Alissa

The 30-day challenge of no criticism

52 posts in this topic

@Lento

22 hours ago, Lento said:

Don't forget that you are the one who is interpreting other "people's truths". That interpretation can tell you a lot about yourself. To the other people, their truths are fine. Have you wondered how their truths are fine for them but not for you? It's like when you look in the mirror and see the reflection, but then you hate the mirror because you can't accept how you look. What's wrong with others being themselves if they're not hurting you? The world isn't conspiring against anyone, really, but it may seem so to a paranoid.

I'm not saying that there's something wrong with their truth, and in the end even if it's not fine for me, that won't change any part of reality. I'm not rejecting them or criticising them in some way or in another, I'm just saying that I couldn't continue friending them. 

This matter is becoming a mental masterbation. I think we gotta let it go. Thanks for your advices 🙏🏻💫

Edited by Alissa

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Day 21 ; 

Continuing with the challenge, I realized how much satisfaction requires letting go of mental filters and mental divisions of reality. Net picking everything, giving labels to everything and holding everything to arbitrary standards can't lead to satisfaction but rather to endless action. Beside that satisfaction is also connected to happiness, and from that mindset one can never experience deep levels of happiness. 

After connecting the dots, I concluded that the reason behind never experiencing deep levels of neither satisfaction nor happiness is the mindset I'm using. I need to contemplate that for deepening my understanding of perfectionism and satisfaction. 

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Day 22 ;

I was confused between the theory and the practical work. I thought that I need to search as much as I can about criticism vs perfectionism, and try to connect the dots through the challenge but I'm neglecting how much I can learn from the challenge itself without the theory because the experience will make its own theory, and no matter how accurate the theory out there is, the theory of the inner book works better for each individual. 

I'm going to focus on the challenge more, do it properly and see what lessons I'll learn from it. 

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Day 23 ; 

My criticism was obvious when it comes to shopping , photo editing and choosing outfits .But more particularly for editing photos I can’t stop myself from judging ; my real perfectionism comes into play when I start choosing between 20 photos (which seem to the non-perfectionist person very similar to each other ),then after picking up 5 photos for the 1st editing procedure ,I end up with 3 suitable ,nice photos ,after that I undergo the 2nd editing procedure that leads to picking up 2 incredible photos out of 5 , then for the last editing procedure that is supposed to be repeated at least 5 times I eventually choose the perfect photo (this mostly doesn’t exist because there’s a detail that looks awful ) ; I mostly end up letting go of the desire to post a photo ,and this is why I rarely post my photos on social media (LOL) . But literally my perfectionism of taking and editing photos prevents me from even taking photos in many occasions that are very special to me (I usually tell myself to live that occasion instead of taking memorable photos for it ,so that the memory would be made in my mind ; an excuse for not showing my perfectionism ) . 

Edited by Alissa

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Day 24 ; 

I had a strange feeling when I didn’t criticize myself in the situation that I usually criticize and blame myself harshly ,which is avoiding studying or not starting studying in the morning (as I am a morning person ) . Although my dad shouted at me and blamed me in a way that made my conscience start pushing me to take action , I didn’t criticize myself or even feel angry at myself , but simply let myself be in the present moment ,feel my body , be aware of my thoughts , calm myself down and start studying . For the first time ,I could actually study well after this scenario happened and only take the feedback from it instead of anger ,criticism , blaming and a lot of resistance . 

That feeling made me realize how much I need to nurture myself from all the old  criticism ,resistance and blame I have ,and to truly bring awareness into the situations that are mostly being dealt with in a very negative way .

Edited by Alissa

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Sounds like you went most fully into Witness Consciousness. 

Being the watcher as Echart Tolle puts it. 🙂

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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@Zigzag Idiot Yeah kind of , and I was trying to literally avoid self-criticism as a result of cutting out that cycle of perfectionism I used to run .

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Day 25 ; 

Today I was aware of the way I usually criticize narcissists/arrogant people . That criticism was actually about my sister , because the way she deals with her friends ,relatives and even me is superior or simply rude . (I’m still criticizing , but for making my point clear I think I need to describe her in this critical way ) . I understand that as a 10-year old girl ,she needs to be in this way to prove to people herself and let people take into consideration the fact that she’s not young anymore (although she is ) ; this is probably due to her hormonal changes . 

Today her bad , (selfish/unfair ) behavior made me feel bad and sorry for myself , but I didn’t criticize her ( when I started noticing the thoughts of criticism rising in my head , I remembered the challenge and Leo’s words that include "when you’re criticizing no matter for what little reason ,that’s an energy that you’re wasting" , after that I snapped the rubber band I have for my wrest and started repeating the following words that Leo suggested in his video : " when I criticize ,I rub myself of my future ". I actually felt better .

I noticed that the more I criticize her or any arrogant person I actually push myself harder to please people and be nice to them for not being perceived as an arrogant person . I realized that most of my time in the past was being spent for making people like me , and for not giving them an impression or a feeling that I’m superior to them or better than them in some way or in another {BTW that attracts a lot of people to like you ,but at the same time it wastes a lot of energy and time and in this way you just can’t be in your nature }. And because of that I realized that not everyone will like me , accept me , be nice to me or appreciate me by being always nice or pleasing .There are situations where I need to be rude ,bad or even arrogant ; that’s just the nature of life , and by understanding that and applying it , the right people will be attracted to me .

