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montecristo

Elevated consciousness has been a burden

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I found out I have a certain gene polymorphism called akt1 that is responsible for increased sensitivity to cannabis. This makes total sense because cannabis for me has always been totally psychedelic, I always get brilliantly colorful closed eye visuals and changes in cognition more powerful than mushrooms.

I started using it consistently at the age of 13 and didnt know at the time that I was having somewhat mild non-dual experiences on it. I had no framework to integrate the experiences at that age and it caused me to develop a certain degree of existential terror that I didnt see in my peers at all as well as encouraged me to deeply investigate life and reality which terrified me even more. It was very painful and limiting to my development. If I had been less aware growing up I would have had a much easier time with the self-actualization process.

It's sort of the same as why babies and toddlers are so good at adapting to their environments/learning language etc. They have so little awareness of reality that they absorb what they need to unquestioningly allowing things to run much more smoothly. They arent quesetioning and searching for truth constantly in that process.

I cant thank @Leo Gura enough for giving me the tools to finally understand and integrate all of that. 


‘The water in which the mystic swims is the water in which a madman drowns. --Joseph Campbell

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