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Beginner Mind

Displaying boldness without being a douche

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A few years ago, I was at a bar in South Korea and there was a cute girl sitting next to me who I had never met before.  I was pretty drunk and feeling bold, and without even thinking about it, I found myself grabbing her beer from her hand and taking a drink of it.  She didn't react.  I just gave the beer back to her and that was that.  But I couldn't help but notice that she was eye-fucking me for the rest of the night.  And as it was a small town we'd bump into each other in the weeks that followed and she would actively try to spend time with me.

This event showed me the power of being bold...  But looking back on it, I can see how it was a douchey thing to do.  At the same time, I know from personal experience that displaying no boldness or personality at all will get you nowhere. So I guess I'm wondering, how does one display boldness and spark attraction without being a douche? 

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Be authentic and bold. Wear your heart on your sleeve even if it means getting it stabbed a couple 100 times. It stings but feel the pain out and you will stop giving a fuck as you keep doing what you really want to do. 

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14 minutes ago, Chumbimba said:

Be authentic and bold. Wear your heart on your sleeve even if it means getting it stabbed a couple 100 times. It stings but feel the pain out and you will stop giving a fuck as you keep doing what you really want to do. 

Agree 100% about being authentic and bold, but what if your boldness crosses over into dick territory?  If I have to be a dick in order to spark attraction, I think I'd rather not engage with the opposite sex at all.

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@Beginner Mind If you act as a non-dick by your standards, you can still have plenty of personality that can attract. Dick-ishness is just one personality trait. Another would be a personality of humor. Many women are attracted to a guy with a great sense of humor that can make them laugh. 

Imagine you were learning to play guitar and you were out on a first date in a bar. There is a jazz jam on stage. You want to play guitar for a bit. You are nervous yet rwant to push yourself out of your comfort zone. You take a deep breath, walk upstage and play two songs well. At the end of the set, a couple musicians sit down and chat with you and your date. . . You made a very bold move that most women would be very impressed with and attracted to. And your bold move had a Dick Factor of zero.

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@Beginner Mind You only think you have to be a dick. You need a balance between dickhead and nice guy. In reality confidence wins every time. Be yourself and try not to worry about how the woman perceives you because her perception of you is completely out of your control. Also it depends on intention. Are you looking for a girlfriend or are you just trying to fuck ?  

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52 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@Beginner Mind If you act as a non-dick by your standards, you can still have plenty of personality that can attract. Dick-ishness is just one personality trait. Another would be a personality of humor. Many women are attracted to a guy with a great sense of humor that can make them laugh. 

Imagine you were learning to play guitar and you were out on a first date in a bar. There is a jazz jam on stage. You want to play guitar for a bit. You are nervous yet rwant to push yourself out of your comfort zone. You take a deep breath, walk upstage and play two songs well. At the end of the set, a couple musicians sit down and chat with you and your date. . . You made a very bold move that most women would be very impressed with and attracted to. And your bold move had a Dick Factor of zero.

I used to have a decent sense of humor... But it kind of got buried after some suffering over the years.  I used to employ David DeAngelo's philosophy of "cocky-funny", where you display a bit of arrogance combined with humor.  But having been humbled by life in recent years and discovering the value of humility, I want to abandon the cockiness going forward. 

That's a good example you give of being bold without being a dick.  I think even having the balls to approach a girl at all can make a positive impression in the girl's mind, as many men are afraid to even approach.

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46 minutes ago, Chumbimba said:

@Beginner Mind You only think you have to be a dick. You need a balance between dickhead and nice guy. In reality confidence wins every time. Be yourself and try not to worry about how the woman perceives you because her perception of you is completely out of your control. Also it depends on intention. Are you looking for a girlfriend or are you just trying to fuck ?  

Ultimately I want a relationship, but if some random sexual encounters happen along the way that's okay too.

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