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Day 26 ; 

I noticed that when the criticism reaches its extreme level, it starts to gradually be converted to a hatred toward the person who's being criticized, and of course toward oneself (as this energy will be directed toward oneself in some way). When things, behaviors and opinions the person does or says are being judged according to specific standards, the way of perceiving that person and the relationship with that person will have so much to do with those judgements(this happens unconsciously); judging characters will be perceived as the absolute truth about that person although these judgements are only based on little behaviors (sometimes one behavior) and/or actions. 

This realization itself changed my perspective and my understanding of how society works in large, because in most cases the judgements being made about the reputation of a person have a lot to do with extreme levels of negative/positive judgement. 

Day 27 ; 

Being less aware of one's criticism has some benefits!! Going shopping has a lot to do with judgements about the things the person wants to buy ; if the person isn't being judgemental, he/she would end up bouncing around, not knowing what to choose from 100 different items. And if that includes buying cloths, the person got to include preferences, taste and creative matching . That's what happened with me ; as a result of liking many things, my preference helped me in choosing what fits me best(this has nothing to do with perfectionism 😅), and my satisfaction accelerated the process somehow. I think being judgemental at this particularly will save a lot of time and energy, but it has to include some consciousness of course😉😏

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Day 28 ; 

Today I finally opened myself up to my dad, after suffering from very unpleasant emotions and thoughts for about 5 months. The thoughts are about the connection with my family. Because of the fact that I perceived my family's attitude to life as very materialistic and unconscious, I feel that I wouldn't be connected to them when I'll leave the nest (after being independent I mean). 

My dad's respond opened my mind  as he said that all of that is just a feeling, it might not mean anything. In hindsight, I concluded that all that time spent on trying to understand why I'm feeling this way and analyzing the connection of my family, I was simply judging it which is why that feeling was unpleasant. The truth may say that my family is just very normal and its real attitude is simply surviving (both physically and egotistically)which is totally fine, and it's actually more open-minded than most ordinary families (I know I'm still judging, but as a part of the conclusion I need to say that). That judgement itself would've been so limiting if I didn't connect the dots.

I'm actually very grateful that this challenge has led me to this conclusion 🙏🏻💙

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Day 29 ; 

Having  a Christmas party night at home with my friends , I experienced the state of being drunk for the first time in my life(not completely drunk, I had 30% of consciousness and I remembered most of the things happened). But that state itself opened my mind in such an incredible way ;I laughed from my heart and was completely enjoying laughing without criticizing myself of how weird or loud my laughter is and  trying to control its flow, and I cried with a complete experience of the pain and sadness I have deep down without thinking about what others will say about me and I just released all that negative energy that was accumulated over weeks and months. 

I had of course the other side effects of drunkiness which were headache, unbalanced body, nausea and unconscious actions and words. But that experience is worth all of that, because the amount of energy that's being released is so huge that even a workout wouldn't lead to its level. I was for the first time in my life in a state of being unegotistical, unidentified, unjudgemental and unafraid of being judged, and that state was the same as the state of a child with no ego, just lives and enjoys life as it is without the need to hold labels to each and every thing . However I understand that I didn't experience the full state of drunkiness which is actually very problematic and dangerous to the drunk person. 

I don't think that I'll repeat that experience of being non-judgemetal and unegotistical through being drunk. I'll instead work on myself harder to make that state a part of the real me without having to experience the side effects of drunkiness. 

 

Edited by Alissa

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Day 30 ; 

I didn't criticize much throughout the day as I was undergoing the very unpleasant side effects of my last night drunkiness. However I started playing the guilt game with myself about the drunkiness, but I was aware of the way it was going because it's all connected to my beliefs about drinking alcohol, and what others perceive a drunk person  ; this goes back to my ego and I was kind of understanding what's meant to be self-critical if a rule that controls your entire life and is stored in your belief system is being broken. I was also aware of my criticism and the thought patterns that followed it. 

After that I opened myself up to my dad and explained to him my state and the energy release I had. He told me that this state is called euphoria (I studied that in class 9), and it lasts for a short period of time then the person starts undergoing the side effects. He also shared with me his experience which was a bit closer to mine, but it was followed by throwing up. I felt more accepting to myself, and I kept my dad's advice in my head that includes "You don't need to experience  a very limited period of 'euphoria' through drunkiness and then undergo all the unpleasant states that follow it, you got to be aware of how much you drink so that you don't lose self-control". 

It's the last day of the challenge 😍. I'm so grateful that I did it 🙏🏻as it opened my mind to many perspectives and it let me understand how I perceive myself, other people and the world. My understanding of the interconnection between emotions, judgements and perfectionism was created through connecting the dots, self-reflection and awareness. However this challenge made me ask many questions that require many sessions of contemplation, and the interconnections between satisfaction, criticism, judgement, perfectionism, happiness, awareness, self-acceptance, self-love and self-reflection are the completion of this challenge. So after finishing those sessions, I'll share my insights and my understanding of the whole process on this journal. 

Wish you all a merry Christmas, and a happy, blissful, full of achievements and accomplishments new year💙💫

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