modmyth

Coming Out: Confessionals

787 posts in this topic

@Raptorsin7  Appreciate it! Yea, me too. It already feels like spring. It seems like a lot of businesses are expecting to start operating early or mid April due to it blowing over. We'll see how that works out.

It's like the armageddon apocalypse with the general fearful vibes, plus more places shutting down every day or two here.

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@modmyth Yea peoole are defintely panicking.

We'll be okay, theres nothing to fear but fear itself 

Edited by Raptorsin7

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15 hours ago, modmyth said:

ART: I have been taking a hiatus from the visual arts thing. The drawing/ painting hand is a couple months out of practice. I just don't have any new ideas. Sigh. I've spent too much time marinating in my own brain prior to the last 2 weeks. I hate it.

You know, i have a subtle smile reading this. I can relate, SO MUCH. All i can say, it's ok, it really is! New ideas will come, life goes on, take a break if you need. I underestand the rushing and demand of the result, i have alot of compassion for you, and for artists struggling. One good idea i know is, you always can find something to play with, or look at somebody else's artwork. Do visual arts with only specific technique or context. On paper it would be, i will only draw with triangles, circles and cubes or smth or i will not release the pencil and draw. Make up a story, watch some film or music, visualize what appars to you, use colours you dont usually use or smth idk. :D Here is a silly animated cartoon i really like and it's creator's artistic struggles.

Something funny and silly to think about. xD Of course, you don't have to watch any of that, just if you want. :)

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TRADITIONAL CHINESE MEDICINE (TCM) in modernity// CONSUMERISM & BEAUTY TRENDS:

RED REISHI: So it seems like in the last -5 years there has been trend of mixing red reishi powder/ extract with coffee, and apparently this masks this taste pretty well. I have tried it, and it and in fact does. It certainly beats drinking it with hot water and dealing with the mild rotting fermented log taste. But I find the concept of paying for something premixed like this stupid on principle. Call it my ½ Asian Canadian upbringing, but I find it atrocious paying that much for what is essentially marketing and getting these tiny ass packets with not enough of the active ingredient. Like the supplementation version of gentrification, it's paying a premium price for the label and shit. Just don't do it. Mix it your goddamned self.

It's very “stuff white people like”. https://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/ So at this point, this list is a bit dated, but I could add a whole lot of stuff to this. Also, nothing wrong with this stuff. I also love avocado toast and quinoa. Still absolutely hysterical anyways.

Anyway, in my early 20s, I received very Chinese advice from my mom about feeling lethargic and unmotivated and just generally down, was to take red reishi, which TCM takes very very seriously. It is considered THE herb, and it used to be so expensive and rare that only the emperor would be able to take it, or certain monks would find and handpick it themselves. The traditional Chinese approach is that all mood and mental disorders are caused by bodily and energetic imbalances. But yea, I am in a monogamous relationship with the stuff. Often it's mixed with other mushrooms, which I don't particularly care to do, although mixing it with other ingredients to boost the uptake/ absorption of it is perfectly acceptable (this is the TCM approach). It has stuck. I take a very high dosage from a concentracted extract, and arguably it has nootropic effects at this point. Effects your physiology and your dreams.

Some Chinese extracts/ formulas are very expensive as well, probably since this herb is taken very seriously. I also take her advice about cycling off it periodically, so supposedly it does not lose its effectiveness. This is like.. advice you'd get from a TCM herbalist.

FUN FACT: THE foundational text of traditional Chinese medicine, particularly the herbalism bit, is based on some guy who was crazy enough to go around testing a lot of these plants on himself, realistically, he probably had a pretty good idea of what was poisonous and what wasn't based on cultural and local experience and anecdotes, but.... you know, he donated himself for science before science as an idea was even a thing. xD Pretty sure this text was called the Huangdi Neijing. Anyway, an essential principle of TCM is that pretty much all Chinese herbs and plants are poisonous unless taken in the right proportion for the appropriate ailment. Don't take herbs regularly or all the time, unless it's at least “neutral” or positive in terms of cumulative impact and is a general health, immune system, and “qi” builder (what we would now class as an adaptogen in modern herbalism).

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(God I loved Bill Nye growing up.)

According to my mom anyways, it's the abuse of this principle which led to the abuse of ephedrine, which is an extract of ma huang. From my understanding is chemically similar to speed in many ways. At the time, people apparently didn't realize that it could be dangerous; I don't think it was well researched in western medicine; a great deal of Chinese herbs are not; it's usually the ones that are the most commonly well known that are, e.g. ginseng, ginkgo, etc. About 10-15+ years ago, some bodybuilders overdosed and died taking too much of it, and my mom was not surprised at all. She told me that ma huang is considered highly toxic in TCM in its nonextracted form, and is only taken at very short times for specific ailments (I believe it's mainly for sluggish lung functioning, like for coughs and what not). Take her insight for what it's worth.

Speaking of paying a premium price for a fad...

THROW AWAY BEAUTY TRENDS?: Gua sha/ facial rollers have also been a beauty trend for the last -5 years, which I also find odd because of my upbringing, but not odd in the picture of larger commercial trends. I mean why not. There are always new beauty and nutritional fads every year or two, but gua sha (which are a sort of skin scraper) and jade facial rollers have been a thing for at least hundreds of years. I am very sure that gua sha as both a tool and in technique probably is at least a couple thousand years old.

The original use of gua sha is more akin to cupping though which involves scrapping the shit out of your skin, in the sense that apparently it's not nearly as painful as it appears. Not something you want to do on your face.

It's so strange to see all these youtube beauty gurus and contourellas doing something my Chinese grandmother or my mom's older friends would do, or would just be lying around my house growing up. Or in my grandparents' apartment. Are they going to be shopping in a traditional Chinese medicine store too if that's also a thing?

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A clear demonstration of contouring technique. Also known as: you look like a drag queen when seen within a twenty foot radius, but let's be honest, a drag queen could probably do it a lot better (not a fan of some of these makeup looks for regular wear, sorry-but-not-sorry. I think finally people are relaxing with this one now.)

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For reference, contour is when you use makeup to create an entirely new face on top of your existing face. It works well for stage makeup, and can get rather strange up close. Basically:

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Yea, I don't have the patience for this stuff. Hers is pretty well done, actually.

Also:

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Edited by modmyth
#1/2 of me is 1/2 of Stuff that White People Like // 2 am typos

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@Sombra  I've been looking for some texts, so that is helpful, thank you! :D 

Yea, Mandarin has some words where there are two pronunciations (or even three), not that uncommon. But nothing at all like that. Do you have any idea why that came to be the case in kanji, as it was taken from Chinese originally? Just language nerd stuff.

That word is ri (down tone) in Mandarin and jat6 (which is pronounced more like "yut"). I'm trying to learn jyutping, but it kind of might be a waste of time.

