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Vitamine Water

Breath awareness

69 posts in this topic

4 hours ago, Sombra said:

Nope! Still interested in getting into this as an experiment!!

I think it's a rather good idea for some of the things you mentioned. Like calmness, and there are definitely health benefits for full breaths over short breaths. That's one of the tenants of Buddhism's 8 fold path- Right Concentration (being able to meditate/breath properly).

Keep it up.

 

20 hours ago, Sombra said:

 

I can't get rid of this quote thing on mobile lol

I've read a book about that too. I believe it was 'right awareness' or mindfulness or something like that.

And thanks for the encouragement! ✌️

 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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Day 32

Lots of breathing today. In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, etc. 

During the midday exercise I was able to extend the breath awareness much longer. I was watching a Joe Rogan podcast, and maybe for like 4 or 5 minutes I could hold focus on my breathing while still listening carefully. Not 100% but significantly. I stopped after 4 or 5 minutes but I could extend it if I wanted to. 

I have to consciously decide it right after I finish the breathing exercise. Its just staying present. 

 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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Day 33

God dammit I feel so alive!! 

I might actually expand this journal because I like sharing stuff that's in my head. 

Most of the time when I write I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about. I might think I have, but I have no fucking clue. I don't even know why I'm typing this now. I've always had difficulties writing essays and documents during school and college. The stuff was always in my head but for some reason I just couldn't (and still can't, really) formulate it into words. I prefer making weird noises. 

I'm staring way too long at me screen now for example, looking at what I typed and if it made any sense. But it's all good. It's ridiculous and amusing at the same time. Mind talking to itself. 

Have a great day people ❤️

 

 

 

 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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14 hours ago, modmyth said:

@Vitamine Water I love that you're in the flow when you do write. :)

Thanksss that makes me happy!! ??


The art is to look without looking 

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Day 34

Wow today went well. It seems like I'm getting more spontaneous moments of clarity where I become aware of my breath, even during painting. Normally this doesn't happen and Im absorbed in the activity. But it happened 3 times in an hour or so. 

Maybe I should try deep belly breathing, instead of 'just' being aware of breath and see how that goes. Thanks @Sombra for pointing it out btw. 

It also feels good being back at sitting meditation again. There seems to be much more energy release when I sit straight up. Shit gets wild. If someone would walk in they'd immediately call the doctor and give me some xanax or horse tranquilliser to calm me down. I get these weird and intens body spasms and movements in my upper body. Like my body is tuning itself to a different frequency. And I can observe it from the pov of awareness. There is a calmness to it from that perspective. God there is so much I don't know that I have to explore. How deep does this rabbit hole go?

It's truly a miracle that we humans get to explore this stuff and share it on a forum. It's crazy we can all understand each other by writing some fucking digital letters on a digital platform. A digital platform. Like wtf? I'm just blown away by life in general right now. This pillow feels so fucking soft too lol. I think I love pillows. Will you please sleep with me pillow? 

Exuse my swearing btw, it's all luv ❤️

 

 

 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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Insight: the more I incorporate self actualisation into my life, the more I receive moments of clarity. Writing here on a daily basis for sure helps a lot with that. Reprogramming and refocusing mind/brain. You're not learning tennis by practicing string theory. 


The art is to look without looking 

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Day 35-36

Yesterday awareness was meh. Today awareness was way better. Awareness seems to be increasing, although I have to be careful with drawing conclusions.

It's weird to say awareness was better or not better. It's not about that. Awareness is just awareness. But what even is awareness. Mind can't verbalise awareness. It can try but it will always fail to describe the actual thing. But I need awareness to even write these words. Awareness is hidden in these words. In the spaces between these words. In the pauses between these thoughts. Awareness silence!

Shut up mind! Back to the cave!! 

 

 


The art is to look without looking 

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Day 37

37 days in. Things are doing great. I canceled the morning exercise because I was too tired and fell asleep. 


The art is to look without looking 

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Day 38

I've been trying deep, slow belly breathing a few times the last few days and it feels a little forced (just like when I started at the beginning of this breathing endeavour). I have to get used to it. But when I'm present and In the 'breath flow' it relaxes my whole body. I read somewhere that belly breathing affects the nervous system by giving the brain a sign that the body is safe, so it can activate relaxation mode.

I wonder if this is related to pramayana meditation. If someone is reading this, do you have any experience with pramayana meditation? How does it affect you on the long term? I'd like to know! 

 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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Day 39

I need someone to shove a mirror in my face. Show me who the fuck I am. How can a mirror see its own image. It needs another mirror. Meditation feels like I'm mirroring myself but I can't see a fucking thing. I know that's the whole point but my mind won't accept it. I need to shut up. Calm the damn monkey mind and SEE. It's right in my face but I won't see it.

What does I am consciousness even mean? I am is the deepest truth. I feel that. I am that. But this I falls asleep so damn quickly. 

What is silence trying to tell me? 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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There is a strong primal instinct arising from yesterday's meditation in the form of physical masculine energy. I need to build up more discipline. Momentum. I need to get off my lazy ass. Its time for fucking change. 

