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Consilience

Agape aka Infinite Love - 1.5g Mushroom Trip Report

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Usually spontaneous psychedelic trips aren't the best idea. Getting mind fucked by reality tends to go a lot more smoothly when one carefully plans the set and setting beforehand. However as I've grown in experience with tripping, I've also learned to trust my intuition. I knew I would be tripping sometime this week, but I didn't know when. One thing lead to another and the next thing I know I'm in a hotel room on the west coast (not worth getting into with how or why this was booked.)

I wanted to write this trip report primarily to help me with my integration process. I know I enjoy reading trip reports so hopefully some in the community will find this of value.


Set: To let the experience be and teach whatever it wants while contemplating "who am I?"

Setting: 6pm at a hotel on the beach on the west coast.

The entire trip took place that evening roughly from 6pm-12pm. Because I live far enough north the entire thing occurred while the sun was down which created a very cold, and dark vibe, but despite the weird initial energy, it felt like the Universe had guided me to this beach for a purpose and to back out would be to ignore a very authentic call to trip. Moreover, a ridiculously odd synchronicity occurred after checking into the hotel room. Out of all the cheap 2 star hotels available close to the beach in this particular town the one I picked had a very crazy wifi password: AGAPE.

For those who don't know, AGAPE is traditionally a Christian term meaning "the love of God for man and of man for God," but from a non-dual perspective, I take this word to simply mean the love of god, of infinite consciousness, of the universe, of the absolute, etc. This wifi password seemed to set the entire tone of the trip.

 

Pre-Trip:

It feels like the more psychedelic trips I do, the more sensitive I become to the substances; specifically LSD and magic mushrooms since those are the only two I have access to at the moment. It seems that a reverse tolerance effect has taken place overtime which is why I only took 1.5g. Plus, since I was in an unfamiliar setting doing a not so legal act. 


Themes that emerged:

  • Agape
  • Infinity
  • Void/Emptiness
  • Stillness
  • Lightness of mind
  • Sobriety

 

Agape

Man… What can I say… As I was peaking, I walked out of the hotel room and wandered to the coast. The beach was pitch black; the further into the sand I traveled the darker the light from the town became, engulfing my vision into darkness and the light of the stars (the sky had no clouds at all). I remember looking up and out into the physical universe, and soaking in the energy. My heart chakra lit up as if receiving literal energy from the cosmos while also emitting this energy back out. As I stood there, listening to the waves and watching the stars, I felt the interconnectivity of all phenomena, all objects, all experience, all beings. And I realized that the thread connecting this giant tapestry of existence was none other than the Love of God, Agape. It felt overwhelming. And even as I write this out, I tears form. Words can't really be used to describe what this love is. It's formless, but it connects all form and is not separate from any form. It can't be thought, experienced with perception, or really experienced through form. The body and mind can react to this Agape with tears or ecstasy (or horror), but those experiences in and of themselves are not it. The mushrooms seemed to open my body (specifically the heart center) and still my mind in such a way that a conscious leap took place. Upon which all I could feel was how much love their was for all perspectives, all evil, all good, for my specific egoic life, for all the horrors of mankind, for all the saints and sages across time, there is this deep existential acceptance and infinite love for it all. There is nothing, but love for all of it, and I am that love. This love is light, it is all encompassing, it is completely formless and free connecting the entirety of existence. This love is truly infinite and indiscriminatory. This is both utterly tragic and beautiful to my ego.

Thank you wifi password.

Infinity

How could I not feel the magnitude of infinity while looking up at those stars? Truly a conscious leap that transcends mind, logic, language, time, and even space must take place to truly feel what I felt on that beach. It was as though I was standing at center of eternity with the cosmos smiling down. I remember feeling really happy and at peace at this infinity. It felt light, and harmonious. Something specifically about staring up into the universe created a spaciousness to my awareness; it felt boundlessly free, extending to all of reality. The duality of self and other collapsed as well. Oddly enough, I wouldn't say there was an ego death. Rather, the true Self emerged and watched the ego, while the ego cried with deep appreciation. It was so obvious how infinite I was and how illusory the self was, yet the self wasn't sad nor reacting with any negativity at all while still persisting.

