General Faq : Pickup/dating

[Lynnel]

I have been studying the dating scene for almost 6 years now, and practicing what is called "cold approach" pickup for a year now with really great results.

People in the self-help community are generally not really aware of how this whole thing works, and with the media's bad view of pickup (Black magic and so on) it can be a really confusing question.

Feel free to ask any questions to get my personnal perspective. I will always explain the reasoning behind my anwser so that there is ground for debate.

This is meant to be a value offering post and I hope will contribue to the actualized.org community.

Edited February 9, 2016 by Lynnel

[MonikaBcn]

have you found 'the one'? and why not? ;D

[JSeuss]

What would you recommend for someone who wants to get deeply involved in pickup & cold approach. What do I need to know to advance higher & higher

Edited February 8, 2016 by JSeuss

[kalter000]

Have you ever been in fights and how do you resolve dangerous situations?

[Guest]

I want to work on myself before dating, so I feel ready and content with my higher priorities. Plus, I believe personal development will help me be with the kinds of women I really want anyway. What are your views on that?

[Ida]

I was wondering are you a woman or man? Or is it not relevant for your advice? 

[Simon Zackrisson]

What is your take on Leo's video about pickup?

[Rares]

10 hours ago, Ida said:

I was wondering are you a woman or man? Or is it not relevant for your advice? 

:)))))) Every boy`s dream is to be cold approached by a girl

 

[Ida]

4 minutes ago, Rares said:

:)))))) Every boy`s dream is to be cold approached by a girl

 

It's nice to have good chances, but it will probably still be really scary and hard. But really cool when it no longer is a problem and if I actually could hit on a person I find attractive. :-P But that's probably how we all feel. I do have a little problem, I really don't like to kiss x'D haha, I will see how it all turns out. 

[Lynnel]

@MonikaBcn

23 hours ago, MonikaBcn said:

have you found 'the one'? and why not? ;D

Whether we metaphysically are meant to be with one person or not is not a question I could possibly answer, I'd like to refer to Teal Swan for that.

I have not because I believe there is an infinite amount of high quality life partners you may be able to attract. And currently, I'm not on such a HIGH level that attracting someone at the same level would create a relationship which allows more growth than if I were single. So one may say I'm not willing yet to meet my subjective (based on the level I'm at ) "one "

@JSeuss

14 hours ago, JSeuss said:

What would you recommend for someone who wants to get deeply involved in pickup & cold approach. What do I need to know to advance higher & higher

I will give you advice that for some random reason no one talks about while It's kinda crucial to understand. You can always look up content on how to get numbers, write field reports, etc, most usefull pickup habits.

1) Seek to understand what's going on in depth. Always seek to understand why it worked, why it didn't, how could it have.
2) It's a learning process. It requires experience. It's almost as grinding for xp in a video game. The more experiences you have, the more you evolve, the better you become.

3) Expect negative emotions. Lots of them. And be ready to handle that. Progress and change come with pain, depression, sadness, anger, etc. You have to learn to handle your emotions otherwise you're not getting anywhere.
4) Your only goal should be progress. This is really key. You may not get results for a long period of time and become really bitter. The only results you should be focused on is your own progress and your own evolution. As long as you're getting better, results such as sex etc will come, you simply need to be patient and dedicated.

5) The feedback is always right / Be as accepting of reality as you can be. Most of the time you are not aware of your own issues. This is a really harsh pill to swalow, because let's say you go on a date, it doesn't work out, and you walk home thinking, well I don't understand I did everything perfectly. Well you did not. The evidence says otherwise.  Take full responsibility, as Leo says. As time passes you'll learn that some cases have nothing to do with you, but most of the time it's actually you fucking up. x)

6) Some stuff as you see as small details may actually be really important so be careful not to dismiss those too fast.
7) Once you start, never stop, because once you stop, you're done.

The are other really important tips, such as meditate, write field reports, etc, but for those simply watch products.

[Lynnel]

@kalter000

15 hours ago, kalter000 said:

Have you ever been in fights and how do you resolve dangerous situations?

I am not a vibrationnal match to that, so It never happened to me. Most often it's just your mind playing tricks on you with scary stories. There are no dangerous situations as long as you're a bit socially aware. Unless you start randomly punching people I see no way to even get in those kind of situations.

@Saitama

14 hours ago, Saitama said:

I want to work on myself before dating, so I feel ready and content with my higher priorities. Plus, I believe personal development will help me be with the kinds of women I really want anyway. What are your views on that?

 

Pickup requires a lot of what is called inner game, basically working on you. So I'd encourage that for sure. Nonetheless, working on yourself is often used as an excuse for not taking action. I do not believe you wanna find yourself at 30, having your bussiness incheck but having to spend 3 more years to learn how to interact with girls. You may be the most actualized badass dude ever if you don't have experience and practice you're not gonna attract anyone.

