I approached a girl for the first time today

[Cuddy5269]

I walked up to a girl in Starbucks today. She was sitting by her self. I was scared out of my mind.I approached her and asked if I could join her. She said yes and we had a friendly conversation for about five minutes. She said she had to get going and study for a test. I was still too scared to ask for her number. But I was terrified of even approaching her. Before she left she told me her name then offered me a handshake. It felt good to at least conquer some of my fears. I will try to take things further next time. I'm aware it may take a thousand more approaches before I get a date with someone. But I feel a little more confident now. I have been afraid of girls my whole life. I thought she was going to tell me to get lost. I plan to do more approaches this weekend. Hopefully someone might find this helpful. I think girls actually respect guys who have the courage to approach them. I know Leo said he recommended stone cold approaches over any other way to meet women. I still have a lot of work to do and fears to overcome but it was a great first step for me. I would encourage anyone else to approach a stranger. It might not be as bad as you think and it will build up your courage.

[Leo Gura]

Great!

Keep a positive attitude. The first girl my brother approached at a book store coffee shop ended up going on a date with him.

Took me 400+

Beginner's luck

[Joel3102]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Took me 400+

 

Did your hit rate increase over time witch practice? That must have taken a lot of perseverance 

[Cuddy5269]

Thanks man, I appreciate the advice.

 

[Chumbimba]

@Cuddy5269 Here in Spain I have approached 30+ girls and only have hooked up with 2. I went through periods of deep shame and anger. But now I am getting results  Keep shooting your shot it only gets better 

[Leo Gura]

11 hours ago, Joel3102 said:

Did your hit rate increase over time witch practice? That must have taken a lot of perseverance 

Of course you get a lot better from all that failure.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Leo Gura what vision did you have? I mean 400+ failures before first success you need to have some huge reason...

[Leo Gura]

11 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Leo Gura what vision did you have? I mean 400+ failures before first success you need to have some huge reason...

To get good with girls at any cost.

When you're trying to solve a serious life challenging, it's a good idea to approach it with the attitude of "at any cost". Do not think about the cost of things you really want. Just work five times harder to pay it. Some things in life have absurdly high costs which almost no one is willing to pay. This allows you to set yourself apart from your competition simply by being willing to pay that cost.

You won't really appreciate a thing unless you work your ass off for it.

[Cuddy5269]

This is the approach I'm trying to take. I know things may take time. I still have a lot of work and fears to overcome. I still can't believe I got myself to talk to that girl at Starbucks. I was scared shitless. I have finally started my journey. I will be approaching more girls at the mall today. I just need to be persistent.

[Tanz]

Thank you for sharing your authentic experience.

Great work!

[Nickyy]

@Cuddy5269 To me it might be that you're putting to much focus on the outcome, which means you are not living in the present moment, but are actually fixated on something that "might" happen. This won't change even after 1000 approaches. You need to understand what is happening inside you so that you can relinquish this pattern. Only then will you truly understand what relationship means.

It's ok to have a goal. When you see someone and your body tells you "I want to have sex with you right now" , you must allow your body to live and take the necessary steps. The goal is "sex", and that's ok, but if you fixate on that instead f being present and enjoying the process of what it takes to create a sexual relationship, you will not find any success and you will Rob yourself of living your own life. 

Life is now, with all your feelings. Enjoy the feelings you get from living the actual process of life. That's what you're looking for anyway. Fulfillment isn't in the end goal, it's in the process of getting there. 

[Nickyy]

@Cuddy5269 If you let go then you don't have to work. Everything is achieved without effort. Your body has everything in it to make it happen if you just get out of the way. Generating time means you're in the way of natural processes that would normally lead to sex.

Just get out of the way by ending the sense of time 

[Emerald]

On 10/24/2019 at 2:16 AM, Leo Gura said:

Great!

Keep a positive attitude. The first girl my brother approached at a book store coffee shop ended up going on a date with him.

Took me 400+

Beginner's luck

400?!?! How?!?! This has to be an exaggeration. 