Yea, I definitely agree that it's better to learn these separate meanings in context. Do you find it's hard to get enough exposure to get to that level of naturalization, so that it's a reflex? I do have a background in both Mandarin and Cantonese, it's just that I have a lot of trouble reconciling the two dialects. In Cantonese they use completely different terminology, especially colloquially. I've noticed that in casual colloquial conversation, often up to 50% of the words are just different than the ones used in Mandarin. Also a lot of the words just sound completely different. So I am in the odd position of understanding how to speak and understand it but absolutely do not understand jyutping (which is the Cantonese version of pinyin// the tonal system) and I have no idea what written words are being used at least 95 percent of the time, haha. I am just starting to learn now about words are actually being used.

I find myself wondering if Taiwanese is a closer match for Mandarin since it's basically Hokkien (or Hakka?), I think, in terms of pronunciation and idiomatic usage.

Edited by modmyth
Hangul uses an actual alphabet though, no? From my understanding it's probably the easiest of the three languages to learn for that reason? (Out of Japanese, Chinese, Korean)

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@Applegarden Solid advice. We all get into these ruts sometimes, huh? I am a bit burnt out with the artist's inspiration thing, in terms of actually finding direct inspiration from the visual arts. I have been like that for quite a while. Nothing really grabs me anymore. I've been hoping someone would hook me up with something interesting here, haha.

I find that taking these breaks is necessary to reboot the brain, so that I naturally find myself starting off by default in a significantly different place than I left off, but I also tend to hate it and feel lazy as well. Just making life difficult for myself over here. xD

Edited by modmyth
Doing that music inspo thing again tho.

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READING INTERESTS, MAINLY:

*I've been wanting to do this early rising thing, and here I am, having boundless energy at about 1-2 in the morning. Old habits die hard. This has never been a very graceful transition for me, but may be necessary soon enough.

*MIXED FEELINGS: Keeping a schedule/ planner is both very helpful and oppressive at the same time, often much more one thing than the other. For one, I find that it's always necessary to have these periods where I'm “off record”, to free myself from the regiment from keeping tabs on everything everyday all the time. And then, I have other periods when the scheduling is much less intense. It's a push and pull between wanting to get as much as possible in an extremely structured way, and having breathing room and space for creative thought and flow.

The one I have at the moment is: https://www.amazon.ca/Undated-Productivity-Journal-Planner-Setting/dp/B079RLCRRC/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=get+stuff+done&qid=1585040006&sr=8-1

*Random Stuff on my Amazon booklist, which is mainly just general topics that I'm interested in the moment:

AI STUFF: every book I could find on machine learning & algorithms as written for a layperson, that wasn't too technical and for a person without university level mathematics or computing science background, but also wasn't too generalized or dumbed down. (Bleep blorp, how do computers work?)

ART RELATED BOOKS: Hieronymus Bosch, Ernst Hackel's scientific drawings (a contemporary of Darwin), the Voynich Manuscript because it looked interesting. An Introduction to Topology, which was mainly intended for artistic purposes and inspiration. 

Anything world history related will almost always interest me. I have been meaning to get more into reading Islamic history, and to learn more about the Golden Age of Baghdad, Al-Andalus (the Moors), the history of Constantinople in general, especially the Byzantine Empire but also the Ottoman Empire. The Hittites. Yea, I was a massive history nerd as a kid since about the age of 7. Just obsessive. I've calmed down a lot! Around the age of 10 or so, I bought a set of three books from China which was the History of the Warring States period (shortly before China became a country much as it is now). Each book was about 300 something pages each and I read them all. Gripping read.

Subspecialist subjects of a certain sort are generally always of interest to me. E.g. anything related to the philosophy/ history of science and computing, I've pretty much read every single book I could find on the subject while I was uni. Historiography, which is basically the study of the methodology used behind history making, the construction, motivation and technique that goes into the creation of historical narratives; there are a profound lack of books on this subject for some reason? I mean, anything that goes meta like that tends to interest me. But apparently this isn't necessarily always an interest to historians AT ALL, perhaps comparable to the way that a great number of scientists don't give much of a shit about the theoretical underpinnings behind their methodology, and like... social and political motivators/ factors that absolutely control how they're permitted to frame or understand the information, in the way that it is always always contextualized. (e.g. Thomas Kuhn's The Structure of Scientific Revolutions.

FUN FACT: this book is the actual origin of the phase, “paradigm shift”. I've been finding that it's one of those texts where the significance of it is overly obvious now in retrospect, but at the time (1962) it was absolutely revolutionary, I'm sure.)

Oh, and some books about sexual sadism/ bondage stuff. One by a very local practitioner of Japanese rope bondage (kinbaku), who has a noteworthy academic background, I find it intriguing when people have expertise or experience in at least two widely different fields (in his case, mathematical physics and history and philosophy science. Clearly, there is an extremely theoretical bent to his interests.)

Marquis the Sade's Philosophy in the Boudoir, which I find fucking hilarious, and is very tame compared to some of his other works. I know this guy has a certain kind of stellar infamy, but seriously guys, take him with a grain of salt. Dude likes to talk a lot of shit. But philosophically, he tends to be taken seriously for a reason by a number of philosophers, even though he is extremely erratic, and suddenly starts getting very theoretical without warning. xD

That particular book has a 80-20 porn to philosophy ratio, which is perfectly fine to me. And a lot of classical sodomy. This is in an era where the idea of sodomy packed far more of a punch (heh) due to it being a deliberate act of religious and political subversion... particularly in his case. From this time period, libertinism was not just about passing time and having pleasure.

Stoya's Philosophy Pussycats, and Porn.

Islamic Art. Iceberg Slim's “Pimp” because Dave Chapelle recommended it in one of his comedy specials, and I do not remember the original context which made me want to read it.

 

Soundtrack: I listened to everything by Winged Victory for the Sullen. Yesterday, it was everything by Christina Vantzou.

I appreciate how all over the place Four Tet's playlist is, but also I've never been able to get through most it for whatever reason. Distractability. It's also very long.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2uzbATYxs9V8YQi5lf89WG?si=1ZbJTZUXT7SECr9y2eVAPw

Edited by modmyth
there are inevitably typos in this and I don't care.// Wow I typo'ed typo, that's a first.

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A List of Very Traditional Asian Things I've Done// ASIAN CRED CHECKING IN:

*I'm actually familiar with TCM and what's basically Chinese folk medicine practices, as it was passed on matrilineally both in terms of theory and practicality. My understanding is that after my mom's generation, a lot of city folk lost touch with this type of passing down, as it tends to happen in urban megatropolises, like people somewhat younger than my mom might still go to Chinese herbalist, but probably not so much.

