flowboy

AD(H)D - I want to solve the problem of effortless prioritizing

6 posts in this topic

Hi all,

 

I've always been inattentive. Listening to people and hearing their voice, but simply tuning out before they could finish their sentence. And then having to ask what they said. I used to blame it on my parents when I still lived at home, haha, because they kept repeating stuff to me that I already knew. I still have this habit of tuning out when my dad speaks to me, ha ha, that's probably never going away. But really he doesn't seem to know that he's repeating himself all the time.

 

I've unknowingly compensated for it by using auditory memory. Now that I'm older, I've gotten better at keeping my attention on it when someone says something important, like a boss or coworker. And when I missed a part, I can play back the sound fragment in my head, and listen again. This is why it takes me longer to answer a question. But it works.

 

Anyway, that's not what this topic was going to be about ;p

 

I'm almost 27 now and have spent a lot of energy over the years meditating and learning to concentrate. That's made my life easier, because I can just 'decide' to do something boring now, and force myself to do it. Like emptying the hundreds, sometimes thousands of emails out of my inbox. (ADD hell to stay focused on that :P) Or do a boring work project. You know.

 

The problem I'm still having, and have had all my life, is <strong>deciding what to do first</strong>. I always have between 10 and 60 things that must happen urgently at one time. I just don't know where to start, so I don't. Because none of the things I really look forward to, and once I pick something, it's very easy to change my mind and pick something else as the most important thing. Also I just don't believe anymore that I will ever get to the end of the list. I haven't gotten there in 10 years.

 

So my mind saves me the trouble and doesn't start. I stay in overwhelm mode.

 

Many days I have wished: "if I just had someone with me to tell me WHICH of these 40 things I should do first! That would help, because I change my mind all the time."

But then I think that no, I should be able to do it alone.

 

I'm tired of walking around my house for hours, changing my mind about what to do first, not doing anything.

 

In college I came up with a formula: I could calculate for each task what its priority score was, and the one with the highest score I knew without doubt I must do first.

But calculating that formula for every task became too much work and I didn't stick to it. I thought about turning it into an app or something, to sort my tasks for me so I only have to think about the top thing and can forget the rest.

 

I've decided that I want to use my skills in programming to help people who struggle with this just like me.

In my experience, every tool (like google calendar/task apps) is fine but doesn't quite do it for me, because it still requires massive effort to set reminders beforehand, and I still have to schedule everything myself, which is mentally draining for me.

And then the reminders get snoozed...

I'm envisioning a mobile app that does the prioritizing and scheduling for me. But according to what is important in my life. So I can go through my day, just emptying my mind into it, and it will tell me what would be the best thing to do right now. So it would free up mental space for all that decisionmaking.

Would you use something like that?

If yes, would would it have to do for you to be useful? If no, do you have any tools that work for you and didn't get annoying/too much work yet?

 

If this idea speaks to you, please take a minute to do my quick 4-question feedback form! https://personalized.typeform.com/to/C1dvXJ

Would be a great help :D

 

Any input is appreciated. Thank you guys:x

 

Edited by flowboy

** flowMAN ** Habits: { Not Smoking 9/9/19; Weekly Schedule Adherence > 50% 9/30/19; Schedule Next Day 10/01/19; Up By 5am 10/01/19; In Bed By 9pm 10/01/19; }

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For adhd you really need an existential awakening.

I m currently in the process of training so hard my focus ' will and vision. To forget that my ego believed that conditionning.

Probably need to heal the body aswell.

Another perspective on the state of awakening ' the fact that 'life is a dream' will dread you but gives you momentum and silence.

Why explain yourself to dreamers ?

The text questions bug at submit*

Edited by Aeris

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” x

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Would you use something like that?

No, not anymore.

I used to keep elaborate excel files of tasks, plans, dates, priorities, medium term goals, long term goals, reminders. Written TODO lists for everyday. Etc. Most of my time and energy went into keeping everything up to date and ironically it made me totally unproductive as I didn't have time to do anything in the real world. It gave me the illusion that I was being productive. I remember this deep feeling of dread whenever I needed to do something or change my plans because it would require an hour or more to organize my system first. Also I remember I felt I needed this system because my brain was totally scattered, unorganized. I had no idea what I was doing and the only thing guiding me throughout the day was this written TODO list of tasks that I painstakingly composed the previous night.

Nowadays I only have sticky notes with dates and chores next to my screen. I keep nothing of importance written down anymore. I recognized that this system was a distraction. I didn't need it and I used it to deceive myself to avoid doing actual work.

I will fall back into this brain fog in a couple of days (I tried stopping, bad idea) but what gives me clarity is that every morning in my meditation routine I ask myself "what do I want?" and then listen to the deep gut feeling telling me the answer. After I have a clear understanding of the overall direction I want to move towards in my life I go over the plan of how I'm going to create it. And now I start the day with a fresh and clear vision and the plan how I will make it happen. I don't need a TODO list or a productivity system anymore because now I know what I want to do and I'm free to just go do it. At one point I wrote down my vision, but then it lost its magical feeling and motivational power and felt like an annoying chore. Now I rediscover what I want every single morning and this is powerful.

