intellectual, and he's not aware of his biases. 

Overall, very good video for the ordinary people, but not for me. He didn't actually add much insights for me. And I'm not saying this to brag, but this is my journal and I'm being honest with myself first and foremost. I think Spiral Dynamics is a much better and much more nuanced model.

Good insight: stage Green demonises what's below and should be more compassionate. Lower stages demonise Green and should be more humble and acknowledge the fact that Green is above. 

A good couple of warnings towards the end.

Good quote: "In the long run, we're all dead."

..

There's a lot to say today, and I'm struggling to even put it into words. I'm very sure I've left out many insights I wanted to record today. It's been a busy and an insightful day.

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Time for some shadow work..

There are two people here that annoy me the most. The first one is a member with the username 'remember'. She's just irritating. I should look deeper for why I despise her and everything she writes. The second one is the moderator 'cetus56'. I don't like him having power. I think that he shouldn't be a moderator and that he's unnecessary.

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About psychedelics; I don't know what the big deal is. I mean, if they reveal the truth, then they're definitely unnecessary because the truth is already the case. I guess that there's something more than just realising the being of the present moment. Then again, if they reveal that everything is imaginary, then we should be able to simulate a psychedelic experience through imagination, which is exactly what happens on deep meditation and inquiry. And it should be a stupid argument to say that psychedelics are quicker than meditation and other practices, because time is imaginary and effort is imaginary too. Moreover, destination itself is imaginary. Deluded folks like Leo like to advocate psychedelics, but they're just hypocrites. They say things that only seem to be true to them while they are tripping. The exact same things stop seeming true to them when the trip is over. Why is that? Either because they're just hallucinating things, or because the traditional practices are the way. In both cases, psychedelics are unnecessary, unless, of course, you imagine they aren't.

..

Wow! What a beautiful song!

Edited by Lento

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3 hours ago, Lento said:

Time for some shadow work..

There are two people here that annoy me the most.

The most "annoying" people on this forum are those who don't justify their criticism. They only judge someone else's opinion without saying what would be the issue if the opposing was true. They don't promote anything while losing the opportunity to have a deeper awareness of their criticism that could reveal them their hidden shadows.   

Second most annoying, the ones who think they can have a legitimate opinion on, or against psychedelics without having some breakthrough experiences on them first. 

 

But I 'm not annoyed by them. I learn from them.

Edited by Kensho

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I feel numb on the inside. I feel like I don't even exist. I don't feel emotions except the minimum. Yesterday, I went and meditated while walking for 2 hours and a half. I went to a lot of the places that I used to have an emotional connection with in the past. I felt nothing. I visited parts of the town where I used to live in earlier and where I have a lot of memories of. I felt nothing. I went to a park; On the way in, I saw a beggar beating her little daughter. She then sent her to take money from me. The little girl was crying and in pain. I held her hands, they were cold. I asked her what her name was; she said Zenab. I comforted her, wiped away her tears, told her to stay strong and not to cry, and gave her some money because I knew her mother would beat her again if I didn't. I acted very compassionately, but I still felt nothing. On the way out, I saw a weak old lady trying to cross the street. She asked me to help her, and I did. She praised me a lot and prayed for me. I still felt nothing.
Today, I went to the old city and visited the citadel there. I used to have a certain spiritual connection with it in the past. Still, I felt nothing. I'm writing this right now objectively without emotions. It's bizarre, yet I guess it's natural. I even tried watching porn, and now I hardly get aroused.
..
I contemplated why I get annoyed by 'remember'. She did interfere a couple of times in discussions I was having where she shouldn't have. She projected many things onto me, and everything she was saying was unsolicited. And then, I noticed that she's a try hard for creativity. She isn't creative, but she tries her best to be so. This is something I despise. Maybe because I am fake as well.
And as for 'cetus56', he did once make fun of me with Leo, and he did once close a thread I started for no good reason. I tried to contact him with the intention of unlocking it, but I didn't say it directly because I despise him. Eventually, he stopped replying to me. Besides, he seems to always be trying to create an image of himself as an enlightened someone. I think that he's a deluded ideologue. He's a main reason for why I'm against psychedelics. I don't want to become like him. Maybe I should accept reality. Maybe the things I despise about him exist somewhere inside of me.
..
I don't even know why I'm journaling. I don't actually want to journal. It's probably just a force of habit. I don't feel anything.

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Oh my God! Finally!

Balance is the perfect alignment with reality in every single moment.

I can't believe how such a deep insight got spontaneously revealed while speaking myself. It seems like interacting with highly conscious people is truly contagious. Thank you Serotoninluv ??

Edited by Lento

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Today I start with the second semester, and the first German class. I will be very busy, trying to catch multiple birds at the same time. Therefore, I will have to decrease the time I surf the internet. My visits to this site will decrease as well, although not much. I will still be trying to keep the balance.

