Danioover9000

Advice on keeping a date?

93 posts in this topic

Just now, Nickyy said:

I know this sounds cliché, but it's true that money corrupts. There is this concept in self help industry that one of the best ways to become good at something is to teach it. So think about all the guys who have come up through the ranks in the pua science since Ross Jeffries started it all off with his NLP manipulative tactics right upto RSD ripping off Eckhart Tolle and David Deidas work. Imagine all of these still learning guys who need to make a living while they are still trying to heal themselves but have gotten real good at the "game".

 

Golden. True that ✌️


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Golden. True that ✌️

If you're half way up the pick up ladder and it's working for you, you will assume that perfecting this system is going to end up in happiness, fulfillment , authentic connection.

No, that's not true. A pua is a pua . It takes something else to actually be your authentic self. It requires removing the blocks that keep your from the present moment and the expression of your highest potential 

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7 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

No you haven't. No one else except me have.

Of course, I agree with you. I'm talking generally, we all face similar challenges in life. Because I've faced many challenges I have developed compassion for all people , even dangerous criminals , sociopaths and psychopaths.

Underneath our uniqeness is a unity of sameness, we all have many many things in common.

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28 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

Same here I think.

I'm glad we found common ground ?

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10 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

i got 2 warnings already soo xD

   Congratulations! You're now a member of the warned society!xD

10 hours ago, Nickyy said:

I've got 12 points on my record, a two day ban and more recently a 7 day ban. It's all part of the experience. But I haven't blamed those mods for their descisions. I just get on with it and keep in the back of my mind that I did something wrong in this context 

4

   Welcome to the warning ban wagon, where you learn so much so quickly!xD

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Do you guys have a set of warning flags you keep to indicate if a date might become toxic?

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''I see a chronic problem on this sub-forum, which is young males who complain about lack of success with women and failing to take responsibility for their situation.

The #1 rule of all growth and personal development is taking 100% responsibility for your situation. I know how hard that can be when you're struggling with women/sex. It feels very much like life is treating you unfairly and that it's the women's fault. Let me tell you right now: this is a total ILLUSION! It's not the women. It's not society. It's not post-modernists. It's not the Marxists. It's not the feminists. It's YOU!

This is not me blaming you. This is simply how all personal development works. Whatever problem you have in life you must begin by getting honest with yourself how you created it. Sometimes this is difficult to accept. It's much easier to blame someone else, or even blame yourself (for being too ugly or too short or too introverted). I am not suggesting you blame yourself. Rather, take ownership of the fact that you are the creator of your life. Whatever is missing in your life, you can correct, but only if you stop blaming yourself and others.

Be very mindful of how your ego-mind creates narratives which justify your sense of lack, brokenness, or inability to attract women. All of these narratives, justification, rationalizations, logic, "facts", scientific studies, proofs, etc are sneakily fabricated by your own mind! Your own mind is the enemy! Watch it like a hawk. Your mind will try to come up with reasons and excuses for why your life is unfair and how success with women is impossible. This is all horseshit! Do not believe your own mind here. Your mind is clouded by fear, insecurity, and neediness. That is totally normal and understandable, but you cannot resolve your problems from such a place. From such a place your problems will get worse as you start to blame the world and solidify your victim worldview with cherry-picked evidence, "science", and "logic". Be extra suspicious of "logic" and "science" here. There is nothing logical or scientific about your victim attitude or lack of success with women. It's purely about meeting the survival needs of your ego. Sex is a very powerful survival need which will drive your mind towards all manner of mental gymnastics to ensure that you get it, or at least feel better for not getting it.

There's good news and bad news. The good news is: Your looks are NOT the problem! The bad news is: your personality, attitude, and mindset are terrible! The good news is, it's possible to change that. The bad news is, it won't be easy and you will resist it like the devil that you are.

So what's the solution? Take ownership of your problem and commit to resolving it. For this you need faith and confidence in your ability to self-actualize. You must have enough hope and vision to see yourself get much better with attracting women. This is NOT a pipe dream or fuzzy thinking. The reality is that any man can become 100x better at attracting women if he really takes ownership of the matter. Yes, it takes serious work. But it's also highly worth it. Imagine that within 3 years you're able to attract pretty women and feel confident about yourself when it comes to dating. Isn't that worth the effort? It sure is. This is not a fantasy. I've done it, many men have done it, and so can you! Your looks are NOT the bottleneck, your mindset is.

So what do you do after you've established this vision? You must do lots of research to educate yourself about how dating actually work (not how you think it works). Find videos, find books, buy online courses, hire a coach, take a bootcamp, take a workshop, etc. There are literally hundreds of excellent resources available online these days. Most of them are legit, not scams. Study them hard and then get into the field. Start talking to women. Start approaching women. Start flirting with women. Start being much more social.

If you struggle attracting women I can tell you right now what your top problems are. It's not lack of money, looks, muscles, car, height, or dick size. Remember, attraction and dating is EXTREMELY counter-intuitive. It's works exactly the opposite of how you initially think.

Your top problems are:

You live in your mancave and never go out! You must go out into social spaces where real women hang out.