The second thing is that I simplified my life. I used to do 10 things at the same time accomplishing nothing. Now I only work towards 2 things (and I have 1 hobby). Very simple. This is exactly what I want and everything unimportant has been cut out.

How do I know which task I want to do next? The one that I feel the most resistance to, the one that I don't want to do. That's the most important one, there's no need to calculate a score for it as you already know the answer. You are deceiving yourself by calculating scores as you want to avoid doing the hardest things. Your scores will be biased to avoid doing the hard things that you actually need to do.

Sorry for going off track and ranting about my personal experience. I'm afraid you will spend a lot of time coding this app and in the end you are going to be disappointed because it won't be very helpful.

edit:

Quote

So I can go through my day, just emptying my mind into it, and it will tell me what would be the best thing to do right now.

Yeah this is the kind of thinking that will get you into trouble. You really don't want to delegate the control of your life to an app. On the contrary, you want to develop a crystal clear vision and plan so that you CAN direct yourself and know what to do next.

Edited by crab12

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I have my own work to do in some of these regards but I have some thoughts. It sounds like you are a purpose driven person that also seek out meaning between the lines so your attention goes to what arises. Sometimes I may get entirely distracted, also however all the time when somebody is talking I begin to contemplate what they say while they are talking and it starts to take away from listening. I have to find the balance because this contemplation also carries my quality of reason and empathy with the messenger.  When it comes down to it, listening will always require you to send someone's message through your own sets of symbols. Often times, my listening will come to odds with my investment to the message. Your desire for organization can reflect your interplay with meaning. I'm curious how your epistemology is with your priorities. You'd be surprised at the variables we attach with logic that are very redundant. To a large extent it really does not always matter the order of things, or rather they can be ordered in many different ways. In fact, you could create alot of false dichotomies from ordering based on importance. It can be be very limiting to see your values in terms of one over another. Instead, develop techniques that promote each value and organize values based on when they can be optimized. "Work smarter not harder" yet in many cases we know what we are supposed to do and it is a matter of just doing it. In those cases you perhaps do need to work harder instead. That kinda encapsulates a scenario where all theory no action finds ends. I'm very indecisive too, but really let it's distinction collapse. Indecisiveness, in it's own way is a form of being selective, not only the absense of it, which is not inherently bad, it shows direction good or bad. For a purpose driven person I would try investing yourself in what you are listening. Eventually though you want to attempt to find value in everything and you actually do this by being less selective with value so you don't rule things out. Anyways you seem to describe your situation well so I think you know courses of action. Also, listen to your dad lol you want to value listening, you don't want to displace this value by not listening to people. 

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@Aeris  Good point!

I don't think of myself as ADD anymore, I've let go of that identification and it seems unreal now.

But there's still many people who do! So I need to use the concept, if I want to speak their language.

I believe I fixed the questionnaire! Or maybe try a different browser?

Edited by flowboy

** flowMAN ** Habits: { Not Smoking 9/9/19; Weekly Schedule Adherence > 50% 9/30/19; Schedule Next Day 10/01/19; Up By 5am 10/01/19; In Bed By 9pm 10/01/19; }

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be careful, what we think of ourself start to filter our own interpretation of reality. But I think I see your point, just don't drag you down to identify yourself with those relative patterns.

The mind want to cling to identification with an identity, but the best way to see what identity is yours, is by being, living it.

you're what you do, but what is what you do ?

Even if "adhd" was real, then there would be a full spectrum to point to the very "genetic code" and hence, you would be your own "adhd", then it doesn't change the fact that solutions are relative to your pure self and no one on internet can find the perfect solution ( only you ).

Most of articles and bs on internet are purely "projected relative patterns" that you will interpret because of a need for identification and understanding.

but that's a bit of a loop, wanting to know what you are is good, but don't stay blocked in the "I m adhd".

as for me, psych point to me as adhd ( I was laughing inside, my only goal was free ritalin, sell it and buy more weed xD, but .. that's another story )

But then I started believing I was really adhd ( cause I can identify with most relative patterns, wasn't fully woke at this time neither )

 

best solution has been for me, forget about what is good/wrong in society, telling what people want to see ( orange version of working ) and keep living in a turquoise vision. ( working on improving, through the law of one )

I don't schedules anything, if I want to be on the forum 5 hours, I do it, if I want to play a video games I do it.

but most of the time, I m working on art, and even when I play a video games, I m observing for physics + visual work.

I have strict pattern, but more for health, like sleeping well, not taking more than weed when I do drugs, and avoid all alcohol.

but I just happen to shape my life and let it unfold. Paper for ordering my life isn't me. I have a files with all my "knowledge work", and that's all the order I have. my own order, with my own set of rules.


“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” x

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