roopepa

I feel like I'm going insane

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I've been going through a massive change with my ego for about half a year now. I've had several small weird moments of awakening and one big one, where I became directly conscious of God. This changed my whole life. 

During the big awakening I felt like this connection was downloading huge amounts of wisdom an understanding into me. This made a permanent change in me. Also, after the awakening I realized that my musical skills had grown massively. I learned to sing in one day and I became a better guitar player.

Weird things have happened to me ever since. For example, sometimes I can think something like winning lottery and I can't make a distinction f my thoughts are real or not. If I think I will win lottery, it feels like it's true. This is so fucking weird. I can't tell if something is imaginary or not. I am scared. I don't want to see my friends. I feel disconnected from my family and all of society. 

I really can't tell if this is insanity or awakening. They are kinda the same. Everyone is insane. Everyone is crazy. Everything is absurd. No thought makes sense to me anymore. What the hell is going on? Is this really awakening? 

PS. english in not my native lanuage so that's why my writing might sound a bit weird.

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To the ego it may seems like craziness. But it is not. Society is insane really hehehe... and you are normal.

But you can say to crazy people what you find out, because from their perspective they are the normal ones and we are the crazies.

xD


The Matrix is everywhere, it is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window, or you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Morpheus (The Matrix)

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We all are Just bunch of crazies. 😂

But hey creativity comes from that place and that makes us unique. 🖐️😇

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@roopepa you're alright :) 

 

you saying you are insane is not true.

i'm sure you only think/feel you're insane when you think about it or judge yourself... comparing to your past beliefs. 

otherwise, all your senses are intact and you are still you... but a better you.

 

recall also how when it was common understanding that the earth is flat and the few who discovered/calculated that it is actually round... those few were known called insane and some were actually killed for such views :)

 

we are all insane... just depends on what perspective you're currently looking from

an object placed on the side between two people facing each other is:

to the left of one of them

to the right of the other one

so what is true about it? is it to the left? or the right? neither? both?

the answer depends on the perspective and point of view

 

same case with your insanity :)

 

but know this, you are always okay. just your perspective can shift rapidly leading you to think you're losing it... when in-fact you're actually gaining wisdom.


"When you discover Stillness in the movement, and the Unchanging within the changing, then you have found your eternal home."
♥ Love ♥ Leads The Way...
Follow: https://www.instagram.com/ev3rsunny

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22 hours ago, roopepa said:

I've been going through a massive change with my ego for about half a year now. I've had several small weird moments of awakening and one big one, where I became directly conscious of God. This changed my whole life. 

During the big awakening I felt like this connection was downloading huge amounts of wisdom an understanding into me. This made a permanent change in me. Also, after the awakening I realized that my musical skills had grown massively. I learned to sing in one day and I became a better guitar player.

Weird things have happened to me ever since. For example, sometimes I can think something like winning lottery and I can't make a distinction f my thoughts are real or not. If I think I will win lottery, it feels like it's true. This is so fucking weird. I can't tell if something is imaginary or not. I am scared. I don't want to see my friends. I feel disconnected from my family and all of society. 

I really can't tell if this is insanity or awakening. They are kinda the same. Everyone is insane. Everyone is crazy. Everything is absurd. No thought makes sense to me anymore. What the hell is going on? Is this really awakening? 

PS. english in not my native lanuage so that's why my writing might sound a bit weird.

I had dropped a lot of lsd and had similar phenomena taking place in my consciousness for six months.If it is persistent stay away from spirituality and try to live more ordinary.Its a problem if you can’t distinguish thought from reality and past.

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23 hours ago, roopepa said:

I realized that my musical skills had grown massively

Delicious isn’t it?... how wonderful life is, no longer thinking about your “self”, nor about what people are thinking.

23 hours ago, roopepa said:

If I think I will win lottery, it feels like it's true. This is so fucking weird. I can't tell if something is imaginary or not. I am scared. I don't want to see my friends. I feel disconnected from my family and all of society. 

Thoughts, are thoughts. Sensations are sensations. Consider, people want to win the lottery because they think it will feel good, and I bet it does. But material “happiness” is fleeting. The self discovery of Happiness however, is non-material, without incentive, reward, or carrots, eternal and everpresent. 

Scrutinize this ‘disconnection’...that is not awakening. What is the sensation, in the body, of “scared”? What is the thought story - what are you scared of? Notice, the sensation in the body serves you by revealing the perspective you’re choosing about someone, some thing, or your self - is not True.

Sing.


  Nonduality & Meditations         

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

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The ego will go crazy trying to grasp reality after awakening. I've have had 2 authentic but seemingly fleeting awakenings, and my ego has a real hard time with the gained understanding. In Adyashanti's book "the end of your world" he talks about this phenomena. It's normal for the ego to feel very disoriented after awakening. 

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@roopepa you might be inclined to, or experiencing psychosis. If you're using any psychedelic substance, including marijuana, hold off until you do your research and figure out it runs in the family. 

Some advice here is one-sided with the assumption of everyone is the same, but there are biological differences and tendencies that need to be treated carefully. 

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On 7/22/2019 at 9:15 AM, roopepa said:

Weird things have happened to me ever since. For example, sometimes I can think something like winning lottery and I can't make a distinction f my thoughts are real or not. If I think I will win lottery, it feels like it's true. This is so fucking weird. I can't tell if something is imaginary or not. I am scared. I don't want to see my friends. I feel disconnected from my family and all of society. 

You are right to be concerned. You should talk with a professional and get yourself checked out. 

I see you're in Finland -- contact this organization and ask to be seen.


Website/book/one-on-one spiritual guidance: Sifting to the Truth: A New Map to the Self

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Just don't belief your thoughts, the mind will come up with arrogant chatter, just let it be- and don't do anything you don't want to do because you think you must do it because of "God" or insert other compulsive reason here


love or silence

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