Bill W

Emotional Sobriety Journal

83 posts in this topic

For the next week or so, among other things, in this journal, I will post word for word some of my favourite passages from my favourite books. These are things that resonate with me on a massive scale, that I try to action and implement in my life.

Meditations - Marcus Aurelius (posted on 26/10/2019)

 

Dancing With Life – Phillip Moffitt

• Mindfulness is directing your attention to something, and then sustaining your attention on that something

• Be honest about the suffering you are experiencing which you may ordinarily ignore, or suppress, or blame on circumstances

• Let go of the attachment, do not sink into it

• To let go of clinging we need to know that abandonment has been accomplished. If you fail to be mindful that clinging has been abandoned, you do not receive the realisation of the release and it won’t significantly impact on your life

• Through the practice of mindfulness and letting go of clinging, you discover that living from your deepest values moment by moment is by far the most successful strategy for attaining wellbeing

• If there is suffering, then invite the possibility of the cessation of suffering

• Each little moment of cessation, no matter how brief, brings wellbeing. Notice whether there is clinging or non-clinging on this moment and observe what happens when you bring awareness to it

• In cessation, winning arguments no longer matters

• You allow yourself to know what must be surrendered and voluntarily surrender it

 

 

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This is so beautiful. Thank you so much for this. :x

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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So as my main man below would say, if you are full of a sense of entitlement, you are lacking humility.

I used to think I was one of the most humble people in existence. Then reality kicked in when I started on my journey of discovery with AA. It was then I realised that I was not very humble at all. In fact, I was walking around with a strong sense of entitlement. What I hated in others, was running wild through my own veins.

I'm now thinking what is too much self-entitlement????????

For now, I'm going to run with the Human Rights Act 1988. As long as I am not subjected to a breach on this I am okay in the realms of self-entitlement. I am entitled to life, to be free from abuse, and to express myself (as long as this expression is not harmful to others). I know there is more to Human Rights than this, but if I am going to be truly humble I think I need to accept that I am entitled to my basic Human Rights and that's it. Anything else is a bonus. 

Therefore, I need to wake up and get real.

On the assumption I am not subject to abuse in the eyes of the law, I am not entitled to any of the following

  • I am not entitled to have my work colleagues acting in a way that I approve of 
  • I am not entitled to my boss leaving me alone and letting me get on with my work, in a way that I like
  • I am not entitled to fantastic parents 
  • I am not entitled to my father having realistic expectations of the help and companionship I can give him
  • I am not entitled to have my sister fully understand the stress I am under in looking after my father
  • I am not entitled to have other car drivers drive with 100% courtesy toward me
  • I am not entitled to members on this forum only creating content that I like or approve of
  • I am not entitled to 100% great customer service from other professionals or store workers
  • I am not entitled to be free from the subject of others gossip
  • I am not entitled to other people realising that they want more from me than I want to offer
  • I am not entitled to other people simply leaving me alone
  • I am not entitled to get to work on time, even if I have left early enough

 

 

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WE ARE ALL DREAMERS

As we all try to move toward our goals, be it self-actualisation, enlightment, awakening or whatever you want to call it. Rest assured, no one is right, and no one is wrong according to Don Miguel Ruiz and I really resonate with all his stuff.

What do you think of this from his book "The Mastery Of Love".

Your whole life is nothing but a dream. You live in a fantasy where everything you know about yourself is only true for you. Your truth is not the truth for anyone else. Every human being has a personal dream of life, and that dream is completely different from anyone else’s dream. We dream according to all the beliefs that we have. Dreams are never the same for any two people. Every dreamer is going to dream their own way.

Might be useful to reflect on this the next time you are debating, arguing, or trying to prove yourself right and someone else wrong.

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In this journal, I will post word for word some of my favourite passages from my favourite books. These are things that resonate with me on a massive scale, that I try to action and implement in my life.

So far in this journal I've posted the following

Meditations - Marcus Aurelius 

Dancing With Life – Phillip Moffitt

 

And here is The Buddha Said - Osho

• In terms of your needs, attachments and clinging, you simply don’t cooperate anymore. One must drop out of the relationship

• Whenever there is a need to respond, the first thing, Buddha says, is to become mindful, become aware. Remember your centre. Before there for a few moments before you do anything. You remain tranquil and silent, simply alert – watching the situation as if you were absolutely out of it, aloof, a watcher on the hills

• Learning is not just collecting knowledge, it is not just collecting information. Learning must change you. It is spiritual surgery. Much is rotten in you and must be renounced. You must cut off relationships with many things, with many attitudes, with many prejudices

• Help people, show compassion and love. Let it flow because it will be coming back. Don’t be bothered whether or not this will pay off right now. It pays, and it pays tremendously

• Anger is so easy; so mechanical. You need not have any awareness for it. Buddha says, try: When somebody insults you, remain calm and quiet. Don’t miss this opportunity. This is an opportunity to get out of your mechanical world, this is an opportunity to become more conscious. The person is giving you a beautiful chance to grow. Don’t miss it

• The Buddha said: Meekness is most powerful. Jesus says, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth”. The statement looks absurd, because....... the meek?