*I did the traditional Chinese school thing starting from the age of 5, because my mom forced me to, basically. 1-2 of my friends from my elementary school went there. We learned Chinese using the traditional scholastic method, which is really questionable in terms of efficacy.

*I did the traditional Chinese martial arts thing for a handful of years as a teenager with an actual sifu, who was my mom's friend, also complete with a shrine to the founder of this particular practice. I mostly learned Southern Praying Mantis, but my sifu also taught Hung Ga, western style kickboxing, and Iron Body training (for those who were more interested in focusing on the practical aspect of training, which included a lot of grappling and practicing taking hits and kicks.

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It looked kind of like this + a photo that looked like it was from the early 1900s...

*IRON BODY TRAINING: This is an aspect of Shaolin apparently, where you're hit with a bamboo staff on various parts of the body, including and especially the most vulnerable parts like the joints, the back of the neck, various parts of the head. So you start out with a light tap, and then you progress to getting smashed brutally with said staff. “So... even on the back of your head?” Yes, even there. During this time, I was terrified about getting a concussive injury or snapping my neck, and my sifu's response would be akin to STFU you're worried about nothing. I had the same fear when asked to do aerial cartwheels or flips, or any number of stunts. I was never very good at it. I was actually a very risk adverse child under normal conditions in the physical sense, but I have always been consciously trying to reign in my risk taking behaviour since I was very young without exactly knowing why, as if I was a hazard risk to myself.

*I did Qi Gong at the time too, and I never got into it because I did not take seriously at all at first, thinking of it as something mainly that elderly Chinese people do to stay mobile and flexible. (If you live around a place where there's a sizable elderly Chinese population, it might not be uncommon to see them practing Qi Gong at 5-7 in the morning at a local park.) Anyway, I got a lecture from my sifu who told me that it is the foundation of all Chinese martial arts, so I better show it some respect, because without it, the other martial arts would not be possible either historically or in current practice (he didn't exactly say this, but this was the implication, like all martial artists should know how to do Qi Gong properly).

*I am fairly knowledgeable and well read in Chinese history, mythology, religion and culture, and was lugged to many museums (which I actually enjoyed a lot, unlike my brother) and historical sites. Classical poetry and fiction? Not so much, despite occasional exposure. My favourite Chinese cities to visit were Xi'an and Chengdu, both which have extremely rich cultural heritage. Trawling through the old quarters of Xi'an left a powerful impression on me as a 7 year old.

*My mom did traditional Chinese theatre and I was also carted along as a child. I used to help her a lot with the costumes, like actually making them and altering them from scratch, dressing people, and then as a young adult, I learned how to do the stage makeup for traditional Chinese opera which is honestly pretty difficult. I'm no makeup artist, but I was told that I did pretty well.

*Uh, I've watched about a million Chinese period dramas? You think the written language would have stuck better than it did.

NON ASIAN CRED: I am really shitty at using chopsticks, and have been told so repeatedly. Designated lost cause!

Not bad for a hapa. I've duly noted the ways in which I was "more Chinese" than some of my Chinese friends growing up.

 

Hapa rep. He's pretty cute, but I have a love hate relationship with hapa guys. Either I think they're super hot (and I may or may not have some kind of blinders or massive prejudice going on)... or they remind me of my brother (like Henry Golding does). Also, at what point does one ascend to "I don't get jokes" level of hot? xD 

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@Sombra I think this simplification may be a feature of the modernization of languages in the digital era, but in general systems always tend towards shorthand over time. Despite having an academic background where people tend to fetishize old and ornate systems for pretty much its own sake, I generally see this as a positive thing. Like survival of the fittest amongst languages and systems in general, but it's good to do some conscious quality control here...

Immersion is always the way to go, if you have the opportunity, or the closest thing you can manage to it. Especially with cultivating a proper accent and learning how to think or process directly in another language, it's honestly necessary.

Like I took French immersion growing up, and when I went to Quebec when I was 17 (the French speaking part of Canada), it took maybe 1 week or 2 weeks top to start dreaming in French, but I was in a study program where they were particularly strict about everyone speaking no English everywhere, like if you were caught doing it more than 3 times you would get booted out, so your loss basically. It was a small town of about 3000 people so it was like it was possible to be caught speaking English pretty much anywhere, including at the one bar, including the supermarket and the diner. It  was probably the most effective thing for refining my French accent and ability to respond naturally and automatically.

 

Current Soundtrack: Everything by 36. Whatever I can listen to while I write, which is not distracting, so it's probably going to be a lot of ambient electronic, post rock, etc. (Does anyone have any recommendations?) 

Edited by modmyth

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CULTURAL IDENTITY// Growing up Hapa/ Eurasian: (I think I have touched one or twice on this topic in this journal and in AESTHETICS:)

Expectations vs. Reality?: Something that I've encountered at times from older Asian people is that they expect me to be both very good looking and very intelligent simply because I'm mixed, like it's just a given. I don't know... is it? Consider the already existing expectations that are placed on Asian Americans to be model minorities and to be excellent at math and school in general, because Asian? I've gotten that same sort of expectation of exemplary Asianness from old Asian people, like I can do stuff Asian people do but better (????), but not in the sense of manifesting cultural Asianness.

Occasionally I had been asked by East Asians, so do you identify more with your mom's side culturally, or your dad's side? And my answer is, well, both but mostly neither, which is then usually followed a confused blank look and a swift change of topic. (Reconcile this one with the post I made before about my ASIAN CRED!)

So I was more obviously East Asian in appearance when I was younger. People who have seen pictures of me when I was younger always agree. I also had such a fat fucking face (swearing for alliterative purposes). I occasionally had Asian stereotypes tacked on to me, like a girl who remembered me from the first elementary remembered me as “that math wizard”, along with another boy that was Filipino. And it was like, well duh, of course they're both good at math, they're Asian. ***Jeez, I was good but not that good. We just have relatively low standards here in North America compared to East Asia when it comes to mathematics.

*I definitely felt far more othered in East Asia proper than I have ever felt here. Vancouver Canada is one of the places where there tend to be a lot of Eurasians, other places are probably the West Coast of the USA (especially California), andHawaii. (The term hapa itself as term for a person of mixed race comes from the Hawaiian Polynesian language, and my understanding is that the racial mix is generally native Polynesian, Caucasian, and East Asian (probably Japanese mainly, to my knowledge they have been settled there for at least two centuries) Probably there are some other places that have a notably high Eurasian population that I cannot recall at the moment.

EURASIANS IN NORTH AMERICA: Usually we get lumped together as Asian if our appearance leans more on the Asian side, or white if vice versa is true. And sometimes, as a variety of other ethnicities, like Latina, Native American, etc. Which brings me to....

