Pookie

Dark night of the soul feeling

11 posts in this topic

I am officially lost in life. I don’t really know what’s out there anymore for me. I don’t want to give up, but I’m feeling more hopeless every  day. 

I am pretty scared over this situation I’m at right now. I graduated college in May with a degree I majored in for the wrong reasons. I thought it was secure and wanted to help my family, but I realized too late I’m not passionate about it. I don’t feel aligned. I’m taking the life purpose course right now after all this time. I knew I should have done it when I bought it 3 years ago, but I fucked up. I have no one to blame but myself. I feel like I am at step 0 again in life. 

As I’m taking the LP course, I’m facing so many inner demons and obstacles. I feel guilty that I can’t help my parents while they’re supporting me and giving me time to recover from this slump. The whole family situation feels like it’s hanging by a thread. It really does feel like I’m dying on the inside every day. The thought of suicide pops up every now and then because I just want another chance to start over, if such a thing is even possible. The only real thing stopping me is the grief I’ll leave behind for my family. 

At the same time, I know I don’t want to live a life that’s not aligned with a purpose. I always knew I want to help people because I do care for them. I guess that’s a clue so far in this journey. I know it sounds like I’m being pulled in multiple directions. Like I said, I am lost. How do I even cope with this feeling? Has anyone been in a similar situation and pushed through? 

 

 

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51 minutes ago, Pookie said:

At the same time, I know I don’t want to live a life that’s not aligned with a purpose.

Are you sure you can't use your degree in some way while you are finding your "life purpose" career?

Look, I got a degree in nursing and after getting licensed completely regretted it...hated it. I don't talk about it much, but it was a sickening feeling and no one around me would let me quit..lol, but I desperately wanted too. I had school loans to repay also, which was the biggest reason i could not quit.

Anyways, after 4 nursing jobs i couldn't stand the first 6 mos, I finally found something I could at least tolerate. Then, life did what life does and I landed in a leadership role in nursing that i actually liked. I recently left that job after 7 yrs thinking...fuck...I'm back in the trenches again now, but life has handed me (literally) another nurse leadership role, as manager.( Btw, I decided to stay in nursing, its been over 12 yrs now) 

So, stop this feeling sorry for yourself stuff! Do what you need to do to help yourself and your family. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. You can look for whatever you feel passionate about also, but don't completely lose yourself over this. You can do it!😉

Edited by Anna1

Take what you like and leave the rest.

Namaste 🙏 🕉

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1 hour ago, Pookie said:

How do I even cope with this feeling?

Become extremely aware of the present moment. Use your senses fully. Notice the shapes, colours, textures, the flow of your breath. Notice if the air in the room is cold or warm. Notice the sounds in the room you are in right now. Just listen for a moment. Listen carefully to the silence and stillness that pervades all around you and everything - the silence and stillness that allowes everything to be without any effort whatsoever. Notice the absolute in this moment.

Now ask yourself what "problem" do you have right now. Be very alert and still and attentive. 

Wait for an answer 

That feeling is your life purpose.

Get in touch with that as often as you can and allow that to live through you as an expression 

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@Anna1 Thanks for sharing your experience. You’re right, I can’t keep feeling sorry for myself. I’ll keep fighting. 

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5 minutes ago, Pookie said:

@Anna1 Thanks for sharing your experience. You’re right, I can’t keep feeling sorry for myself. I’ll keep fighting. 

Yes!

That's the spirit!❤

Hang in there. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Things will get better.


Take what you like and leave the rest.

Namaste 🙏 🕉

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12 hours ago, Pookie said:

I guess that’s a clue so far in this journey. I know it sounds like I’m being pulled in multiple directions. Like I said, I am lost. How do I even cope with this feeling? Has anyone been in a similar situation and pushed through? 

It sounds like you’re trying to use circumstances and assessment of as anchor points, rather than realizing you are being the consistency of all that is going on in your life. Writing what you want on a large dry erase board can bring all of this into a new focus and vantage point the likes of which can not be imagined. Like a practice, you must do it to realize. The backbone of everything you’re mentioning, is your wanting. It seems to me that because you’re not clear on your wanting, that you are suffering from none of the dots connecting. You wanted to go to school for what you picked. Then you changed your mind. That’s not a problem at all. The issue is the disconnect. The board can show you things, so to speak. Connect the wants, and bring about not only the unifying theme, but effortlessly, the ‘next steps’ move from “hopeless”, “needing to push through”....to so obvious, all encompassing, and inspired, was divinely guided, makes perfect sense. The inspiration realized in doing this makes the ruminating and worrying seem silly to you. You would see that you are not at all at “step 0”, but that you’ve always been at the helm, writing your own adventure. Your wanting created the entire experience of your life, and is continuing to do so. “Out of your head and into the room”, in front of your eyes & mind, would serve you so well. So much relief to be realized, so much inspiration to tap. :) Lost, relatively, this is like having a look at all the breadcrumbs from where and why you’ve come, which reveal right before your own eyes, where and why you are going. All one, all connected & consistent, because you. The “lost” feeling evaporates, as in, if there is one component of life which can never be lost - its actually, you. 

 

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@Nahm This made me tear. Thank you for your kindness and inspiring words. I really needed some support like this. I’m still anxious for what lies ahead, but I’ll keep moving forward. I definitely feel better now. Thank you. 

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FB_IMG_1572647828617.jpg

Saw this on FB, thought of you!


Take what you like and leave the rest.

Namaste 🙏 🕉

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I know what I feels like . Many directions,lost, fear and anxiety.

An important aspect is that you have to create the right atmosphere within yourself. How can you have clarity with all this turmoil of thoughts and emotions ? Do not get scared from your negative emotions they are distorting the situation they are not telling truth about it.

Don't be too much  in a hurry for your external . If there is no clarity within yourself it is hard to know what to do .

Take all the necessary time for your own well being.  Make the ground stable (inner world) and the outer is just a consequence.

Blessings 🌹

Edited by Giulio Bevilacqua
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