5g shrooms - Cocoa Warrior of Love

[Dingo]

I'd like to report on my yesterday's powerful magic mushroom trip.
I'm 22 years old male & live in Europe. I have been very interested in psychonautics for close to 4 years and with time I'm only deepening my appreciation to psychedelics, as I see the immense value they can offer, when used with serious intent. That being said, I have always found personal obstacles before, when going for those breakthrough doses. Most of my trips have been with medium dosages, so I haven't delved deep that much, but I have broadened my spectrum... I have tried different kinds of psilocybe species, lots of NNDMT, psilohuasca, ayahuasca, few acid trips, bit of MDMA. I have also partaken in workshops with shamanic chanting, journeying and cleansing, cannabis yoga and cacao ceremony, where I got introduced to the power of medicinal/shamanic grade cacao. Additionally, I have tried darkness retreat, floatation/isolation tank, prolonged fasting and I'm really enjoy Wim Hof method combined with cold exposure.

I have had this bag of the 5g psilocybe cubensis stored in my freezer for like 1.5 years. I have lately been doing more inner work and moved my life to what feels like another level. Therefore, I have had an inner calling for another go at the breakthrough experience, so I planned it for a month and prepared extensively the week prior. The setting was a pretty much empty and clean dormitory room of 2 female friends (feminine energy), who were on a holiday... my male friend was also present, with whom we have designated this trip to go deep and not waste it. We prepared the environment to be very cozy and very much ritualistic. My friend was to stay quiet, sober, not interrupting and handing me anything I wanted (puke bucket, food, water, etc.), so that there was no need for me to go anywhere other than the toilet.
My intention for the trip was to experience the nature of love. I knew the cacao could be used to open my heart, so I bough the highest quality dark chocolate I could find and asked my female friend to prepare her special hot cocoa beverage ("infused" with her feminine energy to further promote an open heart during the trip). Although these cocoa treats were nothing compared to the previous cacao brew, I put a lot of symbolic meaning into it anyway. Also... I ate very lightly leaving on that day.

TRIP:
I never felt so relaxed and ready before a psychedelic trip, like I did here! After a short meditation, I asked my friend to hand me over the extracted shroom brew I made and chugged it without any tension or fear occurring at all. Couple minutes passed and I could already start feeling the effects slowly creeping in, so I thought it is best to consume the chocolate + hot cocoa immediately, so that I don't struggle later on. It was very heavy, but incredibly delicious... I cleaned my mouth with a glass of water and laid down in a comfortable bed. The effects started to rapidly intensify, so I just directed my focus on letting and conscious breathing. The fabric of reality started to emanate very warm and loving feeling, which I was allowing myself to dissolve into, while my mind was getting completely twisted and my sense of self shattered. Time stopped existing and I could no longer make distinction between past and future. Boundaries of is possible and what we like to tell ourselves isn't possible have dissolved (even gravity seemed illusory).
The next thing I remember was a vision of what felt like the society's collective unconscious sending out these demonic figures toward me. They seemed to originate from myself,people I knew as well as people unknown to me. Meeting these demonic figures was where the intensity hit another level and I came to the realization, that in order to face them I need to stay calm, let go, open up and let the loving energy serge through me - I needed all the strength I get (whatever the "I" was at this moment). All this felt very natural to me... intuitively, coz there was certainly no sense of time and any rationalizing was out of the realm of possibilities.
After a while of "psychic fighting", the demonic figures disappeared, but my body has become very heavy and I felt the need to purge. I didn't feel nauseous, but whatever has happened with the demonic figures now had to cleansed out. A sober though pops in my head though, that I should wait, coz I don't want the brew to be puked out. To postpone the puking, I spread my body into a star-shape, relax and start breathing deeply, I also noticed the smell of a sweet fragrance, that I put in an aroma-lamp before, which really grounded me. I knew the puking will have to be done sooner or later, so I get all my senses to turn to my friend and ask him to get me the puke bucket within my reach. He does so and says something shortly, but I tell him, that I have no idea, what those words mean. I return to my relaxation exercise.
Suddenly I was not obstructed by another challenge though. Since some time must have passed since the ingestion of the brew, I had a really big urge to pee. I was tripping very hard though and didn't want my state of being to be interrupted. My body felt very powerless, the demonic encounter needed to be purged out and I had no idea, how to even use the basic human body functions, such as walking. Still lying down, my legs now started to shake, while my upper body parts were completely calm. There is a sense of some past trauma being lodged in my lower part of the body, but from all this chaos of still being dissolved in the loving energy, while multiple unpleasant bodily sensations, there is no way to focus on the trauma to understand it deeper. Suddenly I remember, what Wim Hof (and many other people I admire and listen to) have said and demonstrated... that it is possible to tap into an infinite source of power and overcome things, that seem impossible. I now say "NO" to the urge to pee and completely give in to the present experience. The need goes completely away so much so, that after some minutes I become sure, that I had peed myself and very much messed up the room we have borrowed. The urge to puke was long gone and I thought, that I have now purged the negative energies through the pee (this happened in past and the resulting pee has a very strong odor). BTW I was still tripping hard, so I couldn't even sense, if I had really peed myself or not, but all the unpleasant sensations have completely vanished.
I now entered a very present state of being full of love. I was just laying there in a body, that was just broken and not functioning, but it was ok, coz all I could sense was bliss and sense of cosmic peace. The moment was so beautiful... there was also this feeling of victory or accomplishment. I was so surrendered and humbled by what has happened, that I acknowledged whatever losses/damages were done in the name of LOVE. Even if my mind was to stay twisted and I'd be retarded for the rest of my life, it would be perfectly ok. I literally thought of sacrificing myself to this nobel cause, but then I thought, how negatively it would end up in the media and so if I choose to do it, I should schedule a meeting with a journalist, explain him my situation and then sacrifice myself in a sober state, which would have much greater impact. This rationalization most likely came from my psychedelic renaissance activism (my life purpose) connected to the Extinction Rebellion movement. I remind myself to give in to the blissful experience and I just lay there for, what later my friend told me were two hours. Here and there I had a thought or moved a bit, but mostly I'm in this trance enjoying the zen-like moment.
Somewhere in there I finally get the strength to quickly hop up and move myself to the toilet in a very reptilian manner. Still thinking I had peed myself previously, now I sit on the toilet celebrating a great victory. I quickly return to my bed and continue enjoying the bliss, but I start feeling the effects going away (it was like 4 hours since ingestion). I spent most of the rest of the trip in no-mind state often going into trances of expressing love in a repetitive way to anyone and anything... tears of happiness occasionally go down my face.