My schedule will be like this;

  • On Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays; 3 hours for German class + about 4 hours for college and transition. This is 6 hours already. I will still need 2 to 3 hours for at-home college catching up, and about 2 hours for German. That's 10 hours. So, there will be no workout during these days.
  • On Mondays and Wednesdays; there's college but no German class. That's 4 + 2 = 6 hours. The rest of the time will be perfect for working out, surfing the internet, journaling, reading, practising more German, etc...
  • On Fridays and Saturdays; there will be more time for relaxation, socialisation, and personal development. Plus, any drawbacks should be fixed there.

Of course, meditation is still sacred and it's embedded in every day. The rest will be left for flexibility and accommodation. Minor changes will certainly take place over the days, but this is the main plan. We'll see how it works ??

Edited by Lento

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You can't be aware of the facets of God all at the same time. One facet leads to another, and all are one in essence at the same time, but you can't be aware of them all at once. Awareness has a limited capacity.

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A leader must have an ever-changing, ever-evolving personality. Egos like to cling to a static reality. When you change, they will feel like they have lost control over reality and they will try to gain it back again by trying to hold you back to return you to homeostasis.

A leader does not care what other people think.

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God's realisations don't fit in this character. I feel like an actor on a stage. Sensations seem to only manifest when I encounter something that is on my same level. Love has turned into compassion without sensation. Hatred has turned into self-love, which means compassion with my self without sensation. Anger has turned into energy without sensation. Sadness has turned into low energy without sensation. Laughter has turned into a waste of energy without sensation. Jealousy has turned into motivation without sensation.

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I have always been eager to share my wisdom with the world. Nowadays, I just know a lost cause when I see it. It's not possible for me to force a closed-mind to open. I don't know how to open other people's minds without triggering them. When I discuss something, it is difficult for me to communicate my thoughts without hurting some egos. For me, I can easily separate the personal stuff from the truth. I am a truth addict. Unfortunately, most people aren't. Most people are fragile hypocrites who claim to want the truth, but the truth is that they only want to feel good. As soon as the truth starts to feel a little bit uncomfortable, they freak out and run away. Most people are not stoics, and therefore they're not comfortable with being uncomfortable. Not-knowing is a serious threat to the ego structure and most people are not aware of their ego and the tricks it plays on them. Their narrative is all they have, they just can't give it up. Without a narrative, they feel lost. I feel pity for them sometimes, but then I remember that it's not up to me. I can't exorcise the devils out of them sinners. Or to be more honest, I don't care. Let them burn in hell. It's not full awakening unless hell equals paradise. I'm not fully woke myself, but I'm on my way there. Oneness means accepting everything as it is. I'm at Oneness right now. The next step is Creation. It's the ability to be selective with reality and hold it all together like it's all that matters, while at the same time being aware that none of it really matters. Right now, I'm transitioning from letting go to holding on. But I'm looking for balance. That's the ultimate goal, baby, and create it I must. A creator is someone who creates the most out of suffering. He's free, completely free that when his feelings lead, his thoughts follow, and vice-versa. There's no one in the world more powerful than a creator. Instead of surrendering control for happiness, a creator has both. A Creator is both a God and a devil. That's why duality exists, because two gods are better than one. From God's perspective, the devil is included even though it's non-existent. From the devil's perspective, God does not exist at all, and the devil thinks that he's God. So, there you have it, the true God and a fake one. Formlessness and Form. Awareness and thought. Direct experience and concept. Reality and imagination. Presence and absence. Now and time. Whole and part. Inside and outside. All and none. None and all. Enlightenment is being able to shift seamlessly back and forth between the two and being able to hold them both together at the same time and neither as well. Until then, well, nothing. Everything is going to be alright.

..

"Oh, so silently we go..

Oh, so silently we go.."

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Today at college, the professor didn't come. It was a 2-hour class, so I picked up my phone and started listening to music. I don't usually shuffle all. I often listen to my most played, or recently played playlists. Or, when I shuffle, I only pick certain songs that match my mood. Anyway, this song came up;

The story of this song goes back to my second year of college. That was one year before I got into personal development. So, I'm listening to it and getting amazed at how much I've changed. It's just unbelievable! I used to have zero self-esteem. I was a needy, neurotic, insecure, underdeveloped, stage Blue dweeb. I was a complete disaster. Funny how everything can change. I was embarrassed by those memories, but I kept the song anyway. I had deep empathy for myself. I can't say that I felt anything because I didn't. There was a bunch of thoughts without identification. I have no fear, and without fear, there's no identification. Is it good to not have fear? Everything is Good.

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I did a second cold shower experience. It's very important to warm up before going in there. This time it was a follow-up to a 10-minute home workout. I felt more resistance even though less cold than last time. Still, I did it even more impulsive than last time. The more you think, the worse it gets. Just do it. The results so far seem good. I feel a bit more energetic than the usual. I also feel more grounded in my body, and more impulsive. I've read this post last weekend and noticed how much that practice is being oversold. It seems good. I don't know why people like to exaggerate everything.