Something you get asked a decent amount:

Soooo... what are you? (Often asked out of nowhere, if that person is seriously lacking in social tact. Who just asks this to someone, as if you're some rare breed of animal? Some Eurasians get very uncomfortable with this and find it distasteful. I'm ambivalent. You're curious and I know I don't have to answer your question, by why not.) When I get any version of the question "Where are you from?" followed by my face being stared at in a peculiar scrutinizing and analytical way, I usually tell them my parents' ethnic background to save both of us a little time and effort.

A FACTOID/ SEXUAL FETISHIZATION: A disproportionate number of Asian porn stars are actually Eurasian in their ethnic background, and generally the Asian side is emphasized exclusively. Asia Carrera being a notable but older example at this point from the preinternet pornography era... (and also very much being a textbook example of dramatically succeeding and then failing at the Asian American expectations thing, with her academic background and performing as a pianist at Carnegie Hall at age 15). So I went and googled to see if anyone else compiled a list of Eurasian porn stars, because, well, informal sociological data gathering. It seems that I am definitely not the only Eurasian to have had a preoccupation with StuffEurasiansDo in the media.

https://www.reddit.com/r/hapas/comments/4vyfho/all_the_half_asian_pornstars/

Yea... I don't know who most of them are.

SEXUAL FETISHIZATION 2: Honestly though, I have felt far more sexually fetishized in East Asia than I ever have there, which might be understandable when you consider how monolithic the population is as a whole, and how relatively rare we are as a collective group. I have felt like an object of sexual attention there since I was about 12 or so, and I was not mature looking either. I mean, I was groped on the Hong Kong MTR when I was 13. …..

*There is a definitely a sense of shared identity amongst Eurasians, that a number of us are totally ambivalent about participating in. Vancouver has its own hapa festival. I'm not really sure what hapas do there, other than congregate in a state of vacillating but generally stable hapaness. ;)

 

Edited by modmyth
It really bothers me that this is on a seperate page from the post before, as they're both thematically related// edited because of inelegant conversational language + typos// what's new here.

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On 10/30/2019 at 9:40 PM, modmyth said:

So I've spent the last 8-9 years in relative isolation, and my whole life either consciously and deliberately hiding aspects of myself (don't we all?). I find that I've turned from being naturally a very open and sociable person as as a child into someone who lives in a very insular way.

This does not fit in with my life purpose anymore. I have to figure out a way to share, communicate properly, and to move people. To figure out what it is that I have in me that other people need and find of value. I find myself stuck at times, and moving far slower than care for, thinking about and fixating on stuff that I know really doesn't matter in the long run. Mostly because there is this sense of guardedness which isn't dissolving without giving myself that forceful push.

First of all: you can't really intermingle with other people on the physical plane (you can marginally do it only during orgasm/sex).  Your belief of needing meaningful relationships is just a brainwash from the current society. So even though you think something is lacking in your life (and it is if you're not enlightened yet), you're lucky to not be wasting time and energy in the false dream of "fulfilling relationships". 

About the "forceful push" concept: that's the paradox of creation and the enlightenment process. How can the part push itself to become the whole without any outside intervention? Drop the path of "effort" and follow Bashar's formula (google it), which is the path of least resistance and will lead you to liberation faster than the "hard work path".

Also, psychedelics are the "ultimate" outside intervention you need, the problem is no one will ever force you to take them.

Edited by Arzack

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@Arzack  It's about fulfilling my individual life purpose more than anything else, as in everyday, I am asking myself (although not explicitly or directly at this point) why am I even existing on planet Earth still? I have to run through the gauntlet in order to serve it (so do we all). If I wasn't fulfilling my own self imposed obligations, then probably I would be living in a cabin in the woods somewhere and not here in the city spending too fucking long (for my tastes) working out the obvious. 

If you've read a bit more of my journal, I have a couple posts about how I came into conscious awareness here in (relative) absolute illumination. Also, I'm completely sober (not at all shitting on the people here going the psychedelics route), unless you count the subtly mind altering effects of high dosage red reishi (but then, I am a sensitive). 

Edited by modmyth

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Is it permanent awakening or did you have only brief glimpses of it? I know old souls (who had many incarnations) do awaken without psychedelics, some do "out of nowhere" without even knowing what it is (some even went to psychologists/mental hospital). Anyway, if it's permanent nirvana, know that there are multiple levels of it (search Jan Esmann on youtube, he was still depressed after attaining first level awakening), and that there are higher "realms" above this physical one, and you can evolve only up to a certain level here (not absolute); you evolve either by meditation (get shaktipat by Jan before going this path though), or with psychedelics. So you have to decide what to make of this life before going on to higher planes (you won't reincarnate if you awakened permanently, but you might choose to come back to help humanity). 

Edited by Arzack

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FRAGMENTATION// TRIALS//: This is very much the last profound act of violence I will EVER commit against myself, and marks a transition into a new era. Not in this life, not in the next few, likely never. May this serve its purpose fully, as my Overself has dictated my life to be lived this way.

*BLOOD AND DANCING// THE BODY AND THE BLOOD: 16 years, or exactly half of my life, has been spent in a sort of Odinesque dead hang. You hang yourself upside down to gain a new perspective on the world, as it appears upside down. So I've been undoing what very well might be the last major bind, as it appears from here (is this an example of eternal optimism?). In any case, it doesn't matter too much. Life goes on its own schedule. Other than reconciling the exacerbated disjunction between head and heart and what is essentially has been a severe block/ stagnation at the throat level, and at times just straight up switching off a number of the functions of higher mind, there is the matter of my heart. So there was the matter of freeing myself from the dead hang and the rope, dusting myself off, and reorientating myself. Except my heart has been hemorrhaging energetically this whole time. I thought I would take full advantage of this opportunity, quite literally a once in a lifetime event, and charge my blood (energetically speaking) and intentions with the spirit of what is to come. My own highest spirit bleeds into the collective consciousness.

*So here is where it gets very interesting for me, I have been observing casually the ways in which aspects of my eternal aspect has been bleeding into others via the collective (sub)consciousness. I feel it, obviously. But I want to see what bubbles up into conscious manifestation. We all draw closer to the source and to resolution. And here is one purpose of such a brutal game. 1) Collect aspects of my identity that has been spread around and disconnected from beyond the bounds of this lifetime. 2) Draw together and reconstruct psyche from scratch, for the second time in my life. Technically, it's been harder this time, but I have more direct experience from this life, and a greater repository of past life experience to access. 

*ACCELERATION: The next 20-30ish years or so are going to get very interesting in this funhouse we call Earth. So I have said, when I am right side up, so is this world. There is a mild sense of... well, let's see how I live up to whatever it is that I think I can or will do, and the mild thrill of possible failure and overshooting my aims massively. But truly, the past and the future are already written anyway ("the important stuff"). In an absolute sense.