My friend then reminds me, that I had handled the trip very well & that there was no accidental peeing done after all.
I then summed up the trip like this: I came as a warrior, who channeled the power of love to not only conquer myself, but attempt healing collective trauma (demons). My complete surrender to the nobel cause ended in me having chipped away a piece of the demonic titan, making this fight a great victory.

<3

[lostmedstudent]

Wow

thank you for sharing man!

its a beautiful report! 

 

[Dingo]

It has been two months since this trip, which has been my last psychedelic experience and here are the mid-term outcomes.

Over this period, various childhood memories have started resurfacing into my conscious mind. I have remembered these slightly in my life, but for the past couple of years I have forgotten about them, so they were just lodged in my subconsciousness. I suspect it has been this powerful trip, that has opened the doors for them, as now I'm in a much better place to think about them on a much deeper level, drawing understanding from them... perhaps those were the demons, that entered into my trip and I stood my ground against. These childhood memories are dark in nature - they are acts, that I have done in my past, that I would by no means even think that I'm capable of today. Briefly explained, they consist of me using violent physical force or mental bullying against people, that at the time I viewed as weaker than me (girls and "chubbier" or outcast boys), but also experiencing outbursts of anger.

For the past several years I have been very much pacifistic and people, who know me, would definitely not think of me as being someone, who would physically hurt other people. Just in past year or so I have started to develop a more nuanced view on violence, in general / not personal, rather than demonizing it, but still I definitely don't see using violence as something I'd like to do.

Perhaps another factor for the memories to come out, so that they can be integrated better into my life, has been me experiencing significant emotional growth, along with mental and spiritual growth. This personal development factor could have been the sign to the universe, that I'm ready to start working with my shadows and the psychedelic trip itself was the catalyst, the ritual, that started the process itself. For this reason, I have also lately been more interested in doing shadow work, understanding archetypes and Jungian psychology. I have also been able to openly share and talk about these dark memories of mine with few other people, which has been quite challenging, but definitely healing in return.

The life purpose path I'm onto now really feels like the hero's journey, as it clearly involves tough moments, where I need to conquering myself. I have also realized the true meaning of being the lone wolf, which is connected to stage yellow. Therefore, I'm actively learning more about this archetype from various sources and perspectives, so that I can integrate it into my life wholly and manifest my destiny.

These past months have been very tough, as a result I have slowed down on learning about deeper metaphysical topics, so that I can ground myself and maintain a holistically healthy life. I'm doing much better for these couple of weeks... I simply can't express the gratitude, appreciation and the universal joy, that sometimes surges through me. <3 

[Dingo]

 A narration of my texts here has been done nicely by Vivec. Thank you for your work & feel free to PM me if you are active on this forum

 

[herghly]

11 hours ago, Dingo said:

 A narration of my texts here has been done nicely by Vivec. Thank you for your work & feel free to PM me if you are active on this forum

 

Oh man, this is awesome!