Alissa

The 30-day challenge of no criticism

52 posts in this topic

Hi there. After watching Leo's video about curing perfectionism, I really got insights about the real source that rubs me of my highest potential. I'm a perfectionist. After about 2 years of lacking fulfilling results and not feeling satisfied about anything I basically do in my life although I sometimes work really hard to reach the standards I hold myself to, I found out that the only way I would start feeling good about myself is by letting go of the critical part of me. I took the perfectionism quiz and was surprised by how much I criticize generally everything including myself in an unconscious way. 

I'm grateful for realizing that and connecting the dots of my actions.I'm also grateful that my friend pointed out my perfectionism, because without that sign I could stay here for the next 10 years, beating myself up and not feeling satisfied despite the hard work I do. 

For the next 30 days I'll challenge myself to be free of criticism and neurosis and I'll include my feelings about myself. I wish it'll go well 💫

 

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Day 1 ; 

I noticed that when I was in solitude or was minding my own thing, I could be more conscious of criticising people and myself in a subtle way, but when I was among people, I couldn't be mindful of my inner criticism ;I was mostly criticising objects and situations. 

I  was also  tracking my emotions while criticising, and they were mainly negative, full of anger, frustration, neurosis, sadness, unsatisfaction and being done. 

I'm being more clear of how my energy and limited resources are being wasted, and how this unconscious act was affecting my performance negatively;I'm still at the tip of the iceberg💕

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Day 2 ; 

Today I was kind of confused between the criticism and the curse (LOL). I was like am I  supposed to hit myself with the rubber band I have for my wrist (I forgot mentioning having a rubber band as a reminder to stop criticizing) for what I just said or not?!! 

Many daily things  make me express my frustration and anger through  curses(deep down) 😅but I don't know if that is supposed to be hit for? 🤔

But by the way this challenge is making me aware of my thoughts in a better way  😁

Edited by Alissa

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@Alissa

Make sure you don't try to perfect this challenge as well. Or, perhaps, don't make sure 😉

See, it's probably the most difficult thing here, to let go of letting go, to not criticise criticism, to accept everything you do, all the flaws you have, to love yourself as you are and to be at peace with yourself, as you are.

I'm really inspired by the lovely work you're doing here. All I think it's lacking, though, is self-love. What do you think Alissa?

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@Lento  I didn't consider perfecting the practice of imperfecting reality; thanks for pointing that out. 

 

53 minutes ago, Lento said:

it's probably the most difficult thing here, to let go of letting go, to not criticise criticism, to accept everything you do, all the flaws you have, to love yourself as you are and to be at peace with yourself, as you are.

Exactly. I think self-acceptance is very critical to curing perfectionism. But the point is that all I'm thinking about is the next level, the next result, the next summer vacation, the next year, etc ;I'm probably so much focused on the outcome that I'm neglecting the hard work and the long-term process I got to go through, which to some point makes my vision imaginary, outlandish and wishful thinking. 

  

57 minutes ago, Lento said:

@Alissa All I think it's lacking, though, is self-love. What do you think Alissa?

I actually don't know, may be the root cause of lacking self-acceptance is lacking self-love. Leo mentioned in his video that "The perfectionist not only kinda hates the world, but more importantly he/she hates themselves deep down and they sat very high standards for themselves, being very harsh on themselves...". According to the way I deal with myself I feel that consciously I do love myself, but probably unconsciously I have some resistance to love myself freely (unconditionally).Any ideas about that?? 

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42 minutes ago, Alissa said:

@Lento I didn't consider perfecting the practice of imperfecting reality; thanks for pointing that out. 

I thought we agreed we wouldn't thank each other all the time 😉

42 minutes ago, Alissa said:

@Lento 

Exactly. I think self-acceptance is very critical to curing perfectionism. But the point is that all I'm thinking about is the next level, the next result, the next summer vacation, the next year, etc ;I'm probably so much focused on the outcome that I'm neglecting the hard work and the long-term process I got to go through, which to some point makes my vision imaginary, outlandish and wishful thinking.