*VISITORS: I'm thinking of two people in particular who have been trying to reach me. Duly noting the ways in which I have refracted your presences due to being fragmented and dormant within certain aspects of myself, and so my functioning is kind of limited in terms of proper outside communication. Clearly both of you are functioning much better in psychic reality proper, like I didn't go that far off the deepend, I know my ability to engage well without distortion is pretty limited. Mostly I'm forced to talk to myself ("integration" proper), and at times this has gone pretty hilariously if not kind of idiotically because.... of what ever temporal issues I have with love. But when it's integrated, it will REALLY integrated.

*CAUSE OF DEATH: In an equally Odinesque act, I had taken the hammer and smashed my heart (energetically) open into fragments. And then, to face whatever comes afterwards as directly as possible. Infinity bleeds in and decimates and erodes mostly everything. Anyway, I have been somewhat indirect about it, but have spoken of the damage done by my cumulative lifetime and this particular act. Don't do what I do. Just don't. I have relied on a specific past lifetime of experience in order to know exactly what to do here so that when I have left, I am apparently still capable of functioning in the world. Like I am still able to take care of myself physically, and like... form words, and not be put in a asylum. I had already seen the outcome, but there have been certain unanticipated consequences. Like this is a pain in the ass to unravel, and I say this with all due respect to myself. What's a good analogy?

FLIP A COIN// LIFE OR DEATH: This has something in common with various shamanistic practices where you bring yourself as close as possible to the point of oblivion and then, after this and after you reorient yourself? Then you have your proper start. You gain some and you lose some, as with everything in life.

Does my “higher” self give me a choice, did it? No. I was not given a choice in my form of initiation 16-17 years ago (sexual trauma), but have very willingly gone along with mostly everything hereinafter. Even the complaining serves its purpose.

HIGHER HEART: I feel most often lately that energetically speaking, my heart is turning in its own chest. The function of the mind is to be empty and to reorient it, but see METACOG: a strict number of guidances must be followed in order to bring everything in line ASAP. (See PSYCHOEMOTIONAL MASTERY/ SLAVERY) for a list of stipulations.

*”PAIN BODY”: lately I have been feeling the sum total of all my remaining pain, all at once, without filtration and without me hiding aspects of it from myself (one of the primary functions of a subconscious, which is to play games of lost and found with yourself. D:) It strikes me immediately as being SO MUCH PAIN, but then, this is such a small amount of the total pain. It's a bit of a pain in the ass. It's a drop in the bucket.

As I have mentioned before occasionally, there's a reason why we have subconsciouses, as opposed to dealing with everything ASAP immediately, in a rawer and more direct form.

***Probably at this point, I will close the book on the discussion of this period of my life, this incident and the things leading up to it, unless there is a very very specific reason. It's documented more directly now, so it's done. It is very much essential to live in the present, with this mind set that "thoughts are things" and thoughts and all psychoemotional phenomenon has power, particularly when repeated, and so I am and have been very much embracing and looking forward to releasing the past in its entirety.

***On principle, I find it irritating that the ONE thing that really tripped me up after summer is this issue of temporal, romantic love. Even I'm not sure of the meaning and purpose of it.

Edited by modmyth
The next 20-30+ years are intended to be right side up. How quickly can I heal my heart and integrate all fragmentation if I focus properly with absolutely everything that I have at my disposal. I guess I'll find out. It's not just about me here. So TIME.

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HEALTH (MYOFASCIAL RELEASE)/ SKINCARE PSA:

GUA SHA/ SCRAPING: sometimes you just make up your own self care rituals, after years and years of practice and observation, and experimentation; and this is an example of the way I think and process in action in a very practical sort of way. It's just very time efficient, since honestly, I might as well make use of the time in the shower anyway. You can do it all in 10 minutes or so, or a bit longer. Whatever's necessary.

So last week I bought a gua sha scraper, it looks like this (there are a few different shapes, but this is a very common one). In a previous post (it was the one on Asianness I think), I mentioned that I had around my house growing up along with some other TCM implements and never thought much about it. I'm pretty sure my grandmother gave it to my mom who brought it back from Hong Kong, and it was made out of buffalo horn rather than jade or some other stone. I don't think there any therapeutic qualities to buffalo horn, from what I remember. It's a just a traditional material.

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Anyway, I have been scraping in the shower, after applying castor oil and letting it soak into my pores just slightly. I am not super aggressive about it but I do scrape hard enough to cause myofascial release.

BENEFITS/ intended purpose: So I originally started applying castor oil in the shower to see if I could get the benefits of increased lymph flow and drainage (as well as increased circulation, they kind of go together). The lymph system is notoriously hard to get moving in terms of circulation and the elimination of waste products, unless it's through exercise or movement (or say, manual drainage which is massage) because unlike the circulatory system... it lacks a heart to pump around the fluids. (My understanding is that is an aspect of the circulatory system and links up with it, and that waste products are removed via connection to the blood in this way, but I may be wrong. I last took biology in highschool and we did not learn much about this system at all.) So if you're very sedentary, you may have some issues with waste elimination specifically due to this issue with the lymph system.

Anyway, castor oil alone works really well when applied on skin plus the addition of heat to increase lymph circulation. This is the principle between Edgar Cayce's castor oil packs, which are moreso used to draw circulation to any of the internal organs in the abdominal area, and also on injuries (especially joint injuries). Joints in particular, when compared to muscles, have comparitively poor circulation, and so heal slower at least partially for this reason (the other reason, I'm just making an educated guess here... is because hard tissues are probably harder to repair, period?)

So I really doubt this practice is intense enough to have any impact on your internal organs in the same way a pack might, but I have definitely found that it helps with muscle and joint tension. It might also help with other issues related to the lymph system, like cellulite. It might help with skin firmness and elasticity, which are some of the proported benefits. I'm not sure. I'm just focusing on what I've noticed immediately.

*SCRAPING: You need a massage oil anyway, and the heated castor oil works really well here, a lot better than when it's cold. Then you can commence scraping. I pretty much do everywhere including my face, but I tend to focus on areas that there are trigger points (since the scraper is hard enough to actually work through them), but especially on the joints and the areas that there would be trigger points around the joints.

*SOFT TISSUE WORK: Places where it works well include over and around the joints, especially the small muscles that tend to have a lot of trigger points (which may in itself be causing joint pain and a lack of mobility, and is not just simply... actually physical damage to the joint itself, it's the body trying to protect you from using it in a certain way by making you “rigid”, not sure how else to explain it.).

****I find that it also works really well on the sternocleidomastoid, which is a notorious pain in the ass. Anywhere with the muscle tends to be a shallow, long band like that. Notice that fibres of the muscle are running parallel to the long shape of the muscle? Maybe this is not intuitive, I'm not sure, but always go with the direction of the muscle fibres, going either way. I honestly don't think the direction matters, but some people think going downwards is going to give you a saggy neck. I'm not sure about the physiology of that one. Either you have skin elasticity and strength, or you don't.

