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SunnyNewDay

Closed off from getting a relationship/girlfriend

8 posts in this topic

what I am okay at

-meeting girls

-approaching girls at bars or on the street

-tinder

-hooking up with a girl a few times before moving onto the next one

I've done the above several times before... what I can't seem to do is form a bond and get into a relationship with a girl even for a few months, which I'd like to move onto. I feel I'm coming close to this and ready. I feel like I'm hurting inside and it is hard for me to open up to women enough for this to happen as well as being afraid of having my heart broken. I'm also self conscious about this because I'm leaving my young man years... Any other guys can relate to this? Having emotional problems that have kept you from deep intimacy? I've always sort of avoided superficial relationships and haven't really been able to feel anything besides two feelings, sexual attraction and needy... I'm trying to sort this stuff out and get to a place where my emotions are flowing and healthy... any advice for me? I think I'm coming close to this. I think I need to open up a little more in a controlled way and also be patient and not think a girl is going to hurt me if I don't do my "sex routine" where I try to get sex with her after a few dates and just go with the flow and see if we form a bond which leads to us staying together for some months on end. 

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Yes, can totally relate. I'm sorry I can't help you, I'm looking for advice on this as well :)

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I’m not a guy but I grew up with two older brothers so I don’t think we’re that different. You can’t predict the future therefore you can’t eliminate the chance of being hurt. To go around that, find a girl that is worth the risk! She surely needs to be your friend too to have a good chance at success. That is you need to enjoy talking to each other and do things together that you both genuinely enjoy.


I have an opinion on everything :D

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Heart breaking experiences are impossible if you don't expect anything. Be a giver, a server, a listener. Let the neediness die and be free forever.


unborn Truth

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17 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

Heart breaking experiences are impossible if you don't expect anything. Be a giver, a server, a listener. Let the neediness die and be free forever.

@ajasatya That does sound like great advice, but let me ask you something. Feel free not to answer if it's too personal. Would you be indifferent if your wife/companion left you? If she left you for another man? I'm just curious, please don't take it the wrong way.. 

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Just now, Gili Trawangan said:

@ajasatya That does sound like great advice, but let me ask you something. Feel free not to answer if it's too personal. Would you be indifferent if your wife/companion left you? If she left you for another man? I'm just curious, please don't take it the wrong way.. 

Great question. To be honest, I'd feel bad for her because of the harm that she'd be doing to herself. Not because I think that I am awesome, but because of the disgusting regret that she'd be setting in for herself.

The pain that arises from acknowledging oneself as untrustworthy is something that I don't want even for my enemies (I don't have enemies xD). I've been there... It's a wound that's very hard to heal.

As for my own part, I'd be confused for one week or two because of the amount of stuff that we've compromised together. Plans to interrupt, things to sell, move to a smaller place etc. But I am a person that enjoys solitude as well as company. It would be a great chance to dive deep again. Maybe I'd finally become a zen monk? Opportunities are ceaseless :)


unborn Truth

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4 hours ago, ajasatya said:

Great question. To be honest, I'd feel bad for her because of the harm that she'd be doing to herself. Not because I think that I am awesome, but because of the disgusting regret that she'd be setting in for herself.

The pain that arises from acknowledging oneself as untrustworthy is something that I don't want even for my enemies (I don't have enemies xD). I've been there... It's a wound that's very hard to heal.

As for my own part, I'd be confused for one week or two because of the amount of stuff that we've compromised together. Plans to interrupt, things to sell, move to a smaller place etc. But I am a person that enjoys solitude as well as company. It would be a great chance to dive deep again. Maybe I'd finally become a zen monk? Opportunities are ceaseless :)

@ajasatya That's a great way to look at it :)

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6 hours ago, ajasatya said:

Heart breaking experiences are impossible if you don't expect anything. Be a giver, a server, a listener. Let the neediness die and be free forever.

Yeah true, I'm moving in this direction. 

I feel that for a healthy relationship as a man you are a giver but you should also have boundaries so I'm trying to figure those out as well and not get so jumpy at the first sign of them being crossed and closing down my heart and emotions 

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