I decided to pick up my old Qi-Gong morning routine (guided) and slowly starting with cold showers (after the Qi-Gong exercise). I checked my daily to do list from a few months back: 

 

- wake up at 9:00 am (is a steady habit) 

- qi gong exercise in the morning 

- 2 minute cold shower 

- Read 10 book pages 

- 60 minutes meditation + 10 minutes concentration

- 30 minutes outside in nature 

- morning: Smoothy + 2 slices of bread + water  (is a steady habit) 

- lunch (12am) 4 slices of bread + water and fruit 

- nofap

- running 

 

I learned to take it slow when tackling old habits and starting new ones. Doing everything cold turkey at once works counter productive. That's why I start with qi gong and cold showers.

Qi gong is centered around breath so that comes handy with my breath awareness quest. 

10 book pages a day is also very doable. Nofap and running exercise is for later when I have more momentum (also 60 minute meditation, right now it varies a lot. But I'll take it easy).

Ideally I want to wake up at 8:00 pm. But again, for later. 

Cold showers: the 'fucked' up thing about the shower at my home is that It automatically warms up after 30 seconds, even when I turn the knobs all the way to its coldest. It didnt used to be that way. But the initial shock of cold water and staying there is where the magic happens for me anyway. I used to be able to withstand 4-5 minutes but the difference wasn't so huge from a 1-2 minute cold shower. 

Final list:

  • Wake up at 9:00
  • Breath exercise 1 (9:00) 
  • Qi gong exercise
  • Cold shower: 30 seconds 
  • Breakfast 
  • Lunch (around 12:00) 
  • Breath exercise 2: (12:00-13:00)
  • Dinner 
  • Breath exercise 3: (18:00-19:00)
  • Reading 
  • Meditation + breath exercise 4 (before bed, around 23:30-0:00)

Usually I'm not so tricts on these timestamps so they will vary. What matters is that I do them. In between these exercise I will be doing my usual stuff: painting, drawing, freelance work (I'm a freelance visual/web designer). 

Running is pretty high on my list too if I think about it. I need more physical exercise and I'm not sure qi gong is fulfilling that 100%. Evenings would be ideal for running. More on that. 

RAWWRRRRRRR

 

 


The art is to look without looking 

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Day 40

Superb awareness today. Tomorrow starts the new routine. I'm at the office tomorrow so the alarm is set earlier. We'll see how the awareness goes. But today was great. I was very present during and in between the breathing exercises. 

 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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Day 41 

HOLY GUACAMOLE that cold shower was intens lol. But damn it gave me power. I really felt my body, muscles and I felt strong right after the shower because of the adrenaline rush, especially compared to my usual long and warm showers. 

I did my qi gong warming up beforehand so I was already a little energised. That made the initial decision to turn the cold water knob a little easier ;)

Barely any presence at work, no breathing exercises. 


The art is to look without looking 

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Day 42-43

Still going strong with qi gong and cold showers. I was exceptionally lazy when I came out of bed so it felt good to do some exercise and completely obliterate myself with a cold shower. Life is fun. 

Immediate effects of cold showers and qi gong:

- Sense of accomplishment 

- (Short) energy boost

- body is warmer after cold shower 

The last two days were busy and I forgot some of the breathing exercises. Tomorrow I'll be gone for the whole day too so we'll aim for a good morning workout and be as present as possible when I'm out. 

 

Totally unrelated fun fact: "Movie trailers were originally shown after the movie, which is why they were called “trailers”. The problem with the trailers showing after the film was that audience wouldn’t stay around to watch them, making the trailers rather ineffective." 

 

 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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Day 44

Where are we when we stare? Who are when when we turn our eyes inwards, what do we find? What's hiding in there? What's looking outwards, really? Why is it hiding in plain sight? Where do I go when I look inside? It's the Unnamable place where I'm absorbed in. Becoming one. Looking inwards is the pointer to Truth.

Re-editing. Mind Is coming back ;)

Bye bye 

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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Day 45

Breath awareness is at a low point for the last 2-3 days. When I have busy days with work it throws me off immediately. I need more momentum for it to be a habit. That's why I need to keep doing the exercises everyday untill it becomes baked Into my brain. 

This morning I felt really tired after the workout routine and a little sick. Maybe my body is responding to this new routine. I remember also getting sick the first time I started doing cold showers and I quit. But imma push through this time ?

Edited by Vitamine Water

The art is to look without looking 

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Day 46

The 13:00PM timestamp is doing well. I become present, look at the time and it's on or around 13:00. It's funny how this biological clock works. You repeat a certain pattern and the body(mind?) seems to automatically adopt to these new patterns. Same with waking up, you set your alarm to whatever and you follow that pattern for a few days and wake up at that axact whatever time (or around that time). 

It's also the same for meditation. Two years ago I did a solo retreat and meditated either 30 or 60 minutes continueously with pauses in between. At the end of the retreat I didn't need to set an alarm bacause I would naturally stop meditating after my body felt like the time had passed. 

And the 11:11 thing is also tripping me out sometimes. Maybe my mind just wants it to be something special. Idk. Time is weird. Mental constructions. 


The art is to look without looking 

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