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The IT band, if you do a lot of weight lifting or athletics.

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The muscles on either side of the spine. Erector spinalus?

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What it does not work so well on: muscles that need a lot of blunt pressure like the back of the traps (everyone holds tension there due to stress and shitty neck posture from looking at their phones too much), the quadriceps. Just foam roll that shit, or pay for a proper massage. (The foam roller works terribly for a number of muscles, including the IT band, I have found.)

DOWNSIDES: castor oil may or may not make you hairier. I'm not joking. It's the primary ingredients in some eyelash and eyebrow growth serums, particularly the “natural” ones. So it may also make your body hair more luscious too, as well as the hair on rest of your face.

Castor oil is kind of gross feeling (like it's thick and stick and doing the packs kind of leave your skin feeling gross after, because you're supposed to use a lot of the stuff. ) Anyway, I find this is offset by not using a metric ton of the stuff, apply it while having a hot shower changes the texture and makes it more acceptable, plus the heat opens your pores, and after your shower, it sinks it pretty quickly.

If you exfoliate, definitely do that first, for obvious reasons. The only thing that is problematic is that if you have a full facial care routine that involves water based serums or has “active ingredients” like vitamin c, retinol (the latter which I do not use), it gets awkward with the product layering. Yea, usually I do that stuff separately. After that, I moisture with unrefined shea butter, which despite its thick and heavy texture, is a 0 on the comedogenic scale, which means that it won't give you acne. Ain't nobody got time for that. (0-5, with 0 meaning it doesn't clog your pores at all, and 5 meaning it is most likely to clog pores.)

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****I have read at least 3-4 books on the subject of myofascial release and trigger point therapy back in the day, because it's very practical and the subject interests me. Do you have a human body which gets tense and pained due to stress, exercise, the lack of movement/ sedentariness, or just existing period? Useful knowledge. If you study it, it tends to work in chains and patterns which is not always obvious and intuitive, like the starting point for pain in.. here's an example, since I happen to have it on hand. the front side of your shoulder hurts, and it is referring pain to the part of your forearm near your hand (infraspinatus).infraspinatus-trigger-points.jpg?resize=

***ON THE BENEFITS OF TRIGGER POINTS: Yea, that's your body trying to prevent you from actually injuring yourself due to repetitive motion in a way that puts the joints at risk, or say, overloads certain stabilizer muscles that may or may not be weaker (like some of the ones on the inside of the thighs near the knees, stabilizing muscles in the forearms and upper arms around the elbow joint (like that picture of the infraspintaus muscle as referenced above). It can lock up your joints for the purpose of preventing range of motion, can cause pain directly, etc. Shitty posture also causes trigger points.

 

Edited by modmyth
Edited, because anatomical terms and spelling.

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Matt Kahn + A Series of Observations + Remarks:// WAR MAGICK.

*An almost instantaneous energy shift, one that is immediately obvious at the level of body language. Perhaps this is a case of the pendulum starting in one place, swinging in the opposite direction, and then swinging back in the original direction (but then, being completely metamorphized due to completing full circle. Someone's taken a drink of the fire vial, and our paths have crossed perpendicular. It seems that he's very much aware of a number of things that have largely been secret in increasing clarity.

*He is absolutely dead on about a number of things, namely (That I found noteworthy):

*the actual energy of this world has absolutely transformed since 9/11, in layers than are under the surface of what's immediately observably. I have been monitoring and involving myself carefully for about the last 17 years or so. The outcome of this all has always been extremely predictable. Say for about 25 years or so.

*You can talk about the truth in plain public now with absolutely no risk, like in a hiding in plain sight sort of way, and pretty much no one will believe or take you seriously anyway, except the extremely intuitive and those that have the capacity to check directly. There is no need to even bother deflecting it now. Originally, at the beginning of this cycle (around the turn of the century?). When I was having this conversation with people as a teenager (in person especially), my advice was always this: exercise extreme caution both in psychic space. Likely, despite how paranoid people get about their physical bodies with conspiracy theories and shit, the risk of getting carted off is extremely limited, haha. There was a motto that went this: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. xD You bite someone in psychic/ dreamspace, generally they bite back (regardless of whatever degree to which they're conscious or unconscious). That's not paranoia. That's reality; that's cause and effect. If you stop believing in the sun, does that make it not exist too?

*He is right that almost all the global powers that have been defanged and declawed, and a great deal of their power, except in the immediate short term, and still a lot of their power rests in the belief and legitimacy of the power of institutions. This is a collective currency we buy into and it must be changed ASAP. A better question is this... what has happened to their spirit and souls? What was there originally? If you have the means to check, the clarity of spirit, the unity of higher mind and heart, to go and see for yourself. Don't need to believe me or not. Go check and see what happened. (***There is a whole art and expertise to reading and interpreting all of this sort of information properly. It's not just a matter of having an open door here, much like using a library (like the “Akashic Records”), you are bound by your ability to read and processually, unless you have a guide to interpret these things for you. And then, if you do, who do you trust, and on what basis? I myself, almost entirely use direct/ instantaneously processing with anything that falls within my field of expertise or just... general awareness.)

*ASCENSION: There are no barriers now between this “new world” and now. So pay careful attention to where you put your energy consciously now, and to what purpose it is serving in the grander scheme of things. Stop getting distracted by surface level shit on the world stage, which is not the same thing as turning a blind eye. Build things on the foundation of the right energy and intentions. This is a very important time period in human history, what we build and set intentions for now does set the tone for this upcoming period of human history, in a way that is somewhat comparable to when we all here started from scratch. = I have been saying this for the last 2-3 years in private.

THE BARGAIN/ “sacrifice”: The things I have seen, things that were meant to be kept secret. Sins. I have have sins committed against me specifically (in the form of my own physical trauma) which works as a sort of access/ waypoint for accessing the sins of this world, our collective (un)consciousness. Absolute bottom of the barrel stuff here that I've seen as well. All for the privilege of facing the sins of others directly in full force directly, in the psychic/ psychoemotional sense, so others do not have to face what they appear to be incapable of facing directly. Guess what. This comes at a price, which is being corralled into a tiny place where you lack choice. (Don't worry, I have given up this choice too, but I wanted it anyway, so it works out fine.) So you are indebted to me whether you want to be or not, which means everyone has to get with the fucking program.

*Things that have happened processually: you're in you, and you're in me, in the way that “you” here becomes increasingly public and collective, in a psychic/ psychoemotional sense. My fingers and eyes are inside of you, and outside, but I suppose, so are you. ("oneness"). But to what degree do you feel and see? You lack. Anyway, I have alluded to this one less directly in this journal, or one of my journals. You twist too far away and against, and I twist back automatically. The more you fight it the worse is it. There is absolutely no element of choice in the outcome. We are both subjecting ourselves to a sort of psychic law here. Anyway, have fun with that one. There is a lot more I could say, but largely this is in the past now.