• When Buddha says meekness is most powerful, he means one who does not exist as an ego is meek. One who does not exist as an ego cannot be conquered, cannot be defeated, and cannot be destroyed. He has gone beyond. “Nobody can defeat me, because I have accepted defeat already”

• Buddha says you are not lacking in anything. In fact, you are possessing too many things which are not needed. You must drop things

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I have developed three questions to ask myself when my peace of mind has been disturbed. 

I got this idea from a mixture of Osho, Don Miguel Ruiz, Albert Ellis and Alcoholics Anonymous.

Osho refers to following "the law" in his book The Buddha Said. Osho writes that when we feel like shit it is because we have gone against the law and we need to reflect on how we have gone against the law. He says don't be in conflict with the law if you want to be happy. 

So, if I am upset or otherwise agitated I come back to these three questions. Every time, at least one of them applies to my upset, and my upset is a warning sign that I have gone against the law. 

1. Am I sure?

2. Have I taken something personally?

3. Are my demands out of touch with reality?

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@Bill W Just wanted to reach out to say well done so far with your journey. I resonated with your entry about being entitled and also about our attachments how we are not lacking in anything (from OHSO). I like how you are posting passages on here, very helpful. 

Good luck anyway ? 

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Steps to wellbeing, as they apply to me

 

Action Plan

-          What are the problems?

-          What are the consequences?

-          What are the pay offs?

-          Why change? What are the potential benefits?

-          How would the outside world see that you’ve changed? What would they notice or observe?

-          What 3 simple steps could you take in the next 24 hrs that might help?

 

Questions to ask

-          Am I sure?  

-          Have I taken something personally?

-          Are my expectations realistic?

 

Behaviour (internal)

-          Meditation – prayer, mindfulness, contemplation, attention, breathing

-          Study – reading content, listening to content, watching content

-          Shadow Work

 

Behaviour (external)

-          Body language

-          Listening

-          Spoken word

-          Stepping outside of comfort zone

-          Impulse control

-          Delayed gratification

-          Connecting with others  

 

Biological

-          Nutrition

-          Substance use

-          Exercise

-          Sleeping

-          Relaxation

 

Values

-          Humility

-          Open Mindedness

-          Honesty

-          Compassion & Forgiveness

-          Faith & Courage

 

Edited by Bill W
Added Shadow Work

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I love the clarity of your writing style, you express so much in an accessible and succinct way. Makes it memorable, inspirational. Best wishes with following your path. 

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@silene

5 minutes ago, silene said:

I love the clarity of your writing style, you express so much in an accessible and succinct way. Makes it memorable, inspirational. Best wishes with following your path. 

Thank you! That's very kind of you to say and thanks for taking the time to check out the journal and giving feedback. Appreciate it. All the best to you as well.

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I love this. The speaker is Charles R Swindoll who I really like. I downloaded the transcript of this clip and tweaked it a little and made it into a prayer/meditation I am going to do at least once per day.

I use the term prayer/meditation interchangeably sometimes. 

I Trust in Him with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways I acknowledge Him and let Him make my path straight. When I lie awake at night unable to sleep, I do not Trust. When I doubt principles and promises, I do not Trust. When I seek reassurance from others, I do not Trust. When I manipulate, I do not Trust. When I self-seek, I do not Trust. When I step in and take charge, I do not Trust. When I give in to temptation, I do not Trust. When I cling to others or worldly possessions, I do not Trust. I will put my worry aside and inform Him that at this moment I rest in Him and Him alone.

 

 

Edited by Bill W

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I am not enlightened.

Please don't ask me anything. 

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"All views expressed are my dad's." 

I love this - when I was about 40 I realised I was turning into my dad. Little phrases, attitudes, mannerisms, even his vertigo. It was a bit shocking at first but I've grown to accept this development in me. I just hope I am being a good dad myself. :) 

Edited by silene

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Just now, silene said:

"All views expressed are my dad's." 