I would recommend doing both at the same time. Doing pick up will always show your weaknesses and what you need to work on internally, and progress with pick up, sex and girlfriends are sure as hell gonna lift you upwards in terms of making your goals come true.

[Lynnel]

@Ida

14 hours ago, Ida said:

I was wondering are you a woman or man? Or is it not relevant for your advice? 

I am a man. It actually is because it's really different on the other side so I can't give proper advice for women (well aside from when to leave your abusive boyfriend)  and generally aside from professionnal coaches, women tend to give extremely bad "pick-up" advice for men.

@Simon Zackrisson

14 hours ago, Simon Zackrisson said:

What is your take on Leo's video about pickup?

If you are talking about the pickup rant, I agree with the message : do it responsibly. There's an old saying in the community, leave the girl better than when you found her. 

But since you are evolving, you may find yourself in situations you act out your lower vibrations and accidently hurt people. This can happen and you have to make note of that so you can make appropriate changes. It is of course way better than never learning pick up and hurting everyone because that lower vibration never gets to evolve.

All of his other dating videos are extremely great and I agree with him 100%.

@Chives99

14 hours ago, Chives99 said:

Does it bring you fulfillment ?

Getting the girl, the sex, or some results, doesnt.

Evolving, taking action, being the person you wanna be and overcoming loads of bullshit does.

It comes down to enjoying the process.

[MonikaBcn]

1 hour ago, Lynnel said:

I have not because I believe there is an infinite amount of high quality life partners you may be able to attract. ducts.

where do you see them?! I think I need glasses or something

[Niki]

6 hours ago, Lynnel said:

6 hours ago, Lynnel said:

 

@JSeuss

I will give you advice that for some random reason no one talks about while It's kinda crucial to understand. You can always look up content on how to get numbers, write field reports, etc, most usefull pickup habits.

1) Seek to understand what's going on in depth. Always seek to understand why it worked, why it didn't, how could it have.
2) It's a learning process. It requires experience. It's almost as grinding for xp in a video game. The more experiences you have, the more you evolve, the better you become.

3) Expect negative emotions. Lots of them. And be ready to handle that. Progress and change come with pain, depression, sadness, anger, etc. You have to learn to handle your emotions otherwise you're not getting anywhere.
4) Your only goal should be progress. This is really key. You may not get results for a long period of time and become really bitter. The only results you should be focused on is your own progress and your own evolution. As long as you're getting better, results such as sex etc will come, you simply need to be patient and dedicated.

5) The feedback is always right / Be as accepting of reality as you can be. Most of the time you are not aware of your own issues. This is a really harsh pill to swalow, because let's say you go on a date, it doesn't work out, and you walk home thinking, well I don't understand I did everything perfectly. Well you did not. The evidence says otherwise.  Take full responsibility, as Leo says. As time passes you'll learn that some cases have nothing to do with you, but most of the time it's actually you fucking up. x)

6) Some stuff as you see as small details may actually be really important so be careful not to dismiss those too fast.
7) Once you start, never stop, because once you stop, you're done.

The are other really important tips, such as meditate, write field reports, etc, but for those simply watch products.

 

Lynnel, thank you so much for posting this, you are absolutely right, you can't read this anywhere else! The first sentence absolutely blew my mind! Could you tell me how has doing PU improved other areas of your life? It's where my heart is (pickup/dating), but I have a lot of doubts going all in and really investing my time and energy in it. I will finish collage real soon and I am scared a bit that my career will suffer because of it if I truly pursue PU/dating.

[cena655]

Should pickup be done on a daily basis with a self made plan, like "approach 5 girls every day"?

[kalter000]

11 hours ago, Lynnel said:

1) Seek to understand what's going on in depth. Always seek to understand why it worked, why it didn't, how could it have.
2) It's a learning process. It requires experience. It's almost as grinding for xp in a video game. The more experiences you have, the more you evolve, the better you become.

 

3) Expect negative emotions. Lots of them. And be ready to handle that. Progress and change come with pain, depression, sadness, anger, etc. You have to learn to handle your emotions otherwise you're not getting anywhere.
4) Your only goal should be progress. This is really key. You may not get results for a long period of time and become really bitter. The only results you should be focused on is your own progress and your own evolution. As long as you're getting better, results such as sex etc will come, you simply need to be patient and dedicated.

5) The feedback is always right / Be as accepting of reality as you can be. Most of the time you are not aware of your own issues. This is a really harsh pill to swalow, because let's say you go on a date, it doesn't work out, and you walk home thinking, well I don't understand I did everything perfectly. Well you did not. The evidence says otherwise.  Take full responsibility, as Leo says. As time passes you'll learn that some cases have nothing to do with you, but most of the time it's actually you fucking up. x)

6) Some stuff as you see as small details may actually be really important so be careful not to dismiss those too fast.
7) Once you start, never stop, because once you stop, you're done.

