Loving Radiance

Willfully going from weeping to laughing?

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Since Leo published the video about his 13 Back-to-Back Awakenings, I seem to have developed a capability to cry and then laugh at will. I don't know if I am emotionally unstable, distracting myself from consciousness work or just on the path towards awakening.

This occurs when I become conscious and see the beauty of reality with all my senses. I sense the beauty of the moment and seem to be grateful for this experience. I sense the process to cry when I imagine the unimaginable extend of Love (note that I have a very vivid imagination because of my upbringing). I cry when seeing goodness and selflessness in human form. I cry when I see heaven on earth, especially when something extraordinary enters my awareness or when I observe mundane manifestation in detail and adore its beauty. I cry when being conscious of my unfulfilled needs. I cry when imagining the unimaginable potential of existence. Crying seems to be the way of dealing with pure beautiful and imperfect (from human perspective) human existence.

I begin to laugh when I see the process/dynamic of crying and it seeming meaninglessness. It occurs meaningless because when I am aware of the imagination of Love, I see no reason to whine but to laugh. Although, I cry again when seeing that laughing is meaningless. After some random time, I seize control and go on with daily life. As you can see, I willfully initiate and end the experience (do I fool myself here?).

Maybe I cry because I see the difference (distinction) between me and Love. I see Love to be separated from me and when I imagine Love being me, I cry. Maybe I feel undeserving of being purely Loving and Selfless (contrary to I 'seem to be grateful'). Maybe I am fully aware of human boundaries and am not able to comprehend Love. Maybe I am aware of my selfishness. Maybe I am seeing how much work has to be done and feel threatened in my existence.

Now having it written down, I am not sure if these sentences contain any real description of the experience. I leave it up to you to make sense of it.

What is your perspective?


Life Purpose journey

Presence. Goodness. Grace. Love.

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@Loving Radiance All of the above. Wild, no? :) 

As a map...somewhat in order but not at all necessarily....Forgetting self, creating “self”, delusion, suffering, longing, deconstruction of delusions, thriving, unification / realization of actuality / no self, healing, purification, Self Realization, intuition, meta-cognitive awareness / infinite intelligence, infinite intuition, collective consciousness, meta-collective consciousness, cosmic awareness, cosmic infinite intelligence, cosmic awareness, nonduality, not knowing, ____________....

Maybe that’s a tiny bit helpful, to consider really, any chronological order, since it seems like all your ‘plates are in the air’ currently. Again, just a “map”, a consideration. 


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