You spend WAY too much time online, indoors

You spend WAY too much time on Youtube, Netflix, and playing video games

You work too much

You are never around cute single women

You never start conversations with strangers

You have terrible body language due to lack of experience

You are not comfortable doing small-talk and being emotional and random in conversations

You are far too logical

You approach zero women on a regular basis

You are terrified of approaching a women who you find attractive, talking yourself out of every approach

You have terrible eye contact, you don't smile, and you don't project your voice properly

You are crippled by fear and tongue-tied

You are unable to start and sustain an interesting conversation with a human being

You are disconnected from your body, your heart, your feelings, your emotions

You have terrible self-image issues. You hate yourself, you hate how you look, you judge yourself way too harshly. You judge yourself just as harshly as you judge women.

You have a bad sense of dress style and you don't groom yourself well

You have no experience with physically touching women in a non-creepy way. You don't know how to rapidly physically escalate on a women without creeping her out.

You don't know how women think or what they truly value in a man

You don't know how to flirt and be authentic

You are trying to be masculine in all the wrong ways -- fake masculinity

You are needy, needy, needy

You are terribly inexperienced

You have no sense of passion or purpose in life, which robs you of confidence and masculine vitality

Your attitude sucks: you whine, complain, bitch, moan, blame, and are so negative

You think you understand life, reality, and how attraction works -- you don't!

So work on fixing all of that before you go blaming women. All of the above can be deliberately worked on and fixed.

You need to learn how to be a real man. Being a real man has nothing to do with big muscles, big dick, or a fast car. A real man is grounded on the INSIDE. It's ALL about inner game! You need to cultivate that confidence. It doesn't come naturally. You must build it!

80% of getting good with women is just actually being much more social. You need to deliberately re-structure your life so that you're automatically being more social. So that you're going out every weekend. So that you're bumping into new people constantly. So that you're making new friends all the time. This kind of re-structuring is very doable. You just have to be willing to change your lifestyle.

And stop watching or listening to any of the following:

Jordan Peterson, MGTOW, RedPill, Incel material/forums/reddit

All of that is cancer of the mind. It's reinforcing your victim mindset and robbing you of your ability to change yourself.

I've been where you are. I know it's tough. But hang in there, hold your vision, have hope, get to work, and things will dramatically improve for you. You will become a new person by the end of this journey and you will be so proud of yourself. You will become a real man, not some whiny JP fanboy.

The #1 thing a real man does is take 100% responsibility for all his problems. A real man NEVER blames anyone, and certainly not women or feminism. A real man is a feminist. A real man fearlessly works on himself.

So start right there! Start by fixing that.''  -Leo Gura


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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@Danioover9000  I'm on a break with relationships because I have had many. Relationships are not easy and consume a lot of your precious time in life, remember that. So now I'm more organic about it. I don't spend a lot of emotional energy anymore because the ultimate recipient of all the stress is only me. I try to be more to myself. And seek my happiness within. I'm dating another person right now but the major difference I have made to my dating style is that I no longer attach myself too much and don't allow myself to be consumed by them completely like I used to before. Now if I want to hang out with that person, I carefully set time apart and make sure that it's not interfering with my daily life too much. Women can be intense and emotional. I have realized that now and it's not too late for me to make up for the losses I went through in terms of physical and emotional damage in previous relationships. Now I bring back the focus to myself whenever something feels uncomfortable within the relationship because I have realized it's a huge waste of time spent in thinking too much about a man.

I was a firm believer in lifelong relationships, a hard wiring of my brain that I need to get rid of. This thinking has caused me to be excessively bothered about relationships. It makes you neurotic because you put relationships on a pedestal. Maybe we don't focus on other things in life, relationships take centerspace and it's especially true in my case because I was heavily dependent emotionally. The fact that relationships do not always last has changed my perspective in a big way. It's been mind blowing and I try to be less emotional and more realistic now. Now I focus on being emotionally independent and if he doesn't call or if he gets offended, I don't give a damn, because I have my life to be put together, and I just let him know that because a lot of men usually do not respect a woman's space, especially the needy ones, and they make a woman feel guilty for something she didn't do for him, so I have learned how to say "No" and respect my own space which is a huge shift from my previous behavior, if he gets offended I just let it go, because I cannot give my life away to accommodate his needs and or to make up for his feelings of deficit or his complaints. So now I'm more inclined to say to myself "if he wants to leave me, he can, because I am not going to change anything, and I don't have to submit to his will" this thinking has changed my life, because my emotional dependency meant that I catered to his every need 24/7 but not anymore. I have recognized this behavior as codependency and I'm glad that someone in my thread pointed it out to me so I became aware of it. Now I longer hold on to that behavior of wanting to impress/or scared he might leave, this is Emotional independence. I have myself broken a lot of my relationships because it turns into an energy vampire pattern after a while, so I don't see a lot of interest in them anymore, it's all hormonal hype. I try to not get suckered into too much of it and my focus now is just me. 

It has been a hell of a ride towards emotional independence but I'm gradually getting there. It just needs a lot of self work. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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1 hour ago, Mikael89 said:

People can't be alone even for a week and then they tell me I shouldn't date anyone.

Point noted :ph34r:


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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yeah, i'm fucking 28 and just now i feel like i'm finally becoming emotionally mature, it was a hell of a ride, just like @Preety_India said

it's all about self-love, after many breakups and heartbreaks you learn, that if something is ment to be, it will be - it's not a hollywood movie, where both of you have to go through a fucking emotional rollercoaster and kill each other first to then be together

if a person is right then it will be smooth, joyful relationship, where you both don't give a damn and care for each other at the same time (or at least that's how i see that right now)

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