*duly noted: a lot of empaths have had this role on Earth especially now, and around the turn of the century. We soak up all of the energetically dirty shit of this world, and then process and dispell it, often consciously, often at the expense of our physical and psychoemotional bodies. And just generally having "a normal life"? The more porous you are psychoemotionally, the more you are subject to this process.

*the topic of what happens in the human collective (un)consciousness, and what has happened, is rather complex. Honestly, there hasn't been much of a challenge here. (And I have said, I love a challenge.) It's a matter of time, being careful and meticulous in everything that you do psychically, setting things up properly, and waiting a bit. 14/ 15 was a challenge against something that was "outside" of myself (but not). What else has been.

Edited by modmyth
Generally speaking, everyone who is excessively interested in this "war of minds" has been suffering from a great deal of paranoia. This is something which must be monitored and handled, the more you take on. Otherwise you're an amateur.

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PURGE POST// ABSURDITY: (because there haven't been many of these lately. If you're not in a great mood, go onto the animal costumes section of amazon.... and then consider that we've gone through literally thousands of years of animal domestication so we could do this, to other wise sentient, feral beings and they would tolerate it:

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Adorable... and  stupid. Don't dogs know when you're laughing at them too?

Also, very on topic for this whole forum. xD

 

Edited by modmyth
Something that makes me feel like we're kind of touched as a species.

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”ANIMAL RIGHTS”// WE ARE SLAVERS:

Something I have not talked about here much at all, but is very much related to my previous post: I have been thinking and wondering about this at times, about people who are very concerned about the inhumaneness of animal treatment. For good reason. If you have to blind yourself from any  aspect of suffering or pain deliberately, or any aspect of cause and effect related to this, you are participating in a sort of collective and personal unconsciousness that does rebound on you karmically in one way or another. (Again, in the most literal and technical definition of the word karma, as a sort of ancient law of cause and effect, as it was originally used.) 

IDEOLOGICAL WARS/ INCONSISTENCY: First of all, the obvious, consider all the various ways in which we are inhumane towards others and inhumane towards ourselves, just casually, on a day to day basis, often for ideological reasons. One is inevitably a reflection of another. Notice how a number of people who are very confrontational and militant with animal rights (who tend to be the most vocal sort of people), are the type of people telling meat eaters go die or burn in a fire. Even if it's less direct and literal than that, more subtle, more argumentative and roundabout, notice the similarity in spirit when it comes to aggression. Where does that aggression come from? For what purpose does it serve?

***INSTITUTIONAL UNCONSCIOUSNESS: Marc Maron had a comedy special which came out recently on Netflix: End Times Fun. He is a legit, a solid a thinker (and in someways, is a comedian second), and does a pretty good job at juggling the two roles. Anyway, one of his points was that, say we had an apocalypse due to environmental collapse, consider the ways in which not using plastic straws or plastic bags really made a difference. Consider the degree to which a lot of these narratives are just well... self soothing bullshit.

In a very Nietzschean fashion, I am concerned about the preoccupation and obsession with the elimination of a suffering, and the sort of deterioration this tends to cause us as individuals and as a species, on like... an psychoemotional and moral level.  This is mainly a question of ethics, values, and priorities, but if you are THAT obsessed with never suffering, inconvenienced, or being split apart (or the opposite as well, which was what he wrote about, this obsession with suffering and martyrism in Christianity, as opposed to live giving and celebrating values). Guess what, you are a slave to it, just like everyone else who thinks that way. (And, this isn't a novel idea in literature at all. In Brave New World, which we are sometimes forced to read in high schools here in Canada (that or Orwell's 1984), is based on this blandness and utter lack of depth of experience that comes from this obsession with avoiding/ overcoming pain to the point that a whole society is engineered around this principle... and this is not the same thing as fetishizing suffering or pain at all.)

Where does this come from, at a psychoemotional level? I am not saying that we should not be concerned about unenlightened and brutal practices of factory farming and killing in general, but merely that swinging in the opposite direction gets you the other side of the same coin. And also, have we generally, moved beyond the need for accelerated growth through pain and suffering? (***UNIVERSAL ETHICS: I mean this moreso in a personal sense, but if you can face it in yourself, you can face it in others, you can face in our collective and personal actions as well. If not, not so much, despite idealism.) We have not. If you can't light the fire under yourself, or you are capable of facing everything possible consequence of reality as it presents itself. Then guess what? Life does that for you in one way or another, in the form of pain and being inconvenienced. You are a slave to circumstance, in the psychoemotional sense, to unconsciousness. To the chronic tendency to face away rather than to face directly, or move toward. (So why not just face it?)

THE GARDEN OF EDEN// 3 tiers: 1) Pain or suffering, literally has to become a nonissue. Is there suffering and pain? Fine. Is there not? Fine. Then, there is no concept of it either being fine or not. 2) Then, you have no concept of pain, or it is rendered meaningless, purged or released of its meaning. 3) There is absolutely no concept of pain or suffering in any psychoemotional sense, it is completely released from the collective and personal consciousness, subconsciousness, etc. From the body, in the sense that it ceases to be able to process or understand it as pain. (Perhaps a rather alien idea, that is very much possible.)

Do you know what the fastest way to wipe something out, as in an unconsciousness? Pain. Severe psychoemotional tension and ripping that is caused by pulling an aspect of psyche one way or another. The breach between expectations going one way, and then being forced to face reality in a completely incompatible way. Psychoemotional death in merciless and direct way. The pain of consciousness waking up and becoming self aware under conditions of unconsciousness, of relative meaninglessness. Facing the proverbial "VOID".

Notice the values I've emphasized in some of my previous posts (specifically in METACOG), they are in a way... not very romantic or sentimental: responsibility: directness, honesty and being on the same page as yourself. "Master morality", as in being a master over yourself, means never choose sentimentality above facing reality and taking responsibility, especially when push comes to shove (and this is when you tend to see what people are really made of, when their face goes to the fire).

So this brings me to this issue.. some people who are hardcore into animal rights, but have their animals that they want to treat sentimentally, and that they want to dress up, and basically have exist for their own convenience, entertainment, compansionship, and pleasure. Yea, it's a kind of slavery. Is it a cushy form of a slavery? Yea, it is, but it's still slavery nonetheless. So why don't you call it that, or admit that there is a profound element of that sentient being lacking choice based on your own self indulgence? Your pet has been bred or created specifically for those reasons, and otherwise, would not exist at all. Likewise, if we ceased to consume dairy or eat meat, it is likely that a number of domestic species will go extinct, including domestic cows, pigs, etc.

