Wasem

I Am Unable To Control My Own Devilry

14 posts in this topic

On January, i cut my relationship with my family. Although i am 35, but i used to live with my family until this age. And foe the past year, we were all going through they aftermath of being displaced by ISIS. My home has became a home to ISIS leaders (2014-2017) we were expelled from the city because we are Christians, and back the  our christian leaders were invited to a meeting with ISIS in order to decide the "fate" of the christian population in my city, no one showed up, so the Caliph decided to expell us instead of killing us (as per their sources) which they considered very merciful and humane act.
I stayed for four other years sticking with my family, but as i got to be more liberal, they couldn't withstand that, and we were unable to connect. There was a fight, and i decided that this is a toxic relationship and decided to just leave them and dand to be reapected.
The issue is that single people here are like minorities, you cannot as a single person rent your own house, because according to the Islamic blue society, this will bring corruption and create a space for relationship outside wedlock which according to the Sharia Law completely wrong and should be avoided at all cost. My only option was to live in a hotel on the assumption that my family is another city. I had a room for monthly rate around $300 which i am able to afford.
I've been doing thqt for the past 8 month. I found an affordable hotel, and the owner/manager is emotionally developed to a good point where you can learn from him sometimes, yet he is not good at business and he doesn't treat the workers well. Long working hours and they don't have good space to live, no privacy. Their bedroom is literally in the lobby. The hotel was suffering, and workers were leaving, until Emad showed up. Emad is someone from othwer part of the country. He is good at business and can sell rooms well, but he has little emotional intelligence, he is inconsiderate and rude. He is bad to workers too.

Emad lately started to make me uncomfortable, and the hotel which used to be as a new home, it is not a home anymore. He asks questions, and want to know about my life, which also scares me because I like to keep secrets my past life. I used to had a second room where i can use its bathroom to prevent smells in my room and avoid humidity if in case i use my in-room bathroom. I took the freedom to use the other room  because ot was abandoned and the owner was fine aboit that. Now Emad took it and prapered it for guests and gave me another one which is far from me, and if this continues he might take this room too and operate it.
Since he is business oriented, i am guessing one day he will want to use my current main room, maybe offer me another dirty room instead. I am paying monthly rate, which is less than if the room was given on a daily basis to customers, so in a business perspective, he wouldn't mind getting extra $150 for it.

Emad has also  high ego, and he thinks his plans are the best. The hotel business is booming, yet i can sense that the owner is not ok with Emad's behaviors, yet he is also in dept, and he needs the business skills of Emad.

As for me, i am unable to find the reasons not to inflate Emad's ego more and more until it becomes too unbearable to the owner. I have started to inflate his ego and telling him that the hotel is booming because of his efforts, which is true to some degree, but also i am completely keeping silent about the abuse of workers.

My next stage would be to make him think he deserves much more payment from the owner, i would tell him that if I owned a hotel one day, i would be glad to make him my partner, because his levels and skills are too good to stay a mere worker or a vice-manager.

I know this is develry, I don't knwo why I should stop it..Help..

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@Wasem Wow... how did you even come up with such a plan? Deliberately inflate one's ego to promote conflicts? That's too advanced for me.


unborn Truth

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@ajasatya

Truth is that I didn't come up with that. I was inspired. It is from somewhere else.  I don't attribute any of that to me. 

I use nootropics, alpha GPC, Giko Biloba, And Modafinil. I think am at the state of flow and inspiration just filling my reality. Thoughts come on their own.

I need reasons to stop my plans, and I am driven by fear yes, but also there is this illusion that this should happen. I cannot find reasons why this devilry should be stopped.

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On 8/21/2019 at 5:12 AM, Wasem said:

 

I need reasons to stop my plans, and I am driven by fear yes, but also there is this illusion that this should happen. I cannot find reasons why this devilry should be stopped.

If you know its wrong, use that same voice to make a compelling argument to the other side of yourself, whatever the reason for trying to manipulate them in the first place, maybe its habit, personality, etc. its apart of you that you agree needs to be changed, and self-actualization is the way to do that, whether it be affirmations, visualization, contemplation, or anything else. 

I find that, its usually the best to talk to yourself, for example for every thought or time you do or think about manipulation, just tell yourself to do the opposite, even by saying 1 word, it will still make a difference and will make you think or continue to act how you really want, thats literally what an affirmation is, telling yourself constantly to do something and then changing. 

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It seems like you are desperately trying to control your environment to reduce the anxiety of the uncertain nature of the life experience.  I can understand why you would want to do that, but what you are doing is treacherous in nature and the cost will be much greater than any benefit you might perceive.

