zeroISinfinity

Ground Zero Journal

151 posts in this topic

Some of practical stuff I have in mind. 

Moving to new place. Leaving family house back to my parents so they can rent their apartment. 

Renting some cheap room. To finally be all alone and remove all kinds of pressures drop upon me to act as small self. 

How I removed all friends. Easy. Once they couldn't use me in any way and I droped communication about shitty topics I am not interested with they all left on their own. 

Family is harder but that is taken care of, finally! It is such an releif. 

Creating bulking diet need to return muscle mass. 4000 kcal per day diet. Lots of shakes. 

 

 

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Want to do Dark room retreat on vacation. Without help it is impossible. 

Need to do research is this possible here in Serbia I highly doubt it. 

Well I guess like everything in life I ha e to do it my own. 

Long term strategical goals lets face it you won't get any younger and nobody Will help you with anything. 

Cutting down expenses and maximize income. 

 

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Posted (edited)

What my parents don't understand is that I am dead as person lol. I really am. 

Want to hear paradox. Most of the guys have social anxiety issues causing them to be afraid to approach and talk with females. They do not get that this anxiety is caused by "I Will get something from" other". self=fear

I do not have this issue because I know everything is me. "Other" person is me, so what to be afraid of but I am not interested 😂. Perfectly Happy on my own. 

My Father is always dissapointed by my response always I am crushing his heart. But he said. Ok I understand you, you want peace I get it. But have in mind that when you get old you Will not have anyone to take care of you. 

See that's why many parents make Kids. All is survival. 

 

Yesterday on news there was story how pregnant women fallen from her apartment while her husband was chasing her to beat her up. 

Who needs that human crap. I do not belong. 

Also I remember I always had problems with girls when I didn't had money. Arguing never starts for real reason but it comes after. 

It is always about "my wants" and how to manipulate "You" to serve my self serving egoic agenda. 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Uff woke up fresh

Having literally zero Toughts today. 

Will do 40 minutes of meditation 

Then go to gym. 

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Returned from gym. Making something to eat and then lovely graveyard shift. 

Lol finally nothing to ponder or question. 

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Posted (edited)

Cool that looks good man. I may start a more structured workout routine again with more consecutive days so I appreciate seeing that plan, I think it’s going to fit me better than the upper / lower in regaining some muscle and strength 

I have went from full body to push pull to upper then lower to simply my own concoctions, listening to the body in a sense  

Edited by DrewNows

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Yeah. Full body is very good for novices.Builds massive strenght in short period of time (3-6) months. 

I do like push/pull most. 

My younger brother is one of those chest day every day hahaha. Kinda jelous of him because chest is my weakest part. 

Think I have Jim Stopani body building encyclopedia somewhere. Dunno is it still on my PC. God damn didn't used Computer for so long. 

50% Diet 50% stick ing to the plan and doing excersises with correct form. Drop ego outside of gym 😂. 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Yeah, enough with fooling around.  

Be honest with yourself. You want home more then anything. 

Do you really want to exist at all. 

If it's a lie and It is. Entire Conciousness and all in it /of it is a lie. Time must come to let go of it. 

I could save myself completely from it. 

I need full one deconstructive work. Like literal removal of all energy used for sustaining it. 

 

 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Cool stuff. Hehe

No wonder I seek sollititude in every way. 

I tought about it and funny thing all the devils died. 😂

They do not exist because I see myself as everything. Yet I do not beleive that I am separated physical self so I stoped beleiving in all of them. 

God slained all demons. 

About world based on egos like human civilization I Just do not give a fuck. I don't give a fuck literally and it's amazing. 

Well if I listen sensational Guidance it is strongly against mingling with devils and helping them in any way. 

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Posted (edited)

Yes retirement from Bullshit. 

Retirement from sea of lies and all possible deceptions of all the devils. 

Be Happy and love yourself only.

Bruised abused raped molested manipulated exploited. Never again. 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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