Spirituality and relating to others

[sumire]

I'm new to the forum. Hello!

Being generous. Listening to others. Allowing them to be. Allowing them to enter the stillness within me. Acknowledging that everyone is made of the same substance as me. Seeing them as more than who they appear to be, but for who they truly are: pure consciousness, or God. Nonduality. The illusion of the ego.

My question is this: How do I find motivation to form deep, meaningful connection with others, when I’ve grown so detached from my ego that I’m only able to see sharing myself as a form of ego inflation? Is there a balance I need to find between relating to others in terms of being and ego? Of unconditional love for the universe and my human need to connect to others?

I'm emphasizing friendships over romantic relationships, though I think the answer to my dilemma will be the same for the latter.

How do I handle this situation of having no drive to want meaningful relationships, when I've identified wanting as a form of egoic action? Is this something I should seek in the first place?

[Inliytened1]

@sumire welcome to the forum and great question - I'm sure you will get a lot of replies! The way i see it is that you need to be able to seamlessly shift between duality and non-duality because ultimately they are One.  And i do not consider an intimate connection with another ego inflation or an ego defilement.   Just because from the Absolute perspective it is One does not mean you can't have meaningful relationships in the realm of the relative. Both duality and non-duality can be embraced

Ultimately it's up to you  - there is nothing wrong with being by yourself either. 

 

[Nickyy]

23 minutes ago, sumire said:

How do I handle this situation of having no drive to want meaningful relationships, when I've identified wanting as a form of egoic action? Is this something I should seek in the first place?

Hi, 

Doing should come from being. If you truly get still and observe this idea you have developed as merely a sneaky way you have become identified with your mind and are now resisting what is, it should go away more or less instantly with no problem

What will happen is that authentic spontaneous action will arise, and I assure you that it will be a desire to connect ☺️

 

[Inliytened1]

@Nickyy agreed 

@sumire i think if you contemplate enough you will see that maybe you identified duality as something negative and associated it with the devilry of the ego.  Perhaps because you were so focused on the first half of the circle - non-duality, that maybe you then created this identification or association in your mind.   

[VeganAwake]

@sumire Welcome!!?

I would recommend just doing what feels natural. If you feel like connecting connect, if not do not. No need to feel like anything needs to happen. Just be present...❤ there are lots of little phases and ego backlash experiences. Just be the observer of the ego...

To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.- Eckhart Tolle

[mandyjw]

There's a tendency to want to lock into a way of acting, having no drive to want meaningful relationships is something that can only be in the moment, we can never become someone who has no desires. Wanting itself is not from the ego, the idea of the one who wants or does not want is the ego. Wanting arises or does not. 

[sumire]

12 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

@sumire The way i see it is that you need to be able to seamlessly shift between duality and non-duality because ultimately they are One.

Thank you — this has helped me a lot! I'd forgotten that non-duality encompasses everything, including duality itself. Moving forward, I'll try and embrace non-duality fully rather than use it as a means to intellectually understand my social problems.

12 hours ago, Nickyy said:

Doing should come from being. If you truly get still and observe this idea you have developed as merely a sneaky way you have become identified with your mind and are now resisting what is, it should go away more or less instantly with no problem

What will happen is that authentic spontaneous action will arise, and I assure you that it will be a desire to connect ☺️

So from your perspective, I'm resisting connection with others?

Authentic spontaneous action is something I feel rarely comes up in my interactions. The mere notion of this sounds both scary and wonderful. Can I ask what this feels like? Do you say and do whatever comes to you?

I have a circle of friends I hang out with regularly and have good rapport with work colleagues, but all of it are surface level interactions. I think it's also worth mentioning that I began meditating and doing spiritual work four years ago to combat social anxiety and feelings of loneliness, both of which I feel have lessened greatly.

10 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

@sumire I would recommend just doing what feels natural. If you feel like connecting connect, if not do not.

When I'm alone, I feel conscious and at peace. This is when I feel lovingness towards things and the desire to connect to others.
When I'm surrounding by people, I think this is where I begin falling into unconscious behaviour and resist others.

[VeganAwake]

@sumire I totally get it I have social anxiety disorder as well.

Remember you are connected whether you socially connect or not. We are pure awakeness believing we are a limited lacking separate self.

Take the middle path don't push too hard to connect but don't avoid it either good luck my friend and stay present. ❤