This isn't a problem, in my opinion. In fact, I think that imagination is the fuel that keeps you motivated to work in the first place. Imagination is key to all personal development, because without it, we're stuck. I have such a bad experience with lack of vision, and I'm telling you, it's not a healthy place to be in. So, like we discussed earlier, I think we always need to call for balance. But what is balance really? Is it even possible to create balance without going to the extremes? Think about this really well. Think about it in terms of the duality of being realistic/grounded vs. being visionary/dreamy.

42 minutes ago, Alissa said:

@Lento  

I actually don't know, may be the root cause of lacking self-acceptance is lacking self-love. Leo mentioned in his video that "The perfectionist not only kinda hates the world, but more importantly he/she hates themselves deep down and they sat very high standards for themselves, being very harsh on themselves...". According to the way I deal with myself I feel that consciously I do love myself, but probably unconsciously I have some resistance to love myself freely (unconditionally).Any ideas about that?? 

It's completely fine. I, and I'd say everyone else, can relate.

I think this can be due to being pragmatic, or let's say due to being affected by stage Orange mindset from society. Perhaps a little bit of inauthenticity is included? Perhaps you know what you want but you can't let yourself want it? If that's the case, it can be easily cured with awareness. You don't need to actually have what you want, at least not immediately. Instead, you can be more aware of your desires and authentic self, and then work towards actualizing them to get the fulfillment that you want.

Edited by Lento

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8 hours ago, Lento said:

I thought we agreed we wouldn't thank each other all the time 😉

Hhhh only for this pointing it's kinda allowed because it came in the right place at the right time 😅😏

 

8 hours ago, Lento said:

But what is balance really? Is it even possible to create balance without going to the extremes? Think about this really well. Think about it in terms of the duality of being realistic/grounded vs. being visionary/dreamy.

I think understanding the extremes with their pros and cons makes it easier to find the balance for your life, without the need to experience them fully ;many people around you can show you both of the extreme levels'consequences. But I think this needs a lot of observation of the surrounding environment with awareness to look at the consequences without judgment, knowing deep down that you could/can be that at some point of your life. I'll contemplate that duality soon. 

8 hours ago, Lento said:

It's completely fine. I, and I'd say everyone else, can relate.

I think this can be due to being pragmatic, or let's say due to being affected by stage Orange mindset from society. Perhaps a little bit of inauthenticity is included? Perhaps you know what you want but you can't let yourself want it? If that's the case, it can be easily cured with awareness. You don't need to actually have what you want, at least not immediately. Instead, you can be more aware of your desires and authentic self, and then work towards actualizing them to get the fulfillment that you want.

Well then if this is fine. May be we'll reach some levels of unconditional love while transcending ;at least before dying 😅.

True, some awareness can let go of the desire to getting the desires, for being able to focus on the process and on enjoying it. 

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Day 3 ;

I noticed that being on social media increases the tendency to criticise. I literally didn't criticise much throughout the day comparing to the hour of checking out my facebook ;I found myself judging posts, comments, photos and memories, (and then hitting my wrist with the rubber band😅) But why did this happen? Is it because of the simulation that affects the level of  awareness, or because social media itself is the place of criticism??

Beside that I did an exercise of writing down 2 lists of all the judgements I've ever made about people (1st list) and about myself(2nd list). Writing the first list wasn't easy, and I felt really bad and nasty after finishing it. However it truly opened my mind to the fact that judgements backfire no matter how subtle or small they seem. It's kind of a mindset-changing exercise. 

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Day 4 ; 

Today was kind of okay with criticism except for that part where unconscious judgements about myself and about others made me feel frustrated, anxious, angry and done; those judgements were being realized through my weird reactions that were accompanied by a series of thoughts about how the world is unfair and how my life is hell.I guess one sign to realize the unconscious judgements is through emotions and reactions. 