I was simply infinite, and have always been. 10/10 recommend tripping under the stars at a beach.

Void/Emptiness
I've encountered this insight many times before, but it was taken to a new level. In that darkness I could see just how "not there" everything really was. It was strange. On the one hand, I felt the magnitude of infinity and all its creation, but on the other, it was as though the beach, the trip, the perceptions, the feelings, the body, the ego, were all truly not there. Because well… they're not. I don't really know how to say much more about this one. But yeah, there was no beach truly. There was no me. There was no reality at all which was precisely the fact of the beach. In a sense, I'm still on that beach looking at the stars, BECAUSE, the direct perceptions we experience ARE NOT ACTUALLY REAL. There are not actually anything at all and completely empty and void of real substance. This is a tricky insight to communicate.
 

Stillness

One of the most interesting aspects of this trip compared to all other psychedelic experiences I've had is how still the mind became. It was like gaining a lifetime of meditation training in one night. The mind literally was thoughtless for the majority of the trip. I felt 0 need to contemplate anything because there was nothing more to understand. Usually when I trip, my mind can get pretty worked up or excited about insights I'm having, but this time there was no such activity. There was simply a complete and utter stillness and abiding as the Self. The conditioning of thinking was gone. I realized that this is the state that meditation ultimately leads towards. This stillness, as far as I can tell, felt very important towards integrating truth. As long as the mind is wandering, thinking, discriminating, planning, worrying, creating, etc. oneness will be difficult to abide in.

Overall I believe this state was achieved because of how much effective meditation I've been doing lately. And I believe that this trip let me glimpse into what no-mind is like and where persistent, effective meditation practice leads to over a lifetime. It's fucking beautiful.

 

Lightness
This theme was similar to the stillness. Both arose more or less simultaneously, but I think it's important to create the distinction. My mind could best be described as being extremely light… Very not dense. If someone's never done psychedelics or has thousands of hours of meditation under their belt, I don't really think they'd understand what I mean here. Literally the mind while sober has a density to it. It feels heavy. There are 1000s of random unconscious thoughts drifting in and out of awareness so quickly throughout the day, the overwhelming majority of which we don't recognize. Don't take this to mean that this undercurrent of thought doesn't influence your experience just because we don't recognize them - it very much does. I consider myself to be a pretty decent meditator, but I was shocked to see this contrast so fully. There is a metric fuckton of mental activity that goes on and shields consciousness from being conscious of itself, inadvertently (or perhaps purposefully) creating a heaviness to mind. This heaviness literally condenses us into the body, into identification with ego, creates and manages survival strategies at macro and micro levels, and it does all of this at lightening speeds. It also creates a myriad of random, completely meaningless and distracting thoughts, which also contribute towards survival. This is a very active, powerful, and DENSE mechanism. 

The mushrooms dissolved all of this activity. All that was left was this abidance in the present moment at a level I've never experienced before. It was insane. It felt so light… The experience also made me appreciate the path of meditation, and just where it ultimately leads at advanced levels.

 

Sobriety

Thought the trip itself was a wonderful and almost healing experience, I remember feeling very appreciate of what my sober state of mind really does. I feel so grounded while sober and having that ground pulled out from under me is difficult. I like feeling the grounding and tranquility that sobriety offers. Plus, at some point I realized that I'm gonna have to let go of the substances. I'm not sure when, and maybe it won't even be in this lifetime, but at some level, I will have to accept how I am without influence of chemicals. This doesn't mean tripping is bad or wrong, merely that sobriety is enough. My work is to work until I stay conscious of these truths at all times, sober, tripping, suffering, or blissed out on something as simple as breathing. The struggle is that right now, my sober state of mind is so engulfed in the illusion of separation, and survival that having psychedelics temporarily destroy this functioning helps immensely. That being said, there is something very wonderful about our sober minds.
 