I  disagree that the idea of this devilry is coming from outside of you.  Try to accept that aspect of yourself that would willfully manipulate others for your benefit. One of the dangers of pursuing a spiritual path is choosing not to see the parts of ourselves that we interpret as nonspiritual.

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devilry for increasing love is allowed


“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”

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5 minutes ago, Aeris said:

devilry for increasing love is allowed

When you stop Devilry, only love remains. 


"The greatest illusion of all is the illusion of separation." - Guru Pathik

Sent from my iEgo

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4 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

When you stop Devilry, only love remains. 

Devilry and love are very relative abstract concept pushed there by yourself.

Devilry never existed,

hell is empty and all the demons are here


“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”

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@Aeris so you're saying we are already in Hell regardless of any "Devilry" going on (action, thought). That the baseline state devoid of ego is in fact Devilish. 

That is not the case. 


"The greatest illusion of all is the illusion of separation." - Guru Pathik

Sent from my iEgo

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I play with words, words have no meaning, especially when you use "love" to talk about "the journey/travel/experience of a self" and even those pointers can only be interpreted by your mind.

no words can point toward truth, truth is finded for yourself by yourself.


“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”

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I think you are deluding yourself that you have enough power to actually create such a conflict.  It sounds like a really tough situation you are in though, and I wish you the best.  Just try to use all of your energy to get out, as hard as that may be.

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It is possible Emad has the best intentions for you. If he is paid by the owner, then it is likely the amount you pay does not really matter that much to him. You are giving them consistent revenue. Consistent revenue is really important for a business to operate well. I am sure there are bad seasons and good seasons for that hotel like with any business. Living environments can be hard to control and predict. I think you are on the right path accessing this information in the first place. Have you ever thought about seeing what it takes to get yourself into a place like Europe, Canada, or the United States?  I know the US would probably be rather difficult. But look into them and see what you can do. And don't limit your options to just those. Find anything where you can get more and more freedom. It seems like you have the advantage while you are living there to find out other resources that could dramatically improve your living situation. Hoping the best of luck to you. 

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@Average Investor

Thanks for your opinion man, Shukran in Arabic! This showed me how the revenue from me can be important to the hotel owner, adding to that the fact that I am friendly with people, including the hotel owner, and I know how to listen and appreciate the good side about them. 

Here's an update, as I said, Emad and the owner both share qualities that abuses workers, and when Emad came, there have been two workers, one of them left after five days, and yesterday (which is about  20 days later) the other workers left. 

The issue with the owner is that he is abusive, and one of his previous workers were constantly complaining to me about him, he does that in front of other workers, and his actions and complains from behind the back of the owner is actually responsible for at least 5 workers leaving (the hotel has two workers at any time, so that one was there, but when he was there complaining, other 5 workers come and go, until he himself couldn't handle the situation no more and left)

The there was Emad, who promoted himself to management, and two workers left while he is here. 

Right now the hotel has only the owner and Emad, apparently he is doing the cleaning, yet there is no season. It will be cool to see if anybody would last 5 days where not one, but two abusive people are in the house!

Also another update, right after I wrote this post, there was a problem when the AC of one of the rooms didn't work, and everyone got anxious, because the guests complained, so the owner called me to that room which has a broken AC, and he asked me if it is really broken. I checked, and I said yes it is, this is normal and can be fixed  by a professional, so when that happens, he commented and told me that it is Emad's fault, he wants to give the rooms early in the morning, and the guests might be wanting to left without paying (in the afternoon), so they complained about the AC. I told him no it is broken, then I asked him, but why you don't tell him not to have guests until noon even if the rooms were full? he said because Emad wants the hotel to be full, and he gets sad if it wasn't. So this shows that the owner, A-Trust me to share this with me, B- Expressing he is not happy with Emad. When we were standing alone, Emad came in and took the remote and tried to see if the AC works or not, and he was also angry, because he blamed the other worker (who left by now) and he said "I think I should kill someone today" and I was like no no, it is a simple matter!

Worth to note that Emad has 7 of his family killed in one day in a terrorist attack, so he must have psychological issues, and some of them like anger is apparent.  

--------------

As for you other comment, I tried in the past yes, but for now, and after discovering actualized.org, I am suddenly very thirsty to learn more and more! Find my way to success, get my needs met, and I think this is achievable ere where I live. I think I am doing a pretty good job indeed. Hopefully one day, when I get my life together, I will be able to travel the world and visit the countries you've talked about.

Thanks for your time! and have a nice one.

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