I love this - when I was about 40 I realised I was turning into my dad. Little phrases, attitudes, mannerisms, even his vertigo. It was a bit shocking at first but I've grown to accept this development in me. I just hope I can be a good dad myself. :) 

Haha, although you've made me think that I am perhaps more like my dad than I care to admit! I actually only just added this to my signature about 30 minutes ago. I stole the idea off Twitter (I haven't used Twitter in years) but I remember a funny bio that said "all views are my dads". I think this was in response to the "normal" bio that said "all views my own" :D

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I am aware I do not post much personal information or deep stuff on this journal. I think that will come later. 

Over the last three days, I read my first book in the Bible from start to finish. I picked the Gospel of John in the New Testament as recommended. It felt really good to read it and make some pencil marks on verses that resonated with me the most. 

There were several moments of unexpected synchronicity. 

I'm currently working hard on Step 3 in Alcoholics Anonymous, which reads “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him” which means I am working hard on not trying to run my life on self-will only. Another way of putting it is that I am trying to live life on life's terms (we say that a lot in AA). However, for those inclined like myself, living life on life's terms is to do God's Will and not my own. 

In the Gospel of John, Jesus keeps on reminding his disciples and others that he is not here of his own authority and that everything he is communicating (including the miracles) is because his Father has asked him to do this. Basically, he (Jesus) is here because it is the wish of his Father to be here and teach, especially to teach about love. That's my take anyway and I'm a newbie to the Bible.

There are several amazing parts of the Gospel of John which I will share and relate back to my journey. I'll do this another time.

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On 9/28/2019 at 3:10 PM, Bill W said:

Goals of the Journal

  • To provide a written account of the progress, or lack of, in addressing the difficulties 
  • To help promote a deeper connection with forum members
  • To help others, and to be helped by others

Methods

  • One post per day minimum to foster routine and habit - Not a great goal, the journal is important, but setting myself this goal means setting myself a goal that I will on the internet each day and I want to spend a bit less time online that I am currently. 
  • Constant, daily references (as above, I don't think they need to be daily) to self-help and spiritual material. A mixture of books, quotes, YouTube, and music will form the bedrock of this journal. I will highlight the source material and describe my understanding of how it relates to me, and my efforts to integrate the source material into my ongoing recovery (Too little integration going on! Probably a few of you can join me in saying the same perhaps!)
  • Shadow Work (not started formerly yet)
  • Values Work (quite a vague goal this, will ponder it a bit more)

Big Picture Issues (all the below three of course overlap)

  • Discipline
  • Values alignment 
  • Interpersonal 

List of Difficulties the Journal will focus on   (Really must crack on with this in a more systematic way)

Discipline & Self-Care 

  • Nutrition
  • Exercise
  • Sleep
  • Meditation & Prayer
  • Attention & Concentration 
  • Action

Values alignment

  • Engaging in character assassination
  • Selfishness 
  • Entitlement 
  • Blaming
  • Punishing
  • Not admitting I've done the same thing
  • Expecting others to be what they are not
  • Avoidance

Interpersonal

  • Not being open and honest, expecting others to “read between the lines”
  • Intolerance
  • Impatience
  • Not admitting when I was at fault and/or saying sorry
  • Acting superior 

Journal Review

The journal was started on 28 September, 2019 and the above quote unedited is the original first post, the edit's in this colour are the review that I'm doing today. 

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From this point onward, each post I make in this journal I will allocate one of three headings; 

TEACHING - This is will be content from various sources, either written sources from books, written sources from the web, or clips via YouTube. I will write a short piece along with the teaching on why I think it's relevant to my journey and, hopefully, I'll briefly write about how I will try and integrate the teaching. 

ACTION PLAN - One step along from integration talk. A clear plan of action I intend to follow through on.

ACTION REVIEW - A review of the above planned action.

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On 21/12/2019 at 11:13 PM, Bill W said:

From this point onward, each post I make in this journal I will allocate one of three headings; 

TEACHING - This is will be content from various sources, either written sources from books, written sources from the web, or clips via YouTube. I will write a short piece along with the teaching on why I think it's relevant to my journey and, hopefully, I'll briefly write about how I will try and integrate the teaching. 

ACTION PLAN - One step along from integration talk. A clear plan of action I intend to follow through on.

ACTION REVIEW - A review of the above planned action.

I really enjoyed reading this journal, I love how you write, and can identify with quite a bit of it. 

I like some parts of the bible but not so much the beginnning (old T) and the end (the Apocalypse bit, too scary for me).

 

This next part looks exciting, I can't wait to see your action plan. And results! 

Best wishes Bill in reaching your goals, you can do this. 

I'll be following closely. :D

Edited by Amandine

"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence". Erich Fromm

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