Feeling so bad when put down someone

[Kiko]

Hello guys, as you may seen the title, i feel very bad and sad when i put down someone. That usually happens when i play football, and someone confront me. In all cases they initiate the fight(words, sometimes physycal), and even though if i am right and i didnt start the fight, i feel very bad when i give this mother fucker what he deserves. I am very friendly with people who are good with me i am not bad guy, and i will never start a fight physical or with words first.  In the most cases i make them regret for what they confrontet me because i am big and strong playing very rude and arogant against them.  Soon after that when i got home the sadness and regret in me is coming. Sometimes i just want to cry for what i did, dont get me wrong not that i beat them up, i just start play very rude. So what would be the best option, to quit play football. That football which i play is not professional( i am 25 years old and i  used to be professional football player for few years)

[Forestluv]

I don't have any personal advice. Your post got me thinking about personality dynamics in sport that I find interesting.

Before the Floyd Mayweather vs. Conner McGregor boxing match they said harsh personal insults to each other. During the pre-match hype - it seemed like they hated each other. And perhaps there was some anger and hate at times. . . During the match, Mayweather did enough to win convincingly, yet wasn't trying to seriously injure McGregor. Yet after the boxing match, they were totally fine with each other - they were both like "We just made 100 million each, bro." All those personal insults are just part of the game to hype up the fight and make more money. . . In another dynamic . . . when McGregor fought Khabib, McGregor through out all sorts of personal insults against Khabib, his family, his hometown and his religion. Khabib was infuriated and wanted to seriously injure McGregor. Khabib was talking revenge and destruction as he pummeled McGregor. At one point in between rounds, McGregor motioned to Khabib like "Dude, all that trash talk is just part of the hype. Don't take it personally". . . After the fight, Khabib was still so incensed that he jumped out of the Octagon to beat up McGregor's coaches. As well, one of Khabib's coaches jumped in the ring to beat up a half-conscious McGregor and his associates. Khabib was heavily fined and suspended for almost a year. People tried to explain to him it was just trash talk and he can't keep fighting after the fight ended. . . Khabib felt some sense of regret and made an apology about his excessive behavior. 

[Nickyy]

@Kiko Maybe you're demonizing the aggressive part of you too much? You should recognize your negativity and allow it to be. But in order to really do that you have to not identify with it. You need to see it as one part of the dualistic mind and just observe it without attachment. Without judgement. Just let yourself be as you are in each and every moment and just be in the moment without drifting off too many times. 

This way you will start to heal your dark side and it won't be so explosive and the regret won't be so severe. 

Eventually you will gain mastery and balance and you won't have pent up emotions that leak out when you're challenged. 

Give yourself some slack 

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Kiko said:

i feel very bad and sad when i put down someone.

Then don’t. This is conditioning. Readily noted by how you feel. You wouldn’t consciously choose to feel bad, so you are unconsciously ‘putting people down’. Write down what you said, then write the opposite next to it. Label how each phrase feels to you. Notice they are just perspectives, and you can choose perspectives consciously that feel good to you. Not that you should say the nicer thing to the competitor, but that you can feel relief right now in the clarity, and in knowing, for next time around, it’s just perspectives and you can choose them.  Also, more from personal experience, other guys your age might be hip to the ‘putting others down is most often a way to feel better about yourself’, revealing weakness. Let your game speak louder, and your silence be deafening.

[Rasheed]

On 10/31/2019 at 3:10 AM, Serotoninluv said:

I don't have any personal advice. Your post got me thinking about personality dynamics in sport that I find interesting.

Before the Floyd Mayweather vs. Conner McGregor boxing match they said harsh personal insults to each other. During the pre-match hype - it seemed like they hated each other. And perhaps there was some anger and hate at times. . . During the match, Mayweather did enough to win convincingly, yet wasn't trying to seriously injure McGregor. Yet after the boxing match, they were totally fine with each other - they were both like "We just made 100 million each, bro." All those personal insults are just part of the game to hype up the fight and make more money. . . In another dynamic . . . when McGregor fought Khabib, McGregor through out all sorts of personal insults against Khabib, his family, his hometown and his religion. Khabib was infuriated and wanted to seriously injure McGregor. Khabib was talking revenge and destruction as he pummeled McGregor. At one point in between rounds, McGregor motioned to Khabib like "Dude, all that trash talk is just part of the hype. Don't take it personally". . . After the fight, Khabib was still so incensed that he jumped out of the Octagon to beat up McGregor's coaches. As well, one of Khabib's coaches jumped in the ring to beat up a half-conscious McGregor and his associates. Khabib was heavily fined and suspended for almost a year. People tried to explain to him it was just trash talk and he can't keep fighting after the fight ended. . . Khabib felt some sense of regret and made an apology about his excessive behavior. 

  What Conor said, in my opinion went beyond trash talking, but this still does not mean way Khabib handled the situation was right...Still, both Khabib and Conor are very inspiring people. 

[silene]

" In the most cases i make them regret for what they confrontet me because i am big and strong playing very rude and arogant against them."

Sport is full of egos rubbing up against each other in a physical way. Just observing it all can be a good insight onto yourself. What's the motivation behind all this confrontation and oneupmanship? Perhaps the ego is in a habit of thinking it's in a zero sum game, I can raise my status by pushing you down. Winners and losers. 

" Soon after that when i got home the sadness and regret in me is coming. Sometimes i just want to cry for what i did, dont get me wrong not that i beat them up, i just start play very rude. So what would be the best option, to quit play football. "

If you feel bad about the confrontation then I suggest changing your response, try experimenting with something different to break the cycle of aggressiveness. Humour is a good alternative, if you can think of a good reply. Humour has a way of deflating the egos (yours and theirs) and levelling us, if it's said without putting the other person down.  Sometimes just smiling at someone is enough. Also work on your conditioning,  meditation and mindfulness can help you to respond to a situation rather than react.  But please don't quit football over this if you love it, just raising your consciousness is all you need - like the rest of us  

 

Edited November 29, 2019 by silene
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