Take Away:
Overall a very powerful experience for as little mushrooms as I ingested. I feel at peace with my spiritual development and I'm happy with how far I've come for only having done this work for less than 2 years. I feel very grateful to only be 23 and have seen what I've seen. It feels like if I had to die, in a way that would be okay. After all, 99% of people haven't experienced what I've experienced; the gratitude I have for Leo and this community is very strong. Thank you everyone for how you've contributed towards my path. 

I also feel very motivated with my meditation practice. I can tell anyone reading that meditation, when done correctly and effectively, leads to a dramatically different state of mind. This state will be extremely conducive for contemplating and discovering existential truths, as well as experiencing the magnificence and beauty of reality aka YOU. 

The other thing that I took away is that eventually I'm going have to up these doses… I've continually stayed within the 1-1.7g mushroom range, and 100-200ug LSD ranges. Even though a reverse tolerance effect seems to being taking place, I think there is a lot of value in having your reality completely destroyed, but having the courage to face it with love and acceptance. The call for a high doses seems to be brewing, but for now, chop wood carry water haha. 

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@Consilience beautiful report man!  Could almost feel as if i was there while reading it.  Of course - i was :)

 


 

Wisdom.  Truth.  Love.

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Awesome! Great work! :)

 


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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24 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

@Consilience beautiful report man!  Could almost feel as if i was there while reading it.  Of course - i was :)

 

Hehe. Thank you! And yes, yes you were ?

 

@Leo Gura Thank you ?? :D 

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Amazing report, what a beauty. Very happy for you, you're inspiring :) Keep going!!

Just a general question, also to anyone else reading: I want to implement a practice again for integration and consciousness raising. Right now I'm doing inquiry kind of 24/7 and do nothing meditation one hour a day. 

Should I get into concentration meditation again (i do have The mind illuminated here) or should I go for Kriya Yoga? 

I won't be able to do both. I feel the practices are not essential for realization, but certainly for integration and developing the mind to embody the realization. What are your thoughts?

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Do you have trouble concentrating and lots of thoughts popping up?  I've heard that Kriya can be good for people who have these issues.  Though, one of the first four practices is a concentration practice.  I've only been doing it for a month, but the first few times, and each time since then, I've experienced a significant (for me) sexual feeling.  Like I'm getting fucked by something.  This has happened even when my concentration has been fairly poor.  I've also been incorporating Reiki as I do it so that might be altering the affects as well.


"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"   --   Marry Poppins

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@peanutspathtotruth thank you! ❤️

 

To respond to your question, that’s a tough comparison. For me, TMI has been invaluable at really transforming my mind and integrating contemplation insights. But on the other hand, the more psychedelics I do, the more energetically active my chakras become.. Giving credence to the idea that dedicated purification practice would help stabilize this energy and allow it to transform my experience however it wants. Aka I think Kriya would be very helpful.

Overall though, my body feels like it handles the energy well on its own without the need for practice (I have a lot of experience with exercise and nutrition which I think helps) and therefore, I concluded that meditation is more useful for me specifically.

Generally speaking, I recommend TMI to people just because of the sheer power of the ego-mind and how directly TMI works on the mind. 

Id love to hear other’s perspectives on this too though. 

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3 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Very nice! 

 

4 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

Do you have trouble concentrating and lots of thoughts popping up?  I've heard that Kriya can be good for people who have these issues.  Though, one of the first four practices is a concentration practice.  I've only been doing it for a month, but the first few times, and each time since then, I've experienced a significant (for me) sexual feeling.  Like I'm getting fucked by something.  This has happened even when my concentration has been fairly poor.  I've also been incorporating Reiki as I do it so that might be altering the affects as well.

I used to have this issue. But over the last month in particular, concentration has been much more stable. I use the meditation system outlined in The Mind Illuminated. Kriya seems to have a huge effect on the mind too though. Ive been curious about whether it would be possible to combine both. For now, tmi meditation is my daily practice. 

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