List your stage yellow+ books on making long term relationship\marriage work

[Hello from Russia]

Hi there, guys. Please, share the best material you know on marriage\long term relationship success. I think it will benefit all of us here as there is a shortage of such material (at least it appears to be from my pov)

Some nuances:

Please, focus on listing material on developing the existing relationship. Please, avoid listing dating advice (pickup) and books focused merely on sex. More focus on communication\interaction skills.

Please, obstain from listing low quality low cognitive\moral development lines material.  Such as Red Pill\pickup artists giving advice and other kinds of crap. The more conscious the book - the better. Ideally, it should incorporate the nondual insights, as, for example, David Deida's "Book of a superior man" and his other material do. 

The main theme to look for - developing a conscious relationship that runs smoothly (minimizing conflicts) and supports the development and self-actualization of both parties while maximizing the intimacy between one another.

 

[Nickyy]

@Hello from Russia David Deida, John Grey. 

That's the only two authors I currently know of who are integrally informed and who talk about healthy "romantic" relationships.

[Nickyy]

Here is a talk from John gray presenting male female needs from a biological perspective. Ken Wilbers AQAL upper right quadrant. David Deida talks about the same issues from the upper and lower left quadrants. 

 

Edited December 3, 2019 by Nickyy

[Hello from Russia]

@Nickyy Interesting guy, I'll definitely will check him out. Thank you for your input

[Zigzag Idiot]

It doesn't appeal to everyone  but in case your interested, ACIM addresses this in dialogue where the idea of Romantic love is called the special relationship,,,,

,A Course in Miracles – Chapter 15 – V. The Holy Instant and Special Relationships

T-15.V.1. The holy instant is the Holy Spirit's most useful learning device for teaching you love's meaning. 2 For its purpose is to suspend judgment entirely. 3 Judgment always rests on the past, for past experience is the basis on which you judge. 4 Judgment becomes impossible without the past, for without it you do not understand anything. 5 You would make no attempt to judge, because it would be quite apparent to you that you do not understand what anything means. 6 You are afraid of this because you believe that without the ego, all would be chaos. 7 Yet I assure you that without the ego, all would be love.

T-15.V.2. The past is the ego's chief learning device, for it is in the past that you learned to define your own needs and acquired methods for meeting them on your own terms. 2 We have said that to limit love to part of the Sonship is to bring guilt into your relationships, and thus make them unreal. 3 If you seek to separate out certain aspects of the totality and look to them to meet your imagined needs, you are attempting to use separation to save you. 4 How, then, could guilt not enter? 5 For separation is the source of guilt, and to appeal to it for salvation is to believe you are alone. 6 To be alone is to be guilty. 7 For to experience yourself as alone is to deny the Oneness of the Father and His Son, and thus to attack reality.

T-15.V.3. You cannot love parts of reality and understand what love means. 2 If you would love unlike to God, Who knows no special love, how can you understand it? 3 To believe that special relationships, with special love, can offer you salvation is the belief that separation is salvation. 4 For it is the complete equality of the Atonement in which salvation lies. 5 How can you decide that special aspects of the Sonship can give you more than others? 6 The past has taught you this. 7 Yet the holy instant teaches you it is not so.

T-15.V.4. Because of guilt, all special relationships have elements of fear in them. 2 This is why they shift and change so frequently. 3 They are not based on changeless love alone. 4 And love, where fear has entered, cannot be depended on because it is not perfect. 5 In His function as Interpreter of what you made, the Holy Spirit uses special relationships, which you have chosen to support the ego, as learning experiences that point to truth. 6 Under His teaching, every relationship becomes a lesson in love.

T-15.V.5. The Holy Spirit knows no one is special. 2 Yet He also perceives that you have made special relationships, which He would purify and not let you destroy. 3 However unholy the reason you made them may be, He can translate them into holiness by removing as much fear as you will let Him. 4 You can place any relationship under His care and be sure that it will not result in pain, if you offer Him your willingness to have it serve no need but His. 5 All the guilt in it arises from your use of it. 6 All the love from His. 7 Do not, then, be afraid to let go your imagined needs, which would destroy the relationship. 8 Your only need is His.