The are other really important tips, such as meditate, write field reports, etc, but for those simply watch products.

@Lynnel I've been following RSD for years and you still managed to give me really solid advice, thank you.

[Lynnel]

On 9/2/2016 at 3:31 PM, MonikaBcn said:

where do you see them?! I think I need glasses or something

@MonikaBcn Well we attract who we are. It's really harsh but that's kinda true in my experience.

 

22 hours ago, Niki said:

Lynnel, thank you so much for posting this, you are absolutely right, you can't read this anywhere else! The first sentence absolutely blew my mind! Could you tell me how has doing PU improved other areas of your life? It's where my heart is (pickup/dating), but I have a lot of doubts going all in and really investing my time and energy in it. I will finish collage real soon and I am scared a bit that my career will suffer because of it if I truly pursue PU/dating.

You are very welcome. Feel free to ask more questions

Of course the more time you invest, the more progress you will get, but you can evolve at a very sustained pace without investing A LOT, even doing 30 minutes a day should be good enough. You will spend several hours watching content, but unless you are an hardcore scienticist who thrives to achieve an elite level like me you won't have to spend 60% of your life on it.

Amongst the benefits : It boosts your self-confidence, you get lots of self-trust and self-reliance, you feel better, and basically it fixes all your psychology because the journey will make sure you notice it and suffer if it's bad.

You are also always motivated to fix whatever is needed to progress further, be it health, habits such as meditation, getting your purpose on point, etc. If you optimize your life correctly it can be learned without any downside.

 

 

[Niki]

Thank you for answering me. To me dating is about freedom, abundance, letting go, having fun, surrendering, challenge, excitement, conquests, being feminine, being filled with energy, passion, love, sex, intimacy, being connected with someone and ultimately I see myself building myself up to a point where I have so much love for myself that it's insane! It's very important to me. I can see that you are very committed, it's inspiring.

And yes, you are right, thank you, it's all about optimizing right. Currently I am bringing my communication skills up. If new questions arise I shall ask. =)

[Lynnel]

19 hours ago, cena655 said:

Should pickup be done on a daily basis with a self made plan, like "approach 5 girls every day"?

@cena655  Comes down to 3 questions.
1) Should you do it on a daily basis ?

You do not have to unless : going out to pick up feels unatural, your emotions are not aligned with it, etc.
If you're just starting and it's not natural, if you do not go regularly you will slack of, get demotivated and fail.

Then, it comes down to HOW FAST you can make changes and internalize, study and analyze feedback. View feedback as an unrefined ressource you have to convert to obtain progress. You have to think, look up content and make changes, then go again infield. You have to find a balance without slacking off, plus having time for dates, generaly starting from an intermediate level 3-4 times a week is a good pace. But be careful not to slack off.
Nonetheless, usually, the more you go out, the more progress you have, so go out as much as you can.
(Unless you are too traumatized emotionnaly or just broke up and it still hurts in your chest).

2) Should you have a plan ?
Yes. If you want progress, you must keep in mind a general idea of where you're at and what you need to work on. So on some specific nights you wanna be like : Okay tonight I'm working on only physicality etc.
Some other night you can simply go out and go trough the process and simply harvest feedback.

One of the biggest mistakes guys make is simply going out and being like okay I'm doing the process I've done on the 100 girls before. That's how you get into plateau (= long periods of time where you're not evolving) : you simply forget to build and modify the what you're doing and simply go trought the motions while at the very start you had to learn each step.

(Also, should add that welcoming change and new ways of doing is neccessary for progress).

3) Should I work high volume or low volume ?

If you are learning something practical or trying to understand some of your issues and sticking points, work high volume.
You can do low volume only if you can have a really solid interaction you could pull right off the bat or that will not flake and give a really really solid date, when you have natural chemistry.
The biggest mistake guys make is staying in set too long.
Two intermediate guys in my city for instance spend HOURS in set that then go no where. During this time, I got a number and 5-6 interactions. Who learned more ?
Might seem small, but on a larger scale, I'm able to learn in one week, what guys learn in MONTHS simply because of this !

[Lynnel]

17 hours ago, kalter000 said:

@Lynnel I've been following RSD for years and you still managed to give me really solid advice, thank you.

@kalter000 You're welcome ! Feel free to ask any other questions you may have I'm really glad because everytime I ask a questions on the RSD forum I can't get a proper answer and people can't relate, and sometimes I feel like I'm an alien with my whole DEPTH and SCIENCE thing ahaha