Woman who loves herself

[FourSeasons]

I were thinking to wirte or not about it, but my inner guide made me ask you guys for some tips.

(not a native english speaker, please forgive me for mistakes) 

I will try explain situation as best as possible. 

So i am married One year, we both going to spiritual path. I am happy to have him, we both build an amazing connection. This part is perfect. 

So i grow up more like man rather than woman. I got used to take care of myself, go trough the world with my head up. This experience gave me good and bad habbits. For example i am very manly, used to take care of a lot of things and ussually not understanding what my partner actually needs. Trying to change him, comment on his bahaviour and most of time looking for place to put him in bad mood. We had lots of fights, lots of drama because we both are sensitive. But mainly I were all the time thinking he has to make me happy. So until last week i still were thinking we are fine. But its not. 

I finnaly realized that i dont let my man be man. And i dont let myself be woman because of my past. Just few days ago he said he cant stand my anymore because of my bahaviour. Which i agree is unsustainable. So after his words i asked for the last time give me a chance to change it, because past few weeks were very intensive for my personal improving. I finally realized that actually i am the 'bad guy' in our relationships and when i will let go and just be in love with myself i will be able accept him the way he is.

Yes seems like i understand what i have to do, even yesterday after weed session i encountered state where I understood whats happening and whats important for my in life :

Gratfullness 

Happiness

Emptiness 

Love

There four things i felt in real non dual state. I was greatfull i am alive. I was happy i can learn my lesson, I were empty because its natural I felt love because its the reality. I felt it so strong i were full of joy tears, laughing and Being in present in totaly blisfull moment. I understood change its a must for myself and the world around me inclunding my husband

So now when you more or less can get whats happening and what i am Looking for I want you to ask, what actions i have to take to make me feel woman again, how on daily basis keep these 4 esential things in my minds and how stop making my man feeling unloved but give him the best, because he is worth it as i am worth having happy and fully life. 

I hope you will understand my question and will have some insight for me. I will really apreciate everyone. 

Thank you in advance ?

Ps i started already take care of myself too. Gave me a girl night with bubble bath, book and vine and smiling. And i am very motivated to change my life for good to my and of course others. 

[TheAvatarState]

I am grateful that you came here looking for advice. Thank you for sharing!

First, I'd recommend thinking and journaling to expand on your values. Really spend some quality time to understand why these are your top values, why they mean so much to you, and to add more. 

There are many techniques to remind yourself and keep yourself on track. Affirmations are powerful. For example, say out loud, "I am so happy and grateful to be embodying my feminine essence." Write out several of these affirmations aligned with your values, and repeat them several times a day. 

Wear a wristband or bracelet every day for a month, and every time you notice it throughout your day, smile and become conscious of one of these values in the present moment. For instance, pick something you're grateful for, or become conscious of the Divine Love in the room. It's always there, but we often forget. 

Read or listen to books on femininity and spirituality. It would also be wise to read a book on feminine/masculine polarity, even one centered on the masculine perspective such as "Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. 

Most importantly, prioritize communication and openness with your partner. Resentment and anger builds when you don't talk or feel eachother. Another point, we don't all feel love in the same way. Read "The 5 Love Languages" to better determine how your man gives and receives love. It's possible that you might not be on the same frequency. 

Anyways, I hope that helped! 

[LastThursday]

@FourSeasons I think it's interesting that you think being more masculine is a problem?

Personally I'd be very happy to be with a woman who could use a screwdriver or is willing to take control in a difficult situation. But then I'm all for equality.

I don't think you should see your masculinity as the problem. There are masculine women and feminine men, so what?

If you want to explore being more feminine, then that's great! You should be able to choose when to be more womanly or more manly, whenever you need to be.

If I can make some points from what you wrote:

17 hours ago, FourSeasons said:

We had lots of fights, lots of drama because we both are sensitive

Some people are addicted to drama. It makes their lives seem more interesting and emotional. But it's quite dysfunctional behaviour. It comes out of insecurity in yourself and the relationship. You need to work on yourself so that you can talk about your needs in a calm and relaxed way. You can be sensitive without the drama.

17 hours ago, FourSeasons said:

ussually not understanding what my partner actually needs.

That can be a big problem. But maybe part of the problem is that he doesn't communicate his needs to you? But you can help him by asking him: "What do you need from me? Why are you upset?" and then just listen to him.

It sounds like you both need to learn how to communicate well together - not just for you to become more feminine. 

[CreamCat]

Being overly concerned about masculinity and femininity is a distraction.

[FourSeasons]

@LastThursday thank you for your insight. Took me a while to respond.

So the update i started to search for my feminine side. Its harder then i thought. But it working out i think. 

I really apreciate your comments it gave me strenght to start change myself. 

[FourSeasons]

@Vxvxen yes you were right! 

Communication is main key. 

Well now we talk very openly and share ideas ir insights.

Its really working out so far. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts i were thinking about it all the time and trying to change my behaviour of course still trying and sometimes i still get lost but always coming back on track. 

?