T-15.V.6. Any relationship you would substitute for another has not been offered to the Holy Spirit for His use. 2 There is no substitute for love. 3 If you would attempt to substitute one aspect of love for another, you have placed less value on one and more on the other. 4 You have not only separated them, but you have also judged against both. 5 Yet you had judged against yourself first, or you would never have imagined that you needed your brothers as they were not. 6 Unless you had seen yourself as without love, you could not have judged them so like you in lack.

T-15.V.7. The ego's use of relationships is so fragmented that it frequently goes even farther; one part of one aspect suits its purposes, while it prefers different parts of another aspect. 2 Thus does it assemble reality to its own capricious liking, offering for your seeking a picture whose likeness does not exist. 3 For there is nothing in Heaven or earth that it resembles, and so, however much you seek for its reality, you cannot find it because it is not real.

T-15.V.8. Everyone on earth has formed special relationships, and although this is not so in Heaven, the Holy Spirit knows how to bring a touch of Heaven to them here. 2 In the holy instant no one is special, for your personal needs intrude on no one to make your brothers seem different. 3 Without the values from the past, you would see them all the same and like yourself. 4 Nor would you see any separation between yourself and them. 5 In the holy instant, you see in each relationship what it will be when you perceive only the present.

T-15.V.9. God knows you now. 2 He remembers nothing, having always known you exactly as He knows you now. 3 The holy instant reflects His knowing by bringing all perception out of the past, thus removing the frame of reference you have built by which to judge your brothers. 4 Once this is gone, the Holy Spirit substitutes His frame of reference for it. 5 His frame of reference is simply God. 6 The Holy Spirit's timelessness lies only here. 7 For in the holy instant, free of the past, you see that love is in you, and you have no need to look without and snatch love guiltily from where you thought it was.

T-15.V.10. All your relationships are blessed in the holy instant, because the blessing is not limited. 2 In the holy instant the Sonship gains as one, and united in your blessing it becomes one to you. 3 The meaning of love is the meaning God gave to it. 4 Give to it any meaning apart from His, and it is impossible to understand it. 5 God loves every brother as He loves you; neither less nor more. 6 He needs them all equally, and so do you. 7 In time, you have been told to offer miracles as I direct, and let the Holy Spirit bring to you those who are seeking you. 8 Yet in the holy instant you unite directly with God, and all your brothers join in Christ. 9 Those who are joined in Christ are in no way separate. 10 For Christ is the Self the Sonship shares, as God shares His Self with Christ.

T-15.V.11. Think you that you can judge the Self of God? 2 God has created It beyond judgment, out of His need to extend His Love. 3 With love in you, you have no need except to extend it. 4 In the holy instant there is no conflict of needs, for there is only one. 5 For the holy instant reaches to eternity, and to the Mind of God. 6 And it is only there love has meaning, and only there can it be understood.

from : https://acourseinmiraclesnow.com/course-miracles-chapter-15-v-holy-instant-special-relationships/

[herghly]

All the books by David Deida

[Michael569]

Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck has a chapter on Love that I found transforming to the way I perceive romantic relationships. The book is definitely worth reading and it talks a lot about relationships, family, honesty, integrity and truth. Most of these values are critical for a functional relationship so I'd definitely recommend reading it. 

 

[Martin123]

@Hello from Russia Learn about attachment theory, learn about your own attachment style and your partners, find out what your needs are and what your partners needs are, determine where they are harmonious with each other, and where they are conflicted, and work on the resolution.
Perhaps the best attachment resource out there - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ

[rNOW]

I have found books that deal with it, not in their entirety but they changed the way I look at relationships:

1. The road less traveled - by Scott M. Peck

2. Conversations with God, book 1, by Neale Donald Walsch

3. The art of communicating, by Thich Naht Hanh

4. The power of now by Eckhart Tolle. 

5. Gifts of imperfection by Brene Brown

 

and... articles/quotes/books on relating and love by Osho. 

Edited December 11, 2019 by rNOW

[rNOW]

Also, I find Tracy Mcmillan's instagram page quite interesting. She takes up relationship questions from her audience and answers them via a short video. And her TEDx Talk is worth a watch.