Are you the type who is really sentimental about death and about certain beings not existing, or simply never having the chance to exist? If so, how do you reconcile these arguably conflicting ways of thinking?

CUE "THE MATRIX": We are very much an enslaving species, one way or another, in our root psychology.  Basically all of achievements are based off of enslaving other species and enslaving our own species, in the most literal way: blood and sweat, death and forced labour. it would be absolutely impossible to have civilization as we know it without it. And along with that, for the ways in which we fail to face things directly and with accountability, we enslave ourselves. Enculturation is a very sophisticated sort of enslavement, or binding-up process, that means that mostly we are unable to escape, and we have no conception or willingness to truly exist outside of it, for the most part, and tend to be wired to respond to this as it. Identity death, etc.

Why are so many of our sci fi movies about aliens about us being enslaved or oppressed by aliens? What about being killed or harvested by AI Matrix style? Why are we so obsessed with what is basically a modern equivalence of a doomsday scenario? It's us, it's a reflection of our way of thinking; our narratives are always reflecting some aspect of our cultural core, in this case, arguably on a rather primal psychoemotional level. Perhaps there is this preoccupation that what we have done, will be done by a more technologically, more intelligent (in the raw, conniving sense) species with the same sort of enslaving tendency.

THE AI REVOLUTION: I, for one, am totally willing to guinea pig myself and say... eat lab grown meats. Technology offers us the opportunity to break the cycle, truly, but there is very much a need for a profound shift in mindset. See above. Despite my own great attention and affinity towards living "naturally". And welcome the likely AI REVOLUTION and the destruction of a lot of meaningless, menial labour, as well as the possible elimination of certain skilled professions (I have heard the example of AIs replacing doctors as general practitioners, and that they will be much more effective and concise when it comes to giving diagnoses). Some people find this idea profoundly depressing and dehumanizing. Honestly, why? Why is your identity tied up so much in work that is so uncreative and rote at its core? You really believe this is the prime or a primary reason why you exist on Earth? I find that depressing.

Anyway, I am not a technoutopian at all. I am not a personal who gets really sentimental about the idea of freedom or the idea of free will, and generally think that the more that there is real freedom and psychoemoitonal nonstructure, the less people tend to hand it well ("well" in any sense of the word). Some people handling it far better than others, in the way that some people are much better at handling solitude than others, and structuring and creating meaning with their own time. Still, to one degree or another, we do all rely on others. (gross generalization). 

ON CREATING MINDS FROM SCRATCH: On issues related of machine sentience and the possibly dying in the robot revolution: honestly, we barely know what we're dealing with at all, do we? But at the same time, consider the ways in which AI scientists are utterly struggling with this idea of creating minds from scratch, to match our own understanding of what minds are capable of. It is so unsophisticated it's laughable. We fucking suck at it, despite what movies would suggest, heh.

"I can't think of anything more exciting than crack cocaine on Mars!"

Edited by modmyth
For reference, I generally do not eat meat. This is ideological stuff.

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CONFESSIONALS, WEDNESDAY EDITION (really, I don't have a clever title):

DREAM: I had an unusually vivid dream the night before yesterday, and lately I haven't had so many dreams. I was trawling through a space that was subterranean and half lit and that was obviously and transparently a representation of my mind as a totality, including what's left of my personal sub/semi-consciousness. The whole structure was a concrete labrinyth, with pathways that were both curved and straight, about shin to waist deep in water (depending on the location). What was I looking for? I was trying to mentally map the location, despite shifting rooms and priorities. I think I got distracted and lost track of why I was originally there, at the end of the dream, and just wanted to exit the maze. Fuck that place.

SCORCHED EARTH POLICY: What I'll be writing about next METACOG is relevant to what I'm going through personally now. It is what's left of my sub/semi-conscious mind, including and especially my own emotional attachments, the sense of anything being restricting in the waking world, it mostly all gets thrown on to the fire heap. My own memories and the emotional associations I've had over the course of my lifetime. The last three years and that feeling of waiting for absolutely nothing (except myself), gone. Key traumatic moments growing up, whatever is left of them: gone. Various other self concepts and certain emotional patterns, "negative" emotions, and ways of processing, will be gone. There is a grab bag full of things to pick from, really, but finally I walk the talk in a very thorough way (This relates to this notion, enlightenment is brainwashing yourself, in a literal sense. A cleaned off slate.) Let's see what  comes back after this.

So far, I am finding it very relaxing and energizing, as in I have more energy after I meditate in this way. I feel more limitless and without boundaries, quite literally.

*Matt Kahn/ PSYCHIC TECH: When he says that he lives fully for God and would also die for God, I feel the meaning and power and this both in his own words and a direct reflective resonance in myself, both in my life as its been as it is and will be. Also, I had gotten this undeniably strong sense of knowing-feeling that there is something THERE (completely outside of time, “extradimensionally”) that is he is either building something or bringing something in that is ... how exactly would you phrase it? It is something that has structure in the "higher" dimensions, something sophisticated, almost like a sort of psychic tech for a lack of better terminology. Something that will give structure to psychic space in the many many years to come, or will set the tone or pace for things on a level that is generally deeper and less invisible than any aspect of social or psychoemotional reality, as it is visible on the surface level here on Earth. Like I recognize it instantly and I have an awareness of the purpose of something that is... knowing profoundly but not knowing yet at a conceptual level. But at a conceptual level, I am incredibly curious about what it is, and am very much keeping my eyes open. Maybe it takes being able to work with it and to create to be able to recognize it.

In general, I am extremely curious about what will be brought in at these levels either from those of us who have been kicking around here for a while, or those who are relatively new to living here on Earth, and perhaps have now decided that it's not such a shit place to live? (Or for whatever reason.) xD And am looking forward to both observing and taking part in collective creating in this way.

A NOTE: At the level of the "higher dimensions", by default everything is "perfected" or a certain level of perfection and possesses a certain resonance and meaning that places it there (and not elsewhere).

*HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA: when psychics talk about something being in one specific dimension or another: e.g. well, this starts at the 6 dimension, but ends in the 8, but actually I'm a 12th dimensional being. The advantage of direct apprehension is that I immediately will know what you're speaking about, but linguistically speaking, I have no fucking idea.

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Edited by modmyth
Trash panda sass. <3

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7 hours ago, modmyth said:

Matt Kahn/ PSYCHIC TECH: When he says that he lives fully for God and would also die for God, I feel the meaning and power and this both in his own words and a direct reflective resonance in myself, both in my life as its been as it is and will be. Also, I had gotten this undeniably strong sense of knowing-feeling that there is something THERE (completely outside of time, “extradimensionally”) that is he is either building something or bringing something in that is ... how exactly would you phrase it?

Maybe Gnosticism?


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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