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This is definitely and absolutely the worst way for wasting your time. I feel pity for those who still believe Leo, I truly do. I feel even more pity for those who try to correct him with their genuine concerns. Leo is now corrupted beyond correction. Day after day, it's becoming clearer to me how actualized.org is probably the sneakiest cult in our era. Leo advertising psychedelics more and more everyday. There are only two logical explanations for this; he either owns a pharmaceutical factory, or works in one. This may seem like a stage Orange assessment. He is full of shit.

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Knives Out; what a brilliant movie to end the week with! It was so overwhelming, I didn't even feel time passing. I love this kind of movies where you have to stay alert from the beginning to the end and you still have no clue about what's going on. It just keeps you in wonder, and then it leaves you in wonder too. Oh, and Daniel Craig and his British accent. Just incredible!

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So, that was last night. Today, I did nothing almost at all. I'm exhausted after a very busy week. I deserve some rest. I spent most of the day just relaxing and enjoying the silence, although I went out and walked for one hour, worked out for 30 minutes, listened to some music, and watched Jumanji 2 which was only okay. The rest of the day was just about relaxing the body, calming the mind, and deepening the connection with my perception. The day is not over yet, so I may go out or do something else. I need to make good use of every single moment of the weekend to recharge my powers. I have big plans for tomorrow, or so I think.

..

 

Edited by Lento

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I am void of all desires. All I'm doing nowadays is just autopilot old conditioning. Last time I was taking the German class, a girl sat next to me. I usually would want to initiate an interaction of any kind, not because I'm a social extroverted person, but because I used to have a desire to connect with women. Now, I don't. It feels empty. Everything feels empty. She forgot her book, so she asked me to share mine with her. I was like meh, okay. She was not ugly, nor sexy, nor anything. I just don't feel that desire to connect anymore. Right now, I'm in a place where I don't want to initiate anything. I prefer walking my own path and I don't mind others joining it. I don't have time for playing games. I am not interested in those sick dynamics. All I want is honesty and straightforwardness. Am I asking for too much?! Perhaps I should stop growing in the vertical plane and instead continue growing in the horizontal plane. I guess the higher you become, the more disconnected from your environment you become. This happens even here. Many people can't see what I'm pointing to because they're too dumb to see it. I'm done with all kinds of games, including mind games. There are no problems. Knowledge is a trap.

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I was watching this video; 

And from the beginning to the end, I cried so hard. It's reached to the deepest of my heart. I've cried so many times in the past, yet rarely like this. Suddenly, I've got a full picture, complete understanding of what's going on, and where she's coming from. I felt everything she's gone through and how it all affected her to become who she is. I realised how monstrous it was from me to assume that she's being narcissistic. She was never a narcissist. She has always been an angel. She's the purest heart I've ever seen. I am a monster, and I don't even deserve her. Great, now my eyes are full of tears.

Edited by Lento

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https://www.evergreenpsychotherapycenter.com/styles-adult-attachment/

Autonomous (Secure):

  • Comfortable in a warm, loving and emotionally close relationship. CHECK ??
  • Depends on partner and allows partner to depend on them; is available for partner in times of need. CHECK ??
  • Accepts partner’s need for separateness without feeling rejected or threatened; can be close and also independent (“dependent–independent”). CHECK ??
  • Trusting, empathic, tolerant of differences, and forgiving. CHECK ??
  • Communicates emotions and needs honestly and openly; attuned to partner’s needs and responds appropriately; does not avoid conflict. CHECK ??
  • Manages emotions well; not overly upset about relationship issues. POOR ??
  • Insight, resolution and forgiveness about past relationship issues and hurts. CHECK ??
  • Sensitive, warm and caring parent; attuned to child’s cues and needs; children are securely attached. CHECK, I guess.

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19 hours ago, Lento said:

https://www.evergreenpsychotherapycenter.com/styles-adult-attachment/

Autonomous (Secure):

  • Comfortable in a warm, loving and emotionally close relationship. CHECK ??
  • Depends on partner and allows partner to depend on them; is available for partner in times of need. CHECK ??
  • Accepts partner’s need for separateness without feeling rejected or threatened; can be close and also independent (“dependent–independent”). CHECK ??
  • Trusting, empathic, tolerant of differences, and forgiving. CHECK ??
  • Communicates emotions and needs honestly and openly; attuned to partner’s needs and responds appropriately; does not avoid conflict. CHECK ??
  • Manages emotions well; not overly upset about relationship issues. POOR ??
  • Insight, resolution and forgiveness about past relationship issues and hurts. CHECK ??
  • Sensitive, warm and caring parent; attuned to child’s cues and needs; children are securely attached. CHECK, I guess.

If you wanna know your attachment style, take an attachment style quiz
https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/pages/attachment-quiz

Then you can look into your own attachment style, and fulfill the individual needs that are still waiting in your nervous system for you to untagle them. Way more reliable than a checklist!

Edited by Martin123

Follow me on Instagram for quantum and energetic healing.

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@Martin123

Thanks! Here's my result:

Screenshot_20200313-040759.png

I think it's accurate.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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My mind is broken. I can't think. I can't work. I can't study. I can't do anything. I need something to start the fire up; I will start by yoga, stretching, and working out. I need to stay away from the phone too; it's very toxic.

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