 

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Day 5 ;

It kind of went normal. I didn't track my criticism consciously much because I was kind of tired throughout the day(sleep cycle problems). It's okay though. 

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Day 6 ;

I noticed today that resisting something makes you criticise it more often ( thinking that you are going to be more satisfied after criticising it). That's what happened with me today ;all day long I was resisting my stomach pain, and I couldn't let it go,so what I did instead is I criticized it and I judged its reason and its nature (I felt an emotional quick relief but afterwards I noticed that the pain started to increase). So I got to a conclusion that when having a resistance towards anything, it's better not to accompany it with criticism or judgment because it's going to make it worse💫

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Day 7 ;

I thought being mindful of criticising throughout the day is kind of easy, but the more I'm diving deeper into this challenge I'm facing many diffuclties that I wasn't aware of. I realized that all the conversations I had with people are based on criticism (literally about judging people, criticising situations and objects and mainly judging oneself).If there's no criticism included in the conversation, people get bored of talking to you in the first place. 

I'm not saying that all people are critical, but it's actually quite difficult to find deep, intuitive people, and have very profound conversations with them. 

However talking to critical people can help in exploiting them to find the places of criticism, and in bringing more awareness into the conversation 😉🙂

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Day 8 ; 

With the state of being lost between the past and the present, I was thinking about how criticism used to affect the past which results in the present consequences.

The challenge isn't being practiced with awareness; this may be due to my unstable state. However this is normal, cause nothing is guaranteed to be always great (nothing should be perfect!).Beside that I'm trying to learn the most from it🤷🏻‍♀️

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Day 9 ; 

I was more aware of my criticism. But mainly criticism is kind of making me aware of the paradigm I'm using to either change it  or at least be aware of it. 

 

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Day 10 ; 

Anger and anxiety made me see the real judgemental part of me. When I got angry today, all I was thinking about was how bad and awkward that person is (the person who made me get angry). Letting go technique didn't work, and I realized that observing myself from a neutral position could make me see the actual way in which I was criticising .Btw observation can be difficult in some cases including anger, frustration and neurosis, however it may be curative if it's really accompanied by awareness. 

Edited by Alissa

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Day 11 ;

Through the consciousness pages of last night, I concluded after connecting the dots of my experience with many concepts and paradigms I searched for that perfectionism is connected to criticism and to judgement. This paradigm works in the following way : you judge a person about his/her behavior, outfit, appearance or belief, then this judgment would create a standard in your subconscious mind (this happens unconsciously), which leads to holding yourself up to this standard and to being neurotic about not meeting it. With the repetition of judging people similarly, more standards would be created in the subconscious mind until they become so complex that they result in perfectionism which eventually becomes so limiting to one's potential and abilities ; this after all leads to lacking results and satisfaction. 

This paradigm may not be similar to the paradigm of other perfectionists, however it really helped me to understand my weaknesses and the real reason behind lacking results. What paradigms do you know about this connection?? 

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2 hours ago, Alissa said:

What paradigms do you know about this connection?? 

I know all the paradigms. I just can't tell you about them unless we are talking in audio format 😉😂

"The main ideas, respectively" 🤦🏻‍♂️😂

Edited by Lento

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22 hours ago, Lento said:

I know all the paradigms. I just can't tell you about them unless we are talking in audio format 😉😂

"The main ideas, respectively" 🤦🏻‍♂️😂

Hhhh I know right 😅😅.

So we shared the order of the main ideas in some sort of way 😜😅

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Day 12 ; 

I came to a realization that having a social status relies on  being critical. If there's no judgement and criticism in your socialization, you literally may not have a good social status. I understand that social status in many cases is very beneficial, and can make life easier in many ways but it also includes a lot of low-consciousness . Any ideas about that?? 

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26 minutes ago, Alissa said:

I understand that social status in many cases is very beneficial, and can make life easier in many ways but it also includes a lot of low-consciousness . Any ideas about that?? 

Low-consciousness is a judgement that you're creating from your current paradigm.

Let go of it.

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