I need your help in deciphering my own psyche (Questions you could answer)

[assx95]

I am a porn addict, and also a Youtube addict. 

 Below are my thoughts - 1-2 hours after I cut off all major distractions. 

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" This is about cleaning myself off of the toxicity I've been indulging in. I feel content without achieving anything. Now that is something one wouldn't expect in theory. And this is just one- two hours into the commitment to clean myself off of toxicity.

While on this path, I'm naturally drawn to meditation, or in other words, being grounded in the now. I'm making more observations. Looking at a second's clock for a minute. That's something. Wow. Higher consciousness itself is the bliss, you don't need anything else.

Omg. Things are trippy when you start being aware. There's a lot more to the world than what you were previously aware of. How can I even suggest her to marry and find a guy, that won't solve anything for her. Trust yourself to do something which will reduce her suffering.

Just a 4 minute song and it felt like eternity. This is the way to live if not anything. With awareness, knowing that you could be god, Immersing yourself into the experience. I'm just looking at how mechanical my hands look while typing, are they really mine? I mean, who am I really. Certainly, these hands don't look mine, and this concept of ownership seems strange to me. Again, who is this me? It is something that I used to refer to myself even if I am not that very thing the reference is supposed to point to." 

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Questions to those who are not stuck on low consciousness, 

1. Is there a feeling of strangeness about familiar objects, a strangeness which accords a depth to them, which you probably didn't notice before? 

2. Is the experience richer, not necessarily in terms of pleasure, but in the depth of the experience? 

3. What do you personally think is something I am blind to (in context of what I described) ?

 

[LastThursday]

1 hour ago, assx95 said:

3. What do you personally think is something I am blind to (in context of what I described) ?

That your addictions are a product of your circumstances (I'm guessing here):

• Easy access to material that over stimulates your reward centres
• A possible lack of contact and opportunities to meet the opposite sex
• An under-stimulating hum-drum work/home environment you need release from
• Perhaps a lack of control you feel in your day to day life.

In other words, the bigger picture of why you do what you do. Cutting off major distractions is definitely beneficial. But you'll have to do it constantly to fight against your circumstances.

[assx95]

@LastThursday You are spot on. 

All the four points you stated as cause of my addictions are true.

[LastThursday]

It's funny how when you tug at a thread the whole fabric moves.

I'd say do some deep contemplation about the causes of your addictions (as well as cutting off distractions regularly).

Once you're satisfied that you've got to the root of each cause, actually do something proactive about it. Do small things at first and then when you're confident do bolder things. And watch your life change dramatically.

[assx95]

@LastThursday It's funnier how we deceive ourselves into overlooking the obvious.