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Meditationdude

Family Crisis - Why am I ok?

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My Dad had quintuple bypass heart surgery 6 weeks ago and 3 days ago his kidneys failed and they found cancer in his blood (unrelated to heart). He’s in lots of pain and it’s brutal seeing him go through this but something is weird... I’m doing fine. I spend quality time with him and give him my full awareness and although I’m sad I’m truly fine. 
A part of my feels like I’m an emotionless psychopath but I think I’m just very emotionally stable and mature. Or a psycho I dunno ?

All of this spiritual and personal development work has prepared me for this I guess.
 

Am I just at such a deep level of understanding that I can handle tough life shit like this or what? 

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Sound like you are devloping a healthy detatchment, being able to surf the waves of emotions, noticing the sadness but not spiraling down into it. 


The how is what you build, the why is in your heart. 

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Sorry about your dad, hoping for the best possible outcome. 

 I think we master our emotions in waves. We make huge progress and think we've got it and then emotion bubbles up and we realize we had been repressing, or had been unconscious of subtle emotions as they built up. We may have identified with being someone who was a master of their emotions and that required us to be a little bit dishonest with ourselves. We think we've failed but then find that we have peeled back another layer of the onion and have to learn to master our emotions all over again, this time allowing us to feel them in a deeper way.

Emotional mastery is not an achievement one can own or lock in. Ultimately there's no you to master the emotions, there is awareness of sensations and endless ways to cut ourselves off from feeling them through thought.

In other words, allow what is in the moment, no matter what emotions or sensations come up. We shouldn't feel like a psychopath when we are nonreactive and we shouldn't feel like we have failed when emotions are strongly felt. 

 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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44 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

I think we master our emotions in waves. We make huge progress and think we've got it and then emotion bubbles up and we realize we had been repressing, or had been unconscious of subtle emotions as they built up. 

@mandyjw I have found this to be very true. I don't know how many times I have felt detached and clear thinking "Holy shit, I've practically made it" only to experience big emotional storms the next day. It's funny that you can continously fool yourself like that. It's better to have an attitude that you're gonna contract and expand continously but that your overall progress as a whole is increasing.

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