You could look like Quazimodo and have the social skills of a middle schooler and still get a date with like one in every hundred women you'd approach. Honestly, I could approach like 20 women, and at least one of them would give me a phone number... and I'm a woman.

I get that you're trying to ramp up motivation for guys to approach lots of women by setting the expectations high for what success will mean. That way they don't get discouraged by not getting success within their first few approaches. But a lot of guys will see that and go, "Oh man. If Leo (who I look up to as a mentor) had to do it 400 times before he got any success, then I'm never going to get success. And what if it never gets better than a 1/400 chance?"

You have to make the game seem winnable too... which it totally is. For the average guy, probably 1 in 30 approaches will work out.

Are you really being honest about the 400 approaches number?

 

 

[Nickyy]

30 minutes ago, Emerald said:

400?!?! How?!?! This has to be an exaggeration. 

You could look like Quazimodo and have the social skills of a middle schooler and still get a date with like one in every hundred women you'd approach. Honestly, I could approach like 20 women, and at least one of them would give me a phone number... and I'm a woman.

I get that you're trying to ramp up motivation for guys to approach lots of women by setting the expectations high for what success will mean. That way they don't get discouraged by not getting success within their first few approaches. But a lot of guys will see that and go, "Oh man. If Leo (who I look up to as a mentor) had to do it 400 times before he got any success, then I'm never going to get success. And what if it never gets better than a 1/400 chance?"

You have to make the game seem winnable too... which it totally is. For the average guy, probably 1 in 30 approaches will work out.

Are you really being honest about the 400 approaches number?

 

 

@Cuddy5269 Yea but you didn't factor in the fact that Leo isn't as good looking as Quazimodo. 

?

[Cuddy5269]

19 hours ago, Nickyy said:

@Cuddy5269 To me it might be that you're putting to much focus on the outcome, which means you are not living in the present moment, but are actually fixated on something that "might" happen. This won't change even after 1000 approaches. You need to understand what is happening inside you so that you can relinquish this pattern. Only then will you truly understand what relationship means.

It's ok to have a goal. When you see someone and your body tells you "I want to have sex with you right now" , you must allow your body to live and take the necessary steps. The goal is "sex", and that's ok, but if you fixate on that instead f being present and enjoying the process of what it takes to create a sexual relationship, you will not find any success and you will Rob yourself of living your own life. 

Life is now, with all your feelings. Enjoy the feelings you get from living the actual process of life. That's what you're looking for anyway. Fulfillment isn't in the end goal, it's in the process of getting there. 

I won't lie I do want to get a date. Not being attached to the outcome is something I want to make sure I do. I got rejected at the mall yesterday after I approached a girl and I was not really upset. I'm honestly more happy that I have been able to build the courage to talk to girls. Even though I have been getting rejected on all my approaches so far it feels good knowing that I'm facing my fears. I'm very scared every time I go talk to a girl. I'm not just doing this to get a girlfriend. I'm using these experiences to grow myself. But like you said, I do have to keep in mind the importance of presence.

[Ananta]

On 11/1/2019 at 0:02 PM, Emerald said:

Honestly, I could approach like 20 women, and at least one of them would give me a phone number... and I'm a woman.

Hehe

Hmm?

?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Emerald you dont know the struggle some people need to go just to be normal...

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Emerald you dont know the struggle some people need to go just to be normal...

Certainly, there would be a struggle for a huge percentage of people in terms of feeling normal and having social acuity. It takes a while to learn the ropes. And I know from experience that it can be easy to feel awkward and abnormal. It's a feeling that I'm very familiar with.

But even with that withstanding, take the most awkward (and even genuinely abnormal) person you can think of, and that person will still be able to get one date out of a hundred.

That's why I said that I don't believe Leo's 400 approaches number. 

 

[universe]

13 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But even with that withstanding, take the most awkward (and even genuinely abnormal) person you can think of, and that person will still be able to get one date out of a hundred.

*citation needed